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Not Conspiracy Theories

Views: 229/6310
Added: 02/16/2009

There are conspiracy theories, and then there's the truth. And here it is, at long last. There was no UFO crash at Roswell. It wasn't a weather balloon either though. During another time travel journey George and Neal let one of their genetic experiments borrow the hover car they stole from a trip to the year 2121. Poor creature wrecked the car and got grounded for a month. There was also no moon landing, although NASA will dispute that. But that's to be expected, since George and Neal masterminded the entire event. NASA truly does believe they landed on the moon, but they were actually diverted to a massive litter box in south eastern Algeria by our Super Gravitational Ray Bender (also stolen from the year 2121). We just didn't think the world was ready for the knowledge that the moon is in fact made of cheese. But not dairy cheese, we're talking stuff like cheap watches, gaudy jewelry, game show hosts, '80s fashions, bad jokes, crappy rest area souvenirs, pet rocks, mood rings, Wayne Newton, Dollywood, puns, "... and all I got was this t-shirt" t-shirts, dollar store toys, B movies, and other "cheesy" stuff.

Tags: 2121(3) aliens(5) celebrities(69) cheese(1) conspiracy theories(7) genetics(16) moon(2) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: dollywood(1) nasa(2) roswell(1) wayne newton(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Illuminati, New World Order, Bilderberg Group, Committee of 300, the Freemasons, Skull & Bones, The Stonecutters, and the Shriners

Views: 388/4646
Added: 03/04/2009

George and Neal are the Illuminati and the New World Order. We lead the Bilderberg Group and organize the annual Bilderberg Conference. Our headquarters are underneath the Denver International Airport. We also founded the Committee of 300, the Freemasons, Skull & Bones, The Stonecutters, and the Shriners (what can we say, we like little cars).

 

Illuminati, New World Order, Bilderberg Group, Committee of 300, the Freemasons, Skull & Bones, The Stonecutters, and the Shriners - This was taken moments before Neal went on his road rage rampage and ended up getting pulled over for doing 7mph in a 5mph construction zone. George mooned him as he drove by laughing.

This was taken moments before Neal went on his road rage rampage and ended up getting pulled over for doing 7mph in a 5mph construction zone. George mooned him as he drove by laughing.

Photo by: George

Tags: conspiracy theories(7) organizations(15)
Names Mentioned: bilderberg group(1) committee of 300(1) denver(1) freemasons(1) illuminati(1) new world order(1) shriners(1) skull & bones(1) the stonecutters(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The Multiverse

Views: 129/3691
Added: 03/23/2009

There are lots of stories about the Bermuda Triangle and how it causes ships and airplanes to mysteriously disappear. In actuality, this is the simply a side effect of George and Neal using their Time Travel technology. Every time we travel in time a time vortex opens in the Bermuda Triangle area and anything caught in its path is transported to a parallel universe. This effect also causes other objects in our universe to travel to a parallel universe, even if they are not located in the Bermuda Triangle. This is called the Unmatched Sock effect and is greatly exaggerated by the common household dryer. It also affects coins (although they tend to reappear under seat cushions), Barbie doll shoes, Matchbox Cars (but strangely not Hot Wheels), pen caps, and utility bills. The parallel universe looks very much like George's dorm room while at UIUC.

Tags: conspiracy theories(7) science(28) time machine(37) toys(3) u of i(3)
Names Mentioned: barbie(2) bermuda triangle(1) hot wheels(1) matchbox cars(1) university of illinois(5)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Area 51¾

Views: 139/2458
Added: 03/23/2009

Area 51 - There is no such thing. I repeat, there is no such thing as Area 51. Area 51¾, however has been kept such a great secret by George and Neal that even the US government hasn't heard of it.

Tags: aliens(5) conspiracy theories(7) organizations(15) secrets(4)
Names Mentioned: area 51(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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We're Not Bigfoot

Views: 246/3896
Added: 03/24/2009

George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant "bigfoot" sightings. Unknown to most, however, is that the name was derived from the fact that the hairy-George constantly appeared while carrying his Bigfoot convenience store cup.

 

We're Not Bigfoot - Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Photo by: George

Tags: amazing abilities(16) animals(16) conspiracy theories(7) george funk(11) hair(11) mythological critters(7) neal's fashion sense(20)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Hollow Earth

Views: 379/4664
Added: 03/27/2009

On and off for 35,000 years George and Neal worked on hollowing out the Earth. The dirt we hauled out was used to make the moon. The interior of the Earth is inhabited by numerous prehistoric creatures, fantastic races of humans, and even creatures that the rest of the world believes to be mythical (unicorns, giants, C.H.U.D.s, cyclops, Paris Hilton, minotaurs, dragons, and smurfs are just a few). Our hollowed out Earth has inspired numerous stories (Jules Verne's Journey to the Center of the Earth, Edgar Allan Poe's The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket, Scrooge McDuck's Land Beneath the Ground!, and Frank C. Baxter's The Mole People to name a few) as well as pseudo-scientific cults like The Thule Society and the Steven Currey Expeditions who believe this is a natural phenomenon. It has also given rise to the theory that the moon is also hollow, which is just absurd.

Tags: conspiracy theories(7) moon(2) mythological critters(7) organizations(15) people of history(33) publications(14) save the aminals(6)
Names Mentioned: arthur gordon pym(1) edgar allan poe(1) frank c. baxter(1) jules verne(1) nantucket(1) paris hilton(1) scrooge mcduck(1) steven currey(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Johnson & Johnson's in Rock & Roll

Views: 200/11150
Added: 09/24/2012

During their chronal adventures, Neal and George discovered a deep, dark secret of the music industry. Apparently for years the Johnson & Johnson company has been clandestinely influencing some of Rock & Roll's greatest artists. George and Neal weren't so shocked as Johnson & Johnson's sponsorship and promotion of the arts as much as we were at the fact that these incredible shows of support have been kept secret from the multitudes. Among the shocking discoveries are:


And we're positive that we've only scratched the surface of Johnson & Johnson's mysterious involvement in the history of Rock & Roll.

Tags: 1998(9) 2010(16) 2014(7) celebrities(69) conspiracy theories(7) in good company(6) music(26)
Names Mentioned: acuvue(1) aerosmith(2) baltimora(1) band-aid(1) chris deburgh(1) dark side of the moon(1) devo(1) eric clapton(1) farm-aid(1) george hardie(1) h o r d e fest(1) johnson & johnson(1) lilith fair(1) lollapalooza(1) ozzy osbourne(2) pink floyd(2) sisqo(2) steven tyler(1) tylenol(1) woodstock(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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