The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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In 1983, George devised a 10-day NATO exercise to simulate World War 3, so that all nations participating could see what would happen in the worst case scenario of war. Unfortunately, Neal forgot to tell the Soviet Union about George's game/simulation, resulting in wide-spread Soviet panic and the closest the world has ever come to nuclear war. (Wikipedia: Able Archer 83). Whoops. Neal's bad.

 

On June 8, 793 AD George and Neal orchestrated the first Viking attack on England; the raid on the monastery of Lindisfarne in Northumbria. This was the beginning the Viking Age and nearly 300 years of Viking/English hostility until George and Neal helped the English win the Battle of Stamford Bridge in September of 1066. However we then helped Duke William of Normandy defeat King Harold II in the Battle of Hastings in October and become King William I of England.

 

George and Neal have enjoyed starting format wars throughout the years. They are responsible for the infamous "Betamax vs VHS vs Video 2000 Conflict", "Battle of the PC and Mac", "AC/DC - The War of Currents", "The Cylinder Records vs Disk Records Conundrum", "8-Track / 4-Track / Compact Cassette / Microcassette Battle Royal", and the latest "Blu-ray vs HD DVD Duel", the "Eternal Cola Wars", and the "Great Soda/Pop Debate" (which they recently tried to resolve by proposing the crowd pleasing 'Jaguanst' - we really don't care what you think Andy), and the original "Lungs over Gills Conflict", among others. Not all of our instigations were successful though. The "Player Piano Dilemma" was averted in 1908, no one really cared at all about the "Green or Neerg Argument" and the "Round/Square Wheel Debate" was short lived. But in all, we're happy with the confusion we've generated.

 

In 1921 George and Neal began the daunting task of teaching porcupines to fly. It was long, arduous, painful work, and after twelve long years they gave up. But with the rise of Nazi Germany there came a renewed interest in flying porcupines, or Fliegendes Stachelschwein as the Germans called them. So in 1939 George and Neal were asked to head a porcupine flight research and development project for the United States, United Kingdom, and Canada. The goal of the Long Island Ice Tea Project (so named because the Manhattan was already taken) was to develop oversized, flying porcupines before German scientists could succeed with their own Fliegendes Stachelschwein program. The top secret program had research facilities located in several areas of the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom, including the secret Oak Ridge Elementary Flight Facility in Palos Hills, Illinois, the "Zorro" Test Facility in Los Alamos, California, and the Solochevy Research Facility in Poortown, Isle of Man, United Kingdom. The first porcupine test flights were conducted near Big Cottonwood Canyon in Utah, with the first experimental quill deployment taking place at the Forest of Argonne in France (the French didn't mind having a few more little pricks). The project proved to be a success and, although it is not well documented, starting in January and continuing into the spring of 1945, Allied forces sent wave after wave of highly trained flying porcupines behind Axis lines. After the deep penetration (that's what she said) of millions of barbed quills falling from the sky, Germany surrendered on April 29th. Ironically, the Bedingungslose Kapitulation der Wehrmacht (German Instrument of Surrender) was signed on May 7th with a pen constructed from a porcupine quill.

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