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George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant "bigfoot" sightings. Unknown to most, however, is that the name was derived from the fact that the hairy-George constantly appeared while carrying his Bigfoot convenience store cup.
Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.
Photo by: George
On and off for 35,000 years George and Neal worked on hollowing out the Earth. The dirt we hauled out was used to make the moon. The interior of the Earth is inhabited by numerous prehistoric creatures, fantastic races of humans, and even creatures that the rest of the world believes to be mythical (unicorns, giants, C.H.U.D.s, cyclops, Paris Hilton, minotaurs, dragons, and smurfs are just a few). Our hollowed out Earth has inspired numerous stories (Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth, Edgar Allan Poe's The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket, Scrooge McDuck's Land Beneath the Ground!, and Frank C. Baxter's The Mole People to name a few) as well as pseudo-scientific cults like The Thule Society and the Steven Currey Expeditions who believe this is a natural phenomenon. It has also given rise to the theory that the moon is also hollow, which is just absurd.
In 1991, Neal organized a protest against brutality toward unicorns called Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless, or B.U.T.T. Decades later, George informed Neal that the unicorns were only mythical and that Neal's protest was essentially imaginary. Neal didn't care. He just wanted an excuse not to shower. On the plus side, among Neal's 27 distinct stenches, George discovered the pheromone that attracts Bison. As a result of George's hard work and Neal's diligent avoidance of water (as well as the general public's great sacrifice for putting up with Neal's diverse odors), the American Bison is currently making a comeback. An award was presented to George. Neal's award was mailed to him.
In 1954, Neal and George worked in Japan assisting scientists with all sorts of experiments. (The boys secretly volunteered because they enjoyed drinking random test tubes of unknown substances in hopes of becoming giddily intoxicated). Unfortunately, the scientists' atomic testing awoke a furious Godzilla, which began destroying everything in sight. Fortunately, all of the genetic testing performed on George and Neal caused them to grow to epic proportions.
Godzilla is moderately annoyed.
Photo by: Neal
George sprang into action, hitting Godzilla repeatedly with a broom. (Why a broom? Who knows? Maybe George couldn't find his purse.) Neal did not help in any meaningful way during the battle. Instead, he merely stood around, flexing his new gigantic muscles. After the rampage, Neal and George's bodies reverted back to their original size. Their heads, however, remained extremely gigantic for many years. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, and they became highly compensated, successful models for Pep Boys.
Sadly, this doesn't look all that different than what we normally look like.
Photo by: Neal
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- Photos by: Neal
On a trip back to 1227 BCE George and Neal discovered that dragons did in fact inhabit major portions of the earth. Different species of dragons lived and thrived all across Europe and Asia. Sadly, on a separate trip to 1098 BC dragons appeared to be extinct. We couldn't find a single dragon anywhere. Sometime during those 129 years dragons completely disappeared. In an effort to preserve the magnificent creatures, in 2029 AD we founded the Dragon Rescue Society and built several Wild Dragon Refuges around the world. Then we went back to 1225 BC and began an enormous rescue effort. We used all the teleportation and time travel tools at our disposal to create an entire team of over 1000 Georges and Neals (it was the only time in history that we were able to coordinate such a paradoxical meeting of so many of ourselves). For 112 years we scoured the globe and captured dragons of all types. We collected dragon eggs, captured hatchlings, and even grand old dragon masters. It was a huge effort, but we managed to rescue every last dragon and bring them to our carefully constructed habitats in 2029. We are happy to say that by 1113 BC not a single dragon was left behind. We had captured every last one of them and saved them all from the impending extinction in 1098 BC.
For four years (1995 - 1999) George filled in for the Boogie Man while he was on sabbatical. Those exceptionally productive years are affectionately known as "George's Ghastly Spell" by Boogie Man aficionados. Neal spent the same time period impersonating the Tooth Fairy until she finally caught up with him in early 1999 and kicked his ass. Today, Neal is known as the Toothless Fairy among Tooth Fairy aficionados.
Between January 2111 and August 2121 George and Neal set out on a quest to discover as many creatures generally thought to be imaginary as possible. Over their 10 year hunt they proved the existence of unicorns, pixies, trolls, harpies, thunderbirds, centaurs, Nessie, yeti and sasquatch (but not bigfoot), Gary Busey, chimera, phoenix, and sqrt -1.
Over the course of 10 years Neal tried lots of different ways of attracting the elusive unicorn. The big question isn't why he tried out this costume, but why he didn't stop wearing it after we found a unicorn.
Photo by: George
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
So, if you feel so inclined, you may graciously donate your organs, blood, or other bodily fluids to keep our website going. Or you could just send us a few bucks via PayPal, we're pretty easy like that (that's what she said). In return you'll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to educate millions and billions of individual cells (which really amounts to only a fraction of a person since it is estimated that the brain contains somewhere between 80-120 billion nerve cells (neurons), and neurons only make up about 50% of the cells in a human brain). Oh, and if you so request, we might include you in a future adventure (or maybe a past one).
Or, just click on one of the ads on our site. We'll get a few pennies, and there's no obligation for you, guaranteed or your money back!
Thanks for reading, and we hope you're not too traumatized after your visit.