Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...
Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.
Photo by: Neal
In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that same year Neal was beaten by Albert Einstein at both chess and wrestling - at the same time. That guy was wicked tough.
This was one dude you didn't want to mess with. He'd pin you so fast that you'd age a little bit more than him.
Photo by: George
In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor semi-autobiographical hits, including: "This-Restraining-Order-Means-I-Love-You"; "Please-Don't-Throw-That-Toaster-In-The-Tub"; "If-Our-Love-Is-Like-Plumbing-Then-Quit-Treating-Me-Like-A-Toilet" and "Your-Heart,-Like-My-Assets,-Is-Frozen". The band dissolved when George started his acting career with the prime-time forensics drama "Sesame Heat - Furry Victims Unit" and Neal created a one-man play, "Batman and Robin Williams". Neither fared all that well.
In 1937 George and Neal, while experimenting with a new potato gun in the central Pacific, accidentally shot down Amelia Earhart's airplane. They were able to rescue her from the wreckage and she ended up staying on the island with them for quite a while. After initial reservations, she finally gave in to Neal's romantic advances. Unsatisfied, she gave up on Neal and tried to seduce George. It was at this point that George and Neal decided to ask Amelia to join their super secret society of vanished celebrities. To date the super secret society consists of Amelia Earhart, Andy Kaufman, Elvis, Tupac Shakur, Notorious B.I.G., Stephen Foster, Hitler, Jimmy Hoffa, Bono, Sonny Bono, the original Cher, Kurt Cobain, Al Capone, Jim Morrison, Benjamin Franklin, Nikola Tesla, Jake the Snake Roberts, Atilla the Hun, Ludwig von Beethoven, Beavis & Butthead, Cleopatra, Shelley Long, Bronson Pinchot, William Hung, Jaleel White, Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem, James Dean, Glen Miller, Marcus Schrenker, and the Fraggles. The plan is to bring everyone back in 2064 for a Vanished Celebrity Vaudeville Variety Hour world tour. Amelia will be doing her amazing basketball spinning trick.
In 1982, Neal and George wrote, produced, and starred in the off-Broadway musical, "Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story." The play, which had an all-ninja cast, was a rousing success. The musical ended up winning two Tony's and garnered such praise as:
"The whimsical comedy is packed with clever ideas and has an engaging cast to bring these cartoonish figures to life..." - San Diego Times
"...as cerebral as it is emotional." - D. Braunagel
"Hits you like a sledgehammer with its astounding, stunningly creepy presentation... Two Thumbs Up!" - R. Ebert
The Helen Keller musical was later adapted as a video game, originally titled "Helen Keller Will Destroy You!" but was subsequently retitled "Mortal Kombat." The video game was also successful, though it lacked the political subtext of the play, as well as the original final boss Helen "The Killer" Keller.
It was an instant classic...
Photo by: George
In 1947 George and Neal spent several days in France waiting for their friends Vladimir and Estragon to show up. Neal later wrote a play about it called "Waiting for Vladimir and Estragon". Then in 1949 some dude ripped off our story and completely turned the tables. In his play, Samuel Beckett claimed Vladimir and Estragon were waiting and waiting for us! Needless to say we weren't too happy, especially since we had no idea who this Beckett guy was. So we contacted Beckett and told him what's up. He agreed to at least change our names in his play. Somehow Beckett's play became famous while Neal's just faded to obscurity. Maybe it's because people were more interested in philosophical discussions than the truth of what happened - sitting, waiting, belching, farting, and battling ninjas.
In 2069 George and Neal wrote a musical, called "Home to Where the Sun Rises". The smash hit spent four years on Broadway before touring the world. As of 2162 it has sold out more shows than "Cats", "Phantom", "Les Mis", "Gigli on Broadway", and "Spamalot" combined and is the longest continuously running musical in history and the only musical to still feature the original cast (thank the time machine for that). The show is an uplifting story set around the holidays and features a multitude of wonderful songs from several traditional cultural and religious backgrounds. Here are a few verses from the multiple award winning "Rising Sun Megamix" hit song from the soundtrack:
There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy
And God, I know I'm one
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
O little town of Bethlehem
How still we see thee lie
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep
The silent stars go by
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one horse open sleigh
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel
I made it out of clay
And when it's dry and ready
Then dreidel I shall play!
Oh, did we mention that the entire musical is set to the traditional folk tune, "House of the Rising Sun"? Go ahead, sing a few verses, you're guaranteed to love it, or your money back!
Oddly enough the musical didn't play in New Orleans. We were somehow distracted by Bourbon Street (Neal did manage to 'earn' quite a few beads though.)
Photo by: George
Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway musical it was based on, which also starred Tom Hanks and, coincidentally, Neal. Neal played the iconic role of Wilson in the musical, however Tom Hanks got tired of carrying around Neal's severed head and wanted to share the screen with a volleyball for the movie. Neal wasn't too upset though because after his head spending 36 weeks on Broadway his body was starting to get hungry. So George hot-glued Neal's head back on and he had his first meal in months. Ironically, Neal chose coconuts for his first meal.
Neal was just as excited by Hanks' hairy chest and nipples as Hanks was to make fire.
Photo by: George
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
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