George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, but rather discovered by none other than the infamous radio personality Mike Pries). However, unknown to many, George and Neal invented the "bathtub run" in 1997, wherein they would literally carry a bathtub to the nearby convenience store, to fill up with Surge and/or Mountain Dew, all for the low low price of 79 cents. This actually started the economic decline that became most apparent in 2008 and 2009.
Good times. Good times.
Photo by: Neal
Through a series of mishaps and mistaken identities, for a three-day period in 1943 George and Neal assumed the position of President and Vice President of the United States. Before the mistake was corrected, George and Neal passed a series of laws that, in 1943, made little sense and were ignored. In 2008, Neal and George were paid a check for multiple millions of dollars as a result of the 1943 "Human Fund" Act. Also, January 31st was proclaimed a national holiday ("Neal Simon Kickass Day") as was April 4 ("Smell Like George Day").
Ah... Couldn't've been any worse than the Bush years.
Photo by: Neal
In 1965 George and Neal invented an odd-looking but versatile garment that everyone needs. In 1971 we licensed the story of the growing Thneed industry to Dr. Seuss who wrote the story "The Lorax". Fortunately the story was an exaggeration of what could happen, but we were much more responsible with our manufacturing process, using only cutting edge sustainable technology, including using biofuels, 99% recycling efforts, solar cells and solar collectors to generate heat and electricity, reforestation projects, and more. Our patented Thneed Manufacturing Process was so low impact that most people don't even know it existed. And I guess that was our downfall. No one bought our Thneeds. In 2008 George brought suit against Fosdick Corporation, the company which markets the Snuggie, a blatant rip-off of the Thneed. Neal also filed suit against Fosdick Corporation, but because they are using the trademarked name he uses for his line of underwear (which he exclusively models). Neal's Fosdick Tighty Whiteys sell worse than the Thneeds...
During the 2008 election season, George and Neal were hired by Barack Obama's marketing team to come up with catchy ditties about the man. After writing "Obama Told Me (You Better Shop Around)," "Obama Told Me There'd Be Day's Like This", and "Obama I'm Coming Home", the duo were fired for copyright infringement (and are currently facing lawsuits from a number of musicians, Ozzy Ozbourne included). They were quickly hired by Sarah Palin's camp to mitigate the damage done as a result of the Katie Couric interview. Though George and Neal's song "Hooked on a Palin" did little to help Palin's situation, they gained a new friend and confidant.
In 2008, George and Neal became extremely productive after discovering they could use their time machine to sleep 9 hours each night, while only really "wasting" one hour. They would sleep from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m., wake up, go back in time to 10 p.m., sleep an hour, and then do the same thing 7 more times each night. This allowed them to increase their philanthropic activities to a far greater extent. For example, George and Neal successfully put an end to worldwide tortoise hunger just weeks after instituting their "No Sleep" routine. (Of course, they are now aging 33% faster than normal humans... but that's okay, because someday they plan to go back in time to 2008 and give their younger selves the knowledge gained during the "No Sleep" period. That way, the younger Neal and George can sleep the full 9 hours, while still accomplishing just as much. Pretty sneaky, sis!)
Another tragedy averted.
Photo by: Neal
In 2008, Neal convinced the makers of Dr. Pepper (which he claimed was the greatest jaguanst available, at least until the year 3041, when the superior Rottercola came out, which was far, far tastier and 1800% more likely to cause cavities.) to make a Dr. Pepper flavored barbecue sauce. In support of his favorite jaguanst, George developed a Mountain Dew flavored barbecue sauce. Both sauces sold well, but the debate over which one was better was beginning to get bloody by late 2009. So, in the interest of world peace, George and Neal halted production of the two sauces and developed the hybrid Dr. Mountain Pepper Dew BBQ Sauce. The sauce was mind-numbingly awesome, and swept the nation. In fact, people began simply drinking the barbecue sauce rather than applying it to their tasty meat (that's what she said, am I right?). Soon, companies began distributing the bbq sauce in vending machines (20 oz. for only $1.75!). Gradually, all currencies in the world were replaced by bottles of barbecue sauce, which led to a more solid global economy, ancillary causing world peace. It only lasted 14 minutes, but man, what a great 14 minutes!
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
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