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George and Neal's Adventures
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The Great Smog of '52

Views: 477/3732
Added: 02/10/2009

In 1952 (but chronologically in 1997 during a trip in a time machine they co-invented) George and Neal visited London, resulting in the Great Smog of '52 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Smog_of_1952).

Tags: 1952(3) 1997(6) amazing abilities(16) britain(9) george funk(11) neal funk(18) pollution(1) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: london(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Neal Simon's Manhood

Views: 572/8640
Added: 02/14/2009

Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...

 

Neal Simon's Manhood - Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1990s(3) 2009(21) amazing abilities(16) body parts(14) celebrities(69) phallus(8) theater(8) websites(7) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: biloxi blues(1) king missile(1) lost in yonkers(1) neil simon(1) the odd couple(1)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Back Surgey

Views: 198/3840
Added: 02/17/2009

In 1997 both Neal and George had major back surgery after carrying one too many bathtubs full of caffeinated, carbonated, goodness. For any normal human beings this would have been a major setback, but Neal and George used the opportunity to have their spines replaced with naquadah powered fusion reactors. Their new spines allow them to perform unimaginable feats of strength, travel at incredible rates of speed, and communicate with ungulates. But don't ask them to, they're not proud of the side effects.

Tags: 1997(6) amazing abilities(16) body parts(14) energy(6) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: stargate(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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We talked in haiku, | And then in anagrams, too. | Darned nuts, understand?

Views: 213/2657
Added: 02/18/2009

For a period of six months, George and Neal spoke only in haiku - followed by another period where they spoke only in anagrams. No one understood a single thing they said. So, it was the same as usual, really.

Tags: amazing abilities(16) languages(11)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago

Views: 202/3530
Added: 02/21/2009

In 2001 George and Neal went hang gliding from the top of the 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago (yes, we know it was never built... in this timeline, but in a parallel universe it was completed in August 2000). They have yet to land, in either timeline.

 

7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago - The thermals over downtown Chicago are impressive, especially the hot air over City Hall and Daley Plaza.

The thermals over downtown Chicago are impressive, especially the hot air over City Hall and Daley Plaza.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2000(7) 2001(8) amazing abilities(16) chicago(10) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: 7 south dearborn tower(2) chicago(14) daley plaza(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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We're Not Bigfoot

Views: 247/3920
Added: 03/24/2009

George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant "bigfoot" sightings. Unknown to most, however, is that the name was derived from the fact that the hairy-George constantly appeared while carrying his Bigfoot convenience store cup.

 

We're Not Bigfoot - Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Photo by: George

Tags: amazing abilities(16) animals(16) conspiracy theories(7) george funk(11) hair(11) mythological critters(7) neal's fashion sense(20)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Free TV!

Views: 200/4989
Added: 03/25/2009

George and Neal can view the entire electromagnetic spectrum, not only visible light. This has many uses and has helped us with our amazing achievements. We are also able to listen to radio and watch TV by directly observing their transmission signals. However the downside is that we have to wear welders’ masks when we make microwave popcorn and sunglasses when using wi-fi internet access.

Tags: amazing abilities(16) Food(45) science(28) tv shows(48)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Feats of Strength!™

Views: 194/5261
Added: 03/29/2009

In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using his secret muscle enhancing device created, conveniently enough, by Neal and George years earlier, which was actually 1983 thanks to the time machine - don't think too hard about this, it might hurt your head). Not to be outdone, Neal lifted a cow and a boulder (he did not use the muscle enhancer; he's just that awesome). In disgust, George threw a boulder at Neal's head. Neal retaliated by throwing a series of rocks at George. This went back and forth for hours. After Neal and George called a truce - and after the townsfolk ran off in fear of being clocked in the noggin by a large rock - they rested on the piles of rocks they created, now called Stonehenge. Yeah, it happened just like that.

Tags: .2000 bce(1) 1983(6) amazing abilities(16) ancient wonders(9) body parts(14) britain(9) competition(10) prehistoric(6) sports(23) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) stonehenge(1) wiltshire(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Saved By The 1-Up

Views: 148/4784
Added: 06/01/2009

In 1991 Neal was found dead after a long session of Bad Dudes, however he luckily received a 1-Up just before perishing and was able to be revived by George. Neal realized at this point that he had a dangerous addiction to video games and entered a rehab clinic. Five years later Neal was released, completely cured of his addiction to 2D video games. However by that time 3D games were popular and Neal slipped right back into the habit. Shortly thereafter an extended Quake session left Neal twitchy and pale (not much different from his normal state, actually). He claims to have completed a full Speedrun in only 8 minutes 34 seconds, but since he failed to record it, and Neal is prone to making up greatly exaggerated and fantastic stories about his accomplishments, few believed him at the time. In 2005 George decided to confirm Neal's story once and for all and traveled back to 1996 to witness Neal's amazing accomplishment. George was impressed and decided that Neal's video game addiction was impressive enough to let continue. No more rehab for Neal! At least not for video games...

Tags: 1991(3) 1996(2) 2001(8) 2005(2) amazing abilities(16) rehab(3) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: bad dudes(1) quake(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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uʍop ǝpısdn

Views: 123/1632
Added: 08/15/2009

In 2118 George and Neal turned the universe upside down. It was fun. Maybe we'll do it again some time.

 

uʍop ǝpısdn - ...uʍop ǝpısdn ǝsɹǝʌıun ǝɥʇ pǝddı1ɟ ǝʍ uǝɥʍ ǝʞı1 pǝʞoo1 p1ɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ sı sıɥʇ

...uʍop ǝpısdn ǝsɹǝʌıun ǝɥʇ pǝddı1ɟ ǝʍ uǝɥʍ ǝʞı1 pǝʞoo1 p1ɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ sı sıɥʇ

Photo by: George

Tags: 2118(1) amazing abilities(16) astronomy(8)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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No Photoshopping Allowed

Views: 154/3186
Added: 09/05/2009

In 2041, someone had the gall to accuse George and Neal of photoshopping images of their great accomplishments. George and Neal quickly provided hundreds of additional photos in response to the allegation proving that they did not engage in any photoshopping whatsoever. Interestingly, through the process of analyzing the photographs it was discovered that the photographs of George and Neal's accomplishments SHOULD be photoshopped, in order to make them less awesome, as their sheer awesomeosity was so great that it caused a number of analysts to spontaneously combust. George and Neal sent flowers to the analysts' families; however, for some reason, this caused them to spontaneously combust as well. Sorry 'bout that.

Tags: 2041(2) amazing abilities(16) oops(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: adobe photoshop(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Happy Apocalypse Eve!

Views: 127/9576
Added: 11/19/2009

On December 20, 2012 George and Neal discovered that the world was not in fact ending, according to previous beliefs based on the Mayan calendar. Rather, all that was needed was to turn the calendar upside down and it would work for another 5126 years; kind of like a giant hourglass, but heavier.

 

Happy Apocalypse Eve! - Flipping the Mayan calendar was pretty easy, thanks to our super strength. Besides, we had flipped the universe once, what's a big rock?

Flipping the Mayan calendar was pretty easy, thanks to our super strength. Besides, we had flipped the universe once, what's a big rock?

Photo by: George

Tags: 2012(14) amazing abilities(16) apocalypse(3) mayans(2) you're welcome(2)
Names Mentioned: mayan indians(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Welcome aboard Adin!

Views: 167/11544
Added: 08/26/2012

In 2012, after being told about many of George and Neal's great exploits, Neal's son Adin asked if he could be a part of their future escapades and adventures. George and Neal were readily willing to include him in their time-travel and general awesomeness, but after reading "Hercules and the Twelve Labors," Adin was deterimined to prove himself worthy of their greatness. Similar to Hercules cleaning the Augean stables in a single day. Adin was determined to clean Neal's room in a single day. Then it became a week. Then a month.... Thankfully, Adin used the time machine over and over so he was able to do the entire month of cleaning in a single day. Adin then traveled to the year 2080, and worked towards domesticating sharks. Sharks proved so popular a pet that they replaced dogs. Mainly by eating them.

 

Welcome aboard Adin! - After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

After seeing this, Marlboro approached Adin to be the sponsor of their kid line of cigarettes. Adin thankfully refused, but liked their pitch of "Sharkboy, the 21st century Cowboy".

Photo by: Neal

Then, similar to Hercules capturing and bringing back Cerberus, Adin traveled to 3087, captured a zombie, and brought him back to 2012. Contrary to popular belief, Zombies can be domesticated. Already knowledgeable about the task of domestication after the Shark Task, Adin befriended the Zombie, lovingly known as "Mrrrggghghh". Adin brought him everywhere. It made for many awkward social situations.

 

My Pet Mrrrggghghh - Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Mrrrggghghh's gift to the couple, a severed head, was, predictably, not appreciated.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 2080(1) 3087(1) amazing abilities(16) animals(16) offspring(13) time machine(37) zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: cerberus(1) hercules(1) marlboro(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (2)

 
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Welcome aboard Sam!

Views: 188/14016
Added: 09/09/2012

In 2012, George's sons Sam and Mike wondered if they had the potential to be as amazing as their dad and his friend Neal. Sam wanted to learn to make pottery. So George signed him up for the Fall 1987 pottery classes at Sunny Caverns Park District (because the cost of pottery classes was cheaper back then). Sam proved to be an incredible talent and made some very life-like works out of clay. His finest moment came when he sculpted a very realistic baby duckling!

 

Welcome aboard Sam! - When he was done it walked like a duck, swam like a duck, and quacked like a duck. Unfortunately it still broke like a ceramic pot.

When he was done it walked like a duck, swam like a duck, and quacked like a duck. Unfortunately it still broke like a ceramic pot.

Photo by: George

George's other son, Mike, entered the 2012 Olympics and took 1st place in the 100 meter dash, beating Usain Bolt by two whole strides! George was very proud that the boys got their looks from their mom, but inherited his ability to amaze.

 

Welcome aboard Mike! - And Mike even gave Usain Bolt a 10 meter head start!

And Mike even gave Usain Bolt a 10 meter head start!

Photo by: George

Tags: 1987(7) 2012(14) amazing abilities(16) art is art(10) celebrities(69) offspring(13) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: olympics(3) usain bolt(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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That Bastard Chuck Norris

Views: 166/4270
Added: 09/23/2012

In 2077 George and Neal revolutionized the mathematical world when they discovered a method of dividing by zero. Yes, Chuck Norris did it first, but he was unwilling to share his ability with others, selfish bastard.

Tags: 2077(1) amazing abilities(16) celebrities(69) mathematics(2)
Names Mentioned: chuck norris(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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The Wilhelm Scream and Other Sounds

Views: 331/11721
Added: 04/24/2014

The Wilhelm Scream is pretty well known for being a sound effect used in many, many movies. What is less well known is that George and Neal also provided sound effects that have been used in numerous movies, too. George made the original Jaros Yodel and Neal made the sounds for the Simon Whimper.

 


Listen to and download:
The Jaros Yodel.

The Simon Whimper.

Tags: amazing abilities(16) get aural(2) great music(4) in good company(6) mental trauma(8) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(7) movies(40) music(26) sounds our bodies can make(1) turn it up and rock out(1) tv shows(48) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: wilhelm scream(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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