The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
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Igpay Atinlay: The Origin

Views: 208/1843
Added: 02/23/2009

Onway ethay iptray ackbay otay 2010 Ealnay andway Eorgegay accidentallyway entway otay 2010 BCEAY. Erethay eythay inventedway Igpay Atinlay. Ethay anguagelay eventuallyway evolvedway intoway actualway Atinlay. Onway anotherway iptray otay 1818 eythay eintroducedray Igpay Atinlay otay ethay orldway andway itway ownay existsway inway itsway urrentcay ormfay.

Tags: .2010 bce(1) 1818(1) 2010(16) ancient wonders(9) languages(11) origin(24)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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George & Neal's Excellent Adventure

Views: 223/7033
Added: 03/05/2009

In 1988, Bill and Ted went on an excellent adventure. Nothing compared to the exploits of George and Neal, which the movie was based off of. However, like all "based on a true story" movies, certain facts were glossed over or changed. For example, Neal and George learned through their time traveling exploits that Joan of Arc really loved marshmallows, Beethoven was not deaf but rather he just didn't like listening to people, Ghengis Kahn was not a real person but instead was a bear dressed in men's clothing. The movie did accurately portray Napoleon as a jerk though. That guy stole George's iPod. "Jokes on you, little man," George cried angrily, "Where you going to charge it back in your time?" Of course, to Napoleon, all he heard was "Waa Waa Waaa Waa" Charlie Brown style, because he didn't speak English. Also, George didn't say dude. His favorite word? Jaguanst.

Tags: 1988(6) ancient wonders(9) inspirations(19) ipod(2) jaguanst(8) journey(6) movies(40) napoleon(2) people of history(33) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: apple computer corporation(3) beethoven(1) bill and ted's excellent adventure(2) charlie brown(3) ghengis kahn(1) ipod(2) joan of arc(1) napoleon(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Napoleon's iPod: The Origin

Views: 205/5648
Added: 03/07/2009

In 2001 Apple Computer Corporation released the iPod. Sources say that the design was based on an archaeological find from a dig in Russia near the location of the Battle of Borodino. Rumors were that it was a relic of an alien civilization that was manipulating Napoleon through an implant near his ear. They were confused by the label attached to it's battery compartment that said "Property of George, Neal keep your hands off!". Apple's first iPod was a nearly identical copy of the relic.

Tags: 2001(8) aliens(5) ancient wonders(9) inventions(48) ipod(2) napoleon(2) origin(24) people of history(33)
Names Mentioned: apple computer corporation(3) ipod(2) napoleon(2) russia(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Darwin Loves Us!

Views: 251/4800
Added: 03/13/2009

In 10,000 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable thumb. In secret documents, Darwin acknowledged this fact, and renounced his natural selection theory. Confusingly, the Vatican has suppressed this information for generations.

 

Darwin Loves Us! - He couldn't have been that mad; he gave us a signed copy!

He couldn't have been that mad; he gave us a signed copy!

Photo by: Neal

Tags: .10000 bce(1) ancient wonders(9) body parts(14) christian(8) evolution(5) inventions(48) people of history(33) prehistoric(6)
Names Mentioned: charles darwin(2) vatican(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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The Opposable Nose: The Origin

Views: 341/5394
Added: 03/13/2009

In 9,996 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable nose. It wasn't as well received and didn't go on to quite the success as the opposable thumb. However, there is a tribe of people in the central forests of Simushir, known as the Norge, which embraced the opposable nose. Their culture is very interesting and celebrates the gift of the opposable nose bestowed upon them by their ancient deities Egroeg and Laen, two powerful beings that visited their people with magical devices and funny haircuts.

 

The Opposable Nose: The Origin - Egroeg, preparing to bestow the wonderful gift of the opposable nose.

Egroeg, preparing to bestow the wonderful gift of the opposable nose.

Photo by: George & Neal Collaboration - Caption by: Neal

Tags: .9996 bce(1) ancient wonders(9) body parts(14) george's fashion sense(13) hair(12) inventions(48) nicknames(14) origin(24) prehistoric(6)
Names Mentioned: simushir(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George & Neal Collaboration (1)

 
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Big Triangular Shaped Buildings

Views: 599/6102
Added: 03/27/2009

In 2540 BCE George and Neal designed and supervised the construction of the great Pyramid at Giza. We didn't use slave labor like many historians suspect though. Instead we paid our employees handsomely. We provided full benefits, including family health insurance, 401K with matching contributions, stock options, profit sharing, paid vacation, travel reimbursement, relocation fees, and more. Our first 500 workers even got generous signing bonuses. Our construction company, called The Pyramid Scheme, was extremely successful and even went international, with various other designs built in places as far away as Sumeria (most notably in the city of Ur), China, Tlachihualtepetl and Tiwanaku in the Inca Empire, Hellinikon in Greece, for the Maori in Polynesia, North America, Africa, and even a few in Alaska and one in Antarctica.

 

Big Triangular Shaped Buildings - Don't worry, we met with their union representatives and came to an agreement. We provided them with additional healthcare coverage and time off and they agreed to a 2% pay reduction. Also, we turned up the heat (Egypt was pretty cold back then). The project was completed on schedule (without resorting to the time machine), quite an accomplishment for George and Neal.

Don't worry, we met with their union representatives and came to an agreement. We provided them with additional healthcare coverage and time off and they agreed to a 2% pay reduction. Also, we turned up the heat (Egypt was pretty cold back then). The project was completed on schedule (without resorting to the time machine), quite an accomplishment for George and Neal.

Photo by: George

Tags: .2450 bce(1) africa(3) ancient wonders(9) antarctica(2) asia(2) business ventures(46) europe(4) north america(2) south america(3)
Names Mentioned: africa(2) alaska(1) antarctica(2) china(3) great pyramid at giza(2) greece(2) inca empire(1) north america(1) polynesia(1) sumeria(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Feats of Strength!™

Views: 225/5510
Added: 03/29/2009

In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using his secret muscle enhancing device created, conveniently enough, by Neal and George years earlier, which was actually 1983 thanks to the time machine - don't think too hard about this, it might hurt your head). Not to be outdone, Neal lifted a cow and a boulder (he did not use the muscle enhancer; he's just that awesome). In disgust, George threw a boulder at Neal's head. Neal retaliated by throwing a series of rocks at George. This went back and forth for hours. After Neal and George called a truce - and after the townsfolk ran off in fear of being clocked in the noggin by a large rock - they rested on the piles of rocks they created, now called Stonehenge. Yeah, it happened just like that.

Tags: .2000 bce(1) 1983(6) amazing abilities(16) ancient wonders(9) body parts(14) britain(9) competition(10) prehistoric(6) sports(23) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) stonehenge(1) wiltshire(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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The World's Gone Tipsy

Views: 176/3176
Added: 07/26/2016

In 1932 the Italian government hired George to stabilize the Leaning Tower of Pisa to prevent its collapse. Starting during its construction and continuing until George's stabilization project the tower gradually shifted to lean 5.5 degrees. But George's ingenious network of spider silk support cables and carbon fiber beams, all hidden beneath the crust of the earth, connected the tower to a number of other famous stable structures around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza, Statue of Liberty, the pyramid El Castillo at the Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Taj Mahal, Notre-Dame Cathedral, Castle Neuschwanstein, Bodiam Castle, the newly finished Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City. Unfortunately records were lost and from 1989 to 2001 unnecessary restoration projects straightened the tower by removing soil from under the higher side of the foundation so it only leaned 3.99 degrees.

By 2038 tourism in Pisa had dropped significantly and the Italian Government decided to hire Neal to straighten the leaning tower once and for all. Neal, as usual, used the amazing strength in his thighs to just push the tower into a perfectly vertical position. Unfortunately, Neal knew nothing of George's former stabilization project and his method of brute force architectural restoration caused every monumental structure that George had previously anchored the tower to to tilt in response. So, starting in 2038, you'll be able to travel the globe and visit the Leaning Great Pyramid at Giza, Leaning Statue of Liberty, the Leaning Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Leaning Taj Mahal, Leaning Notre-Dame Cathedral, Leaning Castle Neuschwanstein, Leaning Bodiam Castle, the Leaning Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Leaning Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City.

 

The World's Gone Tipsy - It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

Photo by: George

 

 - Now she really looks French.  Too much wine Frenchy?

Now she really looks French. Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - 1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot.  That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot. That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

Photo by: George

 

 - Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Photo by: George

 

 - Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too!  Too much wine Frenchy?

Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too! Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation).  ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation). ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

Photo by: George

 

 - They now have a problem with flooding.  We'll fix that in 2094...

They now have a problem with flooding. We'll fix that in 2094...

Photo by: George

 

 - Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Photo by: George

 

 - China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1932(2) 1989(3) 2001(8) 2038(1) africa(3) ancient egypt(2) ancient wonders(9) architecture(1) asia(2) collapse of civilization(3) europe(4) george's genious(1) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) neal's thighs(1) north america(2) south america(3) we built this city on rock and roll(3)
Names Mentioned: Bodiam Castle(1) castle neuschwanstein(1) chichen itza(1) christ the redeemer(1) el castillo(1) forbidden city(1) great pyramid at giza(2) hall of supreme harmony(1) leaning tower of pisa(1) notre-dame cathedral(1) statue of liberty(1) taj mahal(1) temple of kukulkan(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (9)

 
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There is No Zero!

Views: 164/5898
Added: 09/21/2016

In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has been stricken from historical records.

Tags: 0(1) 1966(2) ancient wonders(9) annoying fads(2) australia(2) clem(3) collapse of civilization(3) costumes(4) creamed corn(2) extinction(4) food poisoning(3) foot odor(3) forget this ever happened(9) genetics(16) george funk(11) good vibrations(2) great music(4) groin kick(3) historic events(18) History(13) hollandaise sauce(2) israeli food(2) jaguanst(8) kicking ass(16) lasagna(2) lawsuits(13) lotion(2) neal funk(18) oops(16) party like its 1999(2) people of history(33) phallus(8) platypus(4) pleasurebot(3) poop(7) power tools(2) pudding(2) reasons julie weeps(2) revenge(6) rhubarb(4) scantily clad people(15) stinky feet(3) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(3) things neal eats(9) things we made better(4) time paradoxes are fun(4) time travel(3) turtles & tortoises(3) vajazzled(3) wives(15) xxx(11) zoos and farm animals(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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