The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!


Home - First Post - Part: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - Newest Entries - Popular Entries - View Tags - Free Ebooks - Entry Timeline - Email Signup - Featured - Favorites
Our Facebook Feed -


'ouch! that'll leave a mark' Tagged Entries

View All Tags

13 Entries on This Page

13 Tagged Entries  
View & Share:
Sinatra Sluggers

Views: 835/5468
Added: 04/15/2009

In 1970, Neal and George went back in time to punch Frank Sinatra in the gut. Not because we had anything against Frank Sinatra per se, but rather because as George put it, "hey, we have a time machine, wouldn't that be just awesome to do?" To which Neal replied, "Cooooool...." What was less cool was the fact that after gut-punching Sinatra, Neal and George were beaten senseless by Sinatra's "buddies". Johnny "No Thumbs" was especially rough on George and Neal.

Tags: 1970(1) celebrities(69) music(26) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) revenge(6) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: frank sinatra(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
George Jaros's Punch Out

Views: 143/4313
Added: 08/08/2009

In 1987, Nintendo released Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Although it was a smash hit, many believe that the game would have sold significantly better had it been released in its original incarnation, George Jaros's Punch Out.

 

George Jaros's Punch Out - "007 373 5963" - this password led you to a world of hurtin', GJ style.

"007 373 5963" - this password led you to a world of hurtin', GJ style.

Photo by: Neal

Unfortunately, the likeness rights could not be obtained due to a dispute over George's physique. Nintendo wanted to opt for the "six pack" look for George's character; George wanted Nintendo to honor his actual appearance and give his character his 16-and-a-half-pack (which he gained as a result of the strength supplement that Neal created in 2342.

 

Simon Supplements - Simon Supplements - "Strong. Freakishly, freakishly strong."WARNING: Side effects may include awesomeness. And the complete loss of testicles.

Simon Supplements - "Strong. Freakishly, freakishly strong."

WARNING: Side effects may include awesomeness. And the complete loss of testicles.

Photo by: Neal

Neal, on the other hand, cared very little about how his likeness was presented in video games. As a result, he offered his likeness rights to Street Fighter 6. The results were, to say the least, embarrassing to his friends and family, many of whom moved away, leaving no forwarding address or contact information. If you are out there Grandma, Neal misses you.

 

Street Fighter 6 - Neal found that being overpowered by Chun Li was notably arousing. At least to him.

Neal found that being overpowered by Chun Li was notably arousing. At least to him.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1987(7) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: mike tyson(1) nintendo(2) punch out(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
View & Share:
I Dare You!

Views: 162/10245
Added: 08/25/2009

On September 6, 2010, George and Neal initiated a series of dares, each more shocking than the last. It started innocently enough, when George dared Neal to eat a live worm (not knowing that Neal had done this for free in the past, on a number of occasions). Neal then dared George to go back in time and dress like a woman at a number of milestones in his life.

 

I Dare You! - Although there were those who thought George was the bride, it was still a beautiful ceremony. George decided to keep the toaster that he received; the newlyweds didn't seem to mind.

Although there were those who thought George was the bride, it was still a beautiful ceremony. George decided to keep the toaster that he received; the newlyweds didn't seem to mind.

Photo by: Neal

After George went to numerous weddings, funerals, birthday parties, circumcisions, etc. dressed as a woman, George then dared Neal to not be witty, funny and/or suave for one day. (Neal of course could not do so - his awesomeness is by instinct not design). After trying (and failing) not to be awesome, Neal then dared George to erase Dan Ackroyd's entire existence. George did so with ease and great pleasure. Of course, George had to find someone to fill in the now Ackroyd-less roles...

 

Dan Ack-who? - Now George's come-on, "Hey baby, wanna see my proton pack?" makes sense.

Now George's come-on, "Hey baby, wanna see my proton pack?" makes sense.

Photo by: Neal

The dares continued, each more fantastic than the last, which all culminated somehow in Neal thinking he could take on Muhammad Ali in his prime. Six concussions later, he discovered he could not. Neal would have continued the dare contest, but after multiple blows to the skull, he forgot all about the contest and for some reason instead decided to be a divorce attorney. George was satisfied, believing that somehow this meant he won the contest.

 

Neal vs Cassius Clay - Funny, Neal doesn't remember this at all. (George, on the other hand, remembers it very, very clearly, having profited immensely from all the shirts, DVDs, postcards, "Happy Birthday, Grandma" birthday cards, toilet paper, penile enlargement packs, and other products he sold bearing this image. Thanks George.)

Funny, Neal doesn't remember this at all. (George, on the other hand, remembers it very, very clearly, having profited immensely from all the shirts, DVDs, postcards, "Happy Birthday, Grandma" birthday cards, toilet paper, penile enlargement packs, and other products he sold bearing this image. Thanks George.)

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2010(16) business ventures(44) celebrities(69) competition(10) food(45) george's fashion sense(12) movies(40) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: cassius clay(1) dan ackroyd(1) ghost busters(1) muhammad ali(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
View & Share:
Goodby Kimmie!

Views: 163/4581
Added: 08/25/2009

In December, 2011 Neal and George did the world a favor by getting rid of Kim Jong Il using a technique they spent decades perfecting. The "Remote Head Squish" method of attack is a secret that was passed on to them by Samurai Master Nasu no Yoichi in 12th century Japan (March 13, 1192 to be exact).

 

Goodby Kimmie! - They never saw us coming. One of the benefits of having a personal cloaking device.

They never saw us coming. One of the benefits of having a personal cloaking device.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1192(1) 2011(8) celebrities(69) kicking ass(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: kim jong il(1) nasu no yoichi(1) north korea(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
No Photoshopping Allowed

Views: 155/3194
Added: 09/05/2009

In 2041, someone had the gall to accuse George and Neal of photoshopping images of their great accomplishments. George and Neal quickly provided hundreds of additional photos in response to the allegation proving that they did not engage in any photoshopping whatsoever. Interestingly, through the process of analyzing the photographs it was discovered that the photographs of George and Neal's accomplishments SHOULD be photoshopped, in order to make them less awesome, as their sheer awesomeosity was so great that it caused a number of analysts to spontaneously combust. George and Neal sent flowers to the analysts' families; however, for some reason, this caused them to spontaneously combust as well. Sorry 'bout that.

Tags: 2041(2) amazing abilities(16) oops(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: adobe photoshop(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Huh huh huh, you said 'deep'...

Views: 172/4518
Added: 09/29/2009

On May 11, 1997, "Deep Blue", a chess-playing computer developed by IBM, won a six-game match by two wins to one with three draws against world champion Garry Kasparov. George believed he do could much better than Kasparov, and challenged the computer to another six-game match. The computer beat George - badly - in the chess competition. However, when George challenged Deep Blue to an Ultimate Fighting Championship, the computer was easily beaten by George, losing 5 out of 6 matches.

Tags: 1997(6) celebrities(69) games(15) kicking ass(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: garry kasparov(1) ibm(1) ultimate fighting championship(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
Lady Gaga vs P!nk

Views: 488/6334
Added: 09/29/2009

In 2011 the debate over which female music artist was the craziest resulted in a UFC cage match between Lady Gaga and P!nk. The match lasted 12 hours before a strung out old skank arrived, bitch slapped both girls, flashed the crowd, and passed out. Lady Gaga and P!nk stopped fighting, shook hands, and decided that no matter how freaky they each became, neither of them had anything on Courtney Love.

 

Lady Gaga vs P!nk - This may have been the strangest UFC match ever aired, even stranger than George's battle with Deep Blue or Neal's fight against that octopus.

This may have been the strangest UFC match ever aired, even stranger than George's battle with Deep Blue or Neal's fight against that octopus.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2011(8) celebrities(69) kicking ass(16) music(26) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: courtney love(1) lady gaga(1) p!nk(1) ultimate fighting championship(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Apples freakin' hurt.

Views: 129/5095
Added: 12/10/2009

After hearing that Isaac Newton once disparaged Neal's great-great-great-great Grandfather's honor, George and Neal went back to 1666, and chucked an apple at his head. Incidentally, this led to the discovery of gravity by the somewhat confused scientist. George took this to mean that if he threw random things at people's heads, they, too, would have equally as grand epiphanies. Soon, Neal learned that George liked to randomly and without warning throw things at his head. The only discovery Neal had that day? Apples freakin' hurt. George was entirely satisfied with that epiphany.

Tags: 1666(1) inspirations(19) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) people of history(33) science(28)
Names Mentioned: isaac newton(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
View & Share:
The 3 Stooges: The Origin

Views: 156/7954
Added: 08/28/2012

In 1933, Columbia's "3 Nice Regular Guys" premiered, starring Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and George Jaros. The three produced 25 eight-to-twelve minute shorts, wherein the three gentlemen treated each other with utmost respect and kindness. Much of the shorts consisted of handshakes and compliments. The reviews and ratings were horrid. This led to a severe decrease in pay. Since it was George's suggestion that Moe and Larry leave promising jobs as orthodontists to pursue acting, the latter two developed a deep and secret hatred towards an unsuspecting George. One day, the pressure was too much, and they beat him within an inch of his life. The thrashing was unknowingly filmed, and proved so hilarious (many considering George's "not in the face, not in the face!" pleas their favorite moment) and popular that repeated showings sold out. Soon re-dubbed "The 3 Stooges" with the focus on gross body injuries resulting from idiotic behavior, Columbia had a hit. George, not being used to the constant beatings that most people in the 1930's had become accustomed to, could not continue on in the show. With no hard feelings, Larry and Moe agreed to hire George's great-great-great uncle, Curly Howard Jaros. The rest, as they say, was history. Until George and Neal decide to change it again.

 

The 3 Stooges: The Origin - "The 3 Gentlemen," just moments before George's pain brought happiness to so many.

"The 3 Gentlemen," just moments before George's pain brought happiness to so many.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1933(1) celebrities(69) origin(24) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) people of history(33) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: columbia pictures(1) curly howard(1) jerry horwitz(1) larry fine(1) louis feinberg(1) moe howard(1) moses horwitz(1) three stooges(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
George Neal

Views: 398/13983
Added: 09/24/2012

In 2029, George and Neal decided to tinker with building functional teleportation technology. Unfortunately, it had been years since either Neal or George watched the 1986 Jeff Goldblum film, The Fly, which illuminated the dangers of teleportation. When the first opportunity arose to use the teleportation device, the men fought over who could use it first. George raised the fact that whoever went first had the potential to be a Neal Armstrong-like figure. Neal raised the fact that Neal Armstrong's first name was Neal, and therefore he should go first. It was sound logic. George refused to accept it, however, and flung himself into the device. Neal did the same. The result was catastrophic (and sexy), in which Neal and George's DNA were combined, creating what at least two people believe to be the smartest man in history. This amalgamation dubbed itself "George Neal." Unfortunately, while the teleportation / recombination was occurring, knobs got fiddled accidentally (that's what she said) and George Neal was flung back into the late 1700's. Though possessing great knowledge and incredible oration skills, George Neal had none of the memories of George or Neal. George Neal believed himself to be the son of a Scottish Highlander who set up permanent residence in South Carolina. For reasons unknown, George Neal chose to stay loyal to the British during the War of Independence. George Neal distinguished himself during the war, even being promoted to Major. He later became an explorer, exploring the north shore of Lake Erie by boat. Ultimately, after leaving America, Major Neal became Canada's first saddlebag preacher for the Methodist church.

 

George Neal - Voted sexiest man alive, 1821.

Voted sexiest man alive, 1821.

Photo by: Neal

Major Neal married, had a daughter Esther, and purchased 200 acres in the Port Rowan Long Point area at Cope's Landing, Ontario. On February 27, 1840, while his granddaughter was reading scripture to him, Major George Neal was hit on the head with an errant pineapple. How the pineapple found its way to Canada remains a mystery. In any event, the noggin clockin' caused the amnesia to disappear and both George and Neal's memories overwhelmed Major Neal.

Missing his/their respective families (and vowing he/they would never tell them about his/their wife, children, grandchildren, and Canadian property ownership), Major Neal faked his/their death the very next day. It was easy back then. He/they just said, "I'm dying" closed his eyes, and held his/their breath. When no one was looking, he/they built a rudimentary time machine out of twigs, berries, and of course, rocks and put it in his/their pocket. After his/their burial, he/they activated the time machine, traveling back to 2029. He/they reverse-engineered their DNA joining (did I mention, ewww?), thereby finally separating George and Neal. There were little long-term physical ramifications, other than Neal smelling like George (egg drop soup) and George smelling like neal (feet, soaked in egg drop soup). Like everything else in this chronology, the events were entirely true. As proof, one need only to visit the Neal Memorial Methodist Church in Port Rowan, Ontario (which was established in September 1912 by George Neal's grandson, Rev. George Neal Hazen, and which still remains to honor "Canada's First Saddlebag Preacher"). One could also read more about these events at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Neal.

Tags: 1700s(1) 1912(1) 1986(8) 2029(2) britain(9) celebrities(69) christian(8) genetics(16) george funk(11) historic events(18) movies(40) neal funk(18) offspring(13) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) people of history(33) religion(11) teleportation(10) that's what she said(6) time machine(37) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: britain(8) canada(4) george neal(1) jeff goldblum(1) lake erie(1) neil armstrong(1) ontario(1) rev. george neal hazen(1) scotland(3) south carolina(1) the fly(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Kick-Ball Ball-Kick

Views: 204/3529
Added: 02/20/2013

Striking a blow for ball rights everywhere (Editor's note: I'm not touching that one - literally or figuratively), in 1973, George and Neal created the first kickball that could kick back. Although the game became much more challenging, it also became infinitely more enjoyable to watch.

 

Kick-Ball Ball-Kick - (The above image, "Kick-Ball Ball-Kick" courtesy of The Museum of Entirely Random Things, where their motto is, "Come for the pie, stay for the tire-irons.")

(The above image, "Kick-Ball Ball-Kick" courtesy of The Museum of Entirely Random Things, where their motto is, "Come for the pie, stay for the tire-irons.")

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1973(2) groin kick(3) inventions(48) kickball(1) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) sports(23)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
View & Share:
Lego Prison

Views: 674/13533
Added: 09/30/2013

In 2012 George and Neal's kids Mike, Sam, Adin, and Ayla snatched the time machine and traveled to 1948 where they were able to convince legislators to make it illegal to vacuum up any Lego blocks. Their bill was easily passed into law mostly because Lego blocks hadn't been invented yet and no one saw any harm in it. Plus it was attached to a bill about Federal Water Pollution Control Act (which also had the effect of making it illegal for Neal to bathe, at least until the Clean Air Act was passed in 1963 and new techniques and technologies like aeration, flocculation, and active carbon adsorption enabled water filtration plants to sufficiently clean Neal's bath water). When they found out about this, George and Neal traveled to 1950 and convinced legislators to pass a bill to make it illegal to leave Legos lying on the floor, especially after dark. Their bill was easily passed into law because by that time enough people had stepped on Legos in their bare feet that it was deemed necessary to ensure the safety of US citizens. As a result of these two laws, Neal, George, Mike, Sam, Adin, and Ayla spent the rest of 2012 and most of 2013 in jail for committing the crimes they fought so hard to make illegal. Julie and Clarissa enjoyed the 18 month vacation from having to take care of three kids each.

During our incarceration we found one thing that hurts more than stepping on a Lego at night in bare feet; wiping with prison toilet paper...

 

Lego Prison - Jail time wasn't so bad for George.  He smuggled in one of those tools that let you take apart stuck Legos and then spent most of the 18 months hanging out with Barbie.

Jail time wasn't so bad for George. He smuggled in one of those tools that let you take apart stuck Legos and then spent most of the 18 months hanging out with Barbie.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1948(3) 1950(3) 2012(14) 2013(7) clarissa(6) julie(5) laws(10) neal funk(18) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13) toys(3) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: barbie(2) lego(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
View & Share:
Say Anything (That Won't Get You Arrested)

Views: 107/2595
Added: 05/26/2016

In 1988 Neal's infatuation with John Cusack reached an all-time high. John was generally pretty cool with it, but during the filming of Say Anything Neal went just a little too far (apparently hiding in the back seat of John's 1976 Blue Chevy Malibu and screaming "I LOVED YOU IN BEING JOHN MALKOVICH!" was the final straw - on a side note, Neal's constant mention of that film is what made John decide to take the roll of Craig Schwartz 10 years later). Cusack ended up body slamming Neal just minutes before filming the iconic radio scene. If you look closely in that scene you can see Neal's foot twitching in the bottom right corner of the frame.

 

Say Anything (That Won't Get You Arrested) - Although John Cusack was able to complete the scene after body slamming Neal, Neal didn't get the message and pursued John for years, until he found out that John's sister was Ann Cusack and redirected his attentions her way.

Although John Cusack was able to complete the scene after body slamming Neal, Neal didn't get the message and pursued John for years, until he found out that John's sister was Ann Cusack and redirected his attentions her way.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1988(6) 1998(9) celebrities(69) forget this ever happened(9) groin kick(3) in your eyes(1) inspirations(19) mental trauma(8) neal(3) nightmares(2) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: Ann Cusack(1) john cusack(1) john malkovich(1) say anything(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



Visitor Stats
Mouse Over to View

Real Time Web Analytics

View this on Facebook! Post comments!

George on Google+ | Neal on Google+ | George on Facebook | Neal on Facebook | Free Ebooks | Full Saga | Entry Timeline | Fun Stats | Featured | Favorites
XML Sitemap
All Content © 2009-2019 by George Jaros and Neal Simon
Disclaimer: If you think an image displayed here is owned by you, please contact us via the comment form or .
The TRUTH, for those that wish to seek it...
eXTReMe Tracker