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Synchronized Swimming

Views: 381/6121
Added: 02/13/2009

Remember Karate Kid? Well, George and Neal faced off against each other in a similar competition, except it was not Karate, but rather synchronized swimming. George won, and thanks to Neal's speedo, everyone else lost.

 

Synchronized Swimming - This cannot end well.

This cannot end well.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: competition(10) movies(41) neal's fashion sense(21) scantily clad people(15) sports(24)
Names Mentioned: karate kid(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Don Cherry's Wardrobe: The Origin

Views: 399/6046
Added: 03/10/2009

George and Neal are in charge or Don Cherry's wardrobe.

 

Don Cherry's Wardrobe: The Origin - George and Neal with Don Cherry and one of his tamer getups.

George and Neal with Don Cherry and one of his tamer getups.

Photo by: George

Tags: celebrities(69) costumes(4) neal's fashion sense(21) origin(24)
Names Mentioned: don cherry(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Sisters of Endless Guilt

Views: 330/5433
Added: 03/11/2009

In 1962 George and Neal dressed as nuns and moved into the Sisters of Endless Guilt convent, just for kicks. We lived there for three and a half months before we were discovered. After being sent out of the convent we took our habits to Antarctica to live with the penguins. So far our guise has not been penetrated (and neither have we, luckily).

Tags: 1962(1) animals(17) antarctica(2) christian(8) costumes(4) crimes & scams(16) george's fashion sense(13) neal's fashion sense(21) religion(11)
Names Mentioned: antarctica(2)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Worst... Enya... Ever...

Views: 401/8866
Added: 03/20/2009

George was the fifth Beatle. However, due to a problem with the time machine, he had to forsake this role, give up fame and fortune and return to his present time. George tells everyone he meets this fact. In 2000, Neal was the sixth Backstreet Boy. Neal tells no one this fact. However, Neal is quite proud of the short time that he posed as Enya while in witness protection. Despite poor reviews ("Worst... Enya... Ever..."), his concerts were quite popular; though this might have something to do with "Enya's" new mandate requiring copious amounts of backup-singer nudity.

Tags: 2000(7) beatles(3) celebrities(69) music(26) neal's fashion sense(21) scantily clad people(15)
Names Mentioned: backstreet boys(1) beatles(4) enya(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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We're Not Bigfoot

Views: 440/5306
Added: 03/24/2009

George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look "ape-like." Occasionally, they do not shave, but still appear in public. This explains the constant "bigfoot" sightings. Unknown to most, however, is that the name was derived from the fact that the hairy-George constantly appeared while carrying his Bigfoot convenience store cup.

 

We're Not Bigfoot - Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Later that day Neal shaved and went to dinner at Applebee's. No one suspected a thing.

Photo by: George

Tags: amazing abilities(16) animals(17) conspiracy theories(7) george funk(11) hair(12) mythological critters(7) neal's fashion sense(21)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Under Siege

Views: 681/4359
Added: 04/01/2009

In 1992 George and Neal starred in the blockbuster action hit "Under Siege". George starred as the ex-Navy SEAL turned cook who must protect an aircraft carrier from a group of mercenaries. Neal starred as the helpless stripper that jumped out of a birthday cake at the wrong time.

 

Under Siege - George and Neal in their respective roles for the blockbuster hit, "Under Siege". Do a search - Neal's picture is all over the internet for this scene.

George and Neal in their respective roles for the blockbuster hit, "Under Siege". Do a search - Neal's picture is all over the internet for this scene.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1992(2) movies(41) neal's fashion sense(21)
Names Mentioned: under siege(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party

Views: 342/15360
Added: 04/04/2009

Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Territory". George would bake the cakes and deliver them and Neal would jump out of them. This was a very successful business until August, 1998, when Neal believed he was being sent to a bachelorette party. At the designated time Neal leaped out of the cake and began shaking his stuff while bills got stuffed into his speedo. After about 10 minutes Neal realized that the laughs were slightly deeper than what he would expect from a bachelorette party. Upon wiping the whipped cream from his eyes Neal realized he was actually at Jerry Falwell's 65th birthday party and Mr. Falwell was just about to stuff another $20 into Neal's G-String. Neal shouted and ran, closely followed by a mob of seniors stuffing change down his coin slot, toward the door yelling for George to "Start the van! Start the van!" Neal escaped with a whopping $1,642.63 in those 10 short minutes, not including the roll of quarters he kept stuffed in his banana hammock.

 

Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1992(2) 1998(9) business ventures(46) celebrities(69) christian(8) food(45) movies(41) neal's fashion sense(21) phallus(8) religion(11) scantily clad people(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: jerry falwell(2) pat robertson(1) under siege(3) under siege 2: dark territory(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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KISS

Views: 325/8321
Added: 04/13/2009

George and Neal were once part of the rock band KISS, but left the band in 1974 because they didn't think makeup of a raccoon and chimp respectively was cool enough. They also tried to convince Peter Criss to come with, but he seemed to like the cat makeup. Peter Criss did eventually leave the band in 1980 but kept returning and quitting the band throughout the years. In 1994 George and Neal became nostalgic for the KISS years and grew fond of the raccoon and chimp makeup and are now rarely seen in public without it.

Tags: 1974(6) 1980(4) 1994(4) celebrities(69) George's Fashion Sense(13) music(26) neal's fashion sense(21) our bands(9)
Names Mentioned: kiss(2) peter criss(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Vun (ah ah ah) Too (ah ah ah) Tree (ah ah ah)...

Views: 361/11598
Added: 04/14/2009

George was originally cast in the lead role as Michael Knight for the 1980's TV series Knight Rider, however due to conflicting interests (George was in the process of developing an actual artificial intelligence for a car, as well as a "human-like orifice" - what was that about, George?) he had to refuse the role. Neal was also approached to play a role in the TV series, but he didn't pass the audition process. The producers said he used too much emotion in his portrayal of a talking car. They also thought the voice over part for the car should be played by someone wearing more than platform shoes and a cape. Neal refused to compromise on his artistic interpretation of the part. Neal's love of the platform shoe and cape was the inspiration for Sesame Street's "The Count" - not Dracula, as most people believe was the basis for the character.

 

Vun (ah ah ah) Too (ah ah ah) Tree (ah ah ah)... - Above: what could have been.... But for the conflict of interest, George would have taken the role of Michael Knight, and would have went on to star in Baywatch, and sung arguably acceptable quality rock songs as the Berlin Wall came down. Hasselhoff, on the other hand, would have gone on to star in hundreds of adult films, including "Degradation She Wrote", "Smoke the Bandit", and "Not So Different Strokes". The jury is still out as to which would have been a better reality.

Above: what could have been.... But for the conflict of interest, George would have taken the role of Michael Knight, and would have went on to star in Baywatch, and sung arguably acceptable quality rock songs as the Berlin Wall came down. Hasselhoff, on the other hand, would have gone on to star in hundreds of adult films, including "Degradation She Wrote", "Smoke the Bandit", and "Not So Different Strokes". The jury is still out as to which would have been a better reality.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1980s(7) art is art(10) celebrities(69) inspirations(19) knight rider(2) neal's fashion sense(21) scantily clad people(15) tv shows(49)
Names Mentioned: baywatch(1) berlin(1) david hasselhoff(2) dracula(2) knight rider(2) sesame street(4)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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We'd Need a Thneed Indeed!

Views: 333/8552
Added: 05/16/2009

In 1965 George and Neal invented an odd-looking but versatile garment that everyone needs. In 1971 we licensed the story of the growing Thneed industry to Dr. Seuss who wrote the story "The Lorax". Fortunately the story was an exaggeration of what could happen, but we were much more responsible with our manufacturing process, using only cutting edge sustainable technology, including using biofuels, 99% recycling efforts, solar cells and solar collectors to generate heat and electricity, reforestation projects, and more. Our patented Thneed Manufacturing Process was so low impact that most people don't even know it existed. And I guess that was our downfall. No one bought our Thneeds. In 2008 George brought suit against Fosdick Corporation, the company which markets the Snuggie, a blatant rip-off of the Thneed. Neal also filed suit against Fosdick Corporation, but because they are using the trademarked name he uses for his line of underwear (which he exclusively models). Neal's Fosdick Tighty Whiteys sell worse than the Thneeds...

Tags: 1965(1) 1971(1) 2008(6) business ventures(46) inventions(49) lawsuits(13) neal's fashion sense(21) scantily clad people(15)
Names Mentioned: dr. seuss(2) fosdick corporation(1) snuggie(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Vatican Idol and Spin-offs

Views: 353/13884
Added: 06/02/2009

In 2007, hoping to cash in and ride on the success of American Idol, but knowing his limitations (such as poor fashion sense, body odor, warbley singing, weird eyebrows, crooked teeth, mismatched nostrils.... [editor's note: many of Neal's failings have been deleted to preserve Facebook's memory/storage]), Neal prompted George to create Vatican Idol, which he would then try out for. As Vatican City is the smallest country in the world by both area and population (pop: 900), Neal was sure to win the title. Or so he thought. Voted "Vatican City's 900th best singer," Neal suffered through the worst of Simon Cowell's caustic remarks, including: "I have seen more talent contained in the bowels of a seven-day-deceased rodent," "I would rather listen to spider-monkeys mating than hear another second of you singing", and "Despite the fact that all you did was sing, I can unequivocally say that you are the worst human being ever to exist on the face of the planet." Ouch. Neal then set his sights on performing in So You Think You Can Dance?. That, too, went poorly. Hopefully he will fare better on George's newest show, So You Think You Can Sit?.

 

Vatican Idol and Spin-offs - So tense... So exciting... Can you stay in your seat?

So tense... So exciting... Can you stay in your seat?

Photo by: Neal

George, on the other hand, began producing hit after hit in the reality programming world, including: The Amazing Standing In Place, Britain's Got Teeth Problems, and The Last Accountant Standing.

 

Britain's Got Teeth Problems - Stereotypes have never seemed so fun!

Stereotypes have never seemed so fun!

Photo by: Neal

 

The Last Accountant Standing - File this... under awesome!

File this... under awesome!

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2007(2) britain(9) celebrities(69) failures(22) neal funk(18) neal's fashion sense(21) tv shows(49)
Names Mentioned: amazing race(1) american idol(1) bbc(1) bet(1) britain's got talent(1) fox(2) last comic standing(1) simon cowell(1) so you think you can dance(2) vatican(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

 
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1945, Tigers/Cubs, Game 4 of the World Series

Views: 354/13770
Added: 08/15/2009

In 1945, George and Neal decided to go to a Tigers/Cubs game - fatefully, it was Game 4 of the World Series. During the game, George complained of a strange odor. After a few innings, George became so upset by the noxious smell, he complained to P.K. Wrigley, who located a nearby patron who was attending the game with his billy goat. After asking the patron (Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis) to leave because his pet goat's odor was bothering other fans, Sianis became outraged and declared, "Them Cubs, they aren't gonna win no more," which has been interpreted to mean that there would never be another World Series game played at Wrigley Field. It has also been said by many that Sianis put a "curse" on the Cubs; if so, it was incredibly effective as the Cubs have not won a single World Series since then. (Later that evening, George located the odor, and it wasn't the goat. It was Neal. Whoops.)

While we're on the topic of the Cubs, George and Neal felt so badly for having caused a curse that led to the downfall of the Cubs Dynasty, they vowed to do all that they could to break the curse (ok, they didn't feel too bad, but the Cubs were the only baseball team they could afford to try out their awesome plan). That's why in 2020, George and Neal populated the entire Cubs team with many versions of themselves taken from different timelines. The Neals and Georges trained for many months, to get in peak physical condition. Given George and Neal's skills (including their self-professed and much doubted sexual prowess), the people of Chicago, nay, the world, were filled with hope and excitement. People also thought Waterworld and the Postman would be good movies. People are idiots. George and Neal's first game resulted in the injuries of numerous Georges and Neals, and a score of 75-1. (They got one run during the inning that the pitcher kept beaming them in the head for fun.) Consequently, that was the first and last game George and Neal ever played as Cubs. The next day the owners (who happened to be the real Neal and George for that time) fired all the other Neals and Georges and rehired all the original players. Interestingly enough, that devastating loss was not the Cubs' worst defeat. They lost by bigger margins three more times that season despite Neal and George no longer playing. Chalk it up to bad managing (the George and Neal managers were fired at the end of the season).

 

Even We Couldn't Help the Cubs - Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1945(2) 2020(5) chicago(10) cubs(2) failures(22) george's fashion sense(13) historic events(18) neal funk(18) neal's fashion sense(21) oops(16) sports(24)
Names Mentioned: billy goat tavern(1) billy sianis(1) chicago(14) chicago cubs(2) detroit tigers(1) p k wrigley(1) the postman(1) waterworld(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Love those Anne Geddes baby-flower costumes.

Views: 303/3889
Added: 12/10/2009

For some unknown reason Japanese people like to take photographs of George. Only Neal likes to take photos of Neal, in those Anne Geddes baby-flower costumes. Please don't ask Neal about it. It's really just a comfort thing. And really, who are you to judge?

Tags: neal's fashion sense(21) we don't get it either(3)
Names Mentioned: anne geddes(1) japan(2)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration

 
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Olympic Snowball

Views: 864/10290
Added: 08/09/2010

In 2022, at George and Neal's insistence (ok, it was actually persistence - we agreed to finally stop whining about it if the IOC included it - we can be very persuasive) Snowball Fights became an Olympic sport. USA won the first two Olympics with the event (mainly because the IOC refused to acknowledge it and there were no other competitors in 2022 and only Ghana in 2026). Unfortunately by 2041 global warming had progressed to the point where holding Winter Olympics was pretty pointless (the 2040 Olympics were mainly a soggy, slushy mess), so 2044 marked the first ever Spring Olympics (since Winter as a season no longer existed anywhere on Earth except Detroit for some reason, but no one wanted to travel there). Instead of Bobsled there was the Mudslide, Speed Skating became Liquid Mountaineering (look it up), and Snowball Fights became The Mud Sling. Throwing mud rekindled George and Neal's interest in the Olympics (they quickly realized in 2023 that snowball fights were a bit immature) and George and Neal promptly joined the 2048 US Olympic Mud Slinging Team where they led the team to 18 consecutive Olympic Mud Slinging Gold Medals (including 48 of the 51 World Mudslinging Championships in non-Olympic years - The Republican and Democratic parties won the other three years).

 

Olympic Snowball - Members of the 2030 Canadian Snowball Team deftly dodging a barrage of snow from the signature move, Holy White Fury, of the Vatican team.

Members of the 2030 Canadian Snowball Team deftly dodging a barrage of snow from the signature move, Holy White Fury, of the Vatican team.

Photo by: George

 

Lose the loincloth please... - Neal preparing to sling a whopper at Flu Pou Tou Eue, the captain of the Chinese team, in 2056. Neal claimed the extra weight gave him an advantage, but we think he just liked eating too much mud. And he never had an excuse for the loincloth...

Neal preparing to sling a whopper at Flu Pou Tou Eue, the captain of the Chinese team, in 2056. Neal claimed the extra weight gave him an advantage, but we think he just liked eating too much mud. And he never had an excuse for the loincloth...

Photo by: George

Tags: 2022(4) 2023(2) 2026(2) 2040(4) 2041(2) 2044(1) 2056(2) awards and recognition(12) christian(8) neal's fashion sense(21) politics(9) sports(24) things neal eats(9) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: canada(4) china(3) democratic party(1) ghana(1) olympics(3) republican party(1) vatican(3)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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They're Not Imaginary Afterall

Views: 627/7107
Added: 11/11/2011

Between January 2111 and August 2121 George and Neal set out on a quest to discover as many creatures generally thought to be imaginary as possible. Over their 10 year hunt they proved the existence of unicorns, pixies, trolls, harpies, thunderbirds, centaurs, Nessie, yeti and sasquatch (but not bigfoot), Gary Busey, chimera, phoenix, and sqrt -1.

 

They're Not Imaginary Afterall - Over the course of 10 years Neal tried lots of different ways of attracting the elusive unicorn. The big question isn't why he tried out this costume, but why he didn't stop wearing it after we found a unicorn.

Over the course of 10 years Neal tried lots of different ways of attracting the elusive unicorn. The big question isn't why he tried out this costume, but why he didn't stop wearing it after we found a unicorn.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2111(2) 2121(3) celebrities(69) mythological critters(7) neal's fashion sense(21)
Names Mentioned: gary busey(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Going all Einstein on your mouth...

Views: 377/5924
Added: 08/26/2012

In order to celebrate his genius, George and Neal went back in time to 1952 to meet Albert Einstein. Rather than being interested in scientific breakthroughs and new physics concepts of the new millennium, Einstein wished only to learn of our current fashion trends. Consequently, history was altered ever-so-slightly, and now getting your tongue pierced is commonly referred to as "going all Einstein on your mouth".

 

Going all Einstein on your mouth... - According to Einstein, "Ziss vas vorth de infection."

According to Einstein, "Ziss vas vorth de infection."

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1952(3) einstein(3) george's fashion sense(13) inspirations(19) neal's fashion sense(21) science(28)
Names Mentioned: albert einstein(4)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Nealotards

Views: 309/7058
Added: 08/28/2012

For six years, from 2021 to 2027 Neal tried very hard to get the world to pick up male-leotards as the latest fashion trend (he called them Nealotards). Those are known as the "Twenty Twenty Dark Ages" because not only did it occur during the 2020's, but Neal was featured on 20/20 in 2022 and also anyone with 20-20 vision went blind when they saw Neal strutting his stuff. Coincidentally, Neal is facing 20 law suits after this stunt.

 

Nealotards - Once you've seen it you can't un-see it.

Once you've seen it you can't un-see it.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2020s(1) 2021(3) 2022(4) 2027(1) lawsuits(13) Neal's Fashion Sense(21) tv shows(49)
Names Mentioned: 20/20(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Clint Ain't Wacko!

Views: 321/16231
Added: 09/09/2012

In August 2012, Clint Eastwood was thought to have embarrassed himself at the Republican National Convention by pretending to argue with an invisible President Obama, when in actuality he was merely talking with an empty chair. Most of the world cut him some slack when they realized that not six months earlier, Eastwood participated in the famous "Eastwood / Invisible Neal" debates, ironically emceed by a very visible Obama. You couldn't blame the guy for later getting slightly confused.

 

Clint Ain't Wacko! - Despite being invisible, Neal frustrated many by continually asking how his hair was.

Despite being invisible, Neal frustrated many by continually asking how his hair was.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2012(14) celebrities(69) discombobulation(4) neal's fashion sense(21) obama(4) politics(9)
Names Mentioned: barack obama(4) clint eastwood(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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The Fashionably Endangered Rosea Zebra

Views: 867/4731
Added: 09/24/2013

In the 1980s George and Neal discovered the rare Rosea Zebra, or Pink Zebra. These zebras are native to just a very small part of Africa and their discovery led to a dramatic increase in popularity of pink zebra print fashions. Today Pink Zebras are extremely rare and endangered because of all the illegal hunting that goes on to support western culture's obsession with making these beautiful animals into clothing, bedding, iPhone covers, car seats, etc. In the 2000s George and Neal started conservation efforts and captive breeding programs in an attempt to reintroduce large herds of Rosea Zebra to the wild. Unfortunately the revitalization of Pink Zebra populations also resulted in the resurgence of Pink Zebra print fashions. But you won't find any Pink Zebra print stuff in either of our households. We prefer beaver felt hats and whale blubber reading lamps.

 

The Fashionably Endangered Rosea Zebra - We had nothing to do with the unfortunate domestication and mass farming of the now ubiquitous Fluorescent Spandex Cattle that resulted from the 80s fashion trends.

We had nothing to do with the unfortunate domestication and mass farming of the now ubiquitous Fluorescent Spandex Cattle that resulted from the 80s fashion trends.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1980s(7) 2000s(2) animals(17) extinction(4) george's fashion sense(13) Neal's Fashion Sense(21)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Monkey Back Guarantee!

Views: 478/6464
Added: 04/11/2014

In 2030, it became extremely fashionable to have a hairy back. To cash in on this trend, George and Neal created a lotion that would increase the hair on your back by 650%. They were so confident that the lotion would work that they offered a "monkey back guarantee."

 

Monkey Back Guarantee! - If ever we are taken over by ant overlords, we intend to foster a sense of insecurity amongst the ants about their hairlessness - then sell them our lotion.  Boom.  Money.

If ever we are taken over by ant overlords, we intend to foster a sense of insecurity amongst the ants about their hairlessness - then sell them our lotion. Boom. Money.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 2030(3) ant overlords(1) business ventures(46) fashion(3) george's fashion sense(13) hairy backs(1) lotion(2) monkey back guarantee(1) neal's fashion sense(21)
Names Mentioned: Ant Overlord(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Don't Let Coronavirus Cancel Your Wedding

Views: 938/2271
Added: 03/17/2020

In 1921 George and Neal founded their bridal fashion line. Unfortunately George and Neal knew absolutely nothing about bridal fashion and their company wasn't very successful. This didn't stop them though, and they used their knowledge of the future to bring the hottest styles from the 21st century to the roaring 20s in the hopes that the modernization of 1920s fashion trends would embrace their futuristic designs. They failed there as well. But they were convinced that their innovative wedding dress designs would someday catch on, so they kept at it. Finally, in 2020 George and Neal became the hottest fashion team in the bridal industry. The March edition of their magazine, The Bodaceous Bride, featured their flagship wedding dress on the cover. Everyone was anxious to get their hands on the dress (whether they were getting married or not!) Turns out their Hazmat Wedding Dress would probably have also been a hit if they had released it just a few years earlier, but they missed the Spanish Flu epidemic by just a few months.

 

Don't Let Coronavirus Cancel Your Wedding - Be sure to read that article about 106 reasons you missed out on marrying the man of your dreams.  There are really only two reasons, named Julie and Clarissa, but we had to come up with 104 other reasons Julie and Clarissa are more awesome than you.

Be sure to read that article about 106 reasons you missed out on marrying the man of your dreams. There are really only two reasons, named Julie and Clarissa, but we had to come up with 104 other reasons Julie and Clarissa are more awesome than you.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1920s(1) 1921(2) 2020(5) business ventures(46) coronavirus(2) covid-19(1) George's Fashion Sense(13) neal's fashion sense(21) weddings(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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