The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!
Part 1
123 Entries on This Page
Just a little background...
###Just a little background - This entire story was listed in the "Details on how you know each other" section of Facebook. Unfortunately the field for entering other details, while extremely long, and longer than we expected (that's what she said), ... Read More
Added: 02/09/2009
From the generic
From the generic "How Do You Know" fields:Lived together?You lived in Sin in 1998.You lived in a van down by the river (but we swear nothing steamy happened) from 2004 to 2009.You lived in inside the underbelly of a Tauntaun - more romantic than it s... Read More
Added: 02/09/2009
In the Beginning... AKA: The Origin
Neal met George workin' on the farm. George always promised Neal he'd see the rabbits.After a falling out, they met years later on a city bus. Wait, did I say bus? I meant brothel.
Added: 02/09/2009
Peaches and CREAM!
Years later, Neal and George had limited success as the Rollerderby team, "Peaches and CREAM!"
Added: 02/10/2009
The Great Smog of '52
In 1952 (but chronologically in 1997 during a trip in a time machine they co-invented) George and Neal visited London, resulting in the Great Smog of '52 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Smog_of_1952).
Added: 02/10/2009
March of 2009
In March of 2009 George traveled back to February of 2009 just to make this entry in this list of great accomplishments.
Added: 02/11/2009
EastKippur
In an effort to unify religions, George and Neal combined Easter and Yom Kippur, (known as "EastKippur"). Unfortunately, this resulted in a cruel irony wherein children are surrounded by chocolate rabbits but denied the opportunity to eat them.
Added: 02/12/2009
Samhain and Zarathosht Diso
A second attempt to unite the religious holidays of Samhain and Zarathosht Diso was equally disastrous since neither of them was Wiccan or Zoroastrian.
Added: 02/12/2009
Tooth-whitening Toothpaste
George and Neal hit great fame in the late '80s after successfully marketing a tooth-whitening toothpaste. However, when it was discovered that the "paste" was merely the inside of a Twinkie®, sales plummeted, except in Europe.
Added: 02/12/2009
Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance
In order to prevent George and Neal from becoming destitute after the ADA failed to support their new toothpaste approximately three dozen musicians, actors, and rhubarb farmers (friends from the IARF) joined together to perform a benefit concert and... Read More
Views: 380/6487
Added: 02/12/2009
We Help You Help Yourself - Self Help Clinic
In 2005, George and Neal founded the "We Help You Help Yourself - Self Help Clinic". It is unknown at this time whether the Clinic was a whopping success or an utter failure, as George and Neal never unlocked the doors to the clinic, assuming those w... Read More
Added: 02/13/2009
Cold Fusion
In 2035 George and Neal (using their time machine again) discovered the secret to producing Cold Fusion power. Unfortunately at the time they didn't realize the implications of their discovery since they were only trying to develop a more efficient w... Read More
Added: 02/13/2009
Synchronized Swimming
Remember Karate Kid? Well, George and Neal faced off against each other in a similar competition, except it was not Karate, but rather synchronized swimming. George won, and thanks to Neal's speedo, everyone else lost.
Added: 02/13/2009
Band Camp
Then there was that one time, in band camp... But we won't go there.
Added: 02/13/2009
Historic 10 year journey from Chicago to DeKalb
Just last year George and Neal began their historic 10 year journey from Chicago to DeKalb. Currently they're stuck in traffic and just called their wives to say they'll be late and expect the trip to actually take 11 years and 3 months.
Added: 02/14/2009
Facebook Edit-Off
In early 2009, George and Neal began their epic "Facebook Edit-Off" competition, which spanned eleven years, and over ten thousand pages of irrelevant information about their lives (all true!). All because neither George nor Neal is willing to admit ... Read More
Added: 02/14/2009
Neal Simon's Manhood
Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In N... Read More
Added: 02/14/2009
Rock Smoothies & Time Machines: The Origin
They also built a time machine, accidentally, while trying to fix a blender. The blender was originally broken when George and Neal decided to make "Rock Smoothies." Six blenders later, and the recipe is still not yet ready to be released.
Added: 02/14/2009
Falling Out
In 1989 George and Neal had a falling out and didn't speak to each other for over 40 years, until they reconnected over their love of "Rock Smoothies". When they invented their time machine a few weeks after reconnecting, they decided that those 40 y... Read More
Added: 02/14/2009
We the Bad-Ass Americans
George and Neal went on a vacation/bender in 1776 (again with the time machine). Luckily, though wackiness ensued, nothing was altered in our time-line, except that now the Declaration of Independence says, "We the Bad-Ass Americans", and where the s... Read More
Added: 02/15/2009
Metropolitan & Allied Bank [GH] Ltd. Nima Branch
In 2000 George and Neal traveled to Africa and met Mr. Fred Abeku, the present branch Manager of Metropolitan & Allied Bank [GH] Ltd. Nima Branch, opposite the Grand Mosque Accra, Ghana. He needed help with collecting over $15 million from an account... Read More
Added: 02/15/2009
Breakin'!
In 1984, George starred in the movie "Breakin'!" as Master Shabazz. In 1986, Neal, in an effort to follow in his friend's footsteps, starred in the movie "Breakin'! 2: Electric Boogaloo" as Funkmaster Funky Funk McFunkster. The acting skills exhibite... Read More
Added: 02/15/2009
Not Conspiracy Theories
There are conspiracy theories, and then there's the truth. And here it is, at long last. There was no UFO crash at Roswell. It wasn't a weather balloon either though. During another time travel journey George and Neal let one of their genetic experim... Read More
Added: 02/16/2009
;Þ
After George invented the semicolon in Aught 8, Neal loved it so much;; that he decided; to use; it;;; whenever; he;; could.;; Neal's invention of the thorn character Þ was met with much less enthusiasm. But the two combined make a very funny emotico... Read More
Added: 02/16/2009
Zardoz
When George and Neal were told they could do costume designing for Sean Connery, they jumped at the opportunity. Not because they liked Sean Connery - but rather they were intent on taking their revenge after Sean stole their "Rock Smoothies" idea (l... Read More
Views: 391/12331
Added: 02/17/2009
Teleportation
After beginning to run out of material to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition in year 6 of said competition, George and Neal decided to invent a teleportation device that is able to deconstruct matter and send it to another location within thi... Read More
Added: 02/17/2009
Bucket Run
George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, but rather discovered by none other than the infamous radio personality Mike Pries). However, unknown ... Read More
Views: 352/6758
Added: 02/17/2009
Back Surgey
In 1997 both Neal and George had major back surgery after carrying one too many bathtubs full of caffeinated, carbonated, goodness. For any normal human beings this would have been a major setback, but Neal and George used the opportunity to have the... Read More
Added: 02/17/2009
We talked in haiku, | And then in anagrams, too. | Darned nuts, understand?
For a period of six months, George and Neal spoke only in haiku - followed by another period where they spoke only in anagrams. No one understood a single thing they said. So, it was the same as usual, really.
Added: 02/18/2009
Science Donations
In 1999, Neal tried to give his body to science. After 30 days, his body was returned as being defective.
Added: 02/18/2009
Robot Enslavement
In 2015, robots took over the world. Not as scary as you'd think. The robots were friendly, personable, and wonderful leaders of the enslaved human race. This robotic takeover had nothing to do with George and Neal. Or did it?
Added: 02/19/2009
Party Like It's 1999
In 1998 George and Neal partied like it was 1999. In 1999 George and Neal didn't party.
Added: 02/20/2009
7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago
In 2001 George and Neal went hang gliding from the top of the 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago (yes, we know it was never built... in this timeline, but in a parallel universe it was completed in August 2000). They have yet to land, in either timeli... Read More
Views: 400/4957
Added: 02/21/2009
Infecting 1002
In 2010, George and Neal went back in time to 2001 to stop themselves from hang gliding off 7 South Dearborn. Instead of arriving in 2001, they arrived in 1002. They tagged along with a group of colonists, accidentally spreading an epidemic among the... Read More
Added: 02/22/2009
Igpay Atinlay: The Origin
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Added: 02/23/2009
Geal
In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part because George and Neal scared the townsfolk with smoke, mirrors, and a conveniently placed donkey. The... Read More
Added: 02/24/2009
The Heroic Journey of Two Wonderful, Influential, Benevolent Human Beings
George and Neal walked completely across the country and back in only three days back in 1986. Everyone was really impressed and George and Neal went on the talk-show circuit, landing interviews with the likes of Geraldo, Oprah, Montel, Carson, Lette... Read More
Added: 02/25/2009
Hollywood DermaFleck
In 1967, George and Neal traveled to Hollywood, to start their business, "Skin Flakes of the Stars". They sold exactly what you think. People reacted exactly how you think. Surprisingly, years later they restarted the business but marketed the produc... Read More
Added: 02/26/2009
The Recession of 2009: The Origin
On 2/27/2009 George was too busy and too tired to do anything more than just embellish a bit. So he made up some random dribble just to take up some space. Neal wasted a few seconds of his time reading the dribble. Then everyone else who read this wa... Read More
Added: 02/27/2009
[CENSORED BY FACEBOOK OVERLORDS]
[CENSORED BY FACEBOOK OVERLORDS]... Read More
Added: 02/27/2009
Basic Instinct
George was the prime candidate for the Sharon Stone role in Basic Instinct. When George passed on the role, due only to the fact that taking the role would conflict with his ongoing protest against poodles (don't ask), Sharon Stone got the part.
Added: 02/28/2009
George and Neal and the Masters of the Universe
In 1981, after the character Orko appeared in the cartoon He-Man, in a move that confused most of the world, Neal sued the cartoon company for infringement of likeness rights. Neal was inspired by George's successful suit a few years earlier for the ... Read More
Views: 320/5472
Added: 02/28/2009
Visiting Eternia
In 1988 George and Neal used their teleportation device to travel to the planet Eternia to inform the inhabitants of the successful legal proceedings described above. Unfortunately George was feared due to his uncanny resemblance to Skeletor, while N... Read More
Added: 02/28/2009
El Niño and La Niña
On a trip to northwestern Peru in 1923 George and Neal both befriended and eventually married the Lopez sisters. The sisters gave birth to two children, simply referred to as The Little Boy and The Little Girl, in Spanish, El Niño and La Niña. After ... Read More
Added: 03/01/2009
Kidnapped by Ninjas
In 2009, while writing an update to this profile, Neal was kidnapped by ninjas. (Though, truth be told, Neal took out 58 of the ninjas with his awesome karate skills. He was overpowered by the remaining 342 ninjas). Thus, George set on his 14 day que... Read More
Views: 397/5443
Added: 03/01/2009
Damn you, Midler!
In 2010 George and Neal single handedly (well, I guess double-handedly) save the US from a great depression, by creating a new industry devoted solely to... well, I can't really say here, otherwise our idea will be taken. Probably by Bette Midler, wh... Read More
Added: 03/02/2009
2015
In 2015 George and Neal will have finalized all of the details surrounding their friendship. That is, until 2016, when they will have to chronicle all that occurred in 2015.
Added: 03/02/2009
Witness Protection
In 1992, when they were prime witnesses in the trial of Chicago's Polish Mafia boss Mogul Downhillski, George and Neal entered witness protection where they were relocated to Idaho and given false names. They lived there for three years before they o... Read More
Added: 03/04/2009
Illuminati, New World Order, Bilderberg Group, Committee of 300, the Freemasons, Skull & Bones, The Stonecutters, and the Shriners
George and Neal are the Illuminati and the New World Order. We lead the Bilderberg Group and organize the annual Bilderberg Conference. Our headquarters are underneath the Denver International Airport. We also founded the Committee of 300, the Freema... Read More
Added: 03/04/2009
Super Bowl: The Origin
In 1967 George and Neal shared the MVP award at the World Championship football game. When they were interviewed about their success, they were asked how they felt about their accomplishments and what their plans for the future were. Their response: ... Read More
Added: 03/05/2009
George & Neal's Excellent Adventure
In 1988, Bill and Ted went on an excellent adventure. Nothing compared to the exploits of George and Neal, which the movie was based off of. However, like all "based on a true story" movies, certain facts were glossed over or changed. For example, Ne... Read More
Added: 03/05/2009
Fear Factor Delicacies
In 1998, George convinced Neal to go on Fear Factor, where Neal went on to eat 50 scorpions, 12 worms, and over a hundred bull testicles. Neal later learned in fact that George had merely played a practical joke and he was never on Fear Factor. Neal ... Read More
Added: 03/07/2009
Napoleon's iPod: The Origin
In 2001 Apple Computer Corporation released the iPod. Sources say that the design was based on an archaeological find from a dig in Russia near the location of the Battle of Borodino. Rumors were that it was a relic of an alien civilization that was ... Read More
Added: 03/07/2009
They're all True Stories
Numerous TV shows and Movies (and also a few books) have been based on the life and times of George and Neal. Included in these are: Superman, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (as noted above, however not Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, at least not ... Read More
Added: 03/08/2009
The DHARMA Initiative
In 1973, Neal and George co-founded the DHARMA initiative (yeah, those Lost guys got the idea from us), in an effort to prevent the pending apocalypse. Also, to make peanut butter that won't stick to the roof of your mouth. Unfortunately, there are t... Read More
Added: 03/09/2009
Just Another Barbecue
In the summer of 2009, George and Neal had a barbecue. (Hey, not everything is as exciting as time traveling or fighting off townspeople.) Oh yeah, there were hordes of zombies at the barbecue that George and Neal had to battle. Almost forgot about t... Read More
Views: 560/8410
Added: 03/10/2009
Don Cherry's Wardrobe: The Origin
George and Neal are in charge or Don Cherry's wardrobe.
Added: 03/10/2009
Sisters of Endless Guilt
In 1962 George and Neal dressed as nuns and moved into the Sisters of Endless Guilt convent, just for kicks. We lived there for three and a half months before we were discovered. After being sent out of the convent we took our habits to Antarctica to... Read More
Added: 03/11/2009
The Prolific Pancake Pileup
Back in 1952, Neal and George invented the pancake. Not that they were trying to invent it, mind you. They just suck at making regular cakes, and that's just what happened. They made a fortune as a result, but lost it all when multiple lawsuits were ... Read More
Added: 03/12/2009
Darwin Loves Us!
In 10,000 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable thumb. In secret documents, Darwin acknowledged this fact, and renounced his natural selection theory. Confusingly, the Vatican has suppressed this information for generations.
Added: 03/13/2009
The Opposable Nose: The Origin
In 9,996 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable nose. It wasn't as well received and didn't go on to quite the success as the opposable thumb. However, there is a tribe of people in the central forests of Simushir, known as the Norge, which embr... Read More
Added: 03/13/2009
Vacationing in 165,003 B.C.
In 165,003 BCE George and Neal visited Macronesia, a large continent in the now Pacific Ocean (not to be confused with Macaronesia in the Atlantic). Unfortunately, while there we were careless and broke it into lots of smaller pieces. It is now known... Read More
Views: 390/4329
Added: 03/14/2009
Able Archer 83: The Origin
In 1983, George devised a 10-day NATO exercise to simulate World War 3, so that all nations participating could see what would happen in the worst case scenario of war. Unfortunately, Neal forgot to tell the Soviet Union about George's game/simulatio... Read More
Added: 03/14/2009
Who Wants to Be a Hundred-Aire
In 2006, Neal appeared on the television spin off, "Who Wants to Be a Hundred-Aire". Neal did not win the hundred dollars.
Added: 03/15/2009
Binabble and Mon-opoly
Also in 2006, George invented a scrabble board game, called "Binabble" and instead of letters, you could only use 1's and 0's. The game didn't sell very well because the game board was too huge. Neal also invented a board game called "Mon-opoly". It ... Read More
Views: 446/5227
Added: 03/15/2009
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, nothing happened because Star Wars was just a story made up by George Lucas (although the plot was loosely based on George and Neal's adventures with a similar all-encompassing power called the Farce). Howe... Read More
Added: 03/16/2009
Clean, Efficient, Traumatizing Feeble Power
In 1998, George decided to traumatize Neal by forcing him to watch Peter Jackson's lesser known muppets-on-drugs movie, Meet the Feebles. Neal has been sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth ever since. On the plus side, George realized he could... Read More
Views: 442/8896
Added: 03/16/2009
Calendar Confusion
In 46 BCE George and Neal suggested a new calendar to Julius Caesar. Caesar adopted most of the rules we specified, but not all of them. In 1582 George and Neal again proposed their new, more accurate calendar system, which was officially adopted by ... Read More
Added: 03/16/2009
Tic-Tac-Toe-Two
George and Neal have an unhealthy obsession with Milton Bradley and other board games. This obsession, however, has proven beneficial. For instance George and Neal won second place at the Life Board Game National Competition two times (1956 and 1978)... Read More
Added: 03/17/2009
In Great Shape
In 1902 George and Neal developed a revolutionary diet program. The program slowly grew and evolved until the 1950s and 1960s when it suddenly took off and became an incredible success. We marketed it as a system where you could eat delicious foods a... Read More
Added: 03/17/2009
Broccloaf
In 1993, George won rave reviews with food critics across the nation (though mostly in southern New Jersey) when he created a tasty new meatloaf. Not to be outdone, Neal created the vegetarian alternative, Broccloaf. It tastes terrible. The Scottish ... Read More
Added: 03/18/2009
Oh God I Shot Momma
In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that same year Neal was beaten by Albert Einstein at both chess and wrestling - at the same time. That guy ... Read More
Added: 03/18/2009
Save the Dinosaurs
65 million years ago George and Neal used their teleportation device to rescue countless dinosaurs from impending doom when a comet was about to crash into the earth. They transported the dinosaurs to a planet known as Gliese 581 d. Over the past 65 ... Read More
Added: 03/18/2009
Smells That I Can Produce and Then Identify
Neal and George's love of board games inspired George W. Bush to create his own line of games. He really wanted to create complex games that require an immense amount of concentration. His games, "Count Your Noses", "Connect the Dot", and "Smells Tha... Read More
Added: 03/19/2009
The Twelve Step Approach
In 2010 George insisted Neal seek therapy to break his addiction to board games. Neal entered the program but came out six weeks later with a great idea for a game called "The Twelve Step Approach". The game has been a big hit in Hollywood and has at... Read More
Added: 03/19/2009
Worst... Enya... Ever...
George was the fifth Beatle. However, due to a problem with the time machine, he had to forsake this role, give up fame and fortune and return to his present time. George tells everyone he meets this fact. In 2000, Neal was the sixth Backstreet Boy. ... Read More
Added: 03/20/2009
QZIZZLE-PIZZLE
In 1856 George and Neal invented over six different types of keyboards, the now ubiquitous QWERTY keyboard, the still sometimes used Dvorak keyboard, the infrequently used DHIATENSOR keyboard, and less common QWERTZ, AZERTY, QZERTY, Colemak, Turkish-... Read More
Added: 03/20/2009
Mmmmmmm... George Juice!
For unexplained reasons, George loves to bathe in Worcestershire sauce (which Dictionary.com defines as a "savory sauce of vinegar, soy sauce and spices"). In 2004, George bottled and sold the bathsauce under the moniker "George Juice". Its sales are... Read More
Views: 438/8520
Added: 03/20/2009
Great Organization Over Development of the Global Relief of Idiocy Effort
In 1978 George and Neal received the Nobel Peace Prize for their work for the Great Organization Over Development of the Global Relief of Idiocy Effort (GOOD GRIEF). In the span of three short years they managed to provide safe, secure environments f... Read More
Added: 03/21/2009
Constitutionally Safe
A 1934 proposed amendment to the Constitution would have prevented George and Neal from having anything to do with interfering in global events again. Luckily George and Neal were able to organize a filibuster and then ear mark the bill with enough j... Read More
Added: 03/21/2009
Sorry-for-the-Hyphens
In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor semi-autobiographical hits, including: "This-Restraining-Order-Means-I-Love-You"; "Please-Don't-Throw-... Read More
Added: 03/22/2009
The Evian Mobile
In 1910 George and Neal, knowing the future issues that would be caused by the pollution from combustion engines, invented a highly efficient hydrogen powered car that ran on common bottled water; a 20oz bottle lasted 350 miles. Unfortunately bottled... Read More
Views: 330/6357
Added: 03/22/2009
Vanished Celebrity Vaudeville Variety Hour
In 1937 George and Neal, while experimenting with a new potato gun in the central Pacific, accidentally shot down Amelia Earhart's airplane. They were able to rescue her from the wreckage and she ended up staying on the island with them for quite a w... Read More
Added: 03/22/2009
Definitely not Vain
In 1988, Neal and Billy Joel started a fire. Billy Joel denies it. In 2000, Carly Simon admitted she wrote "You're so Vain" about her 10-month, steamy love affair with George. Making it even more ironic, George had no idea the song was about him.
Added: 03/23/2009
The Multiverse
There are lots of stories about the Bermuda Triangle and how it causes ships and airplanes to mysteriously disappear. In actuality, this is the simply a side effect of George and Neal using their Time Travel technology. Every time we travel in time a... Read More
Added: 03/23/2009
Area 51¾
Area 51 - There is no such thing. I repeat, there is no such thing as Area 51. Area 51¾, however has been kept such a great secret by George and Neal that even the US government hasn't heard of it.
Added: 03/23/2009
We're Not Bigfoot
George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant... Read More
Added: 03/24/2009
It Was A Big Stapler
In 1959, George and Neal did some other awesome stuff, and one thing they are both not very proud of. It involved a tray of ice, a can of motor oil, and an industrial-sized stapler. I don't want to talk about it. Let's move on. Please.
Added: 03/24/2009
Norris and Nye
George and Neal taught Chuck Norris everything he knows about kicking ass and Bill Nye everything he knows about science.
Added: 03/24/2009
Procrastinat... I'll finish later...
Despite having a time machine, George and Neal are terrible procrastinators. In fact the time travelling makes things even worse because they just skip around due dates.
Added: 03/24/2009
The Dark Ages: The Origin
In about 480 AD the sun broke. In 1111 AD George and Neal invented a new, more efficient sun. That's why that period in history is known as the Dark Ages.
Views: 299/4017
Added: 03/25/2009
Free TV!
George and Neal can view the entire electromagnetic spectrum, not only visible light. This has many uses and has helped us with our amazing achievements. We are also able to listen to radio and watch TV by directly observing their transmission signal... Read More
Added: 03/25/2009
George Spores
In September 1928, Neal and George decided to attempt to clone themselves so that future generations could benefit from their awesomeness. Neal believed he was on to something when he created "George Spores", which grew from George's feet. In reality... Read More
Added: 03/25/2009
It's Convenient: The Origin
In 711 AD on July 11th at 7:11pm George and Neal invented the convenience store. Then, in 1927 some guy named Joe Thompson completely ripped off our idea and is widely credited with inventing the convenience store. I guess it's our own fault though. ... Read More
Added: 03/26/2009
Viking/English Hostility
On June 8, 793 AD George and Neal orchestrated the first Viking attack on England; the raid on the monastery of Lindisfarne in Northumbria. This was the beginning the Viking Age and nearly 300 years of Viking/English hostility until George and Neal h... Read More
Added: 03/26/2009
Slap-Bracelets: The Origin
In the mid-1990s, in an effort to assist law enforcement, Neal and George created a new lightweight, easy to use handcuff. To the shock and frustration of law enforcement across the nation, these new handcuffs were easily removable. As a result, hund... Read More
Added: 03/26/2009
Big Triangular Shaped Buildings
In 2540 BCE George and Neal designed and supervised the construction of the great Pyramid at Giza. We didn't use slave labor like many historians suspect though. Instead we paid our employees handsomely. We provided full benefits, including family he... Read More
Added: 03/27/2009
Hollow Earth
On and off for 35,000 years George and Neal worked on hollowing out the Earth. The dirt we hauled out was used to make the moon. The interior of the Earth is inhabited by numerous prehistoric creatures, fantastic races of humans, and even creatures t... Read More
Added: 03/27/2009
Love Aid Rings
In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt was of average proportion and size. People were not ready for such a product back in the 50's. That's... Read More
Added: 03/27/2009
Ultra-Mega Teeth Brushing and Cleaning System
In 1758 George and Neal invented tooth paste. Their first attempt was made from actual ground up teeth and was used to hold in dentures, but eventually they came up with a recipe for a tooth whitening and cleaning paste. In 1794 George and Neal inven... Read More
Added: 03/28/2009
1964 through 1969
In 1983 Neal and George co-wrote a short story that chronicled their adventures from 1964 through 1969. The story was well received in the literary community and we received several offers to turn the story into full length novels. We approved two au... Read More
Views: 395/6584
Added: 03/28/2009
Feats of Strength!™
In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using his secret muscle enhancing device created, conveniently enough, by Neal and George years earlier, w... Read More
Added: 03/29/2009
March of 2009
In March of 2009 George went back to February of 2009 and added another entry to this list of great accomplishments. This was George's laziest way to pass the ball back to Neal to add another entry to the list of great accomplishments. Neal then did ... Read More
Added: 03/30/2009
Under Siege
In 1992 George and Neal starred in the blockbuster action hit "Under Siege". George starred as the ex-Navy SEAL turned cook who must protect an aircraft carrier from a group of mercenaries. Neal starred as the helpless stripper that jumped out of a b... Read More
Added: 04/01/2009
Ralph Malph
In 1920, George unfortunately lost millions investing in a ponzi scheme, in which his investments were used to pay earlier investors. In 1979, Neal lost millions investing in a Fonzi scheme, in which his investments were used to pay Ralph Malph. Geor... Read More
Added: 04/02/2009
The Neo-Geo Fanclub
In an effort to find a way to accurately predict the weather, Neal and George devised a weather-prediction machine, which was comprised of a series of pulleys and levers connected to highly explosive nitroglycerin. This invention did nothing - except... Read More
Added: 04/03/2009
Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party
Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Territory". George would bake the cakes and deliver them and Neal would jump out of them. This was a v... Read More
Added: 04/04/2009
Religious iDeals
In an effort to avoid paying taxes on his massive fortune, in 1935, Neal established the first truly secular religion, Nealism. Honoring the tenets of this religion involved eating lots of chocolate, sleeping, makin' sweet love down by the fire, and ... Read More
Added: 04/05/2009
Allergic to Peanuts
In 1950 George created a comic strip about a short bald kid that everyone picked on. The strip competed closely with another very similar comic strip for decades. Each week George would come up with a great idea only to have it copied almost exactly ... Read More
Added: 04/06/2009
The Georgeless Bunch
In 1969, George was up for the role as Greg Brady on the show The Brady Bunch. However, George did not get the part due to "accidentally" throwing a football at Maureen McCormick's face after she rejected his awkward advances (well, at least, they we... Read More
Added: 04/07/2009
Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer
680 Million years ago George and Neal were snooping around prehistoric earth studying ancient single celled organisms. When they left, Neal absentmindedly left their Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer system behind when we were packing up to r... Read More
Added: 04/08/2009
P & VP
Through a series of mishaps and mistaken identities, for a three-day period in 1943 George and Neal assumed the position of President and Vice President of the United States. Before the mistake was corrected, George and Neal passed a series of laws t... Read More
Added: 04/09/2009
PDD Reactor
In 2068 George and Neal invented the PDD Reactor, a source of nearly endless energy. It converts Poopy Disposable Diapers into highly efficient energy. Unfortunately, when they invented the PDD Reactor there was no such thing as disposable diapers. S... Read More
Added: 04/10/2009
Bum Ba Bum, Ba Bum Bum...
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as s... Read More
Added: 04/11/2009
Rudolph: The Origin
In 2009, Neal suffered such a massive case of writer's block that his brain literally tried to leave his body by jumping out of his nose. This escape attempt did not work, as Neal's brain got stuck somewhere in his nasal cavity, causing Neal's nose t... Read More
Added: 04/12/2009
KISS
George and Neal were once part of the rock band KISS, but left the band in 1974 because they didn't think makeup of a raccoon and chimp respectively was cool enough. They also tried to convince Peter Criss to come with, but he seemed to like the cat ... Read More
Added: 04/13/2009
Vun (ah ah ah) Too (ah ah ah) Tree (ah ah ah)...
George was originally cast in the lead role as Michael Knight for the 1980's TV series Knight Rider, however due to conflicting interests (George was in the process of developing an actual artificial intelligence for a car, as well as a "human-like o... Read More
Added: 04/14/2009
Sinatra Sluggers
In 1970, Neal and George went back in time to punch Frank Sinatra in the gut. Not because we had anything against Frank Sinatra per se, but rather because as George put it, "hey, we have a time machine, wouldn't that be just awesome to do?" To which ... Read More
Added: 04/15/2009
Just Good Ol' Boys
In 1982 Neal and George played the roles of Coy and Vance respectively when John Schneider and Tom Wopat (Bo and Luke) walked off the set of the Dukes of Hazzard due to salary and royalty disputes. Coy and Vance's appearance was a huge hit with fans ... Read More
Added: 04/16/2009
Lavender, Lavender Everywhere
In 2013, Neal and George totally negated existence as a result of a time paradox created by the two. In 2015, Neal and George totally fixed the problem. But... how could that possibly have happened, if they negated existence? My head hurts. Oh, also,... Read More
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Added: 04/17/2009
Chainsaw Wielding Raccoons
In 1974 George and Neal prevented a hostile takeover of the US by an army of chainsaw wielding raccoons. We did this by training squirrels to use nail guns to take out the raccoons. Unfortunately the squirrels got too sure of themselves and started t... Read More
Added: 04/18/2009
Neal's On Wheels
(Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He called it "Neal's On Wheels". Not to be outdone, George provided a service wherein he hid food all over... Read More
Added: 04/19/2009
Phhhhlbtttt!!!
In 1927 there were actually 14 months to the year. Elevember came after December and Simbulary came after April. Earth revolved around the sun a bit slower than it does now. But during beta testing of the whoopee cushion, George and Neal accidentally... Read More
Added: 04/21/2009
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