The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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Documentation started in February of 2009

In The Beginning... The chronicles of George and Neal are, for historians, a difficult thing to present. To say that very little is known about both men would be erroneous - in reality, the opposite is true. However, due to certain "chronal anomalies," the direct result of George and Neal's forays into time travel, it therefore becomes nearly impossible to lay out their history in a sequential manner.

For example, from 1982 to 1997, George and Neal organized ThimbleCon, an annual meeting of thimble enthusiasts everywhere that didn't actually happen until 2008, when George and Neal were ages 25 and 24, respectively. In 1976, during their respective ages of 35 and 34, they had success as the roller-derby team, "Peaches and CREAM!" ... But which to present first? The 1976 event came second - when they were in their 30s. The 2008 event occurred when the two were in their 20s, however they were in their late 60s when their fascination for thimbles drove them to start organizing the annual event. Much of their lives jump around in this willy-nilly fashion, so much so that most of those dedicated to presenting this information have suffered neurological maladies attempting to present their chronicles.

Rather than joining the ranks of the near-mad, this nameless historian has chosen to present this information as the events folded in the heroes' (a.k.a sexual dynamos, as some refer to them) lives. You, Faithful Reader, can now, for the first time ever, vicariously experience the greatness of the Triumphant Two. To say that this website will enhance the lives of billions, and change the world forever, would be an understatement.... But let's begin, shall we?

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Last Updated February 10, 2021 - Jump To: 10 Recent Entries - Newest Entries

375 Enlightening Entries & Over 305 Awe Inspiring Images!

NEW: Now you can read the whole Saga on your favorite ebook reader! What's better than free ebooks? Well, probably a lot of things, but how can you pass up reading these wonderful adventures for free on your favorite ebook reader? So download the Saga now and take us with you on your next adventure (or to the bathroom, we won't judge you)!

Download the whole Saga in your favorite free ebook format:

• Adobe Acrobat "PDF" - free ebook for all ereaders! - August 12, 2017 - 16.91 megabytes
• Amazon Kindle "AZW3" - free ebook for your Kindle! - August 12, 2017 - 16.48 megabytes
• ePub - free ebook for your Nook! - August 12, 2017 - 15.61 megabytes
• FictionBook "FB2" - free ebook for your FictionBook ereader! - August 12, 2017 - 16.77 megabytes
• MS Reader Literature "LIT" - free ebook for Microsoft Reader! - August 12, 2017 - 16.41 megabytes
• Sony BroadBand eBook "LRF" - free ebook for your Sony Portable Reader! - August 12, 2017 - 12 megabytes
• MobiPocket "MOBI" - free ebook for most ereaders! - August 12, 2017 - 16.45 megabytes
• Palm Media PDB "PDB" - free ebook for your Palm Pilot! - August 12, 2017 - 0.14 megabytes
• Palm Resource Code MobiPocket "PRC" - free ebook for your Palm Pilot! - October 24, 2014 - 8.82 megabytes

And be sure to come back for the latest version of your free ebook! We'll keep updating the free ebooks as we add entries to the Saga!

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The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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Disclaimer and Stuff:

"In infinite space, even the most unlikely events must take place somewhere. People with the same
appearance, name and memories as you, who play out every possible permutation of your life choices."
- Professor Max Tegmark, Dept. of Physics, MIT -

The events related in The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pudding)! are completely true and really happened (or will happen). If your recollection of history does not exactly match those depicted below that may be because you exist in a different universe than where the events take place. People, places, and events related below may not necessarily represent those of your reality, so if something offends, irritates, annoys, aggravates, infuriates, bothers, hurts, chafes, vexes, infects, provokes, insults, affronts, abuses, slights, confuses, astounds, bamboozles, mystifies, baffles, perverts, misrepresents, depraves, debauches, spoils, destroys, putrefies, assaults, deceives, obstructs, frustrates, penetrates, creeps, disturbs, or fondles you or your worldview, please don't sue us. Things may be different in your reality than they are in ours. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they are different. If they aren't you might want to seek medical attention. If, on the other hand we have inspired, enlightened, educated, entertained, bewildered, or caressed you, please leave us a comment at www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info

The documentation of this adventure began in February 2009 by Neal Simon and George Jaros. It quickly grew to epic proportions (that's what she said) and is still being updated periodically as of December 2024. For the latest entries visit www.george-and-neal-are-awesome.info

"If a universe can be imagined, it exists."
- Professor M.R. Franks, Member, Royal Astronomical Society of Canada -

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The Latest Entries:

10 Entries on This Page

 

George and Neal have constantly manipulated reality through their countless (well, really infinite, if you consider the multiverse versions of George and Neal) time traveling. Their efforts have benefited the universe over and over. For example, many species, like the "bear" and the "dog," have been brought back from extinction. Metal underpants have been eliminated from existence in favor of cotton (you're welcome, people's junk). Asparagus Juice is no longer a thing...

... but every change is not categorically a good one. George's biggest regret is that now most of the world uses the "Gold Standard". Previously, the world used the much more reliable and sensible "Muppet Standard."

Although memory of the Muppet Standard has mostly faded from George's memory, he still recalls buying a hot chocolate one cold morning, handing over four Miss Piggies, and still getting a few Rolfs back. Things were cheaper back then.

 

In 2018 George's third kid served as inspiration to his greatest gift to the human race. He noticed that Andrew was very mobile and kept having problems with his diaper shifting into odd positions. Additionally, diapers are really not all that stylish. So he worked with leading fashion designers (but mostly Neal and Sisqo) to come up with a new design for the traditional nappy. Since then Thong Diapers have become all the rage and have changed the course of history.

 

Jealous that the fictitious time travelers, Bill and Ted, got to meet and bring historical figures to their timelines, George and Neal decided to one-up them. They created an entire high school, populating the student body with hundreds of "borrowed" historical figures, both past and future. As one could imagine, the high school dominated many categories of competition, such as debate (the Socrates / Mr. T team cleaning up at every conference, typically employing "the only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing, fool!") and drama (Shakespeare's reboot, The Taming of the Shrek was surprisingly transcendent). However, Neal's lack of knowledge all things sports did hinder the school, as having famous painters Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael on the football team did not play out nearly as well as he thought it would.

It was a crazy four years. George was voted "most likely to continue to be a guy named George." It was the highest honor he had ever received.

 

In 1921 George and Neal founded their bridal fashion line. Unfortunately George and Neal knew absolutely nothing about bridal fashion and their company wasn't very successful. This didn't stop them though, and they used their knowledge of the future to bring the hottest styles from the 21st century to the roaring 20s in the hopes that the modernization of 1920s fashion trends would embrace their futuristic designs. They failed there as well. But they were convinced that their innovative wedding dress designs would someday catch on, so they kept at it. Finally, in 2020 George and Neal became the hottest fashion team in the bridal industry. The March edition of their magazine, The Bodaceous Bride, featured their flagship wedding dress on the cover. Everyone was anxious to get their hands on the dress (whether they were getting married or not!) Turns out their Hazmat Wedding Dress would probably have also been a hit if they had released it just a few years earlier, but they missed the Spanish Flu epidemic by just a few months.

 

Neal turned 42 in 2020 (but celebrated his birthday in 1961 so he could send a chimp named Ham into outer space... not for science purposes, but because the chimp owed Neal some money... but that's a story for a different day). That day, Neal noticed his hair was thinning and became upset. Good friend that he is, George developed an alternate hair-care treatment that was also eco friendly.

George first tested the treatment on himself first. Needless to say, it went very well.

Initially, George was met with belly laughter when he saw Neal. Soon after, though, Neal decided he would like a luxurious green coif as well. Neal started the treatments immediately. Unfortunately, Neal's son Adin also wanted this stylish look as well.

Even more unfortunate, the treatments did not respond as expected for the Simons.

Neal immediately discontinued the treatments. Adin, however, increased the treatments, commenting, "I kinda like it!" Currently, Adin is up for the role of Swamp Thing in DC's upcoming movie. Most agree, he's a shoe-in.

 

In August 2019 the popular hobby website Board Game Geek changed their logo from the lovable, cuddly geek to a strange, orange, amorphous blob (apparently following the trend set by the country three years earlier). George and Neal capitalized on the success and overwhelming adoration of the site's fans to redesign logos for a bunch of other major corporations. Their design skill was very quickly in demand and corporate logos have never been less descriptive or memorable since!

 

Athletes. They command respect, admiration, and free Wheaties cereal. Having conquered every other field imaginable (and then creating fields not yet imagined and conquering those) George and Neal's traveled to 1990 to become world-renowned athletes.

Unfortunately, as neither George nor Neal possessed a modicum of athletic ability, they DID become world-renowned athletes... but not for the reasons they had hoped. Neal was the first baseball player to somehow break his pelvis when he hit himself in the face with a bat. George was banned from the world of golf, after tackling players repeatedly. He pretended he didn't know the rules. No one believed him.

Still, since at that time sports cards were a billion dollar industry, George and Neal managed to make a hefty sum releasing cards that reflected their most memorable moments of their short lived foray into sports.

Neal's daughter, Ayla, also threw her hat in the ring. Regrettably, it was a sumo ring.

Despite their great financial success, George and Neal considered erasing that timeline entirely. As they pondered the possibility, they were flooded with letters from children everywhere, thanking them. It turns out that George and Neal were inspirations - no child is embarrassed to try, and fail, at sports, since they could never do any worse than George and Neal. So yeah... George and Neal erased that timeline. The only evidence of this rare failure are some trading cards and a few very used jock straps. Aside: do not upset George or Neal, or they will mail you very used jock straps.

   

Newest Entries from 02/10/2021:

George has always had a love of science fiction. Something about the amazing stories with their roots in real science, fantasy, futurism, and history has always fascinated and inspired him. He also finds it funny how many things that the public believes to be "fiction" he knows to be "non-fiction" (or more precisely, "biography" and occasionally "autobiography").

Neal has always had a love of tapirs. Something about their long snouts, funny ears, and poor depth perception has always fascinated and inspired him. He also finds it funny... That's it, he just finds tapirs to be pretty funny.

In late 1979 George and Neal had the rare opportunity to combine these loves. Some young chump (also named George) was working on the sequel to an idea he "borrowed" from George and Neal. His spaghetti western and martial arts fusion movie set in space needed a bounty hunter, or more specifically the bounty hunter needed a space ship. Since he had never been to space, the other George approached George and Neal for more help. George (this George, not the other George) had an amazing idea for a stealth ship that would allow the bounty hunter to approach his targets undetected. Neal wanted a flying tapir. And thus, Boba Fett's SLAVE 1 ship was designed. Fast forward 40ish years and thanks to more movies, animated serieses, and the hit show The Mandelorian, it is now one of the most recognizable flying tapir heads in history!

 

When the 2020 COVID pandemic hit, it crippled many industries. In hopes of giving a little back - as well as propping up the critically important Broadway play financial sector, George wrote, produced, and acted in the pandemic-themed "Socially Distanced Guys and Dolls." Although critics called it, "confusing," and "sick, but for different reasons than the coronavirus," the play was a hit. Following in George's footsteps, Neal starred in the one-man play, "Priscilla, Queen of the Pandemic." Slightly annoying George, Neal's play was called "Even more confusing!" and was even more financially successful.

The boys went back and forth, creating one COVID-inspired (and intellectually thieving) hit after another, including: "Jesus Christ CoronaStar”; “From Here to Etern—*wheeeze* ughhhhh Imma Stay Right Here"; and “West Side COVID.”

In 2021, George finally completed his EGOT with both “Oliver! Put on Your Damn Mask!”; and “Don’t Kiss Me, Kate.”

George and Neal collaborated on “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Vaccination.” It starred Martha Plimpton - for no other reason that Neal really liked the name, "Plimpton." Their foray into Broadway musicals was not entirely successful, though - George and Neal were both sued over the trauma that their odd play, “The Rocky Horror Zoom" inflicted on the first 16 rows. (Most plays do not end with the need to apply nail polish to theatergoers to remove attached objects) It didn't help their side when Neal, under oath, stated, "Tha play? Man... Though we created it, it honestly traumatized me almost as much as Meet the Feebles.

After their successes from a trio of broadway hits (“My Fair Patient”; “AntisepticSpray"; and “The Sound of Coughing”), they called it a day. Still, one can still hear George muttering under his breath from time to time, "You know... we still haven't made “Singing in the Rain 2: Why I Can’t Taste My Food”...)

 

When Neal's recipe for Lemurade failed to catch on in the early 1900s, George suggested that it may have been because Lemurade didn't contain any actual lemurs. In 1964 George developed the recipe for Gatorade. He was sure this would be a wonderful recipe since it included actual alligator excretions. Gatorade became a huge success, though it was quickly reformulated by Dr. Robert Cade and his team and may or may not still contain alligator excretions (especially the yellow one).

After the success of Gatorade, George and Neal were approached by a number of companies to come up with formulations for other sports and energy drinks, like:

• Red Bull - the bulls can actually be any color


• Powerade - it has to be plugged in before drinking


• 5-hour Energy - this is the portable, battery-operated version of Powerade


• Venom Energy - made with real platypus venom


• All Sport - we originally called this Two Sport because it just used sweat from curling and cricket (it was very expensive since sweat from those two sports is so rare), but when we sold the formula they decided to use sweat from every sport to lower production costs


• Monster - yes, we were able to find some real monsters to help with this formula


• Shark Energy - the key ingredient was shark teeth, to give it a bit of bite


• Red Rooster - includes excretions from a... well, they wouldn't let us use the real word, so we chose a synonym


• Gas Monkey Energy - it's monkey farts that make the bubbles


• Rockstar Energy Drink - with all our connections in the music community it wasn't hard to collect all that rockstar sweat


• Dolfins Energy Drink - if you think rockstar sweat is easy to come by, there's a football team in Miami that helped out with this one, though we had to disguise the name for legal purposes


• Beaver Buzz - this is about 50% castoreum and 50% caffeine


• Vitamin Water - aka GNC Urine


• Farmade - somehow this recipe was really lost in translation when we sold the rights to it
  

Most (but not all) of these were, unfortunately, reformulated. We'll let you guess which ones are still the same.

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