The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!


Home - First Post - Part: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - Newest Entries - Popular Entries - View Tags - Free Ebooks - Entry Timeline - Email Signup - Featured - Favorites
Our Facebook Feed -


'time machine' Tagged Entries

View All Tags

37 Entries on This Page

37 Tagged Entries  
View & Share:
The Great Smog of '52

Views: 468/3644
Added: 02/10/2009

In 1952 (but chronologically in 1997 during a trip in a time machine they co-invented) George and Neal visited London, resulting in the Great Smog of '52 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Smog_of_1952).

Tags: 1952(3) 1997(6) amazing abilities(16) britain(9) george funk(11) neal funk(18) pollution(1) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: london(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
March of 2009

Views: 202/1533
Added: 02/11/2009

In March of 2009 George traveled back to February of 2009 just to make this entry in this list of great accomplishments.

Tags: 2009(21) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Cold Fusion

Views: 201/5198
Added: 02/13/2009

In 2035 George and Neal (using their time machine again) discovered the secret to producing Cold Fusion power. Unfortunately at the time they didn't realize the implications of their discovery since they were only trying to develop a more efficient way to dispose of dog waste. It wasn't until 2115 that technology caught up to their misguided genius.

Tags: 2035(2) 2115(2) business ventures(44) energy(6) inventions(47) poop(7) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Rock Smoothies & Time Machines: The Origin

Views: 185/3732
Added: 02/14/2009

They also built a time machine, accidentally, while trying to fix a blender. The blender was originally broken when George and Neal decided to make "Rock Smoothies." Six blenders later, and the recipe is still not yet ready to be released.

 

Rock Smoothies & Time Machines: The Origin - According to Billy Dee Williams, this, too, is smooth every time. Well, relatively.

According to Billy Dee Williams, this, too, is smooth every time. Well, relatively.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: inventions(47) origin(24) recipes(9) smoothies(7) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: billy dee williams(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Falling Out

Views: 155/3175
Added: 02/14/2009

In 1989 George and Neal had a falling out and didn't speak to each other for over 40 years, until they reconnected over their love of "Rock Smoothies". When they invented their time machine a few weeks after reconnecting, they decided that those 40 years were pretty foolish. So they traveled back to 1989, killed their previous selves, and carried on as if nothing had happened. No one ever questioned why they aged 40 years overnight.

Tags: 1989(3) forget this ever happened(9) smoothies(7) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
We the Bad-Ass Americans

Views: 191/4218
Added: 02/15/2009

George and Neal went on a vacation/bender in 1776 (again with the time machine). Luckily, though wackiness ensued, nothing was altered in our time-line, except that now the Declaration of Independence says, "We the Bad-Ass Americans", and where the signatures are, George drew a picture of a scantily clad woman, giving new meaning to the phrase "Give me your John Hancock". Though, in those times, a scantily clad woman meant drawing a woman wearing more clothes than the typical 2009 woman would wear, so it was all good. Also, ducks were outlawed, for some reason.

 

We the Bad-Ass Americans - Screw you, ducks!

Screw you, ducks!

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1776(2) ducks(3) government(16) historic events(18) laws(10) scantily clad people(15) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: declaration of independence(1) john hancock(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Not Conspiracy Theories

Views: 226/6203
Added: 02/16/2009

There are conspiracy theories, and then there's the truth. And here it is, at long last. There was no UFO crash at Roswell. It wasn't a weather balloon either though. During another time travel journey George and Neal let one of their genetic experiments borrow the hover car they stole from a trip to the year 2121. Poor creature wrecked the car and got grounded for a month. There was also no moon landing, although NASA will dispute that. But that's to be expected, since George and Neal masterminded the entire event. NASA truly does believe they landed on the moon, but they were actually diverted to a massive litter box in south eastern Algeria by our Super Gravitational Ray Bender (also stolen from the year 2121). We just didn't think the world was ready for the knowledge that the moon is in fact made of cheese. But not dairy cheese, we're talking stuff like cheap watches, gaudy jewelry, game show hosts, '80s fashions, bad jokes, crappy rest area souvenirs, pet rocks, mood rings, Wayne Newton, Dollywood, puns, "... and all I got was this t-shirt" t-shirts, dollar store toys, B movies, and other "cheesy" stuff.

Tags: 2121(3) aliens(5) celebrities(69) cheese(1) conspiracy theories(7) genetics(16) moon(2) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: dollywood(1) nasa(2) roswell(1) wayne newton(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
El Niño and La Niña

Views: 173/5220
Added: 03/01/2009

On a trip to northwestern Peru in 1923 George and Neal both befriended and eventually married the Lopez sisters. The sisters gave birth to two children, simply referred to as The Little Boy and The Little Girl, in Spanish, El Niño and La Niña. After Neal and George were required to return to their present timeline (the time travel device only lets them stay in one timeline for a maximum of 2 years), their children were, understandably, upset. By the time George and Neal could return to their Peruvian families the children had grown disruptive. While most children are prone to throw tantrums and act out, George and Neal's children are responsible for storms and other weather anomalies in the Pacific Ocean to this day.

Tags: 1923(1) offspring(13) south america(3) time machine(37) weather(7) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: pacific ocean(2) peru(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
George & Neal's Excellent Adventure

Views: 194/6605
Added: 03/05/2009

In 1988, Bill and Ted went on an excellent adventure. Nothing compared to the exploits of George and Neal, which the movie was based off of. However, like all "based on a true story" movies, certain facts were glossed over or changed. For example, Neal and George learned through their time traveling exploits that Joan of Arc really loved marshmallows, Beethoven was not deaf but rather he just didn't like listening to people, Ghengis Kahn was not a real person but instead was a bear dressed in men's clothing. The movie did accurately portray Napoleon as a jerk though. That guy stole George's iPod. "Jokes on you, little man," George cried angrily, "Where you going to charge it back in your time?" Of course, to Napoleon, all he heard was "Waa Waa Waaa Waa" Charlie Brown style, because he didn't speak English. Also, George didn't say dude. His favorite word? Jaguanst.

Tags: 1988(6) ancient wonders(9) inspirations(19) ipod(2) jaguanst(8) journey(6) movies(40) napoleon(2) people of history(33) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: apple computer corporation(3) beethoven(1) bill and ted's excellent adventure(2) charlie brown(3) ghengis kahn(1) ipod(2) joan of arc(1) napoleon(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Save the Dinosaurs

Views: 171/4569
Added: 03/18/2009

65 million years ago George and Neal used their teleportation device to rescue countless dinosaurs from impending doom when a comet was about to crash into the earth. They transported the dinosaurs to a planet known as Gliese 581 d. Over the past 65 million years the dinosaurs evolved into intelligent beings capable of interstellar travel. They have been visiting Earth, researching their distant Earthly descendants (namely birds, crocodiles, and the British) for many years. George and Neal often host members of the Saurian Empire for dinner parties and Scattergories tournaments.

Tags: .65000000 bce(1) aliens(5) animals(16) astronomy(8) britain(9) dinosaurs(2) evolution(5) extinction(4) games(15) save the aminals(6) teleportation(10) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) earth(3)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
The Evian Mobile

Views: 139/4509
Added: 03/22/2009

In 1910 George and Neal, knowing the future issues that would be caused by the pollution from combustion engines, invented a highly efficient hydrogen powered car that ran on common bottled water; a 20oz bottle lasted 350 miles. Unfortunately bottled water hadn't been invented and George and Neal got tired of travelling forward and backward in time just to bring Evian back. Shortly after we stopped bringing water to the early 1900's the fledgling Ford Motor Company and Standard Oil were able to purchase the technology and pretend it never existed.

 

The Evian Mobile - This vehicle, with its over-sized Evian bottles, could travel over 12,000 miles before needing a refill.

This vehicle, with its over-sized Evian bottles, could travel over 12,000 miles before needing a refill.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1910(1) business ventures(44) energy(6) inventions(47) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: evian(1) fordmotor company(1) standard oil(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
The Multiverse

Views: 127/3660
Added: 03/23/2009

There are lots of stories about the Bermuda Triangle and how it causes ships and airplanes to mysteriously disappear. In actuality, this is the simply a side effect of George and Neal using their Time Travel technology. Every time we travel in time a time vortex opens in the Bermuda Triangle area and anything caught in its path is transported to a parallel universe. This effect also causes other objects in our universe to travel to a parallel universe, even if they are not located in the Bermuda Triangle. This is called the Unmatched Sock effect and is greatly exaggerated by the common household dryer. It also affects coins (although they tend to reappear under seat cushions), Barbie doll shoes, Matchbox Cars (but strangely not Hot Wheels), pen caps, and utility bills. The parallel universe looks very much like George's dorm room while at UIUC.

Tags: conspiracy theories(7) science(28) time machine(37) toys(3) u of i(3)
Names Mentioned: barbie(2) bermuda triangle(1) hot wheels(1) matchbox cars(1) university of illinois(5)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Procrastinat... I'll finish later...

Views: 137/2034
Added: 03/24/2009

Despite having a time machine, George and Neal are terrible procrastinators. In fact the time travelling makes things even worse because they just skip around due dates.

Tags: procrastination(5) slacking and being lazy are hard work(9) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Feats of Strength!™

Views: 191/5191
Added: 03/29/2009

In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using his secret muscle enhancing device created, conveniently enough, by Neal and George years earlier, which was actually 1983 thanks to the time machine - don't think too hard about this, it might hurt your head). Not to be outdone, Neal lifted a cow and a boulder (he did not use the muscle enhancer; he's just that awesome). In disgust, George threw a boulder at Neal's head. Neal retaliated by throwing a series of rocks at George. This went back and forth for hours. After Neal and George called a truce - and after the townsfolk ran off in fear of being clocked in the noggin by a large rock - they rested on the piles of rocks they created, now called Stonehenge. Yeah, it happened just like that.

Tags: .2000 bce(1) 1983(6) amazing abilities(16) ancient wonders(9) body parts(14) britain(9) competition(10) prehistoric(6) sports(23) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) stonehenge(1) wiltshire(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
March of 2009

Views: 161/2400
Added: 03/30/2009

In March of 2009 George went back to February of 2009 and added another entry to this list of great accomplishments. This was George's laziest way to pass the ball back to Neal to add another entry to the list of great accomplishments. Neal then did the same thing. Your move, George!

Tags: 2009(21) slacking and being lazy are hard work(9) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration

 
View & Share:
Sinatra Sluggers

Views: 830/5327
Added: 04/15/2009

In 1970, Neal and George went back in time to punch Frank Sinatra in the gut. Not because we had anything against Frank Sinatra per se, but rather because as George put it, "hey, we have a time machine, wouldn't that be just awesome to do?" To which Neal replied, "Cooooool...." What was less cool was the fact that after gut-punching Sinatra, Neal and George were beaten senseless by Sinatra's "buddies". Johnny "No Thumbs" was especially rough on George and Neal.

Tags: 1970(1) celebrities(69) music(26) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) revenge(6) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: frank sinatra(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Here Be Dragons

Views: 174/4317
Added: 05/01/2009

On a trip back to 1227 BCE George and Neal discovered that dragons did in fact inhabit major portions of the earth. Different species of dragons lived and thrived all across Europe and Asia. Sadly, on a separate trip to 1098 BC dragons appeared to be extinct. We couldn't find a single dragon anywhere. Sometime during those 129 years dragons completely disappeared. In an effort to preserve the magnificent creatures, in 2029 AD we founded the Dragon Rescue Society and built several Wild Dragon Refuges around the world. Then we went back to 1225 BC and began an enormous rescue effort. We used all the teleportation and time travel tools at our disposal to create an entire team of over 1000 Georges and Neals (it was the only time in history that we were able to coordinate such a paradoxical meeting of so many of ourselves). For 112 years we scoured the globe and captured dragons of all types. We collected dragon eggs, captured hatchlings, and even grand old dragon masters. It was a huge effort, but we managed to rescue every last dragon and bring them to our carefully constructed habitats in 2029. We are happy to say that by 1113 BC not a single dragon was left behind. We had captured every last one of them and saved them all from the impending extinction in 1098 BC.

Tags: .1098 bce(1) .1113 bce(1) .1225 bce(1) .1227 bce(1) 2029(2) extinction(4) mythological critters(7) save the aminals(6) teleportation(10) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: asia(1) europe(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Facebroke

Views: 184/3430
Added: 06/01/2009

On June 1, 2009 Neal broke Facebook, preventing George from uploading his latest awesome photos. This apparent sabotage was too little, too late for HeadPeriodical. Or rather, too little, too early, since HeadPeriodical wouldn't be created for another two years. Damn time machine...

Tags: facebook(10) oops(16) publications(14) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: facebook(9)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Saturday Night George

Views: 146/4489
Added: 06/02/2009

In 1993 George and Neal used the Time Machine in conjunction with the Teleportation Device and wound up in an alternate reality where families sit around and do nothing but watch us on TV. Apparently in this alternate reality we are absolutely fascinating. We think it was mostly because TV was in color while real-life was just black & white.

 

Saturday Night George - Families are glued to their TV sets watching George try to dance.

Families are glued to their TV sets watching George try to dance.

Photo by: George

 

Includes Neal-in-Neal! - Neal's ugly mug helps sell the latest in TV technology...

Neal's ugly mug helps sell the latest in TV technology...

Photo by: George

 

George's Knobs - Notice how she likes fiddling with George's knobs? Neal is sooo jealous.

Notice how she likes fiddling with George's knobs? Neal is sooo jealous.

Photo by: George

Tags: scantily clad people(15) teleportation(10) time machine(37) tv shows(48)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (3)

 
View & Share:
Starring George & Neal!!!

Views: 945/7191
Added: 06/06/2009

Wanting to attain fame, but hoping to do so with as little effort as humanly possible, George and Neal went back in time to be recast in Hollywood blockbuster movies and shows. First, Neal "borrowed" Barret Oliver's role in The Neverending Story.

 

Starring George & Neal!!! - "Whee! Whee! Wh... Hey, this thing smells like an old foot. Can we stop shooting?"

"Whee! Whee! Wh... Hey, this thing smells like an old foot. Can we stop shooting?"

Photo by: Neal

Then Neal was cast in our nation's finest show, Gimme a Break! - assuming the role previously cast by Joey Lawrence.

 

Whoa! - If Shakespeare were alive, he'd be jealous.

If Shakespeare were alive, he'd be jealous.

Photo by: Neal

Wanting to get in on the fun, George took Ron Howard's role as Opie Taylor in the Andy Griffith Show.

 

Goodby Ronnie! - This is the reason scientists worked tirelessly to create Tivo.

This is the reason scientists worked tirelessly to create Tivo.

Photo by: Neal

After Neal appeared in both the 70's movie Star Wars, as well as the show about the 70's, "That 70's Show", Neal retired his acting career/identity theft.

 

That 70's Star Wars Show - Neal is the one on the left.

Neal is the one on the left.

Photo by: Neal

 

Topher Said "No!" - Topher Grace was less than thrilled at the new direction of the show.

Topher Grace was less than thrilled at the new direction of the show.

Photo by: Neal

George, however, went on to star in The Brady Bunch, Punky Brewster, The A-Team, Cheers, Three's Company, and All in the Family before moving on to his newest passion, competitive Butter Churning. (The First Rule of Competitive Butter Churning... You Do Not Talk About Butter Churning. The second rule is pretty much the same as the first.)

 

Punky Georgester - With hair of... um... nevermind.

With hair of... um... nevermind.

Photo by: Neal

 

Georgantium - The sexual tension between George and Rhea Perlman was so intense that scientists classified it as a new periodic element ("Georgantium")

The sexual tension between George and Rhea Perlman was so intense that scientists classified it as a new periodic element ("Georgantium")

Photo by: Neal

Tags: movies(40) star wars(7) time machine(37) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: all in the family(1) andy griffith(1) a-team(3) barret oliver(1) brady bunch(2) cheers(1) fight club(1) gimme a break(1) hollywood(3) joey lawrence(1) neverending story(2) opie taylor(1) punky brewster(1) rhea perlman(1) ron howard(2) star wars(6) that 70s show(1) three's company(2) topher grace(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (7)

 
View & Share:
Pleasurebots: The Origin

Views: 227/6089
Added: 06/25/2009

2011: As a result of all of George and Neal's time traveling they were away from home a good portion of the time. In an effort to provide comfort to their wives during these long absences, George and Neal created "Pleasurebots" - robots that could *ahem* provide their wives with "tender services". George and Neal were extremely proud of the fact that the robots they created were just as competent lovers as they were. Julie and Clarissa were extremely depressed by this fact.

 

Pleasurebots: The Origin - The first pleasurebots. We still didn't work out all the kinks, so to speak.

The first pleasurebots. We still didn't work out all the kinks, so to speak.

Photo by: Neal

 

Pleasurebots V.2 - Robo-Neal - Clarissa and her Robo-Neal (Version 2.0).

Clarissa and her Robo-Neal (Version 2.0).

Photo by: George

 

Pleasurebots V.2 - Robo-George - Julie and her Robo-George (Version 2.0). Gives new meaning to the phrase "chrome dome".

Julie and her Robo-George (Version 2.0). Gives new meaning to the phrase "chrome dome".

Photo by: George

Tags: 2011(8) clarissa(6) inventions(47) julie(5) origin(24) pleasurebot(3) robots(7) time machine(37) wives(15)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (2), Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
An end to worldwide tortoise hunger!

Views: 134/5762
Added: 08/19/2009

In 2008, George and Neal became extremely productive after discovering they could use their time machine to sleep 9 hours each night, while only really "wasting" one hour. They would sleep from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m., wake up, go back in time to 10 p.m., sleep an hour, and then do the same thing 7 more times each night. This allowed them to increase their philanthropic activities to a far greater extent. For example, George and Neal successfully put an end to worldwide tortoise hunger just weeks after instituting their "No Sleep" routine. (Of course, they are now aging 33% faster than normal humans... but that's okay, because someday they plan to go back in time to 2008 and give their younger selves the knowledge gained during the "No Sleep" period. That way, the younger Neal and George can sleep the full 9 hours, while still accomplishing just as much. Pretty sneaky, sis!)

 

An end to worldwide tortoise hunger! - Another tragedy averted.

Another tragedy averted.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2008(6) time machine(37) turtles & tortoises(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Poor, poor Clem...

Views: 149/3798
Added: 10/01/2009

These used to be "The Grand Saga of George, Neal, and Clem's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!" but at some point, due to a glitch in the time machine or teleportation device, Clem ceased to exist. There is absolutely no record of Clem except for this cryptic photograph (and the t-shirts that both Neal and George have saying "I am Currently Surviving The Grand Saga of George, Neal, and Clem's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding) and All I Have is This Lousy T-Shirt!"):

 

Poor, poor Clem... - On second thought, maybe this WILL be "The Grand Saga of George, Neal, and Clem's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!"... Regardless, we have no idea who Clem is or will be and no recollection of this photograph ever being taken, even though Neal and George each have a copy that they carry with them in their wallets.

On second thought, maybe this WILL be "The Grand Saga of George, Neal, and Clem's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!"... Regardless, we have no idea who Clem is or will be and no recollection of this photograph ever being taken, even though Neal and George each have a copy that they carry with them in their wallets.

Photo by: George

Tags: etymology(4) forget this ever happened(9) teleportation(10) time machine(37)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Zoo Trip Time Machine

Views: 153/4307
Added: 10/24/2009

In March 2010 George and Neal got their families together for a trip to the zoo. They had a fantastic time and said it was a shame they hadn't done that sooner. So they jumped in the time machine and got their families together for a trip to the zoo in October of 2009. They had a fantastic time and said they should do it again some time. So in March 2010 they got their families together for a trip to the zoo. They had a fantastic time...

Tags: 2009(21) 2010(16) gimme a break(5) offspring(13) time machine(37) wives(15)
Entry Logged By: George

 
View & Share:
Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing).

Views: 145/5905
Added: 01/29/2010

In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Both made the promise to their stations that within the first year they would be able to refine their techniques so that their forecasting would be 100% accurate. After significant analysis of sophisticated weather forecasting algorithms they both managed to make good on their promises; George by limiting his forecasts to only the current weather, Neal by only predicting the previous day's weather. They were still more accurate than any other meteorologist in history. Oddly enough, neither of them thought of using their time machine to visit the future to get their perfect predictions.

 

Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression.  Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression. Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2023(2) chicago(10) phallus(8) time machine(37) tv shows(48) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) ohio(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Restraining Orders Suck

Views: 185/7806
Added: 01/29/2010

Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawed; so, to eliminate as much Awesomeness!™ as possible, George and Neal were ordered to keep away from one another (except for that brief period in 2058 when they secretly invented the edible harmonica under cover of the darkest night). In 2059, Awesomeness!™ was reinstated, and George and Neal were allowed to continue their adventures. They reconnected during 2059... Well, in actual fact, for them it was 2059, but they really reconnected during 424 BCE, in Ancient Persia. At that time, George and Neal started a business selling camels to the citizens of Persia (which were used in combat because of the camels' natural ability to scare off horses in close ranges, a quality famously employed by the Achaemenid Persians when fighting Lydia... See? Education is fun!). George and Neal were known for selling camels with enhanced feet and toes, which assisted the camels during their long and sometimes treacherous travel. You can still purchase your own enhanced camel, provided you, too, have a time machine and can find George and Neal's shop, "Freaky Deaky Camels". (Not the best name for a shop, but much better than Neal's suggestion, "Hey, Look at all my Camel Toes!" and George's suggestion, "My Friend Neal Has Camel Toes".)

Tags: .424 bce(1) 2056(2) 2058(2) 2059(3) animals(16) business ventures(44) education(9) food(45) gimme a break(5) government(16) laws(10) mashups(12) music(26) people of history(33) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: persia(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Everything is About George

Views: 138/6351
Added: 08/09/2010

After a heated debate with his wife where she stated, "Everything is not always about you, George!", George went back in time (just prior to the beginning of that conversation), and invented a ray that temporarily made it so that anything and everything that anyone talked about was all about George. Luckily, the effects wore off, but not without any consequences; there was one side effect - it turns out that prior to that moment, the name George had never existed, and the ray caused people to believe many of their important historical icons were named George. For example, George Washington was originally named "Melvin Washington"; George Takei was (coincidentally) named "Sulu Takei"; and George Jaros was originally "Bagrat Jaros".

Tags: nicknames(14) people of history(33) time machine(37) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: george takei(1) george washington(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Welcome aboard Adin!

Views: 164/11504
Added: 08/26/2012

In 2012, after being told about many of George and Neal's great exploits, Neal's son Adin asked if he could be a part of their future escapades and adventures. George and Neal were readily willing to include him in their time-travel and general awesomeness, but after reading "Hercules and the Twelve Labors," Adin was deterimined to prove himself worthy of their greatness. Similar to Hercules cleaning the Augean stables in a single day. Adin was determined to clean Neal's room in a single day. Then it became a week. Then a month.... Thankfully, Adin used the time machine over and over so he was able to do the entire month of cleaning in a single day. Adin then traveled to the year 2080, and worked towards domesticating sharks. Sharks proved so popular a pet that they replaced dogs. Mainly by eating them.

 

Welcome aboard Adin! - After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

Photo by: Neal

Then, similar to Hercules capturing and bringing back Cerberus, Adin traveled to 3087, captured a zombie, and brought him back to 2012. Contrary to popular belief, Zombies can be domesticated. Already knowledgeable about the task of domestication after the Shark Task, Adin befriended the Zombie, lovingly known as "Mrrrggghghh". Adin brought him everywhere. It made for many awkward social situations.

 

My Pet Mrrrggghghh - Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 2080(1) 3087(1) amazing abilities(16) animals(16) offspring(13) time machine(37) zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: cerberus(1) hercules(1) marlboro(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (2)

 
View & Share:
George Neal

Views: 385/13702
Added: 09/24/2012

In 2029, George and Neal decided to tinker with building functional teleportation technology. Unfortunately, it had been years since either Neal or George watched the 1986 Jeff Goldblum film, The Fly, which illuminated the dangers of teleportation. When the first opportunity arose to use the teleportation device, the men fought over who could use it first. George raised the fact that whoever went first had the potential to be a Neal Armstrong-like figure. Neal raised the fact that Neal Armstrong's first name was Neal, and therefore he should go first. It was sound logic. George refused to accept it, however, and flung himself into the device. Neal did the same. The result was catastrophic (and sexy), in which Neal and George's DNA were combined, creating what at least two people believe to be the smartest man in history. This amalgamation dubbed itself "George Neal." Unfortunately, while the teleportation / recombination was occurring, knobs got fiddled accidentally (that's what she said) and George Neal was flung back into the late 1700's. Though possessing great knowledge and incredible oration skills, George Neal had none of the memories of George or Neal. George Neal believed himself to be the son of a Scottish Highlander who set up permanent residence in South Carolina. For reasons unknown, George Neal chose to stay loyal to the British during the War of Independence. George Neal distinguished himself during the war, even being promoted to Major. He later became an explorer, exploring the north shore of Lake Erie by boat. Ultimately, after leaving America, Major Neal became Canada's first saddlebag preacher for the Methodist church.

 

George Neal - Voted sexiest man alive, 1821.

Voted sexiest man alive, 1821.

Photo by: Neal

Major Neal married, had a daughter Esther, and purchased 200 acres in the Port Rowan Long Point area at Cope's Landing, Ontario. On February 27, 1840, while his granddaughter was reading scripture to him, Major George Neal was hit on the head with an errant pineapple. How the pineapple found its way to Canada remains a mystery. In any event, the noggin clockin' caused the amnesia to disappear and both George and Neal's memories overwhelmed Major Neal.

Missing his/their respective families (and vowing he/they would never tell them about his/their wife, children, grandchildren, and Canadian property ownership), Major Neal faked his/their death the very next day. It was easy back then. He/they just said, "I'm dying" closed his eyes, and held his/their breath. When no one was looking, he/they built a rudimentary time machine out of twigs, berries, and of course, rocks and put it in his/their pocket. After his/their burial, he/they activated the time machine, traveling back to 2029. He/they reverse-engineered their DNA joining (did I mention, ewww?), thereby finally separating George and Neal. There were little long-term physical ramifications, other than Neal smelling like George (egg drop soup) and George smelling like neal (feet, soaked in egg drop soup). Like everything else in this chronology, the events were entirely true. As proof, one need only to visit the Neal Memorial Methodist Church in Port Rowan, Ontario (which was established in September 1912 by George Neal's grandson, Rev. George Neal Hazen, and which still remains to honor "Canada's First Saddlebag Preacher"). One could also read more about these events at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Neal.

Tags: 1700s(1) 1912(1) 1986(8) 2029(2) britain(9) celebrities(69) christian(8) genetics(16) george funk(11) historic events(18) movies(40) neal funk(18) offspring(13) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) people of history(33) religion(11) teleportation(10) that's what she said(6) time machine(37) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) canada(4) george neal(1) jeff goldblum(1) lake erie(1) neil armstrong(1) ontario(1) rev. george neal hazen(1) scotland(3) south carolina(1) the fly(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece.

Views: 241/17912
Added: 10/20/2012

Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While the women were gone, George and Neal successfully fended for themselves and the kids, subsisting on a diet of ramen noodles and old fritos they found in couch cushions. Though neither George nor Neal nor the children changed their clothes during the entire time Clarissa and Julie were gone (7 days or 4,000 years depending on how you view time travel), the capable fathers made a game of it. Adin won 1st prize in "Who's That Smell?", an amateur game that George and Neal made up (which they later sold to the CNN network in 3014 - as at that time CNN ceased being a news network and reformed as a pornography / sitcom network). Meanwhile, Clarissa and Julie traveled to Ancient Greece, because Clarissa loves Greek food. Ironically, she felt that the food there didn't compare with the Greek food of 2012. Go figure. Upon their return, Julie and Clarissa refused to tell George and Neal what happened during their stay (because as we know, what happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece). Still, Julie and Clarissa must have had some trip, as now all depictions of the Greek Gods Hera and Aphrodite look exactly like them.

 

What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 3014(2) clarissa(6) food(45) games(15) george funk(11) gimme a break(5) julie(5) neal funk(18) offspring(13) time machine(37) tv shows(48) wives(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: aphrodite(1) cnn(2) greece(2) hera(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Yes, they really said that.

Views: 236/11560
Added: 11/30/2013

In 2024 George and Neal published a collection of lesser known quotes by famous people. They compiled this collection of quotes by painstakingly travelling back in time and stalking people until they said something profound (or not so much as the case may be). The book was a best seller... for them, which means it really didn't sell well at all. Here's a sampling of a few of the more than 300 insights they collected:

 

Yes, they really said that. - Volume 1 had over 1000 pages.  Volume 2 had 1200 pages.  Volume 3 had nearly 1500 pages.  Unfortunately 3400 of the 3700 pages were blank.

Volume 1 had over 1000 pages. Volume 2 had 1200 pages. Volume 3 had nearly 1500 pages. Unfortunately 3400 of the 3700 pages were blank.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2024(1) bette midler(4) cool(3) einstein(3) in good company(6) Inspirations(19) mental trauma(8) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(7) people of history(33) publications(14) revenge(6) rip-offs(3) rock stars(3) success!(13) time machine(37) we don't get it either(3)
Names Mentioned: abraham lincoln(2) alan alda(1) albert einstein(3) bette midler(5) bob dylan(1) camille paglia(1) carl sagan(1) cleopatra(2) colonel sanders(1) dom deluise(1) gandhi(1) george a. custer(1) j. s. bach(1) joan of ard(1) napoleon bonaparte(1) ozzy osborne(1) queen elizabeth ii(1) salvador dali(1) steven king(1) william wallace(1) wolfgang amadeus mozart(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
He grabbed my hand and whispered, 'Run!'

Views: 158/7295
Added: 12/05/2013

The long running television series Doctor Who is loosely based on George and Neal's adventures, except their time machine does not look like a police box (their Rock Smoothie Machine looks more like a port-a-potty), they aren't time lords from another planet (they do have two hearts though - one each), they cause just about as many problems as they solve, they can't regenerate (at least not yet), while they have had a lot of nicknames in the past, The Doctor has never been one of them, they have no fear of becoming a red head, and they are much better looking than The Doctor. They do, however, occasionally take companions on their journeys. But unlike The Doctor, their companions are not random people they stumble into odd situations with. Instead their companions are carefully selected from an applicant pool of interested parties. Once a suitable companion is selected (they must of course be approved by their wives first), only then will the companion be subjected to odd situations. If you are interested in being an applicant please send a head shot, complete contact information, short description of yourself, photograph of your first pet, a 534 word essay on why you think George and Neal are the most incredible humans to exist in any (or all) time, and $163.26 in Canadian to: P.O. Box 75112, Gallifrey Way, New New York, NNY 314159.

 

He grabbed my hand and whispered, 'Run!' - The Time Machine on a relaxing jaunt to pre-Ice Age Siberia.  Or was it Serbia?  Or Suburbia?

The Time Machine on a relaxing jaunt to pre-Ice Age Siberia. Or was it Serbia? Or Suburbia?

Photo by: George

Tags: doctor who(1) gallifrey(1) nicknames(14) rip-offs(3) smoothies(7) they stole our ideas(7) time machine(37) tv shows(48) two hearts are only slightly better than one(1) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: doctor who(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Joanie Loves Churros

Views: 196/8405
Added: 03/28/2014

In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - you'd think a time machine originally designed for making smoothies would be more resilient) caused a temporal-reality-rift. Nothing much was changed, except that Scott Baio was turned into a tasty Spanish dessert. That's ok though, because Scott went on to make his well known hits, Happy Days, Joanie Loves Churros, and Churros in Charge. Despite the name changes the shows still earned rave reviews and Baio was still a heart throb, although among overweight women with a sweet tooth instead of young teenage girls.

 

Joanie Loves Churros - Doesn't that just make you want to have a churro?  If you need a churro right now, join others just like you here: I Need a Churro

Doesn't that just make you want to have a churro? If you need a churro right now, join others just like you here: I Need a Churro

Photo by: George

Tags: 1978(5) candy crush(3) celebrities(69) chart topping(4) facebook(10) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(7) smoothies(7) things neal eats(9) time machine(37) time paradoxes are fun(4) tv shows(48) websites(7)
Names Mentioned: Charles In Charge(1) happy days(1) joanie loves chachi(1) scott baio(8) tang(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Like a Boss

Views: 455/6731
Added: 04/11/2014

Tired of all the speculation, George went back to 1984 and showed the world who was the boss.

It was George.

 

Like a Boss - Although George successfully replaced Tony Danza, he did so by placing his head on Tony Danza's body.  It was obvious to all that something was wrong -but no one was comfortable talking about it.

Although George successfully replaced Tony Danza, he did so by placing his head on Tony Danza's body. It was obvious to all that something was wrong -but no one was comfortable talking about it.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1984(10) celebrities(69) speculation(4) time machine(37) tv shows(48) who's the boss(1)
Names Mentioned: Alyssa Milano(4) danny pintauro(4) george jaros(13) judith light(4) katherine helmond(4) tony danza(4) who's the boss(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Who's the Bossasaur?

Views: 416/10631
Added: 04/12/2014

In 1904, just one year after Elmer Riggs published his paper stating that Apatosaurus and Brontosaurus were the same creature, George and Neal discovered the skeleton of a brand new sauropod during an archeological dig in Turkey Creek Canyon near Morrison, Colorado. While significantly smaller than Apatosaurus, George and Neal's discovery was interesting in the fact that it appeared to be bipedal and was discovered alongside what appeared to be a petrified outfit, consisting of a vest, gloves, and even a ray gun. To add to people's confusion they decided to name their new discovery "Brontosaurus II", or, more affectionately, Bronto Thunder. Over the next few years they discovered a wide range of heavily armed, bipedal dinosaur fossils. These discoveries were largely ignored (and openly ridiculed) by the scientific community, even though George and Neal used their time machine to travel back to 78,000,543 BCE to learn more about these fascinating creatures, bring them back to the present day, and join them on all sorts of wacky adventures. Finally, in 1987 The Coca-Cola Company took notice of George and Neal's publications in Paleontology Today, and decided to animate the adventures. Dinosaucers aired for one season in 1987 and 1988, adding to The Coca-Cola Company's list of '80s achievements, which also included New Coke (aka Coke II), Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, and Coca-Cola Telecommunications.

 

Who's the Bossasaur? - Coca-Cola Communications insisted on including Clem (on the left) in the animated series.  George and Neal responded with "Who?"

Coca-Cola Communications insisted on including Clem (on the left) in the animated series. George and Neal responded with "Who?"

Photo by: George

Tags: 1904(1) 1980s(7) 1987(7) 1988(6) 78000543 bce(1) dinosaurs(2) people of history(33) time machine(37) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: Apatosaurus(1) brontosaurus(1) cherry coke(1) coca-cola company(1) coca-cola telecommunications(1) coke ii(1) diet coke(1) dinosaucers(1) elmer riggs(1) new coke(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
World's First Selfie

Views: 107/937
Added: 05/28/2016

It was widely thought that Robert Cornelius took the very first self-portrait (or "selfie") in 1839. However, the truth is, not surprisingly, much more complicated than that. When Robert's friend, Herman "Twitchy" Aaron saw the selfie, he became insanely jealous that he, himself, did not do the first selfie. Believing that someone would eventually create a time machine (perhaps out of a blender), Herman put a clause in his will that if ever someone went back in time and assisted him with the first selfie ever, he would pay them a handsome sum. Two hundred years later, give or take a decade, Neal learned of this, and went back in time, creating the very first selfie with Herman in 1838.

 

World's First Selfie - A handsome gentleman.  Twitchy was also not hard on the eyes.

A handsome gentleman. Twitchy was also not hard on the eyes.

Photo by: Neal

Upon hearing of this, George was very disappointed with Neal for using the time machine for financial gain. But, rather than correcting the situation, George decided to create the world's first photo bomb.

 

 - For some reason, George thought it was appropriate to wear a snake that day.

For some reason, George thought it was appropriate to wear a snake that day.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1838(1) 1839(1) Herman Aaron(1) Robert Cornelius(1) selfie(2) time machine(37) time travel(3) twitchy(1)
Names Mentioned: Herman "Twitchy" Aaron(1) Robert Cornelius(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (2)

 
View & Share:
World's Firster Selfie

Views: 91/1270
Added: 07/11/2016

After Neal claimed to be in the first "selfie", George decided to both photobomb that "selfie" and then one-up Neal (because that's what he does). So in 1433 George joined the Early Netherlandish master Jan van Eyck in painting "Portrait of Two Men (Selfie?)". The painting is widely regarded as the first ever western panel self portrait, or "selfie".

 

World's Firster Selfie - 3 days of sitting there while van Eyck painted and he never once offered George a cool turban.

3 days of sitting there while van Eyck painted and he never once offered George a cool turban.

Photo by: George

Not to be undone (because that's what he does), Neal went all the way back to 1365 BCE where he managed to get Egyptian pharaoh Akhenaten's chief sculptor Bak to include him in the first ever self portrait. Of course he had to pose as Bak's wife, and of course, George had to photobomb (sulpturebomb?) Neal's accomplishment (because that's what he does).

 

 - Neal hasn't had a figure like that since, well, since that time he jumped out of the cake for that Under Siege movie.

Neal hasn't had a figure like that since, well, since that time he jumped out of the cake for that Under Siege movie.

Photo by: George

After going back further and further, appearing in ancient paintings, sculptures, and cave drawings George and Neal decided they were just being silly. They had a time machine, why not share in the accomplishment of being in the first ever selfie. So they travelled back to 72,443,018 BCE and took a selfie together. And of course they were photobombed by a few dinosaurs (because that's what they do).

 

 - We seriously had no idea those dinosaurs were back there.  Gee, the things you find when you develop your film...

We seriously had no idea those dinosaurs were back there. Gee, the things you find when you develop your film...

Photo by: George

Tags: .1365 BCE(1) .72443018 bce(1) 1433(1) ancient egypt(2) dinosaurs dude!(1) movies(40) selfie(2) time machine(37) time travel(3)
Names Mentioned: Akhenaten(1) bak(1) jan van eyck(1) under siege(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (3)



Visitor Stats
Mouse Over to View

Real Time Web Analytics

View this on Facebook! Post comments!

George on Google+ | Neal on Google+ | George on Facebook | Neal on Facebook | Free Ebooks | Full Saga | Entry Timeline | Fun Stats | Featured | Favorites
XML Sitemap
All Content © 2009-2019 by George Jaros and Neal Simon
Disclaimer: If you think an image displayed here is owned by you, please contact us via the comment form or .
The TRUTH, for those that wish to seek it...
eXTReMe Tracker