The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!


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Fear Factor Delicacies

Views: 189/5065
Added: 03/07/2009

In 1998, George convinced Neal to go on Fear Factor, where Neal went on to eat 50 scorpions, 12 worms, and over a hundred bull testicles. Neal later learned in fact that George had merely played a practical joke and he was never on Fear Factor. Neal would have swore revenge, except that he realized he really liked eating bull testicles so he wasn't all that angry.

 

Fear Factor Delicacies - Why Neal took a liking to these we will never know, but he just couldn't stop downing them like there was no tomorrow.

Why Neal took a liking to these we will never know, but he just couldn't stop downing them like there was no tomorrow.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1998(9) food(44) revenge(6) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: fear factor(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The DHARMA Initiative

Views: 191/5034
Added: 03/09/2009

In 1973, Neal and George co-founded the DHARMA initiative (yeah, those Lost guys got the idea from us), in an effort to prevent the pending apocalypse. Also, to make peanut butter that won't stick to the roof of your mouth. Unfortunately, there are those who oppose such a peanut butter, and we have been at war with those Hostiles (or "Jiffys" as we also call them) ever since. We called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and asked them to hold off for a while. Since they too like peanut butter that doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth they agreed to wait until we have perfected our recipe. We've since stopped research on peanut butter, but don't tell the Horsemen.

 

The DHARMA Initiative - Famine got lucky this time with a PB&J sandwich. Too bad Pestilence had already handled it and contaminated it with salmonella.

Famine got lucky this time with a PB&J sandwich. Too bad Pestilence had already handled it and contaminated it with salmonella.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1973(2) apocalypse(3) food(44) organizations(15) peanuts(6) recipes(9) they stole our ideas(7) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: lost(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Just Another Barbecue

Views: 341/4672
Added: 03/10/2009

In the summer of 2009, George and Neal had a barbecue. (Hey, not everything is as exciting as time traveling or fighting off townspeople.) Oh yeah, there were hordes of zombies at the barbecue that George and Neal had to battle. Almost forgot about that part.

 

Just Another Barbecue - Still, it wasn't the worst barbecue we've attended...

Still, it wasn't the worst barbecue we've attended...

Photo by: Neal

 

Mmmm...  Grilled Zombie... - ...we did manage to get some interesting bits to try grilling.

...we did manage to get some interesting bits to try grilling.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2009(21) food(44) kicking ass(16) relaxing(1) zombies(21)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1), Neal (1)

 
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The Prolific Pancake Pileup

Views: 576/5252
Added: 03/12/2009

Back in 1952, Neal and George invented the pancake. Not that they were trying to invent it, mind you. They just suck at making regular cakes, and that's just what happened. They made a fortune as a result, but lost it all when multiple lawsuits were filed against George and Neal after they chucked countless pancakes at oncoming traffic. (Wikipedia "the Prolific Pancake Pileup" for more information). A movie, "The Illinois Pancake Massacre", involving a serial killer who used pancakes as his weapon of choice, was only loosely based on the incident.

 

The Prolific Pancake Pileup - Uncle Buck has a long way to go before he can match these babies. We had traffic stopped for three days while crews cleaned up syrup and butter.

Uncle Buck has a long way to go before he can match these babies. We had traffic stopped for three days while crews cleaned up syrup and butter.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1952(3) food(44) inventions(47) lawsuits(13) movies(40) recipes(9)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) illinois(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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In Great Shape

Views: 114/4079
Added: 03/17/2009

In 1902 George and Neal developed a revolutionary diet program. The program slowly grew and evolved until the 1950s and 1960s when it suddenly took off and became an incredible success. We marketed it as a system where you could eat delicious foods and get into great shape at the same time. The program was advertised extensively under a variety of names and titles and we are happy to report that today the Neal and George Diet Program is the most successful program in the country. Nearly everyone in America participates in the program and there are millions of branches across the country. The success of our program is even global with various franchises in just about every country in the world. In economically developed countries it is possible to even see our program in action in 10 or 12 locations simultaneously. Our program has evolved and developed into varieties that fit just about every lifestyle and situation. In fact, we're willing to be that you've participated in our program at least once in the last month, possibly even today. The program goes by several names, but the most common name used in popular culture is the Fast Food program. What? We never specified what shape you'd be in. Round is a shape! And we happen to think it's a great shape.

Tags: 1902(2) 1950s(2) 1960s(2) business ventures(43) crimes & scams(16) food(44) inventions(47)
Names Mentioned: america(8)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Broccloaf

Views: 108/2402
Added: 03/18/2009

In 1993, George won rave reviews with food critics across the nation (though mostly in southern New Jersey) when he created a tasty new meatloaf. Not to be outdone, Neal created the vegetarian alternative, Broccloaf. It tastes terrible. The Scottish love it.

Tags: 1993(1) awards and recognition(12) food(44) recipes(9)
Names Mentioned: new jersey(1) scotland(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Mmmmmmm... George Juice!

Views: 205/4812
Added: 03/20/2009

For unexplained reasons, George loves to bathe in Worcestershire sauce (which Dictionary.com defines as a "savory sauce of vinegar, soy sauce and spices"). In 2004, George bottled and sold the bathsauce under the moniker "George Juice". Its sales are considerable, and some believe it has medicinal uses. This is not to be confused with "Neal Juice", which you don't want to know the ingredients of.

 

Mmmmmmm...  George Juice! - George Juice - It's tragically delicious.At least in theory. We've never actually tried it, but it sells like hotcakes!

George Juice - It's tragically delicious.

At least in theory. We've never actually tried it, but it sells like hotcakes!

Photo by: George

Tags: 2004(3) business ventures(43) food(44) george funk(11) recipes(9)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Free TV!

Views: 175/4631
Added: 03/25/2009

George and Neal can view the entire electromagnetic spectrum, not only visible light. This has many uses and has helped us with our amazing achievements. We are also able to listen to radio and watch TV by directly observing their transmission signals. However the downside is that we have to wear welders’ masks when we make microwave popcorn and sunglasses when using wi-fi internet access.

Tags: amazing abilities(16) food(44) science(28) tv shows(48)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party

Views: 129/9239
Added: 04/04/2009

Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Territory". George would bake the cakes and deliver them and Neal would jump out of them. This was a very successful business until August, 1998, when Neal believed he was being sent to a bachelorette party. At the designated time Neal leaped out of the cake and began shaking his stuff while bills got stuffed into his speedo. After about 10 minutes Neal realized that the laughs were slightly deeper than what he would expect from a bachelorette party. Upon wiping the whipped cream from his eyes Neal realized he was actually at Jerry Falwell's 65th birthday party and Mr. Falwell was just about to stuff another $20 into Neal's G-String. Neal shouted and ran, closely followed by a mob of seniors stuffing change down his coin slot, toward the door yelling for George to "Start the van! Start the van!" Neal escaped with a whopping $1,642.63 in those 10 short minutes, not including the roll of quarters he kept stuffed in his banana hammock.

 

Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1992(2) 1998(9) business ventures(43) celebrities(69) christian(8) food(44) movies(40) neal's fashion sense(20) phallus(8) religion(11) scantily clad people(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: jerry falwell(2) pat robertson(1) under siege(3) under siege 2: dark territory(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Religious iDeals

Views: 202/5801
Added: 04/05/2009

In an effort to avoid paying taxes on his massive fortune, in 1935, Neal established the first truly secular religion, Nealism. Honoring the tenets of this religion involved eating lots of chocolate, sleeping, makin' sweet love down by the fire, and playing video games (the latter being extremely difficult in 1935). Wanting to follow in Neal's footsteps, George created his own religion in 1944, called The First United Orthodox Church of Georgish Science. George amazed his followers by constantly quoting from the Simpsons and the Blues Brothers. Since neither had been created in 1944, his people found George to be the funniest, wittiest man alive.

Tags: 1935(1) 1944(1) food(44) government(16) movies(40) religion(11) science(28) tv shows(48) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: blues brothers(1) the simpsons(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Neal's On Wheels

Views: 411/6056
Added: 04/19/2009

(Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He called it "Neal's On Wheels". Not to be outdone, George provided a service wherein he hid food all over the metropolitan Chicago area for patrons to find and eat. He called it "George's Forage". When that didn't work, because food was usually partially eaten by the large packs of feral mongooses that will roam the streets of Chicago in 2040, he started "George's Porridge", although this led to a lawsuit from an adult movie studio, who claimed the name "George's Porridge" was the title of a long-running (but mediocre selling) line of movies.

 

Neal's On Wheels - Sure they look cute, but when you have thousands of these little guys trying to cross Lake Shore Drive it tends to get messy... Cabbies don't like to stop.

Sure they look cute, but when you have thousands of these little guys trying to cross Lake Shore Drive it tends to get messy... Cabbies don't like to stop.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2040(4) business ventures(43) chicago(10) food(44) lawsuits(13) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Jaguanst Causes Climate Change

Views: 129/12239
Added: 05/18/2009

In a landmark, decade long study that George and Neal published the results of in 2012, it was discovered that the biggest cause of global warming was actually the consumption of carbonated beverages. Every can or bottle of jaguanst (that's soda or pop to you unenlightened ones) consumed by the world's population releases a small amount of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. All that fizz really adds up. As a result of the study world governments immediately banned all carbonated beverages, resulting in dramatic reductions in CO2 emissions around the globe. Subsequently, the drastic cooling effect caused the beginning of the next ice age by 2015.

Tags: 2012(14) 2015(9) food(44) government(16) jaguanst(8) science(28) weather(7)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Marshmonica as Endorsed by John Popper

Views: 367/5177
Added: 06/03/2009

Dateline, 2058: In an effort to feed as well as entertain the homeless, George and Neal invented the first edible harmonica. Much to George's dismay, the harmonica, comprised of marshmallows, candy canes, and prunes (monikered "Marshmonica") was criticized as the world's worst food - both in taste and in nutrition, but got rave reviews by harmonica virtuoso John Popper who purchased them in bulk. George's later edible instruments, including the hamburchordian, cheeseborine, Jaguanstophone, and pizziano were even less successful. Although the Tubagna, a combo tuba/lasagna creation, was in the works, and showed great promise, George and Neal abandoned the project altogether, when the homeless actually banded together and offered to pay them to stop.

Tags: 2058(2) celebrities(69) failures(22) food(44) jaguanst(8) mashups(12) music(25)
Names Mentioned: dateline(2) john popper(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Ice Cream Sandwich: The Origin

Views: 155/3745
Added: 07/01/2009

In 1931, Neal made the mistake of ordering 10,000 loaves of chocolate wafers. (Okay, it wasn't a mistake - he just liked chocolate. It was a weak moment.) George, on the other hand, ordered hundreds of gallons of ice cream - that wasn't a mistake either - he just always wanted to swim in a pool of sherbet. When the bill came, the boys had to find a way to pay for their addictions. Hence, ice cream sandwiches were born. Of course, the original sandwich is different from those of today, which taste much less like George swam in the ice cream.

Tags: 1931(1) food(44) george funk(11) inventions(47) origin(24)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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I Dare You!

Views: 145/9081
Added: 08/25/2009

On September 6, 2010, George and Neal initiated a series of dares, each more shocking than the last. It started innocently enough, when George dared Neal to eat a live worm (not knowing that Neal had done this for free in the past, on a number of occasions). Neal then dared George to go back in time and dress like a woman at a number of milestones in his life.

 

I Dare You! - Although there were those who thought George was the bride, it was still a beautiful ceremony. George decided to keep the toaster that he received; the newlyweds didn't seem to mind.

Although there were those who thought George was the bride, it was still a beautiful ceremony. George decided to keep the toaster that he received; the newlyweds didn't seem to mind.

Photo by: Neal

After George went to numerous weddings, funerals, birthday parties, circumcisions, etc. dressed as a woman, George then dared Neal to not be witty, funny and/or suave for one day. (Neal of course could not do so - his awesomeness is by instinct not design). After trying (and failing) not to be awesome, Neal then dared George to erase Dan Ackroyd's entire existence. George did so with ease and great pleasure. Of course, George had to find someone to fill in the now Ackroyd-less roles...

 

Dan Ack-who? - Now George's come-on, "Hey baby, wanna see my proton pack?" makes sense.

Now George's come-on, "Hey baby, wanna see my proton pack?" makes sense.

Photo by: Neal

The dares continued, each more fantastic than the last, which all culminated somehow in Neal thinking he could take on Muhammad Ali in his prime. Six concussions later, he discovered he could not. Neal would have continued the dare contest, but after multiple blows to the skull, he forgot all about the contest and for some reason instead decided to be a divorce attorney. George was satisfied, believing that somehow this meant he won the contest.

 

Neal vs Cassius Clay - Funny, Neal doesn't remember this at all. (George, on the other hand, remembers it very, very clearly, having profited immensely from all the shirts, DVDs, postcards, "Happy Birthday, Grandma" birthday cards, toilet paper, penile enlargement packs, and other products he sold bearing this image. Thanks George.)

Funny, Neal doesn't remember this at all. (George, on the other hand, remembers it very, very clearly, having profited immensely from all the shirts, DVDs, postcards, "Happy Birthday, Grandma" birthday cards, toilet paper, penile enlargement packs, and other products he sold bearing this image. Thanks George.)

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2010(16) business ventures(43) celebrities(69) competition(10) food(44) george's fashion sense(12) movies(40) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: cassius clay(1) dan ackroyd(1) ghost busters(1) muhammad ali(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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Get $245 Free (maybe)

Views: 105/3568
Added: 09/04/2009

In 1989 George and Neal were instrumental in the launch of the new chocolate DOVE Promises. Each wrapper featured an inspirational promise. Unfortunately the promises turned out to be big lies and the launch was a huge failure. I guess we shouldn't have had sayings like "Of course I'll call you tomorrow." or "No dear, that outfit does not make you look fat, I swear!" and "I will not raise taxes if I'm elected." DOVE canned us and two years later launched their successful line of chocolate Promises. We're now writing exclusively for the American Meteorological Society.

 

Get $245 Free (maybe) - Seriously. Send our adventures to all your friends. You'll either get the $245 or have fewer friends, we make no promises (oh, wait, that was the whole problem...)

Seriously. Send our adventures to all your friends. You'll either get the $245 or have fewer friends, we make no promises (oh, wait, that was the whole problem...)

Photo by: George

Tags: 1989(3) business ventures(43) failures(22) food(44) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: american meteorological society(1) dove chocolate(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Measure Your Spaghetti

Views: 205/4188
Added: 09/06/2009

In 2018 George and Neal were invited to appear before the entire US Government to talk about their accomplishments. The talk started out normal enough, but about 10 minutes into it we had actually hypnotized the entire House and Senate, as well as the President, Vice President, the president's Cabinet, Joint Chiefs of Staff, as well as numerous aides, interns, the press, secret service, foreign dignitaries, and several bystanders. During this short time we made them pass all sorts of humorous laws. For example, Title 214, Section 1212 of the Code of Federal Regulations says it is illegal to eat spaghetti longer than 26 1/2 inches in length on days that start with T, unless the weather is partially cloudy with at least a 30% chance of precipitation, in which case if spaghetti is eaten it must be at least 26 1/2 inches in length and must be slurped, not twisted on a fork. We also had everyone pose for a group photo.

 

Measure Your Spaghetti - Getting everyone to pose for this picture was surprisingly easier than you would think. In fact most of them were already snapping out of the hypnotic state by the time this picture was snapped.

Getting everyone to pose for this picture was surprisingly easier than you would think. In fact most of them were already snapping out of the hypnotic state by the time this picture was snapped.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2018(3) art is art(10) food(44) government(16) laws(10) scantily clad people(15)
Names Mentioned: america(8) spencer tunick(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Dr. Mountain Pepper Dew BBQ Sauce

Views: 1340/6206
Added: 09/18/2009

In 2008, Neal convinced the makers of Dr. Pepper (which he claimed was the greatest jaguanst available, at least until the year 3041, when the superior Rottercola came out, which was far, far tastier and 1800% more likely to cause cavities.) to make a Dr. Pepper flavored barbecue sauce. In support of his favorite jaguanst, George developed a Mountain Dew flavored barbecue sauce. Both sauces sold well, but the debate over which one was better was beginning to get bloody by late 2009. So, in the interest of world peace, George and Neal halted production of the two sauces and developed the hybrid Dr. Mountain Pepper Dew BBQ Sauce. The sauce was mind-numbingly awesome, and swept the nation. In fact, people began simply drinking the barbecue sauce rather than applying it to their tasty meat (that's what she said, am I right?). Soon, companies began distributing the bbq sauce in vending machines (20 oz. for only $1.75!). Gradually, all currencies in the world were replaced by bottles of barbecue sauce, which led to a more solid global economy, ancillary causing world peace. It only lasted 14 minutes, but man, what a great 14 minutes!

Tags: 2008(6) 2009(21) 3041(1) business ventures(43) economy(8) food(44) inventions(47) jaguanst(8) mashups(12) recipes(9) that's what she said(6)
Names Mentioned: dr. pepper(2) mountain dew(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Make the Trains Run on Thyme

Views: 122/4005
Added: 09/18/2009

Mussolini got his idea to tell everyone that he made the trains run on time after George and Neal invented a train that ran on thyme (Benito simply misunderstood us, but recognized a good idea when he heard one). We also invented a car that ran on oregano, a bus that ran on dill, and an airplane that ran on coriander.

Tags: food(44) inspirations(19) inventions(47) people of history(33)
Names Mentioned: benito mussolini(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Restraining Orders Suck

Views: 163/7138
Added: 01/29/2010

Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawed; so, to eliminate as much Awesomeness!™ as possible, George and Neal were ordered to keep away from one another (except for that brief period in 2058 when they secretly invented the edible harmonica under cover of the darkest night). In 2059, Awesomeness!™ was reinstated, and George and Neal were allowed to continue their adventures. They reconnected during 2059... Well, in actual fact, for them it was 2059, but they really reconnected during 424 BCE, in Ancient Persia. At that time, George and Neal started a business selling camels to the citizens of Persia (which were used in combat because of the camels' natural ability to scare off horses in close ranges, a quality famously employed by the Achaemenid Persians when fighting Lydia... See? Education is fun!). George and Neal were known for selling camels with enhanced feet and toes, which assisted the camels during their long and sometimes treacherous travel. You can still purchase your own enhanced camel, provided you, too, have a time machine and can find George and Neal's shop, "Freaky Deaky Camels". (Not the best name for a shop, but much better than Neal's suggestion, "Hey, Look at all my Camel Toes!" and George's suggestion, "My Friend Neal Has Camel Toes".)

Tags: .424 bce(1) 2056(2) 2058(2) 2059(3) animals(16) business ventures(43) education(9) food(44) gimme a break(5) government(16) laws(10) mashups(12) music(25) people of history(33) time machine(37)
Names Mentioned: persia(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Westboro Baptist Church

Views: 130/4252
Added: 08/27/2012

In 2013, in an attempt to connect with the average American, Westboro Baptist Church contacted Neal and George for their advice. We recommended they reach the American public through food. In early 2014 the church released their Westboro Bun Sized Weiners in the hopes that they would be sold at little league baseball and pee-wee football games across the nation. Unfortunately the slogan for the hotdogs, "Our Weiners Fit In Your Buns!" didn't do much to help the church's cause. Later that year the entire church and hot dog factory was swallowed by a large fish.

 

Westboro Baptist Church - Ingredients include: Beef, Hypocrisy, Water, Salt, Corn Syrup, Dextrose, Mustard, Natural Flavorings (including Brimstone, Hellfire, and Natural Smoke) and Coloring (but not Black, Yellow, Brown or Red), Garlic Juice (Garlic Juice, Salt), Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite, Extractives of Paprika, Sheep Casing. We suspect the beef was from a golden calf.

Ingredients include: Beef, Hypocrisy, Water, Salt, Corn Syrup, Dextrose, Mustard, Natural Flavorings (including Brimstone, Hellfire, and Natural Smoke) and Coloring (but not Black, Yellow, Brown or Red), Garlic Juice (Garlic Juice, Salt), Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite, Extractives of Paprika, Sheep Casing.

We suspect the beef was from a golden calf.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2013(7) 2014(7) business ventures(43) food(44) religion(11) westboro baptist church(2)
Names Mentioned: westboro baptist church(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Keeping Kosher

Views: 106/3461
Added: 09/01/2012

Neal enjoys eating pickled pig snouts, but only if they're Kosher. George enjoys eating all the foods his wife won't let him eat.

 

Keeping Kosher - Rabbi Rosenberg's Kosher Pickled Pigs Feet can be found in the eternal damnation section of most grocery stores, next to Cardinal O'Leary's D'Licious Friday Lenten Pickled Tripe, which coincidentally is just down from the Westboro Bun Size Wieners.

Rabbi Rosenberg's Kosher Pickled Pigs Feet can be found in the eternal damnation section of most grocery stores, next to Cardinal O'Leary's D'Licious Friday Lenten Pickled Tripe, which coincidentally is just down from the Westboro Bun Size Wieners.

Photo by: George

Tags: christian(8) food(44) jewish(6) religion(11) westboro baptist church(2)
Names Mentioned: westboro baptist church(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece.

Views: 218/17007
Added: 10/20/2012

Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While the women were gone, George and Neal successfully fended for themselves and the kids, subsisting on a diet of ramen noodles and old fritos they found in couch cushions. Though neither George nor Neal nor the children changed their clothes during the entire time Clarissa and Julie were gone (7 days or 4,000 years depending on how you view time travel), the capable fathers made a game of it. Adin won 1st prize in "Who's That Smell?", an amateur game that George and Neal made up (which they later sold to the CNN network in 3014 - as at that time CNN ceased being a news network and reformed as a pornography / sitcom network). Meanwhile, Clarissa and Julie traveled to Ancient Greece, because Clarissa loves Greek food. Ironically, she felt that the food there didn't compare with the Greek food of 2012. Go figure. Upon their return, Julie and Clarissa refused to tell George and Neal what happened during their stay (because as we know, what happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece). Still, Julie and Clarissa must have had some trip, as now all depictions of the Greek Gods Hera and Aphrodite look exactly like them.

 

What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

This picture was the inspiration for both the 12 hour clock, and erotic cakes. I'm not really sure how that last one relates, but, eh, there you go.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) 3014(2) clarissa(6) food(44) games(14) george funk(11) gimme a break(5) julie(5) neal funk(18) offspring(13) time machine(37) tv shows(48) wives(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: aphrodite(1) cnn(2) greece(2) hera(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Unintelligent Design

Views: 109/2923
Added: 10/20/2012

In 2111 George and Neal made waves in the ongoing debate on Evolution vs. Creationism with a new theory of Unintelligent Design, which states that a divine slacker left a bottle of spoiled miracle milk in a great cosmic refrigerator for too long, and life on Earth was simply the result of ambrosia gone bad.

 

Unintelligent Design - This is an actual photograph that Neal took of the beginning of the Universe. As the smell of curdled divine nectar wafted out of the open bottle, the lavender color of nothing gradually faded to the darkness of interstellar space.

This is an actual photograph that Neal took of the beginning of the Universe. As the smell of curdled divine nectar wafted out of the open bottle, the lavender color of nothing gradually faded to the darkness of interstellar space.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2111(2) astronomy(8) evolution(5) food(44) slacking and being lazy are hard work(9)
Names Mentioned: earth(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Cow Experimentation

Views: 956/5615
Added: 10/22/2012

In 1984, during George and Neal's famous Cow Experimentation period (it's not what it sounds like), they successfully bred cows with extremely high intelligence. As a result, George and Neal became strict vegetarians, and hid the nation's beef. This coincidentally coincided with Wendy's "Where's the Beef?" campaign, and therefore the public thought the lack of beef was merely a marketing stunt. Unfortunately for cows but fortunately for the meat-eating public, the hyper-intelligent cows did not live longer than three days, so the meat was redistributed (that's what she... well, you know where I'm going with that, so let's just move on). Still though, if the cows had survived, what a world it would be... In the three short days they were alive, they founded the United Democratic Distribution of Edible Relief (known as U.D.D.E.R.), an institution devoted to ending worldwide hunger. The organization focused on the mass distribution of chickens, pigs, platypus, and other farm enemies.

Tags: 1984(10) chickens(1) food(44) genetics(16) organizations(15) platypus(4) science(28) that's what she said(6) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: wendy's(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Rhymes with 'Orange'

Views: 129/2098
Added: 03/22/2013

Upon hearing that no word in the English language rhymed with "orange," in 1986, George invented the word "sporange" just so one would exist. Years later, its definition still remains a mystery (although curiously, three people have thus far been convicted of "sporanging.").

Tags: 1986(8) crimes & scams(16) food(44)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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It Stinks!

Views: 51/1028
Added: 07/09/2016

Thanks to the success of nasty food television shows such as Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, and Worst Cooks in America, by 2019 there were no food critics willing to give any positive reviews to restaurants. Every review contained only scathing passages intended to make the restaurateur weep openly and question his or her life choices. For example, one restaurant (coincidentally, owned by George) was hit with this review: "I would have given it zero stars, but I refused to use the word "star" in this review for fear there was a scintilla suggesting anything redeeming about the food, atmosphere, or even oxygen found within this establishment."

Ouch. To combat this level of negativity, that same year George and Neal began reviewing restaurants, choosing only to give positive reviews. Quote Neal, "You can find the good in anything, if you look hard enough." By way of proof, see George and Neal's review of Bits 'O Mostly Chicken Restaurant ("The food was edible"); Oscar's Stench Hut ("The server gave me food while I was there"); M.C. Hammer's Chow House ("I appreciated that they did not lock the bathroom when I got food poisoning, and the hospital they directed me to was quite serviceable"); and I Made It Out Of Clay: A Unique Israeli Restaurant Experience ("The food was dry and ready.")

Tags: 2019(2) critic(1) criticism(1) food(44) food critic(1) food poisoning(2) hell's kitchen(1) israeli food(2) kitchen nightmares(1) oscar's stench hut(1) restaurant(1) restaurant critic(1) review(1) worst cooks in america(1)
Names Mentioned: M.C. Hammer(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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The Guide to Everything

Views: 94/4018
Added: 08/08/2016

It surely goes without saying that, for thousands of years, George and Neal had an enormous impact on pop culture. They affected everything from television shows to movies, music to currency (especially during 2037-2062 where they convinced the world to use Beanie Babies as the universal currency.) Below you will find a section from the TV Guide for April 5-11, 2065, which illustrates the great impact they had on the television landscape. Note that most shows were created by George and Neal. The rest were created by George, George, George, Neal, and Neal (thanks to their forays into cloning).

 

The Guide to Everything - Fun Fact: before being beamed directly into your skull (whether you wanted it or not), TV Guide use to be printed on an ancient material known as “paper.

Fun Fact: before being beamed directly into your skull (whether you wanted it or not), TV Guide use to be printed on an ancient material known as “paper.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: ABC(15) ABC Audience(15) American Idol(15) Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader(15) Bravo(10) Carmen Sandiego(15) CBS(15) Clifford(15) Clones(12) Connect the Dots(15) Cujo(15) Deadwood(15) Different Strokes(15) Discovery(14) E(3) Food(44) FOX(15) Golf(13) HBO(13) History(13) How I Met Your Mother(15) Last Man Standing(15) Learning(14) Lifetime(11) Meet the Press(15) MTV(15) NBC(15) QVC(11) So You Think You Can Dance(15) SYFY(11) TBS(10) Texas Chainsaw Massacre(15) Three Stooges(15) TruTV(11) TV Guide(15) Weather Channel(11) Welcome Back Kotter(15) WGN(12) Zombies(21)
Names Mentioned: and Sometimes Shemp(7) Barat(7) Batman(8) Captain Kirk(7) Carmen Sandiego(7) Clifford(7) Cujo(8) Curly(7) Donald Trump(10) Dr. Who(7) George Jaros(12) Guarandukht(7) Harry Potter(8) Ken Burns(7) Larry(7) Martha Stewart(9) Moe(7) Neal Simon(8) Regis Philbin(7) Robin Williams(8) Scott Baio(8) William Shatner(8) Zardoz(8)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Chewie Wookie Cookies

Views: 71/434
Added: 03/08/2017

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... As a young girl, Princess Leia Organa was a member of the Alderaan Starflower Girl Scout Troop. Her troop was one of the first in the Core Worlds, but began to struggle with funding as a result of increased costs for their grassroots support of the Rebel Alliance. Leia helped to organize a bake sale, selling cookies to support her Troop and the idea caught on. Within a few years Troops all around the galaxy were selling cookies to support Girl Scout Troops from Naboo to Hoth. By 2 BBY the Girl Scouts had standardized on several different cookie flavors, and the most popular varieties started are still available during annual fundraising drives for Girl Scouts in several different galaxies throughout the Universe (except on Alderaan, unfortunately). In 28 ABY the Girl Scouts redesigned their logo to honor Leia's inspirational work in both the Girl Scouts and the Rebel Alliance. Today the logo, known as the Trefoil, still reflects Leia's signature hairstyle.

 

Chewie Wookie Cookies - Today's most popular selling cookie is the Thin Mint, but in Leia's time the most popular variety were the Chewie Wookie cookies.

Today's most popular selling cookie is the Thin Mint, but in Leia's time the most popular variety were the Chewie Wookie cookies.

Photo by: George

Tags: are girl scout cookies made from real girl scouts?(1) cookie(2) cookies(2) food(44) it's not all about us(1) recipes(9) star wars(7)
Names Mentioned: girl scout cookies(1) girl scouts(1) princess leia(1) star wars(6)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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