The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!


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So, if you feel so inclined, you may graciously donate your organs, blood, or other bodily fluids to keep our website going. Or you could just send us a few bucks via PayPal, we're pretty easy like that (that's what she said). In return you'll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to educate millions and billions of individual cells (which really amounts to only a fraction of a person since it is estimated that the brain contains somewhere between 80-120 billion nerve cells (neurons), and neurons only make up about 50% of the cells in a human brain). Oh, and if you so request, we might include you in a future adventure (or maybe a past one).

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Documentation started in February of 2009
 

George and Neal, sometime
in space and pudding.

In The Beginning... The chronicles of George and Neal are, for historians, a difficult thing to present. To say that very little is known about both men would be erroneous - in reality, the opposite is true. However, due to certain "chronal anomalies," the direct result of George and Neal's forays into time travel, it therefore becomes nearly impossible to lay out their history in a sequential manner.

For example, from 1982 to 1997, George and Neal organized ThimbleCon, an annual meeting of thimble enthusiasts everywhere that didn't actually happen until 2008, when George and Neal were ages 25 and 24, respectively. In 1976, during their respective ages of 35 and 34, they had success as the roller-derby team, "Peaches and CREAM!" ... But which to present first? The 1976 event came second - when they were in their 30s. The 2008 event occurred when the two were in their 20s, however they were in their late 60s when their fascination for thimbles drove them to start organizing the annual event. Much of their lives jump around in this willy-nilly fashion, so much so that most of those dedicated to presenting this information have suffered neurological maladies attempting to present their chronicles.

Rather than joining the ranks of the near-mad, this nameless historian has chosen to present this information as the events folded in the heroes' (a.k.a sexual dynamos, as some refer to them) lives. You, Faithful Reader, can now, for the first time ever, vicariously experience the greatness of the Triumphant Two. To say that this website will enhance the lives of billions, and change the world forever, would be an understatement.... But let's begin, shall we?


Last Updated March 08, 2017 - Jump To: 10 Recent Entries - Newest Entries

353 Enlightening Entries & Over 279 Awe Inspiring Images!

NEW: Now you can read the whole Saga on your favorite ebook reader! What's better than free ebooks? Well, probably a lot of things, but how can you pass up reading these wonderful adventures for free on your favorite ebook reader? So download the Saga now and take us with you on your next adventure (or to the bathroom, we won't judge you)!

Download the whole Saga in your favorite free ebook format: And be sure to come back for the latest version of your free ebook! We'll keep updating the free ebooks as we add entries to the Saga!


The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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Disclaimer and Stuff:

"In infinite space, even the most unlikely events must take place somewhere. People with the same
appearance, name and memories as you, who play out every possible permutation of your life choices."
- Professor Max Tegmark, Dept. of Physics, MIT -

The events related in The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)! are completely true and really happened (or will happen). If your recollection of history does not exactly match those depicted below that may be because you exist in a different universe than where the events take place. People, places, and events related below may not necessarily represent those of your reality, so if something offends, irritates, annoys, aggravates, infuriates, bothers, hurts, chafes, vexes, infects, provokes, insults, affronts, abuses, slights, confuses, astounds, bamboozles, mystifies, baffles, perverts, misrepresents, depraves, debauches, spoils, destroys, putrefies, assaults, deceives, obstructs, frustrates, penetrates, creeps, disturbs, or fondles you or your worldview, please don't sue us. Things may be different in your reality than they are in ours. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they are different. If they aren't you might want to seek medical attention. If, on the other hand we have inspired, enlightened, educated, entertained, bewildered, or caressed you, please leave us a comment at www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info

The documentation of this adventure began in February 2009 by Neal Simon and George Jaros. It quickly grew to epic proportions (that's what she said) and is still being updated periodically as of June 2017. For the latest entries visit www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info

"If a universe can be imagined, it exists."
- Professor M.R. Franks, Member, Royal Astronomical Society of Canada -


 

The Latest Entries:

10 Entries on This Page

 
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Pokemon STOP

Views: 66/1184
Added: 07/20/2016

In 2016, the phone app Pokemon:GO! was extremely popular. Kids, adults, and chimpanzees capable of stealing iPhones were all playing this highly addictive game, involving searching real-world locations to "capture" Pokemon characters.

What people don't know, however, was that Pokemon:GO! was actually an almost identical copy of an earlier game, Jarosmon:PROCEED!. George created it as a fun game for fans to search for George and Neal throughout their time traveling adventures (as well as their multiverse traveling adventures, but we'll get to that later). The app led people from place to place and time to time, in order to find George or Neal. At first, it was really, really fun, and the boys welcomed those players successful enough to locate them.

 

Pokemon STOP - Why George donned weird outfits and made "rawr rawr" kitten noises as players walked by... no one quite figured that one out.

Why George donned weird outfits and made "rawr rawr" kitten noises as players walked by... no one quite figured that one out.

Photo by: Neal

However, over time the game became considerably frustrating for George and Neal. Thousands and thousands of players would essentially stalk George and Neal at their workplaces, favorite hangouts, homes, and… well…. let's just say no place was sacred.

 

 - Yep, there's nothing sacred about this. (Also, you can't unsee things like this.  That is why the internet must be stopped.)

Yep, there's nothing sacred about this. (Also, you can't unsee things like this. That is why the internet must be stopped.)

Photo by: Neal

Exhausted from evading their many pursuers, George and Neal agreed to go back in time and stop themselves from ever inventing Jarosmon:PROCEED!, negating its existence in Clem-like proportions.

How Pokemon:GO! came into existence afterwards remains a mystery, although George and Neal suspect the piles and piles of money that George's son, Sam inexplicably acquired only shortly thereafter is somehow related.

Tags: 2016(8) annoying fads(2) charzard(1) clem(2) georgizard(1) highest score(1) phone apps(1) pikachu(1) pokemon(1) pokemon:go(1)
Names Mentioned: charzard(1) george jaros(12) Neal Simon(8) pikachu(1) pokemon(1) pokemon:go(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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The World's Gone Tipsy

Views: 126/2010
Added: 07/26/2016

In 1932 the Italian government hired George to stabilize the Leaning Tower of Pisa to prevent its collapse. Starting during its construction and continuing until George's stabilization project the tower gradually shifted to lean 5.5 degrees. But George's ingenious network of spider silk support cables and carbon fiber beams, all hidden beneath the crust of the earth, connected the tower to a number of other famous stable structures around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza, Statue of Liberty, the pyramid El Castillo at the Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Taj Mahal, Notre-Dame Cathedral, Castle Neuschwanstein, Bodiam Castle, the newly finished Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City. Unfortunately records were lost and from 1989 to 2001 unnecessary restoration projects straightened the tower by removing soil from under the higher side of the foundation so it only leaned 3.99 degrees.

By 2038 tourism in Pisa had dropped significantly and the Italian Government decided to hire Neal to straighten the leaning tower once and for all. Neal, as usual, used the amazing strength in his thighs to just push the tower into a perfectly vertical position. Unfortunately, Neal knew nothing of George's former stabilization project and his method of brute force architectural restoration caused every monumental structure that George had previously anchored the tower to to tilt in response. So, starting in 2038, you'll be able to travel the globe and visit the Leaning Great Pyramid at Giza, Leaning Statue of Liberty, the Leaning Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Leaning Taj Mahal, Leaning Notre-Dame Cathedral, Leaning Castle Neuschwanstein, Leaning Bodiam Castle, the Leaning Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Leaning Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City.

 

The World's Gone Tipsy - It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

Photo by: George

 

 - Now she really looks French.  Too much wine Frenchy?

Now she really looks French. Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - 1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot.  That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot. That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

Photo by: George

 

 - Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Photo by: George

 

 - Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too!  Too much wine Frenchy?

Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too! Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation).  ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation). ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

Photo by: George

 

 - They now have a problem with flooding.  We'll fix that in 2094...

They now have a problem with flooding. We'll fix that in 2094...

Photo by: George

 

 - Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Photo by: George

 

 - China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1932(2) 1989(3) 2001(8) 2038(1) africa(3) ancient egypt(2) ancient wonders(9) architecture(1) asia(2) collapse of civilization(3) europe(4) george's genious(1) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(7) neal's thighs(1) north america(2) south america(3) we built this city on rock and roll(3)
Names Mentioned: Bodiam Castle(1) castle neuschwanstein(1) chichen itza(1) christ the redeemer(1) el castillo(1) forbidden city(1) great pyramid at giza(2) hall of supreme harmony(1) leaning tower of pisa(1) notre-dame cathedral(1) statue of liberty(1) taj mahal(1) temple of kukulkan(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (9)

 
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The Guide to Everything

Views: 80/3591
Added: 08/08/2016

It surely goes without saying that, for thousands of years, George and Neal had an enormous impact on pop culture. They affected everything from television shows to movies, music to currency (especially during 2037-2062 where they convinced the world to use Beanie Babies as the universal currency.) Below you will find a section from the TV Guide for April 5-11, 2065, which illustrates the great impact they had on the television landscape. Note that most shows were created by George and Neal. The rest were created by George, George, George, Neal, and Neal (thanks to their forays into cloning).

 

The Guide to Everything - Fun Fact: before being beamed directly into your skull (whether you wanted it or not), TV Guide use to be printed on an ancient material known as “paper.

Fun Fact: before being beamed directly into your skull (whether you wanted it or not), TV Guide use to be printed on an ancient material known as “paper.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: ABC(15) ABC Audience(15) American Idol(15) Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader(15) Bravo(10) Carmen Sandiego(15) CBS(15) Clifford(15) Clones(12) Connect the Dots(15) Cujo(15) Deadwood(15) Different Strokes(15) Discovery(14) E(3) Food(44) FOX(15) Golf(13) HBO(13) History(13) How I Met Your Mother(15) Last Man Standing(15) Learning(14) Lifetime(11) Meet the Press(15) MTV(15) NBC(15) QVC(11) So You Think You Can Dance(15) SYFY(11) TBS(10) Texas Chainsaw Massacre(15) Three Stooges(15) TruTV(11) TV Guide(15) Weather Channel(11) Welcome Back Kotter(15) WGN(12) Zombies(20)
Names Mentioned: and Sometimes Shemp(7) Barat(7) batman(8) Captain Kirk(7) Carmen Sandiego(7) Clifford(7) cujo(8) Curly(7) donald trump(10) Dr. Who(7) george jaros(12) Guarandukht(7) harry potter(8) Ken Burns(7) Larry(7) martha stewart(9) Moe(7) Neal Simon(8) Regis Philbin(7) robin williams(8) Scott Baio(8) william shatner(8) zardoz(8)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson

Views: 71/1493
Added: 08/08/2016

Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway musical it was based on, which also starred Tom Hanks and, coincidentally, Neal. Neal played the iconic role of Wilson in the musical, however Tom Hanks got tired of carrying around Neal's severed head and wanted to share the screen with a volleyball for the movie. Neal wasn't too upset though because after his head spending 36 weeks on Broadway his body was starting to get hungry. So George hot-glued Neal's head back on and he had his first meal in months. Ironically, Neal chose coconuts for his first meal.

 

Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Neal was just as excited by Hanks' hairy chest and nipples as Hanks was to make fire.

Neal was just as excited by Hanks' hairy chest and nipples as Hanks was to make fire.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2000(7) celebrities(69) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(7) movies(40) relationships(6) scantily clad people(15) success!(13) theater(8) things we made better(3) those look like comfortable shoes(2)
Names Mentioned: Cast Away(1) Tom Hanks(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Bio-Autobiography

Views: 46/418
Added: 09/21/2016

In 4020, George's clone wrote a biography about George's exciting, almost unbelievable life; however, since it was his life too, the clone technically composed the world's first "bio-autobiography". Interestingly, "Original George" (who unfortunately calls himself "the Real O.G.") was very upset with the book, and filed the very first lawsuit seeking damages for publishing an autobiography.

Tags: 4020(1) autobiography(1) bio-autobiography(1) biography(1) clone(1) lawsuit(1) o.g.(1)
Names Mentioned: george(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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There is No Zero!

Views: 96/2958
Added: 09/21/2016

In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has been stricken from historical records.

Tags: 0(1) 1966(1) ancient wonders(9) annoying fads(2) australia(2) clem(2) collapse of civilization(3) costumes(4) creamed corn(2) extinction(4) food poisoning(2) foot odor(2) forget this ever happened(9) genetics(16) george funk(11) good vibrations(2) great music(4) groin kick(3) historic events(18) History(13) hollandaise sauce(2) israeli food(2) jaguanst(8) kicking ass(16) lasagna(2) lawsuits(13) lotion(2) neal funk(18) oops(16) party like its 1999(2) people of history(33) phallus(8) platypus(4) pleasurebot(3) poop(7) power tools(2) pudding(2) reasons julie weeps(2) revenge(6) rhubarb(4) scantily clad people(15) stinky feet(2) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(2) things neal eats(7) things we made better(3) time paradoxes are fun(4) time travel(3) turtles & tortoises(3) vajazzled(3) wives(15) xxx(11) zoos and farm animals(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Clarissa (Neal) Explains It All. Well, Some of It. Poorly.

Views: 55/669
Added: 10/28/2016

George recently learned that when movie directors want to disown a horrible project, they would remove their name and instead use the pseudonym "Alan Smithee". Seeing a financial opportunity (and wishing to recoup the money Neal lost the two of them in a Fonzi Scheme), in 2065, George tried to convince Neal to change his name to Alan Smithee in order to obtain an ocean of royalty checks. Neal (now Alan) agreed. The plan worked, and Neal/Alan received a nice sum of money. However, they were not yet satisfied, and consequently to acquire more royalty checks, George changed his name to Julie Andrews, Julie changed her name to George Burns, and Clarissa changed her name to Neil Simon. (Believing this would become confusing, Neal told Clarissa, "Why don't I change my name to Neil Simon, and you can be Alan Smithee?" Clarissa replied, "That would be simply absurd.") Neal then suggested that he instead change his name to Clarissa Darling from the TV show Clarissa Explains It All, not realizing that fictional characters do not receive royalty checks. The plan worked, and they (once again) became rich beyond their wildest dreams (which is amazing, since their wildest dreams includes turning their entire bodies into platinum). However, it sure made get togethers confusing when George (Julie) wanted to talk to Neal (Clarissa), while George (Neal) and Neal (George) went off on one of their strange adventures.

Tags: 2065(1) Alan Smithee(1) Fonzi(1) Fonzi Scheme(1) George and Neal(1) George Burns(1) Julie Andrews(1) royalty checks(1) Thanksgiving(1)
Names Mentioned: Alan Smithee(1) fonzi(2) George and Neal(1) George Burns(1) Julie Andrews(1)

 
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If You Survive the Looks You'll Be Tickled Smaragdine...

Views: 35/508
Added: 10/28/2016

You know that saying, "If looks could kill"? Well, for a short period in 1868 some looks actually could kill. Glares, frowns, and the evil eye were often incapacitating and occasionally fatal. Luckily George and Neal were around and everyone was severely entertained, so looks mostly just tickled people pink, and occasionally other colors like smaragdine.

 

If You Survive the Looks You'll Be Tickled Smaragdine... - You really can't tell from this picture, mainly because it is in black and white, but the 1868 graduating class from the US Naval Academy in Annapolis is definitely tickled pink (except for the front row, they were tickled glaucous.

You really can't tell from this picture, mainly because it is in black and white, but the 1868 graduating class from the US Naval Academy in Annapolis is definitely tickled pink (except for the front row, they were tickled glaucous.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1868(1) annapolis(1) glaucous(1) historic events(18) smaragdine(1) us naval academy(1)
Names Mentioned: Annapolis(1) us naval academy(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Presidential Passion!

Views: 32/577
Added: 01/25/2017

Originally, Mel Gibson won the 2016 election. Thanks to George and Neal's time machine, this was averted. Unfortunately, Mel Gibson also had a time machine (which explains why many of his movies are so historically accurate), and he used it to once again tip the election in his favor. Civic duty demanded George and Neal change the timeline back. However, Mel then went back in time to alter the timeline so he won the election again. This back and forth went on seven hundred more times. The good news was that George and Neal averted a timeline where Mel Gibson was president. However, the bad news was that due to the constant tearing of the timeline fabric, for a period of time our president was Lindsey Lohan, then Megatron from Transformers, then a zombie Richard Nixon (his platform was "braaaaainnns!"), then an inanimate hat (its platform, oddly enough, was also "braaaaainnns!") and finally, Donald Trump. They kept trying to fix the timeline after that point, but nothing could be altered. Well, other than the fact that now Trump and Hillary Clinton are now secret, passionate lovers.

George and Neal felt really bad about messing up so badly (it being the first time they ever made a mistake), but this didn't stop them from capitalizing on the situation and writing a torrid romance novel about Trump and Clinton's love affair.

 

Presidential Passion! - "This," purred Hillary, "gives a whole new meaning to 'Hot off the Press.'"

"This," purred Hillary, "gives a whole new meaning to 'Hot off the Press.'"

Photo by: Neal

 

 - Republicans and Democrats finally agreed on one thing - this probably wasn't the best book to read to children.

Republicans and Democrats finally agreed on one thing - this probably wasn't the best book to read to children.

Photo by: Neal

NY Times called the book, "Painfully detailed."

Hillary wrote the foreword, which read only: "Damn you both."

Tags: 2016(8) braaaains(1) donald trump(1) election(1) hillary clinton(1) inanimate hat(1) lindsey lohan(1) megatron(1) mel gibson(1) richard nixon(1) torrid romance(1) transformers(1) zombies(20)
Names Mentioned: donald trump(10) hillary clinton(1) lindsey lohan(2) megatron(1) mel gibson(1) richard nixon(1) transformers(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

   

Newest Entries from 03/08/2017:

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Chewie Wookie Cookies

Views: 60/252
Added: 03/08/2017

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... As a young girl, Princess Leia Organa was a member of the Alderaan Starflower Girl Scout Troop. Her troop was one of the first in the Core Worlds, but began to struggle with funding as a result of increased costs for their grassroots support of the Rebel Alliance. Leia helped to organize a bake sale, selling cookies to support her Troop and the idea caught on. Within a few years Troops all around the galaxy were selling cookies to support Girl Scout Troops from Naboo to Hoth. By 2 BBY the Girl Scouts had standardized on several different cookie flavors, and the most popular varieties started are still available during annual fundraising drives for Girl Scouts in several different galaxies throughout the Universe (except on Alderaan, unfortunately). In 28 ABY the Girl Scouts redesigned their logo to honor Leia's inspirational work in both the Girl Scouts and the Rebel Alliance. Today the logo, known as the Trefoil, still reflects Leia's signature hairstyle.

 

Chewie Wookie Cookies - Today's most popular selling cookie is the Thin Mint, but in Leia's time the most popular variety were the Chewie Wookie cookies.

Today's most popular selling cookie is the Thin Mint, but in Leia's time the most popular variety were the Chewie Wookie cookies.

Photo by: George

Tags: are girl scout cookies made from real girl scouts?(1) cookie(2) cookies(2) food(44) it's not all about us(1) recipes(9) star wars(7)
Names Mentioned: girl scout cookies(1) girl scouts(1) princess leia(1) star wars(6)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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