The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
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2015

Views: 98/2127
Added: 03/02/2009

In 2015 George and Neal will have finalized all of the details surrounding their friendship. That is, until 2016, when they will have to chronicle all that occurred in 2015.

Tags: 2015(9) 2016(8)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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International Infant Sporting League

Views: 154/6213
Added: 08/11/2009

In 2009, after George surpassed Neal by 100% in the number of genetically descended offspring, Neal and Clarissa got busy, very busy. In 2011 Neal welcomed the arrival of his 12th son (and he didn't even use the time machine). A result of all this baby making was a new sport, which took America by storm. By 2015 it will be the second largest organized professional sport (right behind curling - yeah, it takes off next summer), enjoyed by millions of fans around the world. The Extreme Mobile Watching League, more commonly known as ExMo, spawned a whole family of spin-off sports, like Competition Crawling and the annual Spit-up Spectacular. In 2016 the IISL (International Infant Sporting League) was formed to encompass ExMo and related competitions.

 

International Infant Sporting League - Fans really get into their ExMo watching. This was a party to watch the ExMo Sippy Cup Finals in 2016. Jimmy the Crier narrowly beat out Suzie Smooches to bring home the coveted gold covered Tickle Me Elmo Original trophy.

Fans really get into their ExMo watching. This was a party to watch the ExMo Sippy Cup Finals in 2016. Jimmy the Crier narrowly beat out Suzie Smooches to bring home the coveted gold covered Tickle Me Elmo Original trophy.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2009(21) 2015(9) 2016(8) clarissa(6) genetics(16) offspring(13) organizations(15) sports(23) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: elmo(3) sesame street(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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George Takes a Break

Views: 159/3886
Added: 09/05/2009

In April, 2016 George got tired of the whole ninja fighting and history manipulating thing. He decided to try something more relaxing and opened the Meadows of Elysium Bed & Breakfast. Unfortunately the whole thing was a disaster. Maybe it was because George doesn't sleep... Maybe it was because George doesn't eat breakfast (let alone cook it)... Or maybe it was because adventure just has a way of finding George. In the six months George was running his BnB it was attacked by zombies three times, killer robots once, and chainsaw wielding raccoons twice. George's patrons (those that survived) refused to ever return nor refer their friends and family. By October George had decided to leave the hospitality business and return to the life of adventure, fame and mystery that he was destined for.

Neal, on the other hand, started a very successful chain of hotels called X-Torch Inn, later renamed Hotel-9. Neal's success wasn't due so much to his hotels' amenities, cleanliness, or reputation so much as it was his policy of photoshopping... I mean photographing wealthy patrons committing adultery. Then he would threaten to show the photos to the guilty party's spouse (resulting in a very messy divorce) unless the party agreed to use Neal's law firm for their divorce proceedings (resulting in a very expensive, but much less messy divorce). It was a twisted web that he wove, but it resulted in the very profitable sale of Hotel-9 to Motel 6 in 2081. The merger of Motel 6 and Hotel-9 (called by the media the "6-9 Hookup") was touted as the biggest corporate acquisition of the century.

Tags: 2016(8) business ventures(43) crimes & scams(16) gimme a break(5) ninjas(3) raccoons(3) robots(7) zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: motel 6(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016

Views: 207/8132
Added: 10/18/2012

Exhausted with the mean-spirited nature of recent presidential elections as well as the inability of presidents to follow through on campaign promises, George and Neal decided to run for president in 2016. Problems quickly arose when the two could not agree which one would run as President and which one would be relegated to the position of Vice-President. They decided to let the public decide, by using the time machine to run both a Jaros/Simon campaign AND a Simon/Jaros campaign.

 

Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 -

 

Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 - These pins are considered extremely rare and valuable (by the insane).

These pins are considered extremely rare and valuable (by the insane).

Photo by: Neal

It became very confusing when Neal debated George during the Presidential debate, followed by Neal debating George during the Vice-Presidential debate.

 

2016 Presidential and Vice Presidential Debates - Neal's constant mugging was as arousing as it was distracting.

Neal's constant mugging was as arousing as it was distracting.

Photo by: Neal

Their seemingly infallible plan to hold the highest office backfired, as exactly 49.5% of the voters cast their ballots for the Jaros/Simon combo, and exactly 49.5% of voters cast their ballots for the Simon/Jaros combo. Due to an obscure law that George and Neal unfortunately passed during their three day reign in 1943, the winner was determined by the remaining 1%, which voted as follows: 15% for Ross Perot, 10% for Harrison Ford (thinking he did a wonderful job in the Air Force One movie), 20% for Peter J. Oberweis (running on a "ice cream shall be mandated a vegetable" platform), 25% for Howard the Duck, and the remaining votes went to the winner and write-in candidate, Ralph Nader. Ironically, Nader declined the position. This explains how, for 4 years, the leader of the free world was almost a duck. (Thank goodness ducks were outlawed in 1776.) This also explains why, in 2018 ice cream was declared a vegetable.

Tags: 1776(2) 1943(2) 2016(8) celebrities(69) competition(10) ducks(3) government(16) laws(10) movies(40) politics(9)
Names Mentioned: air force one(1) harrison ford(1) howard the duck(1) peter j. oberweis(1) ralph nader(1) ross perot(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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Swingin' Records!

Views: 246/9378
Added: 04/19/2013

In 2016, George and Neal turned their attention to songwriting. They ghost-wrote a string of musical hits, including "We Built This City" by Starship (1985), "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Boys (2000), and "(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka (1974). Their songs were all chart-topping, yet widely held as the worst songs ever made. (For a full list of their super-popular, super-terrible songs, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_music_considered_the_worst#Songs).

Prompted by their musical success, George and Neal released their own record, George and Neal Get Aural. Some people say the music was misunderstood, because it was way ahead of its time; but some people are idiots. The music was atrocious. The album was released on January 6, 1953. One day later, President Truman announced that the US developed the Hydrogen Bomb. George and Neal believe this to be no coincidence, and was in direct response to their album's release. Nevertheless, the album spawned three hit singles, "The Ballad of Clem (Who?)", "Misplaced Coinpurse", and "Party Like It's 1234 B.C." (the latter forming the basis for George and Neal's lawsuit against Prince for his song "Party Like It's 1999" despite the fact that they wrote the song in 2016 (well after Prince released his song) but released it in 1953.)

 

Swingin' Records! - Sorry, girls, they're married.

Sorry, girls, they're married.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1953(1) 1974(6) 1985(4) 2000(7) 2016(8) best album ever(1) celebrities(69) chart topping(4) get aural(2) great music(4) hot tunes(2) lawsuits(13) music(25) our bands(8) party like its 1999(2) record(1) trippy(1) we built this city on rock and roll(3) who let the dogs out(2) you're having my baby(1)
Names Mentioned: Baha Boys(2) jefferson starship(1) paul anka(1) president truman(2) prince(4) starship(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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That Crazy Bette

Views: 138/2933
Added: 12/31/2015

On April 25, 2014 Bette Midler was finally successful in her dastardly plot to capture Neal and George. Using a baked lasagna she was able to lure them into her trap (truthfully they suspected a trap all along, but thought it was for Garfield and wanted that lasagna before the fat cat arrived). For over 20 months the fearless explorers were trapped in stasis pods and subjected to Midler's mind probes. Finally, on December 31, 2015 George and Neal were heroically rescued by their future selves (from all the way on January 1, 2016). And once again, all was right in the world. Celebration and parties ensued throughout the galaxy until the stroke of midnight (Central Standard Time) when George and Neal actually became their future selves and had to leave the party early to go rescue themselves. I'd explain further, but it just gets more confusing. Hey look, a lasagna!

 

That Crazy Bette - Luckily George and Neal were rescued by George and Neal before their fate was the same as the poor saps in the other stasis pods.  Neal wasn't frightened by that though, it was Bette's prancing that worried him.

Luckily George and Neal were rescued by George and Neal before their fate was the same as the poor saps in the other stasis pods. Neal wasn't frightened by that though, it was Bette's prancing that worried him.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2014(7) 2015(9) 2016(8) celebrities(69) lasagna(2) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(2) things neal eats(8) time paradoxes are fun(4) vajazzled(3)
Names Mentioned: bette midler(5)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Pokemon STOP

Views: 78/1340
Added: 07/20/2016

In 2016, the phone app Pokemon:GO! was extremely popular. Kids, adults, and chimpanzees capable of stealing iPhones were all playing this highly addictive game, involving searching real-world locations to "capture" Pokemon characters.

What people don't know, however, was that Pokemon:GO! was actually an almost identical copy of an earlier game, Jarosmon:PROCEED!. George created it as a fun game for fans to search for George and Neal throughout their time traveling adventures (as well as their multiverse traveling adventures, but we'll get to that later). The app led people from place to place and time to time, in order to find George or Neal. At first, it was really, really fun, and the boys welcomed those players successful enough to locate them.

 

Pokemon STOP - Why George donned weird outfits and made "rawr rawr" kitten noises as players walked by... no one quite figured that one out.

Why George donned weird outfits and made "rawr rawr" kitten noises as players walked by... no one quite figured that one out.

Photo by: Neal

However, over time the game became considerably frustrating for George and Neal. Thousands and thousands of players would essentially stalk George and Neal at their workplaces, favorite hangouts, homes, and… well…. let's just say no place was sacred.

 

 - Yep, there's nothing sacred about this. (Also, you can't unsee things like this.  That is why the internet must be stopped.)

Yep, there's nothing sacred about this. (Also, you can't unsee things like this. That is why the internet must be stopped.)

Photo by: Neal

Exhausted from evading their many pursuers, George and Neal agreed to go back in time and stop themselves from ever inventing Jarosmon:PROCEED!, negating its existence in Clem-like proportions.

How Pokemon:GO! came into existence afterwards remains a mystery, although George and Neal suspect the piles and piles of money that George's son, Sam inexplicably acquired only shortly thereafter is somehow related.

Tags: 2016(8) annoying fads(2) charzard(1) clem(3) georgizard(1) highest score(1) phone apps(1) pikachu(1) pokemon(1) pokemon:go(1)
Names Mentioned: charzard(1) george jaros(12) Neal Simon(8) pikachu(1) pokemon(1) pokemon:go(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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Presidential Passion!

Views: 43/821
Added: 01/25/2017

Originally, Mel Gibson won the 2016 election. Thanks to George and Neal's time machine, this was averted. Unfortunately, Mel Gibson also had a time machine (which explains why many of his movies are so historically accurate), and he used it to once again tip the election in his favor. Civic duty demanded George and Neal change the timeline back. However, Mel then went back in time to alter the timeline so he won the election again. This back and forth went on seven hundred more times. The good news was that George and Neal averted a timeline where Mel Gibson was president. However, the bad news was that due to the constant tearing of the timeline fabric, for a period of time our president was Lindsey Lohan, then Megatron from Transformers, then a zombie Richard Nixon (his platform was "braaaaainnns!"), then an inanimate hat (its platform, oddly enough, was also "braaaaainnns!") and finally, Donald Trump. They kept trying to fix the timeline after that point, but nothing could be altered. Well, other than the fact that now Trump and Hillary Clinton are now secret, passionate lovers.

George and Neal felt really bad about messing up so badly (it being the first time they ever made a mistake), but this didn't stop them from capitalizing on the situation and writing a torrid romance novel about Trump and Clinton's love affair.

 

Presidential Passion! - "This," purred Hillary, "gives a whole new meaning to 'Hot off the Press.'"

"This," purred Hillary, "gives a whole new meaning to 'Hot off the Press.'"

Photo by: Neal

 

 - Republicans and Democrats finally agreed on one thing - this probably wasn't the best book to read to children.

Republicans and Democrats finally agreed on one thing - this probably wasn't the best book to read to children.

Photo by: Neal

NY Times called the book, "Painfully detailed."

Hillary wrote the foreword, which read only: "Damn you both."

Tags: 2016(8) braaaains(1) donald trump(1) election(1) hillary clinton(1) inanimate hat(1) lindsey lohan(1) megatron(1) mel gibson(1) richard nixon(1) torrid romance(1) transformers(1) zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: donald trump(10) hillary clinton(1) lindsey lohan(2) megatron(1) mel gibson(1) richard nixon(1) transformers(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)



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