The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
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Teleportation

Views: 141/4412
Added: 02/17/2009

After beginning to run out of material to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition in year 6 of said competition, George and Neal decided to invent a teleportation device that is able to deconstruct matter and send it to another location within this universe. Their first attempt at using the teleportation device for a living animal was successful. The second test, sending two animals through, was disastrous. The duck and beaver oddly combined to form the platypus. Luckily George and Neal were able to use their time machine and send the creature back millions of years where it could multiply and confound scientists for years. After two other unsuccessful tests, George and Neal finally perfected their teleportation device for multiple living creatures and now use it to travel to exotic locations so they have more information to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition.

Tags: 2015(9) animals(16) competition(10) ducks(3) facebook(10) mashups(12) platypus(4) science(28) teleportation(10)
Names Mentioned: facebook(9)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Sisters of Endless Guilt

Views: 127/3410
Added: 03/11/2009

In 1962 George and Neal dressed as nuns and moved into the Sisters of Endless Guilt convent, just for kicks. We lived there for three and a half months before we were discovered. After being sent out of the convent we took our habits to Antarctica to live with the penguins. So far our guise has not been penetrated (and neither have we, luckily).

Tags: 1962(1) animals(16) antarctica(2) christian(8) costumes(4) crimes & scams(16) george's fashion sense(12) neal's fashion sense(20) religion(11)
Names Mentioned: antarctica(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Save the Dinosaurs

Views: 146/4208
Added: 03/18/2009

65 million years ago George and Neal used their teleportation device to rescue countless dinosaurs from impending doom when a comet was about to crash into the earth. They transported the dinosaurs to a planet known as Gliese 581 d. Over the past 65 million years the dinosaurs evolved into intelligent beings capable of interstellar travel. They have been visiting Earth, researching their distant Earthly descendants (namely birds, crocodiles, and the British) for many years. George and Neal often host members of the Saurian Empire for dinner parties and Scattergories tournaments.

Tags: .65000000 bce(1) aliens(5) animals(16) astronomy(8) britain(9) dinosaurs(2) evolution(5) extinction(4) games(14) save the aminals(6) teleportation(10) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) earth(3)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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We're Not Bigfoot

Views: 223/3574
Added: 03/24/2009

George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant "bigfoot" sightings. Unknown to most, however, is that the name was derived from the fact that the hairy-George constantly appeared while carrying his Bigfoot convenience store cup.

 

We're Not Bigfoot - Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Photo by: George

Tags: amazing abilities(16) animals(16) conspiracy theories(7) george funk(11) hair(11) mythological critters(7) neal's fashion sense(20)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless

Views: 730/4293
Added: 04/22/2009

In 1991, Neal organized a protest against brutality toward unicorns called Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless, or B.U.T.T. Decades later, George informed Neal that the unicorns were only mythical and that Neal's protest was essentially imaginary. Neal didn't care. He just wanted an excuse not to shower. On the plus side, among Neal's 27 distinct stenches, George discovered the pheromone that attracts Bison. As a result of George's hard work and Neal's diligent avoidance of water (as well as the general public's great sacrifice for putting up with Neal's diverse odors), the American Bison is currently making a comeback. An award was presented to George. Neal's award was mailed to him.

Tags: 1991(3) animals(16) awards and recognition(12) mythological critters(7) neal funk(18) organizations(15) save the aminals(6)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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What's a Typewriter?

Views: 647/5561
Added: 08/13/2009

In 2025 George and Neal received a grant from the US government to study the long held belief that if you give a billion monkeys a billion typewriters eventually they'll type the complete works of Shakespeare. Unfortunately our study ended prematurely after 32 years when one of the monkeys figured out how to convert the typewriter into a jackhammer and broke all the other monkeys out of our research facility. We were however left with several Stephen King novels, three seasons of Saturday Night Live, the 1876 edition of the Farmers Almanac, and "How to Win Friends & Influence People" translated to Klingon, not to mention a very stinky research facility.

 

What's a Typewriter? - The Klingon Language Edition of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" quickly became the best selling edition. Who would have thought that people who speak Klingon would need friends or would like to influence people?

The Klingon Language Edition of "How to Win Friends & Influence People" quickly became the best selling edition. Who would have thought that people who speak Klingon would need friends or would like to influence people?

Photo by: George

Tags: 2025(1) animals(16) languages(11) publications(14) save the aminals(6) science(28) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: dale carnegie(2) farmers almanac(1) how to win friends and influence people(1) saturday night live(1) start trek(1) stephen king(1) william shakespeare(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Restraining Orders Suck

Views: 163/7138
Added: 01/29/2010

Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawed; so, to eliminate as much Awesomeness!™ as possible, George and Neal were ordered to keep away from one another (except for that brief period in 2058 when they secretly invented the edible harmonica under cover of the darkest night). In 2059, Awesomeness!™ was reinstated, and George and Neal were allowed to continue their adventures. They reconnected during 2059... Well, in actual fact, for them it was 2059, but they really reconnected during 424 BCE, in Ancient Persia. At that time, George and Neal started a business selling camels to the citizens of Persia (which were used in combat because of the camels' natural ability to scare off horses in close ranges, a quality famously employed by the Achaemenid Persians when fighting Lydia... See? Education is fun!). George and Neal were known for selling camels with enhanced feet and toes, which assisted the camels during their long and sometimes treacherous travel. You can still purchase your own enhanced camel, provided you, too, have a time machine and can find George and Neal's shop, "Freaky Deaky Camels". (Not the best name for a shop, but much better than Neal's suggestion, "Hey, Look at all my Camel Toes!" and George's suggestion, "My Friend Neal Has Camel Toes".)

Tags: .424 bce(1) 2056(2) 2058(2) 2059(3) animals(16) business ventures(43) education(9) food(44) gimme a break(5) government(16) laws(10) mashups(12) music(25) people of history(33) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: persia(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Snoutbook

Views: 133/3732
Added: 01/29/2010

In the latter half of the middle third of the eighth month of 2010 George and Neal started a new social networking site dedicated solely to the most technologically neglected members of our families. By 2011 Snoutbook boasted nearly 150 million members around the world. Many popular applications from Facebook were ported over to Snoutbook, but updated so that our pets can play. Mafia Wars is now Dog Fights, Farmville has been rebranded as Labor Force, Flair is called Tags, Quizzes has become Obedience School, and all those little gifts that you can send back and forth...now just different ways to smell friends' asses. George's dog, Moxie, is hooked.

 

Snoutbook - Snoutbook gives dogs everywhere the opportunity to do something other than lick their crotches to pass the time. But Snoutbook isn't just for dogs! Cats, horses, ferrets, gerbils, wombats, or any other critter is welcome to join the world's fastest growing social networking site.

Snoutbook gives dogs everywhere the opportunity to do something other than lick their crotches to pass the time. But Snoutbook isn't just for dogs! Cats, horses, ferrets, gerbils, wombats, or any other critter is welcome to join the world's fastest growing social networking site.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2010(16) 2011(8) animals(16) facebook(10)
Names Mentioned: facebook(9) farmville(1) mafia wars(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Cheese Eatin' Bears

Views: 141/4359
Added: 01/19/2011

In 1919 George and Neal started raising a sleuth of bears that would eat only cheese. For quite a while this was pretty useless, but it came in very handy in 2011 when the Chicago Bears met the Green Bay Packers for the NFC championship.

 

Cheese Eatin'  Bears - One of George and Neal's cheese eating bears preparing to devour its catch of the day. These bears live in Illinois, but forage for food north of the border.

One of George and Neal's cheese eating bears preparing to devour its catch of the day. These bears live in Illinois, but forage for food north of the border.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1919(1) 2011(8) animals(16) chicago(10) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) chicago bears(1) green bay packers(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Welcome aboard Adin!

Views: 146/11150
Added: 08/26/2012

In 2012, after being told about many of George and Neal's great exploits, Neal's son Adin asked if he could be a part of their future escapades and adventures. George and Neal were readily willing to include him in their time-travel and general awesomeness, but after reading "Hercules and the Twelve Labors," Adin was deterimined to prove himself worthy of their greatness. Similar to Hercules cleaning the Augean stables in a single day. Adin was determined to clean Neal's room in a single day. Then it became a week. Then a month.... Thankfully, Adin used the time machine over and over so he was able to do the entire month of cleaning in a single day. Adin then traveled to the year 2080, and worked towards domesticating sharks. Sharks proved so popular a pet that they replaced dogs. Mainly by eating them.

 

Welcome aboard Adin! - After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

Photo by: Neal

Then, similar to Hercules capturing and bringing back Cerberus, Adin traveled to 3087, captured a zombie, and brought him back to 2012. Contrary to popular belief, Zombies can be domesticated. Already knowledgeable about the task of domestication after the Shark Task, Adin befriended the Zombie, lovingly known as "Mrrrggghghh". Adin brought him everywhere. It made for many awkward social situations.

 

My Pet Mrrrggghghh - Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 2080(1) 3087(1) amazing abilities(16) animals(16) offspring(13) time machine(37) zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: cerberus(1) hercules(1) marlboro(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (2)

 
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The Flying Porcupine (and not the Short S.25 Sunderland)

Views: 337/5777
Added: 04/19/2013

In 1921 George and Neal began the daunting task of teaching porcupines to fly. It was long, arduous, painful work, and after twelve long years they gave up. But with the rise of Nazi Germany there came a renewed interest in flying porcupines, or Fliegendes Stachelschwein as the Germans called them. So in 1939 George and Neal were asked to head a porcupine flight research and development project for the United States, United Kingdom, and Canada. The goal of the Long Island Ice Tea Project (so named because the Manhattan was already taken) was to develop oversized, flying porcupines before German scientists could succeed with their own Fliegendes Stachelschwein program. The top secret program had research facilities located in several areas of the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom, including the secret Oak Ridge Elementary Flight Facility in Palos Hills, Illinois, the "Zorro" Test Facility in Los Alamos, California, and the Solochevy Research Facility in Poortown, Isle of Man, United Kingdom. The first porcupine test flights were conducted near Big Cottonwood Canyon in Utah, with the first experimental quill deployment taking place at the Forest of Argonne in France (the French didn't mind having a few more little pricks). The project proved to be a success and, although it is not well documented, starting in January and continuing into the spring of 1945, Allied forces sent wave after wave of highly trained flying porcupines behind Axis lines. After the deep penetration (that's what she said) of millions of barbed quills falling from the sky, Germany surrendered on April 29th. Ironically, the Bedingungslose Kapitulation der Wehrmacht (German Instrument of Surrender) was signed on May 7th with a pen constructed from a porcupine quill.

 

The Flying Porcupine (and not the Short S.25 Sunderland) - Too late George and Neal realized that they forgot to teach the porcupines how to land.  There were many civilian casualties when the flock of porcupines decided to try landing in one of those lazy river water parks, popping numerous inner tubes and causing general havoc.

Too late George and Neal realized that they forgot to teach the porcupines how to land. There were many civilian casualties when the flock of porcupines decided to try landing in one of those lazy river water parks, popping numerous inner tubes and causing general havoc.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1921(1) 1939(1) 1945(2) alamogordo(1) animals(16) argonne(1) bedingungslose kapitulation der wehrmacht(1) britain(9) genetics(16) los alamos(1) manhattan project(1) oak ridge(1) secrets(4) that's what she said(6) wars(4)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) canada(4) germany(1) united states(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The Fashionably Endangered Rosea Zebra

Views: 332/3337
Added: 09/24/2013

In the 1980s George and Neal discovered the rare Rosea Zebra, or Pink Zebra. These zebras are native to just a very small part of Africa and their discovery led to a dramatic increase in popularity of pink zebra print fashions. Today Pink Zebras are extremely rare and endangered because of all the illegal hunting that goes on to support western culture's obsession with making these beautiful animals into clothing, bedding, iPhone covers, car seats, etc. In the 2000s George and Neal started conservation efforts and captive breeding programs in an attempt to reintroduce large herds of Rosea Zebra to the wild. Unfortunately the revitalization of Pink Zebra populations also resulted in the resurgence of Pink Zebra print fashions. But you won't find any Pink Zebra print stuff in either of our households. We prefer beaver felt hats and whale blubber reading lamps.

 

The Fashionably Endangered Rosea Zebra - We had nothing to do with the unfortunate domestication and mass farming of the now ubiquitous Fluorescent Spandex Cattle that resulted from the 80s fashion trends.

We had nothing to do with the unfortunate domestication and mass farming of the now ubiquitous Fluorescent Spandex Cattle that resulted from the 80s fashion trends.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1980s(7) 2000s(2) animals(16) extinction(4) george's fashion sense(12) neal's fashion sense(20)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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George let the dogs out!

Views: 110/1969
Added: 10/01/2013

In 1998 George let the dogs out, but he let them back in as soon as they were finished doing their duty. Anslem Douglas didn't believe him though and kept giving him the third degree. He even got the Baha Men to start pestering George. C'mon guys, stop the nagging!

 

George let the dogs out! - Here the dogs are out.

Here the dogs are out.

Photo by: George

 

George let the dogs back in! - And see, they're back in now.  Now get off my case about it already!!!

And see, they're back in now. Now get off my case about it already!!!

Photo by: George

Tags: 1998(9) animals(16) forget this ever happened(9) who let the dogs out(2)
Names Mentioned: anslem douglas(1) baha boys(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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Joy to Everyone!

Views: 170/5570
Added: 10/01/2013

In 2019 George and Neal made a fortune by selling Christmas snow globes. It was all an accident, really. We thought we had this great idea to make Christmas snow globes that featured a nativity scene and played "Joy to the World" while the snow swirled around baby Jesus and the animals. But when our Chinese manufacturer shipped the snow globes to us everything was perfect (well, baby Jesus was replaced by a frog, but hey, whatever sells), until the music started with "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!". But they sold really, really well! Even better than our "Oh Holy Night" whoopee cushions.

 

Joy to Everyone! - It was an honest mistake since the snow globe doubled as a wine stopper and came with a bottle of Three Dog's Mighty Fine wine.

It was an honest mistake since the snow globe doubled as a wine stopper and came with a bottle of Three Dog's Mighty Fine wine.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2019(2) animals(16) business ventures(43) chart topping(4) christian(8) economy(8) failures(22) great music(4) holidays(8) hot tunes(2) oops(16) religion(11) rock stars(3) success!(13)
Names Mentioned: three dog night(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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When fate hands us a lemon let's try to make a lemonade: The Origin

Views: 505/12146
Added: 04/11/2014

In 1906 George accidentally originated the popular phrase "When fate hands you lemons, make lemonade." This phrase was later published in Volume 26, Issue 5 of Men's Wear magazine in January 1909 before Elbert Hubbard used in in Reader's Digest in October 1927 and Dale Carnegie made it famous when he published it as: "When fate hands us a lemon let's try to make a lemonade." Rule #6, at the end of Chapter 17 in Carnegie's "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" published in 1948. George is very proud of the success of this phrase, despite the fact that is has been misquoted right from the beginning. What George actually said was "When fate gives you lemurs, you should try to make lemurade." Neal also tried to capitalize on George's phrase, but it turns out that people really don't like the whole idea of lemurade.

 

When fate hands us a lemon let's try to make a lemonade: The Origin - We're really not sure why Neal's idea didn't catch on.  At least the lemurs really like the blend of raspberries, strawberries, dragon fruit, blood orange, pomegranate, beets, red cabbage, rhubarb, currants, cherries, cranberries, cherry tomatoes, and rambuten.

We're really not sure why Neal's idea didn't catch on. At least the lemurs really like the blend of raspberries, strawberries, dragon fruit, blood orange, pomegranate, beets, red cabbage, rhubarb, currants, cherries, cranberries, cherry tomatoes, and rambuten.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1909(1) 1927(3) 1948(2) animals(16) blends(3) business ventures(43) etymology(4) first(3) in good company(6) inspirations(19) origin(24) people of history(33) rhubarb(4) smoothies(7) spellcheck wants to change rambuten to perambulate(1) they stole our ideas(7) things neal eats(8)
Names Mentioned: dale carnegie(2) elbert hubbard(1) how to stop worrying and start living(1) men's wear magazine(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Give me a head with hair, weird, awkward hair...

Views: 16/25
Added: 08/07/2017

In 2017 George and Neal decided to start a new hairstyle fad. Instead of the refined, prim, manicured look that they made popular for most of the previous decade they both decided to skip the weekly stylist visits and nightly shampoo/conditioner/brushing regimen they had adhered to for the past 9 years and let their hair grow au natural. The jury is still out on if this was a good idea or not.

 

Give me a head with hair, weird, awkward hair... - George just got more and more hair everywhere, except where he needed it most.  Neal's hair took on the form of the animal spirits he had sacrificed to his hair in years past.

George just got more and more hair everywhere, except where he needed it most. Neal's hair took on the form of the animal spirits he had sacrificed to his hair in years past.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2017(2) animals(16) fashion(2) hair(11)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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