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Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance

Views: 190/4573
Added: 02/12/2009

In order to prevent George and Neal from becoming destitute after the ADA failed to support their new toothpaste approximately three dozen musicians, actors, and rhubarb farmers (friends from the IARF) joined together to perform a benefit concert and recorded the '80's hit feel-good song "Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance". We are still waiting for the benefits of that get-together. On the plus side, dentists all around the world praised us for assisting in increasing their demand.

 

Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance - Finally.... a worthy cause!

Finally.... a worthy cause!

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1980s(7) awards and recognition(12) celebrities(69) edentulous(2) rhubarb(4) toothpaste(4)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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The Heroic Journey of Two Wonderful, Influential, Benevolent Human Beings

Views: 451/8728
Added: 02/25/2009

George and Neal walked completely across the country and back in only three days back in 1986. Everyone was really impressed and George and Neal went on the talk-show circuit, landing interviews with the likes of Geraldo, Oprah, Montel, Carson, Letterman, Walters, Humperdink, Stashinova, and Elmo. A Hallmark Special Movie called "The Heroic Journey to Two Wonderful, Influential, Benevolent Human Beings" was being planned to honor their amazing heroism when, during research for the roles of George and Neal, actors Bruce Willis and Julia Roberts discovered that the country George and Neal walked across was actually Monaco and the only reason it took then three days instead of a few hours was that they stopped at several casinos during their stay. The Hallmark movie is still being planned, but has been re-titled "The Great Cross Country Scam". We're OK with that.

Tags: 1986(8) awards and recognition(12) celebrities(69) crimes & scams(16) journey(6) movies(40) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: barbara walters(1) bruce willis(1) david letterman(1) elmo(3) engelbert humperdink(1) geraldo rivera(1) hallmark(1) johnny carson(1) julia roberts(1) monaco(1) montel jordan(1) oprah winfrey(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Super Bowl: The Origin

Views: 191/3320
Added: 03/05/2009

In 1967 George and Neal shared the MVP award at the World Championship football game. When they were interviewed about their success, they were asked how they felt about their accomplishments and what their plans for the future were. Their response: "That was Super! [high five] Let's go bowling! [Another high five]" George and Neal then left and bowled 12 consecutive 300 games. However, when their interview was later printed in Sports Illustrated, they were misquoted as saying "That was a Super Bowl!". The name of the event stuck and ever since the World Championship of football has been known as the Super Bowl. Nobody cares about the 1440 consecutive pins they knocked down during their celebratory bowling spree.

Tags: 1967(3) awards and recognition(12) origin(24) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: sports illustrated(2) super bowl(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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They're all True Stories

Views: 179/6966
Added: 03/08/2009

Numerous TV shows and Movies (and also a few books) have been based on the life and times of George and Neal. Included in these are: Superman, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (as noted above, however not Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, at least not yet), The Game, Indiana Jones (the first three), Goonies, Knight Rider, The A-Team, Welcome Back Kotter, Gone with the Wind, Beavis & Butthead, Altered States, James and the Giant Peach, everything by Neil Gaiman, Get Smart, Gunsmoke, The Muppet Show, Soylent Green, Plan 9 from Outer Space, The Lorax, Casablanca, Animal Farm, Star Trek Deep Space 9, Hamlet, Tales of a Geisha, and plenty more...

Tags: a-team(2) awards and recognition(12) inspirations(19) knight rider(2) movies(40) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: altered states(1) animal farm(1) a-team(3) beavis & butthead(2) bill and ted's bogus journey(1) bill and ted's excellent adventure(2) casablanca(1) get smart(1) gone with the wind(1) goonies(1) gunsmoke(1) hamlet(1) indiana jones(1) james and the giant peach(1) knight rider(2) muppet show(1) neil gaiman(1) plan 9 from outer space(1) soylent green(1) star trek deep space 9(1) superman(1) tales of a geisha(1) the game(1) the lorax(1) welcome back kotter(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Broccloaf

Views: 133/2620
Added: 03/18/2009

In 1993, George won rave reviews with food critics across the nation (though mostly in southern New Jersey) when he created a tasty new meatloaf. Not to be outdone, Neal created the vegetarian alternative, Broccloaf. It tastes terrible. The Scottish love it.

Tags: 1993(1) awards and recognition(12) Food(45) recipes(9)
Names Mentioned: new jersey(1) scotland(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Great Organization Over Development of the Global Relief of Idiocy Effort

Views: 218/2802
Added: 03/21/2009

In 1978 George and Neal received the Nobel Peace Prize for their work for the Great Organization Over Development of the Global Relief of Idiocy Effort (GOOD GRIEF). In the span of three short years they managed to provide safe, secure environments for 90% of the world's idiots where they could live and breed without affecting the rest of society. Unfortunately the organization was disbanded in 1982 without George and Neal's consent. Today idiots have infiltrated every aspect of life and work everywhere from the local Wal-Mart to the top reaches of world governments and corporations.

Tags: 1978(5) 1982(5) awards and recognition(12) organizations(15)
Names Mentioned: nobel peace prize(2) wal-mart(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless

Views: 752/4549
Added: 04/22/2009

In 1991, Neal organized a protest against brutality toward unicorns called Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless, or B.U.T.T. Decades later, George informed Neal that the unicorns were only mythical and that Neal's protest was essentially imaginary. Neal didn't care. He just wanted an excuse not to shower. On the plus side, among Neal's 27 distinct stenches, George discovered the pheromone that attracts Bison. As a result of George's hard work and Neal's diligent avoidance of water (as well as the general public's great sacrifice for putting up with Neal's diverse odors), the American Bison is currently making a comeback. An award was presented to George. Neal's award was mailed to him.

Tags: 1991(3) animals(16) awards and recognition(12) mythological critters(7) neal funk(18) organizations(15) save the aminals(6)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Monuments to Greatness

Views: 411/3627
Added: 05/11/2009

Gutzon Borglum originally had six faces carved on Mount Rushmore. The busts of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abe Lincoln were flanked by Neal Simon (next to Washington) and George Jaros (next to Lincoln) to honor us for our countless contributions to human civilization. However, a freak thunderstorm in 1968 caused the faces of George and Neal to fall off the monument.

 

Monuments to Greatness - The original Mount Rushmore.

The original Mount Rushmore.

Photo by: George

A new monument nearby has been in the works for quite a while. Its developmental codename is the "Crazy Horse Memorial", but will most likely be released with a final name of "Jar-mon Mountain" or something similar.

 

Jar-mon Mountain - The in-progress Crazy Horse Monument and a model of what the finished sculpture will look like.

The in-progress Crazy Horse Monument and a model of what the finished sculpture will look like.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1968(4) art is art(10) awards and recognition(12) people of history(33)
Names Mentioned: abraham lincoln(2) crazy horse memorial(1) george washington(2) gutzon borglum(1) mount rushmore(1) teddy roosevelt(1) thomas jefferson(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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Sock Film Classics - Thelma and Louise

Views: 158/5778
Added: 06/06/2009

After the success of placing themselves into the roles of classic sitcom characters George and Neal did the same thing with movies. But this time instead of replacing the original stars with themselves they replaced the stars with a collection of sock puppets. Surprisingly these already hit movies fared even better with the sock stars than they did with live actors. Some of our classic films include "Thelma & Louise", "The Shining", "Run Lola Run", "The Invisible Man" (in which we debuted our new color film process - we thought a see through man was a much better case for introducing the world to color movies than that creepy land of Oz), and "The Godfather".

 

Sock Film Classics - Thelma and Louise - If you look closely in the end scene you'll notice that the socks in the car are just George's dirty laundry.

If you look closely in the end scene you'll notice that the socks in the car are just George's dirty laundry.

Photo by: George

 

Sock Film Classics - The Shining - All work and no play makes Jack a smelly sock...

All work and no play makes Jack a smelly sock...

Photo by: George

 

Sock Film Classics - Run Lola Run - Actually, it was more of a "Glide across the frame Lola, glide..."

Actually, it was more of a "Glide across the frame Lola, glide..."

Photo by: George

 

Sock Film Classics - The Invisible Man - Unfortunately due to special effects budget limitations, only the sock was made invisible.

Unfortunately due to special effects budget limitations, only the sock was made invisible.

Photo by: George

 

Sock Film Classics - The Godfather - "Don" Corleone actually spoke clear enough to understand perfectly all the time.

"Don" Corleone actually spoke clear enough to understand perfectly all the time.

Photo by: George

Just for fun, we even re-did the Pauley Shore classic "Son In Law" using the oldest, most rancid, sweat stained, left in the bottom of the bag for decades set of Neal's gym socks that we could find, however we still couldn't get the movie to stink worse than Pauley's original.

 

Sock Film Classics - Son In Law - Replacing Pauley Shore was the best thing that ever happened for this film. It received 6 Oscar nominations, walking home with 4 of the awards, including "Best Sock".

Replacing Pauley Shore was the best thing that ever happened for this film. It received 6 Oscar nominations, walking home with 4 of the awards, including "Best Sock".

Photo by: George

Tags: awards and recognition(12) mashups(12) movies(40)
Names Mentioned: academy awards(2) invisible man(1) pauley shore(1) run lola run(1) son in law(1) the godfather(1) the shining(1) thelma & louise(1) wizard of oz(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (6)

 
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Nobel Peace Prize

Views: 125/1969
Added: 10/04/2009

In 1980, when George and Neal were both 2 years old, they were given the Nobel Peace Prize as a result of older George and Neal traveling back in time and telling the Nobel Peace Prize officials about all of the great things they would do in a few decades. Giving out "prospective" Nobel Peace Prizes was unheard of at the time, but obviously, things change over time.

Tags: 1980(4) awards and recognition(12)
Names Mentioned: nobel peace prize(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Olympic Snowball

Views: 696/6840
Added: 08/09/2010

In 2022, at George and Neal's insistence (ok, it was actually persistence - we agreed to finally stop whining about it if the IOC included it - we can be very persuasive) Snowball Fights became an Olympic sport. USA won the first two Olympics with the event (mainly because the IOC refused to acknowledge it and there were no other competitors in 2022 and only Ghana in 2026). Unfortunately by 2041 global warming had progressed to the point where holding Winter Olympics was pretty pointless (the 2040 Olympics were mainly a soggy, slushy mess), so 2044 marked the first ever Spring Olympics (since Winter as a season no longer existed anywhere on Earth except Detroit for some reason, but no one wanted to travel there). Instead of Bobsled there was the Mudslide, Speed Skating became Liquid Mountaineering (look it up), and Snowball Fights became The Mud Sling. Throwing mud rekindled George and Neal's interest in the Olympics (they quickly realized in 2023 that snowball fights were a bit immature) and George and Neal promptly joined the 2048 US Olympic Mud Slinging Team where they led the team to 18 consecutive Olympic Mud Slinging Gold Medals (including 48 of the 51 World Mudslinging Championships in non-Olympic years - The Republican and Democratic parties won the other three years).

 

Olympic Snowball - Members of the 2030 Canadian Snowball Team deftly dodging a barrage of snow from the signature move, Holy White Fury, of the Vatican team.

Members of the 2030 Canadian Snowball Team deftly dodging a barrage of snow from the signature move, Holy White Fury, of the Vatican team.

Photo by: George

 

Lose the loincloth please... - Neal preparing to sling a whopper at Flu Pou Tou Eue, the captain of the Chinese team, in 2056. Neal claimed the extra weight gave him an advantage, but we think he just liked eating too much mud. And he never had an excuse for the loincloth...

Neal preparing to sling a whopper at Flu Pou Tou Eue, the captain of the Chinese team, in 2056. Neal claimed the extra weight gave him an advantage, but we think he just liked eating too much mud. And he never had an excuse for the loincloth...

Photo by: George

Tags: 2022(4) 2023(2) 2026(2) 2040(4) 2041(2) 2044(1) 2056(2) awards and recognition(12) christian(8) neal's fashion sense(20) politics(9) sports(23) things neal eats(9) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: canada(4) china(3) democratic party(1) ghana(1) olympics(3) republican party(1) vatican(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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They like us, they REALLY like us!

Views: 144/7314
Added: 03/23/2013

Somehow, a tribute video was found in 1035 A.D. Weird... The video is a collection of photos from some of George and Neal's greatest achievements, set to a song that sounds remarkably like Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You". Awwww, how touching... (Eeew, get your hands off!) 1035 A. D.? We KNEW Sarah McLachlan ripped that song off of somebody. Strange, her version sounds almost exactly the same as the one from almost 1000 years ago! And gee, whoever did that song sure misses us. We should probably go back and visit.

 




1035 A.D.!!!
No video? Visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPT3JEFDACo

Tags: 1035(1) awards and recognition(12) celebrities(69) movies(40) music(26) videos(1)
Names Mentioned: Sarah McLachlan(1)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: George & Neal Collaboration (1)



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