The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
So, if you feel so inclined, you may graciously donate your organs, blood, or other bodily fluids to keep our website going. Or you could just send us a few bucks via PayPal, we're pretty easy like that (that's what she said). In return you'll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to educate millions and billions of individual cells (which really amounts to only a fraction of a person since it is estimated that the brain contains somewhere between 80-120 billion nerve cells (neurons), and neurons only make up about 50% of the cells in a human brain). Oh, and if you so request, we might include you in a future adventure (or maybe a past one).
Or, just click on one of the ads on our site. We'll get a few pennies, and there's no obligation for you, guaranteed or your money back!
Thanks for reading, and we hope you're not too traumatized after your visit.
Documentation started in February of 2009
George and Neal, sometime
in space and pudding.
In The Beginning... The chronicles of George and Neal are, for historians, a difficult thing to present. To say that very little is known about both men would be erroneous - in reality, the opposite is true. However, due to certain "chronal anomalies," the direct result of George and Neal's forays into time travel, it therefore becomes nearly impossible to lay out their history in a sequential manner.
For example, from 1982 to 1997, George and Neal organized ThimbleCon, an annual meeting of thimble enthusiasts everywhere that didn't actually happen until 2008, when George and Neal were ages 25 and 24, respectively. In 1976, during their respective ages of 35 and 34, they had success as the roller-derby team, "Peaches and CREAM!" ... But which to present first? The 1976 event came second - when they were in their 30s. The 2008 event occurred when the two were in their 20s, however they were in their late 60s when their fascination for thimbles drove them to start organizing the annual event. Much of their lives jump around in this willy-nilly fashion, so much so that most of those dedicated to presenting this information have suffered neurological maladies attempting to present their chronicles.
Rather than joining the ranks of the near-mad, this nameless historian has chosen to present this information as the events folded in the heroes' (a.k.a sexual dynamos, as some refer to them) lives. You, Faithful Reader, can now, for the first time ever, vicariously experience the greatness of the Triumphant Two. To say that this website will enhance the lives of billions, and change the world forever, would be an understatement.... But let's begin, shall we?
370 Enlightening Entries & Over 296 Awe Inspiring Images!
Now you can read the whole Saga on your favorite ebook reader! What's better than free ebooks
? Well, probably a lot of things, but how can you pass up reading these wonderful adventures for free
on your favorite ebook reader? So download the Saga now and take us with you on your next adventure (or to the bathroom, we won't judge you)!
Download the whole Saga in your favorite free ebook format:
And be sure to come back for the latest version of your free ebook
! We'll keep updating the free ebooks
as we add entries to the Saga!
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!
Disclaimer and Stuff:
"In infinite space, even the most unlikely events must take place somewhere. People with the same
appearance, name and memories as you, who play out every possible permutation of your life choices."
- Professor Max Tegmark, Dept. of Physics, MIT -
The events related in The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)! are completely true and really happened (or will happen). If your recollection of history does not exactly match those depicted below that may be because you exist in a different universe than where the events take place. People, places, and events related below may not necessarily represent those of your reality, so if something offends, irritates, annoys, aggravates, infuriates, bothers, hurts, chafes, vexes, infects, provokes, insults, affronts, abuses, slights, confuses, astounds, bamboozles, mystifies, baffles, perverts, misrepresents, depraves, debauches, spoils, destroys, putrefies, assaults, deceives, obstructs, frustrates, penetrates, creeps, disturbs, or fondles you or your worldview, please don't sue us. Things may be different in your reality than they are in ours. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they are different. If they aren't you might want to seek medical attention. If, on the other hand we have inspired, enlightened, educated, entertained, bewildered, or caressed you, please leave us a comment at www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info
The documentation of this adventure began in February 2009 by Neal Simon and George Jaros. It quickly grew to epic proportions (that's what she said) and is still being updated periodically as of March 2020. For the latest entries visit www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info
"If a universe can be imagined, it exists."
- Professor M.R. Franks, Member, Royal Astronomical Society of Canada -
The Latest Entries:
10 Entries on This Page
For many years, the makers of the card game Timeline sought to create a “George and Neal”-centric game. However, given the convoluted and ever-changing history affected by the duo’s chronal exploits, it made creating the game impossible. It was only after the first biography, The Grand Saga of George and Neal’s Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding) was published in 2018, that the chronology became clear.
The game is probably too easy... I mean, who doesn’t know when George Juice was developed, relative to when those extremely attractive Pleasurebots were created?
Photo by: Neal
Now, G&N-ophiles can show off their knowledge by bragging they know when Neal gave his body to science, and whether that was before or after George babysat Metallica’s James Hatfield. Curiously, when the makers of timeline refused to share their profits with George and Neal, it was immediately discovered that an exact identical Timeline game was published 100 years earlier (copyrighted by George and Neal), under the name Timeline: The This Is What Happens When You Won’t Share Profits Edition.
Copyrights are meaningless against time-traveling grudge-holders.
Photo by: Neal
Entry Logged By:
- Photos by: Neal
Then there was the time that the entire George and Neal saga appeared in book purchasable book form, on Blurb.com (http://www.blurb.com/b/8323918-the-grand-saga-of-george-and-neal-s-adventures-thr).
Now you, too, can purchase a book, the contents of which can be read entirely for free online!
In 1940 George and Neal wrote and released a song entitled Dreaming of a Purple Christmas. The song was mildly successful and in 1941 Irving Berlin wrote a parody called White Christmas. Oddly, the parody went on to garner more success than the original. In 1948 Doye O'Dell recorded Blue Christmas, a direct statement in support of colored Christmas songs. Over the next few years a whole slew of Christmas songs were released, each one promoting segregation of holiday colors. Tensions rose and things finally came to a head in the 1960s with the extremely controversial 1966 Grateful Dead song, Rainbow Christmas. On December 24, 1967 Martin Luther King Jr. spoke to a throng of millions during a Christmas Eve march to the Capital Plaza Mall.
"I had another dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their Christmas snow, but by the contents of their presents. I had another dream that one day Christmases will be celebrated with snow of all colors; red, green, white, blue, black, gray, and yellow. OK, maybe not the yellow snow, but you see where I'm going with this..."
Dr. King's "I Had Another Dream" speech isn't quite as well known as his previous speeches, but it was instrumental in promoting a multi-colored Christmas. Today you can even buy multi-colored Christmas lights.
Photo by: George
February 2019 marks the 10th anniversary of the Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!
....well, February 2019 did originally. Then George took the chronicles to 1009 a.d., to let the masses enjoy such a good saga. He was praised so much there/then, that he decided to continue writing it from that point on, now making February 2019 the 1,020 year anniversary.
....well, February 2019 did at that point. Then Neal took the chronicles back to 75 B.C.....
In 2039 the game Tic Tac Toe had a huge resurgence in popularity when Neal discovered that the game had a hidden Easter Egg, where you could actually play on the lines instead of the squares. This opened up many new strategies, that for centuries, had been hidden and remained unexplored. In order to cash in on the Tic Tac Toe hype, George partnered with Ferrero SpA candy company on a new line of candy. Tic Tac Toes were less popular than their minty counterparts, but they sold reasonably well for most of the next decade.
This was the variety pack. Some of the most popular flavors, like Hyperhidrosis, Corns, and Burst Blister, came in their own packaging.
Photo by: George
George and Neal have constantly manipulated reality through their countless (well, really infinite, if you consider the multiverse versions of George and Neal) time traveling. Their efforts have benefited the universe over and over. For example, many species, like the "bear" and the "dog," have been brought back from extinction. Metal underpants have been eliminated from existence in favor of cotton (you're welcome, people's junk). Asparagus Juice is no longer a thing...
... but every change is not categorically a good one. George's biggest regret is that now most of the world uses the "Gold Standard". Previously, the world used the much more reliable and sensible "Muppet Standard."
On the reverse side of the coin: "C is for Currency, and that's good enough for me!"
Photo by: Other - Caption by: Neal
Although memory of the Muppet Standard has mostly faded from George's memory, he still recalls buying a hot chocolate one cold morning, handing over four Miss Piggies, and still getting a few Rolfs back. Things were cheaper back then.
In 2018 George's third kid served as inspiration to his greatest gift to the human race. He noticed that Andrew was very mobile and kept having problems with his diaper shifting into odd positions. Additionally, diapers are really not all that stylish. So he worked with leading fashion designers (but mostly Neal and Sisqo) to come up with a new design for the traditional nappy. Since then Thong Diapers have become all the rage and have changed the course of history.
Seventh Generation was the first company to jump on board with this civilization changing revolution in diaper design. Less material in the diapers means they're much more environmentally friendly. Maybe not for your immediate environment, but overall they really helped.
Photo by: George
Jealous that the fictitious time travelers, Bill and Ted, got to meet and bring historical figures to their timelines, George and Neal decided to one-up them. They created an entire high school, populating the student body with hundreds of "borrowed" historical figures, both past and future. As one could imagine, the high school dominated many categories of competition, such as debate (the Socrates / Mr. T team cleaning up at every conference, typically employing "the only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing, fool!") and drama (Shakespeare's reboot, The Taming of the Shrek was surprisingly transcendent). However, Neal's lack of knowledge all things sports did hinder the school, as having famous painters Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael on the football team did not play out nearly as well as he thought it would.
These kind words almost make up for the swirlees inflicted on them by Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. (They were understandably angry about being cut from the team.)
Photo by: Neal
It was a crazy four years. George was voted "most likely to continue to be a guy named George." It was the highest honor he had ever received.
In 1921 George and Neal founded their bridal fashion line. Unfortunately George and Neal knew absolutely nothing about bridal fashion and their company wasn't very successful. This didn't stop them though, and they used their knowledge of the future to bring the hottest styles from the 21st century to the roaring 20s in the hopes that the modernization of 1920s fashion trends would embrace their futuristic designs. They failed there as well. But they were convinced that their innovative wedding dress designs would someday catch on, so they kept at it. Finally, in 2020 George and Neal became the hottest fashion team in the bridal industry. The March edition of their magazine, The Bodaceous Bride, featured their flagship wedding dress on the cover. Everyone was anxious to get their hands on the dress (whether they were getting married or not!) Turns out their Hazmat Wedding Dress would probably have also been a hit if they had released it just a few years earlier, but they missed the Spanish Flu epidemic by just a few months.
Be sure to read that article about 106 reasons you missed out on marrying the man of your dreams. There are really only two reasons, named Julie and Clarissa, but we had to come up with 104 other reasons Julie and Clarissa are more awesome than you.
Photo by: George
Newest Entries from 03/18/2020:
Neal turned 42 in 2020 (but celebrated his birthday in 1961 so he could send a chimp named Ham into outer space... not for science purposes, but because the chimp owed Neal some money... but that's a story for a different day). That day, Neal noticed his hair was thinning and became upset. Good friend that he is, George developed an alternate hair-care treatment that was also eco friendly.
George first tested the treatment on himself first. Needless to say, it went very well.
You can also buy a replica of this - ask for the Chia George at your local Walgreens.
Photo by: Neal
Initially, George was met with belly laughter when he saw Neal. Soon after, though, Neal decided he would like a luxurious green coif as well. Neal started the treatments immediately. Unfortunately, Neal's son Adin also wanted this stylish look as well.
Even more unfortunate, the treatments did not respond as expected for the Simons.
Above: the Simons "go green".
Photo by: Neal
Neal immediately discontinued the treatments. Adin, however, increased the treatments, commenting, "I kinda like it!" Currently, Adin is up for the role of Swamp Thing in DC's upcoming movie. Most agree, he's a shoe-in.