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George and Neal's Adventures
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Vacationing in 165,003 B.C.

Views: 150/3117
Added: 03/14/2009

In 165,003 BCE George and Neal visited Macronesia, a large continent in the now Pacific Ocean (not to be confused with Macaronesia in the Atlantic). Unfortunately, while there we were careless and broke it into lots of smaller pieces. It is now known as Micronesia. Fortunately Macronesia was unpopulated at the time so no one is the wiser.

 

Vacationing in 165,003 B.C. - A map of Macronesia and the route George and Neal took on their visit, prior to breaking it into Micronesia...

A map of Macronesia and the route George and Neal took on their visit, prior to breaking it into Micronesia...

Photo by: George

Tags: .165003 bce(1) journey(6) oops(16) prehistoric(6)
Names Mentioned: atlantic ocean(2) macaronesia(1) micronesia(1) pacific ocean(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer

Views: 761/5105
Added: 04/08/2009

680 Million years ago George and Neal were snooping around prehistoric earth studying ancient single celled organisms. When they left, Neal absentmindedly left their Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer system behind when we were packing up to return home. Unfortunately he also left the lid open, causing a drastic decrease in the Earth's temperature. Earth slowly cooled to the point that it was entirely frozen. For over 30 Million years Earth was covered in a thick glacial layer of ice and snow, a period some scientists refer to as Snowball Earth. This frozen period in Earth's prehistory caused the delay of the development of multicellular life forms by 33,456,721 years, 6 months and 4 days (give or take a few weeks). So what is now 2009 AD should actually be the year 33,458,730 AD and human kind should have already evolved beyond the need for physical bodies, in fact far beyond what humans are even capable of fathoming. We can thank Neal for millions of years of setback.

 

Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer - If Neal would have only remembered to shut the darn lid... We could be surfing the cosmos as pure energy right now instead of puttering about on this archaic thing we call the internet.

If Neal would have only remembered to shut the darn lid... We could be surfing the cosmos as pure energy right now instead of puttering about on this archaic thing we call the internet.

Photo by: George

Tags: .680000000 bce(1) 2009(21) 33458730(1) evolution(5) oops(16) prehistoric(6) science(28) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: taylor wharton(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Lavender, Lavender Everywhere

Views: 206/3274
Added: 04/17/2009

In 2013, Neal and George totally negated existence as a result of a time paradox created by the two. In 2015, Neal and George totally fixed the problem. But... how could that possibly have happened, if they negated existence? My head hurts. Oh, also, Neal squished a bug back in prehistoric times, which had little effect on human evolution, except that we no longer have the ability to fly. Whoops.

 

Lavender, Lavender Everywhere - Taken in 2014, right in the middle of the period when existence was negated. Yup, the absence of everything is lavender colored.

Taken in 2014, right in the middle of the period when existence was negated. Yup, the absence of everything is lavender colored.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2013(7) 2015(9) discombobulation(4) oops(16) prehistoric(6)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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No means...

Views: 228/3400
Added: 04/22/2009

You know the saying "No means no", well, in 1929 a glitch in George and Neal's teleportation device actually caused a rift in the definition continuum, causing "No" to actually mean "Yes" for about six hours on October 24th. This caused a lot of confusion, especially in the financial sectors. Luckily George and Neal discovered the problem, however during their attempts to fix it there were brief periods where "No" meant "Maybe", "What's it to you?", "Ask me tomorrow.", and "Fred".

Tags: 1929(1) languages(11) oops(16) teleportation(10)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Cookin' with Martha and Neal

Views: 216/8352
Added: 04/22/2009

In 1990, George began producing Martha Stewart's new cooking show, "Cookin' with Martha and Neal". The show ran for two very successful seasons; however, relations between Martha and Neal became strained, resulting in an on-air, climactic and violent fight between the two. Neal did not count on Martha's extremely long reach and proficiency with kitchen knives, and as a result he suffered greatly.

 

Cookin' with Martha and Neal - She'd as soon kill you as look at you.

She'd as soon kill you as look at you.

Photo by: Neal

Thankfully, George managed to bring Neal's corpse to the year 2050, where Neal was resuscitated. As a practical joke, George had Neal's testicles enlarged 500% and moved to his back. Surprisingly, Neal liked the new look, and his coinpurse remains unreasonably gigantic and misplaced to this day.

Tags: 1990(2) 2050(1) body parts(14) celebrities(69) oops(16) tv shows(48) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: martha stewart(9)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Fun With Genetics

Views: 290/6593
Added: 05/27/2009

Neal does not like the taste of fish. In 2000, George decided to help out Neal by playing around with genetics to create the first fish that tasted like chicken. Unfortunately, this backfired, and now nearly all chickens found in the Midwest taste like fish. Undeterred, George and Neal found themselves immersed in the complicated world of genetics. Despite a plethora of cease-and-desist orders from the most prominent scientific communities, George created the first gir-rilla (pronounced Jer-rilla):

 

Fun With Genetics - Nature just threw up a little in its mouth.

Nature just threw up a little in its mouth.

Photo by: Neal

Not to be outdone, Neal created the world's first Dat, which won 2nd prize at the Westminster Freakshow:

 

Westminster Freakshow - This is where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

This is where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

Photo by: Neal

Between 2000-2004, Neal and George fervently created more and more hybrid animals, the likes of which this world has never seen (including the Zebruck, the pengagroo, and the hipponaucerous, a personal favorite). However, George and Neal ceased entirely working in the realm of genetics when a bearpotomus and an ostrephant had a mutant baby so terrifying, so disgusting, that it cannot be adequately described. Here's a picture:

 

Bearpotomus X Ostrephant - No wait. HERE'S where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

No wait. HERE'S where we jumped the shark, genetically speaking.

Photo by: Neal

After this abomination was spewn forth, George and Neal decided to call it a day, and destroyed each and every hybrid creature they created.

....Well, except for the platypus. We love that little guy.

Tags: 2000(7) cats(8) celebrities(69) genetics(16) mashups(12) oops(16) platypus(4) science(28)
Names Mentioned: rush limbaugh(1) westminster dog show(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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Facebroke

Views: 187/3466
Added: 06/01/2009

On June 1, 2009 Neal broke Facebook, preventing George from uploading his latest awesome photos. This apparent sabotage was too little, too late for HeadPeriodical. Or rather, too little, too early, since HeadPeriodical wouldn't be created for another two years. Damn time machine...

Tags: facebook(10) oops(16) publications(14) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: facebook(9)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Ten Cent Beer Night

Views: 193/3018
Added: 06/05/2009

On June 4th, 1974 George and Neal organized the first (and last) ever Ten Cent Beer Night at the Cleveland Municipal Stadium. The event was both a raging success and huge failure depending on your point of view. While increasing the attendance three-fold, it also resulted in a mass drunken riot. Seriously, we don't make this stuff up, check for yourself:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Cent_Beer_Night

Tags: 1974(6) historic events(18) oops(16) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: cleveland(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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1945, Tigers/Cubs, Game 4 of the World Series

Views: 212/9682
Added: 08/15/2009

In 1945, George and Neal decided to go to a Tigers/Cubs game - fatefully, it was Game 4 of the World Series. During the game, George complained of a strange odor. After a few innings, George became so upset by the noxious smell, he complained to P.K. Wrigley, who located a nearby patron who was attending the game with his billy goat. After asking the patron (Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis) to leave because his pet goat's odor was bothering other fans, Sianis became outraged and declared, "Them Cubs, they aren't gonna win no more," which has been interpreted to mean that there would never be another World Series game played at Wrigley Field. It has also been said by many that Sianis put a "curse" on the Cubs; if so, it was incredibly effective as the Cubs have not won a single World Series since then. (Later that evening, George located the odor, and it wasn't the goat. It was Neal. Whoops.)

While we're on the topic of the Cubs, George and Neal felt so badly for having caused a curse that led to the downfall of the Cubs Dynasty, they vowed to do all that they could to break the curse (ok, they didn't feel too bad, but the Cubs were the only baseball team they could afford to try out their awesome plan). That's why in 2020, George and Neal populated the entire Cubs team with many versions of themselves taken from different timelines. The Neals and Georges trained for many months, to get in peak physical condition. Given George and Neal's skills (including their self-professed and much doubted sexual prowess), the people of Chicago, nay, the world, were filled with hope and excitement. People also thought Waterworld and the Postman would be good movies. People are idiots. George and Neal's first game resulted in the injuries of numerous Georges and Neals, and a score of 75-1. (They got one run during the inning that the pitcher kept beaming them in the head for fun.) Consequently, that was the first and last game George and Neal ever played as Cubs. The next day the owners (who happened to be the real Neal and George for that time) fired all the other Neals and Georges and rehired all the original players. Interestingly enough, that devastating loss was not the Cubs' worst defeat. They lost by bigger margins three more times that season despite Neal and George no longer playing. Chalk it up to bad managing (the George and Neal managers were fired at the end of the season).

 

Even We Couldn't Help the Cubs - Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1945(2) 2020(2) chicago(10) cubs(2) failures(22) george's fashion sense(12) historic events(18) neal funk(18) neal's fashion sense(20) oops(16) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: billy goat tavern(1) billy sianis(1) chicago(14) chicago cubs(2) detroit tigers(1) p k wrigley(1) the postman(1) waterworld(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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No Photoshopping Allowed

Views: 155/3196
Added: 09/05/2009

In 2041, someone had the gall to accuse George and Neal of photoshopping images of their great accomplishments. George and Neal quickly provided hundreds of additional photos in response to the allegation proving that they did not engage in any photoshopping whatsoever. Interestingly, through the process of analyzing the photographs it was discovered that the photographs of George and Neal's accomplishments SHOULD be photoshopped, in order to make them less awesome, as their sheer awesomeosity was so great that it caused a number of analysts to spontaneously combust. George and Neal sent flowers to the analysts' families; however, for some reason, this caused them to spontaneously combust as well. Sorry 'bout that.

Tags: 2041(2) amazing abilities(16) oops(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: adobe photoshop(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Studio Carrum Ccohortis

Views: 222/3350
Added: 01/24/2011

After extensive research for 23 years, George and Neal released the results of their Studio Carrum Ccohortis project. They discovered a very complex formula for determining the winners of any given sporting event. Careful comparison between two teams and their fans can show which team will actually win any given sporting event. Taken into consideration is such data as how many fans watch or attend an event when they normally wouldn't, how many fans are absent from events they would normally attend, how many fans wear apparel supporting their team when they normally wouldn't, how many fans' lucky garments are unable to be worn, who shaved or didn't shave their beard or legs, etc. All of this information gets compiled and the results for two competing teams are compared to predict which team will win the event. Their current algorithm is 98.458% correct and being improved all the time. So the next time someone says it's your fault their team lost because you had to go and watch the game, they were probably right.

Tags: oops(16) science(28) sports(23)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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...and over and over and over...

Views: 189/4833
Added: 09/01/2012

In 2036 George and Neal started one of the most aggressive research studies into ESP and telepathy (prophecy wasn't included since we already had our time machine and didn't need to know the future). The study was proceeding very well, with huge leaps of knowledge about how to read other peoples' minds, until March 15, 2037. Two days previously subject 1337 shouted "Beware the Ides of March". But since we weren't studying prophecy, and didn't see any inherent danger in the song "Vehicle", we ignored him. Unfortunately that was a mistake because on Sunday, March 15, 2037 we began Operation Baffle, in which we paired up our telepathic test subjects and asked them to read each other's minds. We failed to anticipate the feedback loop that would be caused as each telepath read the mind of another telepath that was reading the mind of the initial telepath again. The result was a complete meltdown in the research facility as alpha brainwaves were mutated into destructive tau patterns (dubbed taunamis). Every telepath entered a catatonic state, except for one, who described the mind boggling effect to be like looking in a mirror with another mirror behind you. The same thought patterns were repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... We've since decided to stop messing around with the laws of metaphysics. Physics is still fair game though.

Tags: 2036(2) 2037(1) music(26) oops(16) science(28)
Names Mentioned: ides of march(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Where did 'C' go?

Views: 151/4763
Added: 10/22/2012

Unfortunately, sometimes George and Neal's time (mis)adventures cause unforeseeable consequences. For example, in 1978, the letter/sound "c" was eliminated. As a result, people drove ars, threw things using the atapult and Neal's wife was renamed "larissa". She was not amused. Neal later fixed this anomaly, but not before his wife became so angry she called him an unt.

Tags: 1978(5) languages(11) oops(16)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Joy to Everyone!

Views: 194/6153
Added: 10/01/2013

In 2019 George and Neal made a fortune by selling Christmas snow globes. It was all an accident, really. We thought we had this great idea to make Christmas snow globes that featured a nativity scene and played "Joy to the World" while the snow swirled around baby Jesus and the animals. But when our Chinese manufacturer shipped the snow globes to us everything was perfect (well, baby Jesus was replaced by a frog, but hey, whatever sells), until the music started with "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!". But they sold really, really well! Even better than our "Oh Holy Night" whoopee cushions.

 

Joy to Everyone! - It was an honest mistake since the snow globe doubled as a wine stopper and came with a bottle of Three Dog's Mighty Fine wine.

It was an honest mistake since the snow globe doubled as a wine stopper and came with a bottle of Three Dog's Mighty Fine wine.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2019(3) animals(16) business ventures(44) chart topping(4) christian(8) economy(8) failures(22) great music(4) holidays(8) hot tunes(2) oops(16) religion(11) rock stars(3) success!(13)
Names Mentioned: three dog night(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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World Record for Longest Time Chewing Gum

Views: 17827/5248
Added: 04/11/2014

In 2032 George decided to attempt the world record for the longest time continuously chewing a piece of gum (previously listed as 417 days). He was going strong and thought he was going to break the record when his jaw cramped up on day 210. Neal, being the supportive friend that he is, decided to take over and chewed that piece of gum for another 205 days. Just two days shy of the record Neal got hit in the face with an outboard motor (don't ask) and lost all his teeth, making it very difficult to continue chewing. Not wanting to fail when so close to their goal, George again took over with the chewing (although now the gum was a bit crunchy due to the bits of Neal's teeth embedded in the gooey wad). After another 112 days of chewing George and Neal were ecstatic to think they broke the world record for the longest time for consecutively chewing a piece of gum by an amazing 110 days! It was only later that they discovered the record only counted for a single person consecutively chewing gum. However, they did earn the world record for consecutive days of being thoroughly disgusting (57,229 days and counting).

 

World Record for Longest Time Chewing Gum - This snapshot was taken during one of the several days that we shared chewing responsibilities.

This snapshot was taken during one of the several days that we shared chewing responsibilities.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2032(2) oops(16) things neal eats(9) world records(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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There is No Zero!

Views: 140/4997
Added: 09/21/2016

In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has been stricken from historical records.

Tags: 0(1) 1966(2) ancient wonders(9) annoying fads(2) australia(2) clem(3) collapse of civilization(3) costumes(4) creamed corn(2) extinction(4) food poisoning(3) foot odor(3) forget this ever happened(9) genetics(16) george funk(11) good vibrations(2) great music(4) groin kick(3) historic events(18) History(13) hollandaise sauce(2) israeli food(2) jaguanst(8) kicking ass(16) lasagna(2) lawsuits(13) lotion(2) neal funk(18) oops(16) party like its 1999(2) people of history(33) phallus(8) platypus(4) pleasurebot(3) poop(7) power tools(2) pudding(2) reasons julie weeps(2) revenge(6) rhubarb(4) scantily clad people(15) stinky feet(3) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(3) things neal eats(9) things we made better(4) time paradoxes are fun(4) time travel(3) turtles & tortoises(3) vajazzled(3) wives(15) xxx(11) zoos and farm animals(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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