The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
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Neal Simon's Manhood

Views: 575/8660
Added: 02/14/2009

Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...

 

Neal Simon's Manhood - Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1990s(3) 2009(21) amazing abilities(16) body parts(14) celebrities(69) phallus(8) theater(8) websites(7) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: biloxi blues(1) king missile(1) lost in yonkers(1) neil simon(1) the odd couple(1)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Geal

Views: 170/3712
Added: 02/24/2009

In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part because George and Neal scared the townsfolk with smoke, mirrors, and a conveniently placed donkey. The myth of George and Neal (known at that time collectively as "Geal") grew and grew, until it transformed into two supernatural stories: (1) the story of Dracula; and (2) the story of John Holmes (for other reasons that the facts stated above. Let's just say some of the townsfolk really, really like Geal.)

Tags: 1955(2) europe(4) languages(11) nicknames(14) phallus(8) vampires(1) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: dracula(2) john holmes(1) transylvania(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Love Aid Rings

Views: 200/4150
Added: 03/27/2009

In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt was of average proportion and size. People were not ready for such a product back in the 50's. That's okay, because they made a fortune after connecting the two ends to form a large hoop and re-marketing the product as the "hula hoop".

 

Love Aid Rings - Neal's "Love Aid Rings" got much more use, and brought joy to many more people in their modified "Hula Hoop" form. These women were much less excited when they tried these out as "Love Aid Rings".

Neal's "Love Aid Rings" got much more use, and brought joy to many more people in their modified "Hula Hoop" form. These women were much less excited when they tried these out as "Love Aid Rings".

Photo by: George

Tags: 1950s(2) 1951(1) body parts(14) inventions(48) phallus(8) sports(23)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party

Views: 173/10364
Added: 04/04/2009

Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Territory". George would bake the cakes and deliver them and Neal would jump out of them. This was a very successful business until August, 1998, when Neal believed he was being sent to a bachelorette party. At the designated time Neal leaped out of the cake and began shaking his stuff while bills got stuffed into his speedo. After about 10 minutes Neal realized that the laughs were slightly deeper than what he would expect from a bachelorette party. Upon wiping the whipped cream from his eyes Neal realized he was actually at Jerry Falwell's 65th birthday party and Mr. Falwell was just about to stuff another $20 into Neal's G-String. Neal shouted and ran, closely followed by a mob of seniors stuffing change down his coin slot, toward the door yelling for George to "Start the van! Start the van!" Neal escaped with a whopping $1,642.63 in those 10 short minutes, not including the roll of quarters he kept stuffed in his banana hammock.

 

Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1992(2) 1998(9) business ventures(44) celebrities(69) christian(8) food(45) movies(40) neal's fashion sense(20) phallus(8) religion(11) scantily clad people(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: jerry falwell(2) pat robertson(1) under siege(3) under siege 2: dark territory(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Dirk Diggler Ain't Got Nothin'

Views: 224/6246
Added: 06/01/2009

In 1991, Neal and George were beaten up by "Marky Mark" Wahlberg and 1 member of his Funky Bunch (specifically, Hector the Bootie Inspector). After knocking Neal and George unconscious, Marky and Hector took their clothes. On the plus side, Neal's tremendous *ahem* character inspired Mark Walhberg's character, Dirk Diggler, in the movie Boogie Nights. George also inspired Mark Wahlberg's character in his forthcoming movie, Little People, because all people look little compared to George.

Tags: 1991(3) celebrities(69) movies(40) music(26) phallus(8)
Names Mentioned: boogie nights(1) dirk diggler(1) hector barros (hector the booty inspector)(1) mark wahlberg (marky mark)(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

 
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Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing).

Views: 149/5958
Added: 01/29/2010

In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Both made the promise to their stations that within the first year they would be able to refine their techniques so that their forecasting would be 100% accurate. After significant analysis of sophisticated weather forecasting algorithms they both managed to make good on their promises; George by limiting his forecasts to only the current weather, Neal by only predicting the previous day's weather. They were still more accurate than any other meteorologist in history. Oddly enough, neither of them thought of using their time machine to visit the future to get their perfect predictions.

 

Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression.  Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Neal never took his meteorologist job seriously. This was one of the tamer weather systems he had fun with. You should see what he can do with a tropical depression. Also note that Chicago will be moved and become the entire state of Ohio.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2023(2) chicago(10) phallus(8) time machine(37) tv shows(48) weather(7)
Names Mentioned: chicago(14) ohio(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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To boldly go...

Views: 772/7224
Added: 02/12/2013

Unbeknownst to most people, the original Star Trek series was actually a documentary series about George and Neal's adventures. Captain Kirk and his crew were part of a film crew charged with a 5 year mission to explore planets and civilizations that were originally discovered and documented (and sometimes even created) by George and Neal during their adventures. The original catch phrase for the show was "To boldly go where no man (except for George and Neal) has gone before", however to better fit onto promotional posters (and since whether George and Neal were men or gods was a hotly debated topic in the late 1960's) it was shortened to the well known phrase, which I'm sure you are very familiar with. If not, then go ask a nerd.

 

To boldly go... - While sneaking on set to check out the progress of the documentary on planet Exo III, Neal was just a little too excited to see that Kirk had found his lost phallus.

While sneaking on set to check out the progress of the documentary on planet Exo III, Neal was just a little too excited to see that Kirk had found his lost phallus.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1960s(3) celebrities(69) phallus(8) science(28) tv shows(48)
Names Mentioned: james t kirk(1) star trek(2) William Shatner(8)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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There is No Zero!

Views: 140/4973
Added: 09/21/2016

In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has been stricken from historical records.

Tags: 0(1) 1966(2) ancient wonders(9) annoying fads(2) australia(2) clem(3) collapse of civilization(3) costumes(4) creamed corn(2) extinction(4) food poisoning(3) foot odor(3) forget this ever happened(9) genetics(16) george funk(11) good vibrations(2) great music(4) groin kick(3) historic events(18) History(13) hollandaise sauce(2) israeli food(2) jaguanst(8) kicking ass(16) lasagna(2) lawsuits(13) lotion(2) neal funk(18) oops(16) party like its 1999(2) people of history(33) phallus(8) platypus(4) pleasurebot(3) poop(7) power tools(2) pudding(2) reasons julie weeps(2) revenge(6) rhubarb(4) scantily clad people(15) stinky feet(3) strange disappearances(2) things george eats(3) things neal eats(9) things we made better(4) time paradoxes are fun(4) time travel(3) turtles & tortoises(3) vajazzled(3) wives(15) xxx(11) zoos and farm animals(2)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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