The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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In early 2009, George and Neal began their epic "Facebook Edit-Off" competition, which spanned eleven years, and over ten thousand pages of irrelevant information about their lives (all true!). All because neither George nor Neal is willing to admit defeat, even though it was apparent to all that George did win.

 

After beginning to run out of material to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition in year 6 of said competition, George and Neal decided to invent a teleportation device that is able to deconstruct matter and send it to another location within this universe. Their first attempt at using the teleportation device for a living animal was successful. The second test, sending two animals through, was disastrous. The duck and beaver oddly combined to form the platypus. Luckily George and Neal were able to use their time machine and send the creature back millions of years where it could multiply and confound scientists for years. After two other unsuccessful tests, George and Neal finally perfected their teleportation device for multiple living creatures and now use it to travel to exotic locations so they have more information to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition.

 

[CENSORED BY FACEBOOK OVERLORDS]

[FACEBOOK PROFILE RESUMES IN 3...2...1...]

 

In an effort to compete with Facebook, during 2011, Neal and George created the newest online community, HeadPeriodical. Seen by most as a cheap rip-off and inferior to FB, the website was largely dismissed. Their advertising campaign, "Because Your Grandma Thinks You're Cool" made little sense and did little to help.

 

On June 1, 2009 Neal broke Facebook, preventing George from uploading his latest awesome photos. This apparent sabotage was too little, too late for HeadPeriodical. Or rather, too little, too early, since HeadPeriodical wouldn't be created for another two years. Damn time machine...

 

In 1821 George and Neal had a very nice lunch with Charles Babbage, but at one point George brought out his laptop for a quick check of his Facebook account. Chuck was fascinated and wanted to know more. So we left him an extra computer that we had lying around so he could try to build his own. It took a while, but he eventually designed his Difference Machine, Difference Machine No. 2, and Analytical Machine but got distracted by lolcats, failblog and youtube. It took nearly 150 years before his Difference Machine was actually built. Now that's some procrastination that George and Neal haven't even been able to match yet. On a side note, in 1861 Babbage showed photographer Henry Pointer some LOLcats, Henry showed his friend Harry Whittier Frees and a meme was born...

 

In early 2010, in an attempt to attract the age 80+ and technophobe demographics, as well as providing an alternate supply for the Facebook addicts, George and Neal brokered an agreement with cNet Publishing and Facebook for a monthly printed edition of Facebook called "Facemag - your offline fix". The magazine is roughly 900 pages each month of status updates, quizzes, and pictures submitted by subscribers the month before via snail mail. It also contains pointless advertisements, recommendations for things you might like but actually don't, and thousands upon thousands of little card inserts for all sorts of useless stuff (it falls all over the place and makes a huge mess as soon as you open the magazine). And of course there's the monthly feature: The Latest in the Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)! It's not quite as fast paced as its online counterpart, but it's just as big a waste of time.

 

In the latter half of the middle third of the eighth month of 2010 George and Neal started a new social networking site dedicated solely to the most technologically neglected members of our families. By 2011 Snoutbook boasted nearly 150 million members around the world. Many popular applications from Facebook were ported over to Snoutbook, but updated so that our pets can play. Mafia Wars is now Dog Fights, Farmville has been rebranded as Labor Force, Flair is called Tags, Quizzes has become Obedience School, and all those little gifts that you can send back and forth...now just different ways to smell friends' asses. George's dog, Moxie, is hooked.

 

On April 12, 2012, the matching game, Candy Crush, was released on Facebook. Less than one year later, Candy Crush became the most popular game on Facebook, with 46 million monthly users. Most people do not realize that this is simply a rip-off of Neal's earlier 2010 game, Haggis Crush.

Neal was very upset by this blatant copy, until George reminded him that both Haggis and Candy Crush were obvious rip-offs of George's 1982 Coleco game, Orange Crush Crush.

Given that the boys already made a hefty sum from their Bejeweled rip-off, Vajazzled, the boys just let this one go. (Editor's Note: As of July 2013, it has been estimated that Candy Crush Saga earns $633,000 per day in the US section of the iOS App Store alone. So, perhaps this was the wrong one to "let go".)

 

In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - you'd think a time machine originally designed for making smoothies would be more resilient) caused a temporal-reality-rift. Nothing much was changed, except that Scott Baio was turned into a tasty Spanish dessert. That's ok though, because Scott went on to make his well known hits, Happy Days, Joanie Loves Churros, and Churros in Charge. Despite the name changes the shows still earned rave reviews and Baio was still a heart throb, although among overweight women with a sweet tooth instead of young teenage girls.

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