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Kidnapped by Ninjas

Views: 220/3975
Added: 03/01/2009

In 2009, while writing an update to this profile, Neal was kidnapped by ninjas. (Though, truth be told, Neal took out 58 of the ninjas with his awesome karate skills. He was overpowered by the remaining 342 ninjas). Thus, George set on his 14 day quest to save Neal, which involved scaling numerous mountains, fighting 3 mountain lions and one kitten (though, he probably didn't have to fight the kitten), and taking on an armada of stealthy warriors. George's mission was a success, and now they are making a mega-blockbuster feature film. Ok, so it's not going to be a mega-blockbuster, but it'll win a few awards. Or maybe it'll just be an independent film released to a limited audience. Or a direct-to-dvd movie. Well, ok, there will just be a made-for-tv movie about it. Well, actually, not a made-for-tv movie. More of a television short. Well, more of a youtube clip. Well, okay, it was that Numa Numa clip. But that was totally symbolic of the struggles, man.

 

Kidnapped by Ninjas - That cat shouldn't have talked so much trash.

That cat shouldn't have talked so much trash.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2009(21) cats(8) journey(6) kicking ass(16) movies(40) ninjas(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Just Another Barbecue

Views: 361/5346
Added: 03/10/2009

In the summer of 2009, George and Neal had a barbecue. (Hey, not everything is as exciting as time traveling or fighting off townspeople.) Oh yeah, there were hordes of zombies at the barbecue that George and Neal had to battle. Almost forgot about that part.

 

Just Another Barbecue - Still, it wasn't the worst barbecue we've attended...

Still, it wasn't the worst barbecue we've attended...

Photo by: Neal

 

Mmmm...  Grilled Zombie... - ...we did manage to get some interesting bits to try grilling.

...we did manage to get some interesting bits to try grilling.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2009(21) food(45) kicking ass(16) relaxing(1) zombies(21)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1), Neal (1)

 
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Norris and Nye

Views: 144/4296
Added: 03/24/2009

George and Neal taught Chuck Norris everything he knows about kicking ass and Bill Nye everything he knows about science.

Tags: celebrities(69) kicking ass(16) science(28)
Names Mentioned: bill nye(1) chuck norris(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Bum Ba Bum, Ba Bum Bum...

Views: 150/3432
Added: 04/11/2009

In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The George & Neal Team.

 

Bum Ba Bum, Ba Bum Bum... - Don't let their looks fool you; George and Neal were the brains and muscle in this outfit.

Don't let their looks fool you; George and Neal were the brains and muscle in this outfit.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1972(3) a-team(2) crimes & scams(16) government(16) kicking ass(16)
Names Mentioned: a-team(3) los angeles(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Chainsaw Wielding Raccoons

Views: 145/2843
Added: 04/18/2009

In 1974 George and Neal prevented a hostile takeover of the US by an army of chainsaw wielding raccoons. We did this by training squirrels to use nail guns to take out the raccoons. Unfortunately the squirrels got too sure of themselves and started taking out peanut vendors at sporting events. George and Neal solved this problem by meeting with the squirrels without preconditions. They agreed to stop shooting peanut vendors if we agreed to lift economic sanctions against their home nation of Sciuridaetopia.

Tags: 1974(6) kicking ass(16) peanuts(6) raccoons(3) sciuridaetopia(3) squirrels(3)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Godzilla

Views: 176/6281
Added: 04/24/2009

In 1954, Neal and George worked in Japan assisting scientists with all sorts of experiments. (The boys secretly volunteered because they enjoyed drinking random test tubes of unknown substances in hopes of becoming giddily intoxicated). Unfortunately, the scientists' atomic testing awoke a furious Godzilla, which began destroying everything in sight. Fortunately, all of the genetic testing performed on George and Neal caused them to grow to epic proportions.

 

Godzilla - Godzilla is moderately annoyed.

Godzilla is moderately annoyed.

Photo by: Neal

George sprang into action, hitting Godzilla repeatedly with a broom. (Why a broom? Who knows? Maybe George couldn't find his purse.) Neal did not help in any meaningful way during the battle. Instead, he merely stood around, flexing his new gigantic muscles. After the rampage, Neal and George's bodies reverted back to their original size. Their heads, however, remained extremely gigantic for many years. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise, and they became highly compensated, successful models for Pep Boys.

 

Pep Boys: The Origin - Sadly, this doesn't look all that different than what we normally look like.

Sadly, this doesn't look all that different than what we normally look like.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1954(2) genetics(16) inspirations(19) kicking ass(16) mythological critters(7)
Names Mentioned: godzilla(3) japan(2) pep boys(1) tokyo(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (2)

 
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Duke Nukem Forever

Views: 129/2948
Added: 05/12/2009

In April 2097 George and Neal released the long anticipated video game, Duke Nukem Forever, only 100 years after it was announced. Contrary to popular belief the project was never cancelled, was not a myth, and really did take 100 years of work to develop. Just wait until you get to play it. It will kick your ass and then go in search of more bubblegum.

Tags: 2097(1) kicking ass(16) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: duke nukem(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Sciuridaetopian National Independent Commando Killing Elite Reactionary Squirrel Team

Views: 203/3732
Added: 05/27/2009

In 1994 George and Neal prevented a hostile takeover of the US by an army of chainsaw wielding raccoons (yes, again). Luckily our nail gun firing squirrels that we trained in the 1974 incursion had multiplied (like rodents are prone to do) as had their arsenal. Because of George and Neal's diplomacy (and a few strategically placed peanut bribes) their nation of Sciuridaetopia sent their Sciuridaetopian National Independent Commando Killing Elite Reactionary Squirrel team (S.N.I.C.K.E.R.S.) to save us all from having to eat out of garbage cans and dip our food in water once again (although Neal does tend to enjoy his meals that way occasionally).

 

Sciuridaetopian National Independent Commando Killing Elite Reactionary Squirrel Team - This raccoon stood no chance against the lightsaber wielding rodents...

This raccoon stood no chance against the lightsaber wielding rodents...

Photo by: George

Tags: 1974(6) 1994(4) kicking ass(16) peanuts(6) raccoons(3) sciuridaetopia(3) squirrels(3) star wars(7)
Names Mentioned: star wars(6)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Sciuridaetopia Invades

Views: 156/3620
Added: 06/06/2009

In 2014 the United States was overrun by a large number of giant squirrels. Apparently our neighbor, Sciuridaetopia had been conducting top secret genetic experiments when something went terribly wrong and the test subjects escaped, rampaging across Sciuridaetopia's main science campus in the capital city of Skiouros before fleeing into neighboring US territory. George and Neal lead a team of S.N.I.C.K.E.R.S. as well as members of various elite US military outfits to hunt down all of the gigantic squirrels. Thanks to George and Neal's heroic efforts all twelve escaped subjects were killed or captured. Sciuridaetopia has agreed to suspend their Ratufa Maximus program and is now focusing their scientific talents toward figuring out social issues they face, like how to get into a bird feeder atop a flag pole.

 

Sciuridaetopia Invades - Our battles against Godzilla were great practice. Taking out squirrels was a piece of cake.

Our battles against Godzilla were great practice. Taking out squirrels was a piece of cake.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2014(7) genetics(16) kicking ass(16) science(28) sciuridaetopia(3) squirrels(3)
Names Mentioned: america(8) godzilla(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Goodby Kimmie!

Views: 159/4459
Added: 08/25/2009

In December, 2011 Neal and George did the world a favor by getting rid of Kim Jong Il using a technique they spent decades perfecting. The "Remote Head Squish" method of attack is a secret that was passed on to them by Samurai Master Nasu no Yoichi in 12th century Japan (March 13, 1192 to be exact).

 

Goodby Kimmie! - They never saw us coming. One of the benefits of having a personal cloaking device.

They never saw us coming. One of the benefits of having a personal cloaking device.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1192(1) 2011(8) celebrities(69) kicking ass(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: kim jong il(1) nasu no yoichi(1) north korea(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Huh huh huh, you said 'deep'...

Views: 167/4378
Added: 09/29/2009

On May 11, 1997, "Deep Blue", a chess-playing computer developed by IBM, won a six-game match by two wins to one with three draws against world champion Garry Kasparov. George believed he do could much better than Kasparov, and challenged the computer to another six-game match. The computer beat George - badly - in the chess competition. However, when George challenged Deep Blue to an Ultimate Fighting Championship, the computer was easily beaten by George, losing 5 out of 6 matches.

Tags: 1997(6) celebrities(69) games(15) kicking ass(16) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: garry kasparov(1) ibm(1) ultimate fighting championship(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Lady Gaga vs P!nk

Views: 483/6169
Added: 09/29/2009

In 2011 the debate over which female music artist was the craziest resulted in a UFC cage match between Lady Gaga and P!nk. The match lasted 12 hours before a strung out old skank arrived, bitch slapped both girls, flashed the crowd, and passed out. Lady Gaga and P!nk stopped fighting, shook hands, and decided that no matter how freaky they each became, neither of them had anything on Courtney Love.

 

Lady Gaga vs P!nk - This may have been the strangest UFC match ever aired, even stranger than George's battle with Deep Blue or Neal's fight against that octopus.

This may have been the strangest UFC match ever aired, even stranger than George's battle with Deep Blue or Neal's fight against that octopus.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2011(8) celebrities(69) kicking ass(16) music(26) ouch! that'll leave a mark(13)
Names Mentioned: courtney love(1) lady gaga(1) p!nk(1) ultimate fighting championship(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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George's Ghastly Spell and the Toothless Fairy

Views: 155/2968
Added: 11/19/2009

For four years (1995 - 1999) George filled in for the Boogie Man while he was on sabbatical. Those exceptionally productive years are affectionately known as "George's Ghastly Spell" by Boogie Man aficionados. Neal spent the same time period impersonating the Tooth Fairy until she finally caught up with him in early 1999 and kicked his ass. Today, Neal is known as the Toothless Fairy among Tooth Fairy aficionados.

Tags: 1995(2) 1999(3) kicking ass(16) mythological critters(7) nicknames(14)
Names Mentioned: boogie man(1) tooth fairy(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Pluto's back, and it's pissed...

Views: 241/2424
Added: 08/25/2012

Starting in 2115 George and Neal started sending weekly weight gain supplements and steroids to the Dwarf Planet Pluto. By 2194 Pluto had gained enough mass to achieve orbital dominance, thus re-establishing it in its rightful place as the 9th Planet of the solar system. Unfortunately Pluto's not quite so polite method of clearing its orbit, and the eventual battery of its moon Charon resulted in the rest of the Solar System's objects holding an intervention and ultimately sending Pluto to a rehab facility. In 2238 Pluto returned to the Solar System clean and friendly, though substantially less massive. Pluto was able to remain docile and still retain enough mass to keep its status as a full fledged planet through a healthy regimen of diet and exercise.

 

Pluto's back, and it's pissed... - It was hard to see since the sun was so far away, but we're pretty sure Pluto had a red neck.

It was hard to see since the sun was so far away, but we're pretty sure Pluto had a red neck.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2115(2) 2194(1) 2238(1) astronomy(8) kicking ass(16) rehab(3)
Names Mentioned: charon(1) pluto(1) solar system(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Skullets Rock!

Views: 351/14545
Added: 11/21/2013

In 1983 George convinced Patrick Stewart that it was time to change his hairstyle and shave his afro. Neal suggested a mohawk instead, which Patrick tried, but after a few months Patrick decided the mowhawk wasn't an edgy enough hair and it was time to go for a classically timeless skullet. He wore the skullet to great success as Gurney Halleck in 1984's Dune, however in 1987 Neal tried to talk Patrick into turning the skullet into Bozo hair, but he wisely refused and instead decided to go for the full cue ball effect. The glabrescent style became part of his trademark look and helped him land the iconic role of Captain Jean Luc Picard after Robert H. Justman, producer for a revival of a long-cancelled television show, saw Patrick while attending a literary reading at UCLA. The rest is, as they say, "Tea. Earl Grey. Hot."

 

Skullets Rock! - 'The Prime Directive is not just a set of rules; it is a philosophy ... and a very correct one. History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous, but not as disastrous as this hair cut.' - Jean Luc Picard'Messing with less developed civilizations is fun!' - George and Neal

'The Prime Directive is not just a set of rules; it is a philosophy ... and a very correct one. History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous, but not as disastrous as this hair cut.' - Jean Luc Picard

'Messing with less developed civilizations is fun!' - George and Neal

Photo by: George

Tags: 1983(6) 1984(10) 1987(7) celebrities(69) cool(3) evolution(5) extreme makeover(2) george's fashion sense(12) hair(11) in good company(6) kicking ass(16) movies(40) no shave november(2) people of history(33) tv shows(48) two heads are only slightly better than one(2)
Names Mentioned: dune(1) frank herbert(1) gurney halleck(1) jean luc picard(1) patrick stewart(1) robert h. justman(1) star trek(2) ucla(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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There is No Zero!

Views: 135/4659
Added: 09/21/2016

In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has been stricken from historical records.

Tags: 0(1) 1966(2) ancient wonders(9) annoying fads(2) australia(2) clem(3) collapse of civilization(3) costumes(4) creamed corn(2) extinction(4) food poisoning(3) foot odor(3) forget this ever happened(9) genetics(16) george funk(11) good vibrations(2) great music(4) groin kick(3) historic events(18) History(13) hollandaise sauce(2) israeli food(2) jaguanst(8) kicking ass(16) lasagna(2) lawsuits(13) lotion(2) neal funk(18) oops(16) party like its 1999(2) people of history(33) phallus(8) platypus(4) pleasurebot(3) poop(7) power tools(2) pudding(2) reasons julie weeps(2) revenge(6) rhubarb(4) scantily clad people(15) stinky feet(3) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(3) things neal eats(9) things we made better(4) time paradoxes are fun(4) time travel(3) turtles & tortoises(3) vajazzled(3) wives(15) xxx(11) zoos and farm animals(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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