The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!


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15 Entries on This Page

 
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World Record for Longest Time Chewing Gum

Views: 8656/4522
Added: 04/11/2014

In 2032 George decided to attempt the world record for the longest time continuously chewing a piece of gum (previously listed as 417 days). He was going strong and thought he was going to break the record when his jaw cramped up on day 210. Neal, being the supportive friend that he is, decided to take over and chewed that piece of gum for another 205 days. Just two days shy of the record Neal got hit in the face with an outboard motor (don't ask) and lost all his teeth, making it very difficult to continue chewing. Not wanting to fail when so close to their goal, George again took over with the chewing (although now the gum was a bit crunchy due to the bits of Neal's teeth embedded in the gooey wad). After another 112 days of chewing George and Neal were ecstatic to think they broke the world record for the longest time for consecutively chewing a piece of gum by an amazing 110 days! It was only later that they discovered the record only counted for a single person consecutively chewing gum. However, they did earn the world record for consecutive days of being thoroughly disgusting (57,229 days and counting).

 

World Record for Longest Time Chewing Gum - This snapshot was taken during one of the several days that we shared chewing responsibilities.

This snapshot was taken during one of the several days that we shared chewing responsibilities.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2032(2) oops(16) things neal eats(8) world records(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Joystick Etymology: The Origin

Views: 1626/2877
Added: 06/25/2009

In 1907 both George and Neal independently coined the term "joystick". George had a friend named Joy Buttnum who had a nervous tic that made her twitch her hand uncontrollably. Neal on the other hand enjoyed collecting small twigs and tree branches and also loved mechanical novelties. Upon seeing the "control lever" first appear in airplanes in the early 20th century both Neal and George agreed that the device should be called a "joystick". Neal because it combined his two greatest joys, sticks and gadgets, thus "joy-stick". George, on the other hand, saw the quick wrist jerks of the operators and was reminded of his friend Joy, thus "Joy's tic".

Tags: 1907(2) etymology(4) joystick(1) origin(24)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Just a little background...

Views: 1510/3169
Added: 02/09/2009

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Just a little background - This entire story was listed in the "Details on how you know each other" section of Facebook. Unfortunately the field for entering other details, while extremely long, and longer than we expected (that's what she said), wasn't quite long enough (she didn't say that). So we've expanded these into a series of notes so everyone can be accurately informed of these very truthful accounts from The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

Just FYI, the size limit is 65535 characters. That's roughly 17.5 single spaced pages in MS Word and 11,000 words.
###

Tags: background(1) first(3) that's what she said(6)
Names Mentioned: facebook(9)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Dr. Mountain Pepper Dew BBQ Sauce

Views: 1340/6206
Added: 09/18/2009

In 2008, Neal convinced the makers of Dr. Pepper (which he claimed was the greatest jaguanst available, at least until the year 3041, when the superior Rottercola came out, which was far, far tastier and 1800% more likely to cause cavities.) to make a Dr. Pepper flavored barbecue sauce. In support of his favorite jaguanst, George developed a Mountain Dew flavored barbecue sauce. Both sauces sold well, but the debate over which one was better was beginning to get bloody by late 2009. So, in the interest of world peace, George and Neal halted production of the two sauces and developed the hybrid Dr. Mountain Pepper Dew BBQ Sauce. The sauce was mind-numbingly awesome, and swept the nation. In fact, people began simply drinking the barbecue sauce rather than applying it to their tasty meat (that's what she said, am I right?). Soon, companies began distributing the bbq sauce in vending machines (20 oz. for only $1.75!). Gradually, all currencies in the world were replaced by bottles of barbecue sauce, which led to a more solid global economy, ancillary causing world peace. It only lasted 14 minutes, but man, what a great 14 minutes!

Tags: 2008(6) 2009(21) 3041(1) business ventures(43) economy(8) food(44) inventions(47) jaguanst(8) mashups(12) recipes(9) that's what she said(6)
Names Mentioned: dr. pepper(2) mountain dew(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Golden Spleens

Views: 1301/4134
Added: 09/23/2012

In 4539 George and Neal decided to dabble in alchemy and turned themselves into golden statues. Luckily the effects were only temporary and by 5935 they were restored to their normal selves. Except for their spleens, which went on to have songs and limericks written about them, like "There once was a spleen I've been told, Around for so long it was old, This spleen could not rupture, For its atomic structure, Had been changed from carbon to gold."

 

Golden Spleens - George's spleen, pictured above, was pretty laid back and didn't let fame and fortune spoil its relaxed attitude.

George's spleen, pictured above, was pretty laid back and didn't let fame and fortune spoil its relaxed attitude.

Photo by: George

 

The Spleen Rebels - Neal's spleen, however, took the first opportunity it got to leave its happy, comfy home in Neal's abdomen...

Neal's spleen, however, took the first opportunity it got to leave its happy, comfy home in Neal's abdomen...

Photo by: George

 

Disco Spleen! - ...and hit the night clubs, impressing the ladies, and neglecting its blood scrubbing duties. Lucky for Neal, the spleen is a non-vital organ (but don't tell the spleens that).

...and hit the night clubs, impressing the ladies, and neglecting its blood scrubbing duties. Lucky for Neal, the spleen is a non-vital organ (but don't tell the spleens that).

Photo by: George

Tags: 4539(1) 5935(1) body parts(14) music(25) science(28)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (3)

 
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Handlebar Mustache: The Origin

Views: 1167/3066
Added: 07/07/2009

In 1815 George invented the handlebar mustache; however no one understood the name. So in 1817 he invented the velocipede and suddenly everyone knew what handlebars were. The handlebar mustache was wildly popular, especially among military generals, guys who like twirling things absentmindedly, villains, and guys named Vern. Neal's invention of the unibrow was not quite as well received. Our collaboration on mutton chop sideburns was extremely popular, however, and we urge everyone to go out and get one.

 

Handlebar Mustache: The Origin - Now that's some awesome facial hair guys!

Now that's some awesome facial hair guys!

Photo by: George

Tags: 1815(1) 1817(1) hair(11) inventions(47) origin(24)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Cow Experimentation

Views: 956/5615
Added: 10/22/2012

In 1984, during George and Neal's famous Cow Experimentation period (it's not what it sounds like), they successfully bred cows with extremely high intelligence. As a result, George and Neal became strict vegetarians, and hid the nation's beef. This coincidentally coincided with Wendy's "Where's the Beef?" campaign, and therefore the public thought the lack of beef was merely a marketing stunt. Unfortunately for cows but fortunately for the meat-eating public, the hyper-intelligent cows did not live longer than three days, so the meat was redistributed (that's what she... well, you know where I'm going with that, so let's just move on). Still though, if the cows had survived, what a world it would be... In the three short days they were alive, they founded the United Democratic Distribution of Edible Relief (known as U.D.D.E.R.), an institution devoted to ending worldwide hunger. The organization focused on the mass distribution of chickens, pigs, platypus, and other farm enemies.

Tags: 1984(10) chickens(1) food(44) genetics(16) organizations(15) platypus(4) science(28) that's what she said(6) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: wendy's(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Starring George & Neal!!!

Views: 910/6569
Added: 06/06/2009

Wanting to attain fame, but hoping to do so with as little effort as humanly possible, George and Neal went back in time to be recast in Hollywood blockbuster movies and shows. First, Neal "borrowed" Barret Oliver's role in The Neverending Story.

 

Starring George & Neal!!! - "Whee! Whee! Wh... Hey, this thing smells like an old foot. Can we stop shooting?"

"Whee! Whee! Wh... Hey, this thing smells like an old foot. Can we stop shooting?"

Photo by: Neal

Then Neal was cast in our nation's finest show, Gimme a Break! - assuming the role previously cast by Joey Lawrence.

 

Whoa! - If Shakespeare were alive, he'd be jealous.

If Shakespeare were alive, he'd be jealous.

Photo by: Neal

Wanting to get in on the fun, George took Ron Howard's role as Opie Taylor in the Andy Griffith Show.

 

Goodby Ronnie! - This is the reason scientists worked tirelessly to create Tivo.

This is the reason scientists worked tirelessly to create Tivo.

Photo by: Neal

After Neal appeared in both the 70's movie Star Wars, as well as the show about the 70's, "That 70's Show", Neal retired his acting career/identity theft.

 

That 70's Star Wars Show - Neal is the one on the left.

Neal is the one on the left.

Photo by: Neal

 

Topher Said "No!" - Topher Grace was less than thrilled at the new direction of the show.

Topher Grace was less than thrilled at the new direction of the show.

Photo by: Neal

George, however, went on to star in The Brady Bunch, Punky Brewster, The A-Team, Cheers, Three's Company, and All in the Family before moving on to his newest passion, competitive Butter Churning. (The First Rule of Competitive Butter Churning... You Do Not Talk About Butter Churning. The second rule is pretty much the same as the first.)

 

Punky Georgester - With hair of... um... nevermind.

With hair of... um... nevermind.

Photo by: Neal

 

Georgantium - The sexual tension between George and Rhea Perlman was so intense that scientists classified it as a new periodic element ("Georgantium")

The sexual tension between George and Rhea Perlman was so intense that scientists classified it as a new periodic element ("Georgantium")

Photo by: Neal

Tags: movies(40) star wars(7) time machine(37) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: all in the family(1) andy griffith(1) a-team(3) barret oliver(1) brady bunch(2) cheers(1) fight club(1) gimme a break(1) hollywood(3) joey lawrence(1) neverending story(2) opie taylor(1) punky brewster(1) rhea perlman(1) ron howard(2) star wars(6) that 70s show(1) three's company(2) topher grace(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (7)

 
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Sinatra Sluggers

Views: 808/4960
Added: 04/15/2009

In 1970, Neal and George went back in time to punch Frank Sinatra in the gut. Not because we had anything against Frank Sinatra per se, but rather because as George put it, "hey, we have a time machine, wouldn't that be just awesome to do?" To which Neal replied, "Cooooool...." What was less cool was the fact that after gut-punching Sinatra, Neal and George were beaten senseless by Sinatra's "buddies". Johnny "No Thumbs" was especially rough on George and Neal.

Tags: 1970(1) celebrities(69) music(25) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) revenge(6) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: frank sinatra(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Oh God I Shot Momma

Views: 746/4067
Added: 03/18/2009

In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that same year Neal was beaten by Albert Einstein at both chess and wrestling - at the same time. That guy was wicked tough.

 

Oh God I Shot Momma - This was one dude you didn't want to mess with. He'd pin you so fast that you'd age a little bit more than him.

This was one dude you didn't want to mess with. He'd pin you so fast that you'd age a little bit more than him.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1949(2) einstein(3) games(14) people of history(33) sports(23) theater(8)
Names Mentioned: albert einstein(3) Broadway(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Join the Moebius Strip Club

Views: 347/13577
Added: 04/24/2014

In 2015, tired of hearing all about his father's "great adventures" with George, Adin decided to put a stop to it (and have some fun in the process). At first, he went back in time to 1996, causing George to befriend him instead of Neal. The resulting time shift caused "The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!" to become "The Tremendous Story of George and Adin's Adventures Through Chronology and Cosmos (and Yogurt)!" You may remember this period (but probably don't), in which Adin and George created Bin-opoly, established Oybay, and Adin created the TV show, "The A-Word" (which fared only slightly better than Neal's show). In this timeline, Bette Midler showed little interest in George and Adin for some reason, causing most Georginealogists to believe her obsession was primarily with Neal. (Perhaps it was due to Neal's jaw-droppingly, achingly gorgeous rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings, often performed in a chicken suit, which for some reason did not detract from the performance. But I digress...)

Shortly after Adin "revised" the timeline (though shortly is relative; this timeline existed for thousands of years, looped back in on itself like a Moebius strip in 8034, and replayed itself twice more, until moments after Adin "revised" the timeline the third time), Sam, tired of hearing all about his father's "great adventures" with Adin, went back in time to 1996, causing Adin to befriend him instead of George. The resulting time shift caused "The Tremendous Story of George and Adin's Adventures Through Chronology and Cosmos (and Yogurt)!" to become "The Explosive Tale of Sam and Adin's Adventures Through The Chronosphere and Atmosphere (and Creamed Corn)!" This timeline saw such amazing events as Sam besting Martha Stewart in hand-to-hand combat, Adin and Sam ending worldwide tortoise hunger (meaning, they fed all the tortoises to hungry people), and fending off the 2054 robot invasion that Neal and George failed to prevent in previous timelines. It also saw Ayla and Mike refusing to let their siblings have all the fun. Many found "The Fantastic Account of Adin, Mike, Ayla, and Sam's Escapades Through The Eras and the Infinite (and Hollandaise Sauce)!" to be the golden age of all the timelines. [Editor's note: in this timeline, George Neal did not exist; however unlike other timelines, MASA replaced NASA in this timeline. It was not a space program but rather a cute bed and breakfast with the initials of all four children. Which they then turned into a rocket.]

 

Join the Moebius Strip Club - Above: 804th Edition (due to constantly shifting timelines).

Above: 804th Edition (due to constantly shifting timelines).

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2015(9) adin(1) ayla(1) bette midler(4) bin-opoly(1) creamed corn(2) george(3) georginealogist(1) hollandaise sauce(2) martha stewart(1) masa(1) mike(1) moebius strip(1) nasa(1) neal(3) oybay(1) pudding(2) robot invasion(1) sam(1) tortoise(1) wind beneath my wings(1) yogurt(1)
Names Mentioned: Adin(1) ayla(1) bette midler(5) George(4) martha stewart(9) mike(1) neal(3) sam(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Skullets Rock!

Views: 280/13632
Added: 11/21/2013

In 1983 George convinced Patrick Stewart that it was time to change his hairstyle and shave his afro. Neal suggested a mohawk instead, which Patrick tried, but after a few months Patrick decided the mowhawk wasn't an edgy enough hair and it was time to go for a classically timeless skullet. He wore the skullet to great success as Gurney Halleck in 1984's Dune, however in 1987 Neal tried to talk Patrick into turning the skullet into Bozo hair, but he wisely refused and instead decided to go for the full cue ball effect. The glabrescent style became part of his trademark look and helped him land the iconic role of Captain Jean Luc Picard after Robert H. Justman, producer for a revival of a long-cancelled television show, saw Patrick while attending a literary reading at UCLA. The rest is, as they say, "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot."

 

Skullets Rock! - 'The Prime Directive is not just a set of rules; it is a philosophy ... and a very correct one. History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous, but not as disastrous as this hair cut.' - Jean Luc Picard'Messing with less developed civilizations is fun!' - George and Neal

'The Prime Directive is not just a set of rules; it is a philosophy ... and a very correct one. History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous, but not as disastrous as this hair cut.' - Jean Luc Picard

'Messing with less developed civilizations is fun!' - George and Neal

Photo by: George

Tags: 1983(6) 1984(10) 1987(7) celebrities(69) cool(3) evolution(5) extreme makeover(2) george's fashion sense(12) hair(11) in good company(6) kicking ass(16) movies(40) no shave november(2) people of history(33) tv shows(48) two heads are only slightly better than one(2)
Names Mentioned: dune(1) frank herbert(1) gurney halleck(1) jean luc picard(1) patrick stewart(1) robert h. justman(1) star trek(2) ucla(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece.

Views: 218/17007
Added: 10/20/2012

Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While the women were gone, George and Neal successfully fended for themselves and the kids, subsisting on a diet of ramen noodles and old fritos they found in couch cushions. Though neither George nor Neal nor the children changed their clothes during the entire time Clarissa and Julie were gone (7 days or 4,000 years depending on how you view time travel), the capable fathers made a game of it. Adin won 1st prize in "Who's That Smell?", an amateur game that George and Neal made up (which they later sold to the CNN network in 3014 - as at that time CNN ceased being a news network and reformed as a pornography / sitcom network). Meanwhile, Clarissa and Julie traveled to Ancient Greece, because Clarissa loves Greek food. Ironically, she felt that the food there didn't compare with the Greek food of 2012. Go figure. Upon their return, Julie and Clarissa refused to tell George and Neal what happened during their stay (because as we know, what happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece). Still, Julie and Clarissa must have had some trip, as now all depictions of the Greek Gods Hera and Aphrodite look exactly like them.

 

What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 3014(2) clarissa(6) food(44) games(14) george funk(11) gimme a break(5) julie(5) neal funk(18) offspring(13) time machine(37) tv shows(48) wives(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: aphrodite(1) cnn(2) greece(2) hera(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Chicken To Ride - And Other Classics Done Right

Views: 165/14421
Added: 09/13/2009

In 2012 George and Neal recorded an album of cover songs, except instead of the actual lyrics we sang the lyrics that everyone thinks the original artists were singing. Neal's rendition of Jimmi Hendrix's Purple Haze was an instant hit ('Scuse me while I kiss this guy) while George's version of CCR's Bad Moon Risin' (There's a bathroom on the right) became the theme song for Larry Craig's 2012 presidential campaign. Other songs on the album included:
- Queen's Bohemian Raphsody (Scallaboosh, Scallaboosh, will you do the banned tango... and ...The algebra has a devil for a sidekick eeeeeeeeee....)
- Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven (And there's a wino down the road)
- Nirvana's All Apologies (Smoking on the ashes of your Aunt Louise)
- The Sound of Music's So Long, Farewell (So long, farewell, our feet are saying good-bye)
- Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box (Hey, Wayne, I've got a new Cobain)
- Elvis's Are you Lonesome Tonight (Are you loathsome tonight? Do you mince meat....)
- The Beatles' Ticket to Ride (She's got a chicken to ride.)
- REM's The One I Love (This one goes out to the one-eyed dove.)
- Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Where Tribbles smell like lemon drops)
- Madonna's Material Girl (I'm a Cheerio girl)
- Frank Sinatra's Strangers in the Night (Strangers and your wife, exchanging glances...)
- NIN's Closer (I want a duck shaped like a triangle, You give a toaster to Bob)
- Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water (Like a bridge over a tub of water)
- Glen Miller's Chattanooga Choo Choo (Pardon me boys, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?)

 

Chicken To Ride - And Other Classics Done Right - We're getting ready to release the second album, entitled "Shamu the Mysterious Whale: The Songs of U2".

We're getting ready to release the second album, entitled "Shamu the Mysterious Whale: The Songs of U2".

Photo by: George

Tags: 2012(14) art is art(10) celebrities(69) music(25) our bands(8) politics(9)
Names Mentioned: art garfunkel(1) beatles(4) cheerios(1) creedence clearwater revival(1) elvis presley(1) frank sinatra(2) glen miller(2) jimmi hendrix(2) judy garland(1) larry craig(1) led zepplin(1) madonna(1) nine inch nails(2) nirvana(2) paul simon(2) queen(1) rem(1) shamu(1) simon & garfunkel(1) u2(1) wizard of oz(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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3014 Was Weird

Views: 149/14275
Added: 09/23/2012

In 3014, feeling melancholy as a result of a worldwide illness that removed the human eye's ability to detect a significant amount of electromagnetic radiation on the visible spectrum (the R and the G were notably absent, leaving only the B - which as an aside contributed to Van Gogh's Blue period after he traveled with Neal and George to -- eh, that's a story for another time), George and Neal decided to brighten up the world's mood by releasing board games based on popular movies. The games were a big hit, as the people of 3014 were very nostalgic towards movies that were made between 1975 and 2012. In retrospect, the games were complete nonsense, with rules from 20+ other games sloppily cobbled together. None of them made any sense. Therefore, Michael Bay Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr's grandson rushed to option the rights to make them into movies.

 

3014 Was Weird - Psychological torture was never so much fun!

Psychological torture was never so much fun!

Photo by: Neal

 

One Flew Over the...  Mousetrap? - I'm fairly positive they literally just repackaged the game Mouse Trap.

I'm fairly positive they literally just repackaged the game Mouse Trap.

Photo by: Neal

 

Eeew.... - The directions require you to take at least two showers after playing.

The directions require you to take at least two showers after playing.

Photo by: Neal

The popularity of the games reached such great heights that, in thanks and gratitude, others created games based upon the life of George and Neal. The game was so complicated due to the frequent time traveling and history altering events, that it caused 95% of the people attempting to play to lose their sanity. The remaining 5% had little sanity to begin with, so...

 

The Game of (Our) Life - The girl on the left is mere moments away from a total mental meltdown.

The girl on the left is mere moments away from a total mental meltdown.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1975(2) 2012(14) 3014(2) celebrities(69) diseases(9) games(14) movies(40)
Names Mentioned: magic mike(1) michael bay(1) one flew over the cuckoo's nest(1) sophie's choice(1) vincent van gogh(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (4)



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