The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

---

---

'politics' Tagged Entries

View All Tags

9 Entries on This Page

9 Tagged Entries  

Through a series of mishaps and mistaken identities, for a three-day period in 1943 George and Neal assumed the position of President and Vice President of the United States. Before the mistake was corrected, George and Neal passed a series of laws that, in 1943, made little sense and were ignored. In 2008, Neal and George were paid a check for multiple millions of dollars as a result of the 1943 "Human Fund" Act. Also, January 31st was proclaimed a national holiday ("Neal Simon Kickass Day") as was April 4 ("Smell Like George Day").

 

During the 2008 election season, George and Neal were hired by Barack Obama's marketing team to come up with catchy ditties about the man. After writing "Obama Told Me (You Better Shop Around)," "Obama Told Me There'd Be Day's Like This", and "Obama I'm Coming Home", the duo were fired for copyright infringement (and are currently facing lawsuits from a number of musicians, Ozzy Ozbourne included). They were quickly hired by Sarah Palin's camp to mitigate the damage done as a result of the Katie Couric interview. Though George and Neal's song "Hooked on a Palin" did little to help Palin's situation, they gained a new friend and confidant.

 

In 2012 George and Neal recorded an album of cover songs, except instead of the actual lyrics we sang the lyrics that everyone thinks the original artists were singing. Neal's rendition of Jimmi Hendrix's Purple Haze was an instant hit ('Scuse me while I kiss this guy) while George's version of CCR's Bad Moon Risin' (There's a bathroom on the right) became the theme song for Larry Craig's 2012 presidential campaign. Other songs on the album included:
- Queen's Bohemian Raphsody (Scallaboosh, Scallaboosh, will you do the banned tango... and ...The algebra has a devil for a sidekick eeeeeeeeee....)
- Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven (And there's a wino down the road)
- Nirvana's All Apologies (Smoking on the ashes of your Aunt Louise)
- The Sound of Music's So Long, Farewell (So long, farewell, our feet are saying good-bye)
- Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box (Hey, Wayne, I've got a new Cobain)
- Elvis's Are you Lonesome Tonight (Are you loathsome tonight? Do you mince meat....)
- The Beatles' Ticket to Ride (She's got a chicken to ride.)
- REM's The One I Love (This one goes out to the one-eyed dove.)
- Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Where Tribbles smell like lemon drops)
- Madonna's Material Girl (I'm a Cheerio girl)
- Frank Sinatra's Strangers in the Night (Strangers and your wife, exchanging glances...)
- NIN's Closer (I want a duck shaped like a triangle, You give a toaster to Bob)
- Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water (Like a bridge over a tub of water)
- Glen Miller's Chattanooga Choo Choo (Pardon me boys, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?)

 

In 2022, at George and Neal's insistence (ok, it was actually persistence - we agreed to finally stop whining about it if the IOC included it - we can be very persuasive) Snowball Fights became an Olympic sport. USA won the first two Olympics with the event (mainly because the IOC refused to acknowledge it and there were no other competitors in 2022 and only Ghana in 2026). Unfortunately by 2041 global warming had progressed to the point where holding Winter Olympics was pretty pointless (the 2040 Olympics were mainly a soggy, slushy mess), so 2044 marked the first ever Spring Olympics (since Winter as a season no longer existed anywhere on Earth except Detroit for some reason, but no one wanted to travel there). Instead of Bobsled there was the Mudslide, Speed Skating became Liquid Mountaineering (look it up), and Snowball Fights became The Mud Sling. Throwing mud rekindled George and Neal's interest in the Olympics (they quickly realized in 2023 that snowball fights were a bit immature) and George and Neal promptly joined the 2048 US Olympic Mud Slinging Team where they led the team to 18 consecutive Olympic Mud Slinging Gold Medals (including 48 of the 51 World Mudslinging Championships in non-Olympic years - The Republican and Democratic parties won the other three years).

 

In 2034, as a result of their love of George and Neal, America did away with their bipartisan political landscape, replacing it with a more unified governmental system known as Neorgitarians. But by 2035, the unification was no more - the group had splintered into two distinct and separate groups, Nealocrats and Georgicans. Nealocrats were considered intelligent, rational, and well-spoken; however, they constantly inappropriately dressed for most occasions.

Georgicans were widely considered insane, but known to have excellent table manners.

 

In August 2012, Clint Eastwood was thought to have embarrassed himself at the Republican National Convention by pretending to argue with an invisible President Obama, when in actuality he was merely talking with an empty chair. Most of the world cut him some slack when they realized that not six months earlier, Eastwood participated in the famous "Eastwood / Invisible Neal" debates, ironically emceed by a very visible Obama. You couldn't blame the guy for later getting slightly confused.

 

Exhausted with the mean-spirited nature of recent presidential elections as well as the inability of presidents to follow through on campaign promises, George and Neal decided to run for president in 2016. Problems quickly arose when the two could not agree which one would run as President and which one would be relegated to the position of Vice-President. They decided to let the public decide, by using the time machine to run both a Jaros/Simon campaign AND a Simon/Jaros campaign.

It became very confusing when Neal debated George during the Presidential debate, followed by Neal debating George during the Vice-Presidential debate.

Their seemingly infallible plan to hold the highest office backfired, as exactly 49.5% of the voters cast their ballots for the Jaros/Simon combo, and exactly 49.5% of voters cast their ballots for the Simon/Jaros combo. Due to an obscure law that George and Neal unfortunately passed during their three day reign in 1943, the winner was determined by the remaining 1%, which voted as follows: 15% for Ross Perot, 10% for Harrison Ford (thinking he did a wonderful job in the Air Force One movie), 20% for Peter J. Oberweis (running on a "ice cream shall be mandated a vegetable" platform), 25% for Howard the Duck, and the remaining votes went to the winner and write-in candidate, Ralph Nader. Ironically, Nader declined the position. This explains how, for 4 years, the leader of the free world was almost a duck. (Thank goodness ducks were outlawed in 1776.) This also explains why, in 2018 ice cream was declared a vegetable.

 

By 2031 there were so many comic conventions and expos (including Comic-Con, WizCon, APE, C2E2, WonderCon, Comikaze, C4, MegaCon, Sac-Con, Pros & Con, Com-Con-Chameleon, Thimblecon, thousands of local comic conventions, and many more) that George and Neal decided to found the first annual ComConCon. This convention was to promote awareness of other conventions. Participants were encouraged to come dressed as their favorite convention. For the first year Neal dressed as the Cleveland Comic, Card and Nostalgia Show and George dressed as Awesome Con DC. The annual ComConCons were a huge success until a small scandal in 2042 when the manager of long time ComConCon participant Illinois Government ComiCon, Ryan Hodge Blagokowski, was convicted of corruption and masterminding a scheme that hoodwinked millions of people out of hundreds of dollars (he claimed to be selling pre-release copies of the seventh book in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, however he was taking the money and had no intention of ever delivering the books, much like Martin himself...). This grand scam was dubbed the ComConCon Con. After spending 13 years behind bars(with 'A Dream of Spring' still listed as 'forthcoming'), R.H. Blagokowski was forever referred to as 'The ComConCon Con Con'.

 

Did you know that George and Neal have written speeches for so many great politicians? Some of their best work includes:

“I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.” - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

“It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!” - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

“We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.” - Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

“I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding.” - Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons.

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” - Charles de Gaulle, former French President

Neal and George considered writing speeches for Donald Trump, but realized they could not improve upon them.

---