The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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From the generic "How Do You Know" fields:

Lived together?
You lived in Sin in 1998.
You lived in a van down by the river (but we swear nothing steamy happened) from 2004 to 2009.
You lived in inside the underbelly of a Tauntaun - more romantic than it sounds! from 1983 to 1984.

Worked together?
You worked at Wells and Wacker. Lower Wacker. That's a lot of Wacking. from 1981 to 1987.
You worked as Roadies (and, sadly, groupies) for the Lichtensteinian Goth Country band Doublewide Despair from 2001 to 2002.
You worked at C&C Roadside Carnival and Freak Show / Supermarket from 1995 to 1997.

From an organization, team or group?
You were members of Sumatran League of Confused Warlords in 1984.
You were members of Organizers of ThimbleCon 2008 - man, we love thimbles! from 1982 to 1997.
You were members of International Association of Rhubarb Farmers (who are diametrically opposed to those nasty Beet Farmers! [But not opposed to the Beat Farmers curiously enough]) from 1979 to 1984.

Went to school together?
You went to preschool with Neal.

Traveled together?
You traveled to sun bathing and swimming in Greenland for the bicentennial celebration of the Wooly Horse Festival in the winter of 2003.
You traveled to Panama for the annual Panama Canal Sled Dog/Doggy Paddle 500 biathlon in the summer of 2003.
You traveled to Djibuti, Qatar, Suriname, Guinea-Bissau, Moldova, Atlantis, Asgard, Metropolis, Kyrgyzstan... well, really, where DIDN'T we go? in the summer of 1980.

In my family?
George is Neal's father.

Through a friend?
You know Neal through Nicholas Exner (UIllinois).

Dated?
Yes, but not each other.

Other:
You met in 1981:

 

George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, but rather discovered by none other than the infamous radio personality Mike Pries). However, unknown to many, George and Neal invented the "bathtub run" in 1997, wherein they would literally carry a bathtub to the nearby convenience store, to fill up with Surge and/or Mountain Dew, all for the low low price of 79 cents. This actually started the economic decline that became most apparent in 2008 and 2009.

 

In 1992, when they were prime witnesses in the trial of Chicago's Polish Mafia boss Mogul Downhillski, George and Neal entered witness protection where they were relocated to Idaho and given false names. They lived there for three years before they once again became key witnesses in a criminal case, this time against the eco-terrorist group "Bombing for Bushes". In a strange twist of fate, George and Neal (now known as Sven Jorgenson and Paco Lopez) were again put into witness protection. This time they were relocated to Champaign, IL and, ironically, given the names George Jaros and Neal Simon, although George was now Neal and Neal was now George. In 2001 they again became key witnesses, but this time in separate events. George (really Neal) was to testify against celebrity gangster D-pak Choppa in his murder trial of fellow thug and rapper Jarjar FallSwell. Neal (really George) was considered the expert witness, and the prosecution's slam dunk testimony, in the case of Reticulitermes virginicus vs X-Vermin-X Corporation due to the years he spent secluded in the deep wilderness studying and becoming a part of subterranean termite society. He was at one time knows as the Jane Goodall of termites. Anyway, in a very strange twist of fate, George (really George) was sent into Witness Protection in DeKalb and given the name George Jaros. Neal (really Neal) was sent into witness protection in Chicago the same year and given the name Neal Simon. Unfortunately, due to the secretive nature of witness protection, they were unable to reveal their past identities, resulting in this confusing mess. It all worked out in the end though, and those that might be looking for them are undoubtedly just as confused as everyone else. But please, don't say anything to anyone since this is all supposed to be a secret still. They have currently retired from the business of being key witnesses in criminal cases, since it was becoming too confusing to remember who they were at any given time, especially with all the time travel they do.

 

There are lots of stories about the Bermuda Triangle and how it causes ships and airplanes to mysteriously disappear. In actuality, this is the simply a side effect of George and Neal using their Time Travel technology. Every time we travel in time a time vortex opens in the Bermuda Triangle area and anything caught in its path is transported to a parallel universe. This effect also causes other objects in our universe to travel to a parallel universe, even if they are not located in the Bermuda Triangle. This is called the Unmatched Sock effect and is greatly exaggerated by the common household dryer. It also affects coins (although they tend to reappear under seat cushions), Barbie doll shoes, Matchbox Cars (but strangely not Hot Wheels), pen caps, and utility bills. The parallel universe looks very much like George's dorm room while at UIUC.

 

In September 1928, Neal and George decided to attempt to clone themselves so that future generations could benefit from their awesomeness. Neal believed he was on to something when he created "George Spores", which grew from George's feet. In reality, this was just Athlete's Foot, obtained by George while showering at the dorms at U of I. However, on the plus side, when Neal threw out his "George Spores" in Alexander Fleming's laboratory, it resulted in Fleming's discovery of Penicillin. So, millions of lives were once again saved by George's stinky feet.

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