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14 Tagged Entries  
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From the generic

Views: 435/10904
Added: 02/09/2009

From the generic "How Do You Know" fields:

Lived together?
You lived in Sin in 1998.
You lived in a van down by the river (but we swear nothing steamy happened) from 2004 to 2009.
You lived in inside the underbelly of a Tauntaun - more romantic than it sounds! from 1983 to 1984.

Worked together?
You worked at Wells and Wacker. Lower Wacker. That's a lot of Wacking. from 1981 to 1987.
You worked as Roadies (and, sadly, groupies) for the Lichtensteinian Goth Country band Doublewide Despair from 2001 to 2002.
You worked at C&C Roadside Carnival and Freak Show / Supermarket from 1995 to 1997.

From an organization, team or group?
You were members of Sumatran League of Confused Warlords in 1984.
You were members of Organizers of ThimbleCon 2008 - man, we love thimbles! from 1982 to 1997.
You were members of International Association of Rhubarb Farmers (who are diametrically opposed to those nasty Beet Farmers! [But not opposed to the Beat Farmers curiously enough]) from 1979 to 1984.

Went to school together?
You went to preschool with Neal.

Traveled together?
You traveled to sun bathing and swimming in Greenland for the bicentennial celebration of the Wooly Horse Festival in the winter of 2003.
You traveled to Panama for the annual Panama Canal Sled Dog/Doggy Paddle 500 biathlon in the summer of 2003.
You traveled to Djibuti, Qatar, Suriname, Guinea-Bissau, Moldova, Atlantis, Asgard, Metropolis, Kyrgyzstan... well, really, where DIDN'T we go? in the summer of 1980.

In my family?
George is Neal's father.

Through a friend?
You know Neal through Nicholas Exner (UIllinois).

Dated?
Yes, but not each other.

Other:
You met in 1981:

Tags: 1979(2) 1980(4) 1981(4) 1982(5) 1983(6) 1984(10) 1987(7) 1995(2) 1997(6) 1998(9) 2001(8) 2002(1) 2003(3) 2004(3) 2009(21) friends mentioned(4) our bands(9) relationships(6) rhubarb(4) star wars(7) thimblecon(2)
Names Mentioned: asgard(1) atlantis(1) beat farmers(1) chicago(14) djibuti(1) greenland(2) guinea-bissau(1) kyrgyzstan(1) lichtenstein(1) metropolis(1) moldova(1) nicholas exner(1) panama(1) qatar(1) star wars(6) sumatra(1) suriname(1) university of illinois(5)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration

 
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Historic 10 year journey from Chicago to DeKalb

Views: 126/4172
Added: 02/14/2009

Just last year George and Neal began their historic 10 year journey from Chicago to DeKalb. Currently they're stuck in traffic and just called their wives to say they'll be late and expect the trip to actually take 11 years and 3 months.

Tags: chicago(10) dekalb(2) historic events(18) journey(6) wives(15)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) dekalb(2)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago

Views: 198/3482
Added: 02/21/2009

In 2001 George and Neal went hang gliding from the top of the 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago (yes, we know it was never built... in this timeline, but in a parallel universe it was completed in August 2000). They have yet to land, in either timeline.

 

7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago - The thermals over downtown Chicago are impressive, especially the hot air over City Hall and Daley Plaza.

The thermals over downtown Chicago are impressive, especially the hot air over City Hall and Daley Plaza.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2000(7) 2001(8) amazing abilities(16) chicago(10) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: 7 south dearborn tower(2) chicago(14) daley plaza(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Infecting 1002

Views: 163/6329
Added: 02/22/2009

In 2010, George and Neal went back in time to 2001 to stop themselves from hang gliding off 7 South Dearborn. Instead of arriving in 2001, they arrived in 1002. They tagged along with a group of colonists, accidentally spreading an epidemic among the Viking colony in Greenland. It's true. Neal didn't just totally wikipedia what happened in 1002 to add it to this. The epidemic was simply the common cold, but the 2010 version of the virus had mutated so much from what was around in 1002. Because of it's super resistance to all antibiotics and the sudden lack of all antibiotics in 1002 combined with the fresh clean air, free from pollutants, Neal's first sneeze resulted in the virus escaping his system and growing to massive size. The vikings weren't infected so much as crushed, like Godzilla crushed Tokyo (which is another story altogether). Also, George convinced Otto of Worms to withdraw his nomination for the title of Holy Roman Emperor and as a result good old Wormsy received Duchy of Carinthia in return. Nice - Thanks George!

 

Infecting 1002 - Cold viruses chasing Vikings... Never before had something so huge come out of Neal's nose. Well, except for that one time when he snotted all over Neptune (you always wondered why it's green right?).

Cold viruses chasing Vikings... Never before had something so huge come out of Neal's nose. Well, except for that one time when he snotted all over Neptune (you always wondered why it's green right?).

Photo by: George

Tags: 1002(1) 2001(8) 2010(16) diseases(9) historic events(18) neal funk(18) people of history(33) vikings(2)
Names Mentioned: 7 south dearborn tower(2) carinthia(1) chicago(14) godzilla(3) greenland(2) otto of worms(1) roman empire(1) tokyo(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Witness Protection

Views: 187/4891
Added: 03/04/2009

In 1992, when they were prime witnesses in the trial of Chicago's Polish Mafia boss Mogul Downhillski, George and Neal entered witness protection where they were relocated to Idaho and given false names. They lived there for three years before they once again became key witnesses in a criminal case, this time against the eco-terrorist group "Bombing for Bushes". In a strange twist of fate, George and Neal (now known as Sven Jorgenson and Paco Lopez) were again put into witness protection. This time they were relocated to Champaign, IL and, ironically, given the names George Jaros and Neal Simon, although George was now Neal and Neal was now George. In 2001 they again became key witnesses, but this time in separate events. George (really Neal) was to testify against celebrity gangster D-pak Choppa in his murder trial of fellow thug and rapper Jarjar FallSwell. Neal (really George) was considered the expert witness, and the prosecution's slam dunk testimony, in the case of Reticulitermes virginicus vs X-Vermin-X Corporation due to the years he spent secluded in the deep wilderness studying and becoming a part of subterranean termite society. He was at one time knows as the Jane Goodall of termites. Anyway, in a very strange twist of fate, George (really George) was sent into Witness Protection in DeKalb and given the name George Jaros. Neal (really Neal) was sent into witness protection in Chicago the same year and given the name Neal Simon. Unfortunately, due to the secretive nature of witness protection, they were unable to reveal their past identities, resulting in this confusing mess. It all worked out in the end though, and those that might be looking for them are undoubtedly just as confused as everyone else. But please, don't say anything to anyone since this is all supposed to be a secret still. They have currently retired from the business of being key witnesses in criminal cases, since it was becoming too confusing to remember who they were at any given time, especially with all the time travel they do.

 

Witness Protection - The "Bombing for Bushes" eco-terrorist group wasn't your typical eco-terrorist group. Instead of creating turmoil to push environmental agendas, they just terrorized bushes. We witnessed plenty an azalea go up in flames before the FBI finally caught these punks.

The "Bombing for Bushes" eco-terrorist group wasn't your typical eco-terrorist group. Instead of creating turmoil to push environmental agendas, they just terrorized bushes. We witnessed plenty an azalea go up in flames before the FBI finally caught these punks.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1922(1) 2001(8) chicago(10) crimes & scams(16) dekalb(2) nicknames(14) secrets(4) u of i(3)
Names Mentioned: champaign(1) chicago(14) deepak chopra(1) dekalb(2) idaho(1) jane goodall(1) jerry falwell(2) poland(1) university of illinois(5)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The Prolific Pancake Pileup

Views: 600/5621
Added: 03/12/2009

Back in 1952, Neal and George invented the pancake. Not that they were trying to invent it, mind you. They just suck at making regular cakes, and that's just what happened. They made a fortune as a result, but lost it all when multiple lawsuits were filed against George and Neal after they chucked countless pancakes at oncoming traffic. (Wikipedia "the Prolific Pancake Pileup" for more information). A movie, "The Illinois Pancake Massacre", involving a serial killer who used pancakes as his weapon of choice, was only loosely based on the incident.

 

The Prolific Pancake Pileup - Uncle Buck has a long way to go before he can match these babies. We had traffic stopped for three days while crews cleaned up syrup and butter.

Uncle Buck has a long way to go before he can match these babies. We had traffic stopped for three days while crews cleaned up syrup and butter.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1952(3) food(45) inventions(47) lawsuits(13) movies(40) recipes(9)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) illinois(3)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Neal's On Wheels

Views: 432/6792
Added: 04/19/2009

(Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He called it "Neal's On Wheels". Not to be outdone, George provided a service wherein he hid food all over the metropolitan Chicago area for patrons to find and eat. He called it "George's Forage". When that didn't work, because food was usually partially eaten by the large packs of feral mongooses that will roam the streets of Chicago in 2040, he started "George's Porridge", although this led to a lawsuit from an adult movie studio, who claimed the name "George's Porridge" was the title of a long-running (but mediocre selling) line of movies.

 

Neal's On Wheels - Sure they look cute, but when you have thousands of these little guys trying to cross Lake Shore Drive it tends to get messy... Cabbies don't like to stop.

Sure they look cute, but when you have thousands of these little guys trying to cross Lake Shore Drive it tends to get messy... Cabbies don't like to stop.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2040(4) business ventures(44) chicago(10) food(45) lawsuits(13) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Hair Match

Views: 243/8177
Added: 04/22/2009

In 2014, after declaring bankruptcy and losing everything, George and Neal came to their rescue and offered both Rod Blagojevich and Donald Trump an opportunity to stop living on the streets of Chicago and sharing a cardboard box behind Tony Rezko's house (i.e. under the El tracks on Van Buren and Clark). In 2015 the SyFy channel aired a special live presentation of ECW Wrestling. The match-up was a bloody battle between Blago's and Trump's hair. The 6 hour battle was called a draw but ended up spawning a spin-off show called "Law and Order and Corruption - You're Fired Unit", which aired on NBC after "Law and Order - Not Quite As Special Victims Unit", before "Law and Order - Criminal Negligence", on alternate weeks with "Law and Order - Park District Squad" but only during the off season for "Law and Order - Police Brutality".

Tags: 2014(7) 2015(9) celebrities(69) competition(10) crimes & scams(16) government(16) hair(11) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) donald trump(10) ecw wrestling(1) law and order(2) nbc(3) rod blagojevich(2) syfy channel(1) tony rezko(1)
Entry Logged By: George

 
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Team Ghandi

Views: 162/4688
Added: 06/29/2009

In 1972, not satisfied with only two teams, Neal and George created Chicago's third major league baseball team, Team Ghandi. Unfortunately, the team never won a single game, as instead of hitting the ball, the players tried to reason with it through non-violent means. After George and Neal lost over ten million dollars on the venture, they went back in time and prevented themselves from ever investing in such a project ever again.

 

Team Ghandi - We requested "G"'s on our jerseys... but it wasn't worth the fight.

We requested "G"'s on our jerseys... but it wasn't worth the fight.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1972(3) chicago(10) failures(22) people of history(33) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) ghandi(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Chicago Cubs in the World Series! (Psyche!)

Views: 138/3114
Added: 08/08/2009

In 2412, 467 years after their last World Series appearance, the Chicago Cubs looked likely to finally break their Billy Goat Curse, however, in true Cubs tradition they were swept in the first four games of the Intergalactic Worlds Series by the Solar Quadrant-0xBA5EBA11 Red Giants. George and Neal haven't come across any other instances of the Cubs winning, or even making the World Series (or its equivalent) in all of our travels through time and even through alternate realities.

 

Chicago Cubs in the World Series!  (Psyche!) - A Cubs fan mourning the 2412 loss in game 4 of the Intergalactic Worlds Series. 19 - 0 isn't so bad, is it?

A Cubs fan mourning the 2412 loss in game 4 of the Intergalactic Worlds Series. 19 - 0 isn't so bad, is it?

Photo by: George

UPDATE: We found an alternate reality where, in 2016 the Cubs won the World Series! If you live in this reality we’re really sorry, because the price you have to pay is that Donald Trump will become president of the United States. I guess the Universe really does have a sense of humor.

Tags: 2412(1) astronomy(8) chicago(10) cubs(2) robots(7) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) chicago cubs(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (2)

 
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1945, Tigers/Cubs, Game 4 of the World Series

Views: 208/9505
Added: 08/15/2009

In 1945, George and Neal decided to go to a Tigers/Cubs game - fatefully, it was Game 4 of the World Series. During the game, George complained of a strange odor. After a few innings, George became so upset by the noxious smell, he complained to P.K. Wrigley, who located a nearby patron who was attending the game with his billy goat. After asking the patron (Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis) to leave because his pet goat's odor was bothering other fans, Sianis became outraged and declared, "Them Cubs, they aren't gonna win no more," which has been interpreted to mean that there would never be another World Series game played at Wrigley Field. It has also been said by many that Sianis put a "curse" on the Cubs; if so, it was incredibly effective as the Cubs have not won a single World Series since then. (Later that evening, George located the odor, and it wasn't the goat. It was Neal. Whoops.)

While we're on the topic of the Cubs, George and Neal felt so badly for having caused a curse that led to the downfall of the Cubs Dynasty, they vowed to do all that they could to break the curse (ok, they didn't feel too bad, but the Cubs were the only baseball team they could afford to try out their awesome plan). That's why in 2020, George and Neal populated the entire Cubs team with many versions of themselves taken from different timelines. The Neals and Georges trained for many months, to get in peak physical condition. Given George and Neal's skills (including their self-professed and much doubted sexual prowess), the people of Chicago, nay, the world, were filled with hope and excitement. People also thought Waterworld and the Postman would be good movies. People are idiots. George and Neal's first game resulted in the injuries of numerous Georges and Neals, and a score of 75-1. (They got one run during the inning that the pitcher kept beaming them in the head for fun.) Consequently, that was the first and last game George and Neal ever played as Cubs. The next day the owners (who happened to be the real Neal and George for that time) fired all the other Neals and Georges and rehired all the original players. Interestingly enough, that devastating loss was not the Cubs' worst defeat. They lost by bigger margins three more times that season despite Neal and George no longer playing. Chalk it up to bad managing (the George and Neal managers were fired at the end of the season).

 

Even We Couldn't Help the Cubs - Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1945(2) 2020(2) chicago(10) cubs(2) failures(22) george's fashion sense(12) historic events(18) neal funk(18) neal's fashion sense(20) oops(16) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: billy goat tavern(1) billy sianis(1) chicago(14) chicago cubs(2) detroit tigers(1) p k wrigley(1) the postman(1) waterworld(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing).

Views: 145/5905
Added: 01/29/2010

In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Both made the promise to their stations that within the first year they would be able to refine their techniques so that their forecasting would be 100% accurate. After significant analysis of sophisticated weather forecasting algorithms they both managed to make good on their promises; George by limiting his forecasts to only the current weather, Neal by only predicting the previous day's weather. They were still more accurate than any other meteorologist in history. Oddly enough, neither of them thought of using their time machine to visit the future to get their perfect predictions.

 

Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression.  Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression. Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2023(2) chicago(10) phallus(8) time machine(37) tv shows(48) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) ohio(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Cheese Eatin' Bears

Views: 158/4718
Added: 01/19/2011

In 1919 George and Neal started raising a sleuth of bears that would eat only cheese. For quite a while this was pretty useless, but it came in very handy in 2011 when the Chicago Bears met the Green Bay Packers for the NFC championship.

 

Cheese Eatin'  Bears - One of George and Neal's cheese eating bears preparing to devour its catch of the day. These bears live in Illinois, but forage for food north of the border.

One of George and Neal's cheese eating bears preparing to devour its catch of the day. These bears live in Illinois, but forage for food north of the border.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1919(1) 2011(8) animals(16) chicago(10) sports(23)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) chicago bears(1) green bay packers(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Hungry Eyes

Views: 202/9496
Added: 08/25/2012

In 1987, Neal organized a one-man a protest against Dial Corporation, demanding that they move their headquarters back to Chicago. Neal's rage was initiated by the split with Greyhound Lines (yes, the bus company - he really likes vehicles named after fast, skinny animals) and in anger he decided to boycott Dial soap and protest. Some people suggested he just follow Greyhound Lines, but his fear of Texas prevented him from heading to Dallas. So for 3 months Neal danced outside Dial Corporation's new headquarters in Phoenix, Arizona. While Neal's protest didn't garner any attention from either Dial Corporation or Greyhound Lines, it did inspire the title for Eleanor Bergstein's screenplay (up to then titled "A Corner for Baby"). "Dirty Dancing" became a huge hit, and Neal never received the credit for his inspiration. Surprisingly, George played the role of muse for part of the movie, too. John DeNicola and Franke Previte were inspired to write the song "Hungry Eyes" after meeting George shortly after a short circuit caused the teleportation device to erroneously reconstruct George with extra mouths where his eyes should have been (fortunately his eyes were relocated to his extra tongues, so he could see and scream at the same time).

 

Hungry Eyes - Luckily the teleportation device replaced all George's body parts in their proper locations before he needed to eat a meal. That would have looked pretty nasty.

Luckily the teleportation device replaced all George's body parts in their proper locations before he needed to eat a meal. That would have looked pretty nasty.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1987(7) body parts(14) celebrities(69) chicago(10) inspirations(19) movies(40) music(26) neal funk(18) teleportation(10)
Names Mentioned: arizona(1) chicago(14) dallas(1) dial corporation(1) dirty dancing(1) eleanor bergstein(1) franke previte(1) greyhound lines(1) john denicola(1) phoenix(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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