The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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From the generic "How Do You Know" fields:

Lived together?
You lived in Sin in 1998.
You lived in a van down by the river (but we swear nothing steamy happened) from 2004 to 2009.
You lived in inside the underbelly of a Tauntaun - more romantic than it sounds! from 1983 to 1984.

Worked together?
You worked at Wells and Wacker. Lower Wacker. That's a lot of Wacking. from 1981 to 1987.
You worked as Roadies (and, sadly, groupies) for the Lichtensteinian Goth Country band Doublewide Despair from 2001 to 2002.
You worked at C&C Roadside Carnival and Freak Show / Supermarket from 1995 to 1997.

From an organization, team or group?
You were members of Sumatran League of Confused Warlords in 1984.
You were members of Organizers of ThimbleCon 2008 - man, we love thimbles! from 1982 to 1997.
You were members of International Association of Rhubarb Farmers (who are diametrically opposed to those nasty Beet Farmers! [But not opposed to the Beat Farmers curiously enough]) from 1979 to 1984.

Went to school together?
You went to preschool with Neal.

Traveled together?
You traveled to sun bathing and swimming in Greenland for the bicentennial celebration of the Wooly Horse Festival in the winter of 2003.
You traveled to Panama for the annual Panama Canal Sled Dog/Doggy Paddle 500 biathlon in the summer of 2003.
You traveled to Djibuti, Qatar, Suriname, Guinea-Bissau, Moldova, Atlantis, Asgard, Metropolis, Kyrgyzstan... well, really, where DIDN'T we go? in the summer of 1980.

In my family?
George is Neal's father.

Through a friend?
You know Neal through Nicholas Exner (UIllinois).

Dated?
Yes, but not each other.

Other:
You met in 1981:

 

Then there was that one time, in band camp... But we won't go there.

 

In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor semi-autobiographical hits, including: "This-Restraining-Order-Means-I-Love-You"; "Please-Don't-Throw-That-Toaster-In-The-Tub"; "If-Our-Love-Is-Like-Plumbing-Then-Quit-Treating-Me-Like-A-Toilet" and "Your-Heart,-Like-My-Assets,-Is-Frozen". The band dissolved when George started his acting career with the prime-time forensics drama "Sesame Heat - Furry Victims Unit" and Neal created a one-man play, "Batman and Robin Williams". Neither fared all that well.

 

George and Neal were once part of the rock band KISS, but left the band in 1974 because they didn't think makeup of a raccoon and chimp respectively was cool enough. They also tried to convince Peter Criss to come with, but he seemed to like the cat makeup. Peter Criss did eventually leave the band in 1980 but kept returning and quitting the band throughout the years. In 1994 George and Neal became nostalgic for the KISS years and grew fond of the raccoon and chimp makeup and are now rarely seen in public without it.

 

So very, very tired of endless "Beatles vs. Stones" arguments, in 2022, George and Neal decided to do the only logical thing to resolve the issue: go back in time and force John and Paul to join forces with Mick and Keith. Thus, the band "The Rolling Beatles" took the music scene by storm.

The music was so astonishingly good that other musicians gave up in defeat and besides the music of the Rolling Beatles, almost no other music has been produced since 1968.... Almost. Neal and George got such a rush from combining two musical groups that they went back in time to do the same thing a few more times over. Now, instead of debating "Beatles vs. Stones", the world debates "The Rolling Beatles vs. Hammer | Hendrix." Most agree, it's a toss-up.

(As an aside, most agree that it's best not to acknowledge Reznor/Hanson inappropriately named collaboration, "The Nine Inch Hanson Brothers" nor the Prince/Pearl Jam collaboration, "Prince Pearl".)

 

As long as we're on the topic of classic rock music groups, it should be noted that George, Neal, and Brian Wilson were founding members of the Beach Boys, originally known as the Couch Boys. We turned out several minor hits, including Channel Surfin' USA, Channel Surfer Girl, Channel Surfin' Safari, and Couch Vibrations. In 1961 Brian decided Surfing was more marketable than sitting on a couch, kicked us out of the band, and changed the name. We were hurt for a time, but in the long run things worked out. Brian apologized by dedicating the "Pet Sounds" album to us (a reference to George's singing), but we really feel vindicated now. Today people still spend too much time sitting on their couches and no one cares about the Beach Boys any more. Suck on that Brian!

 

In 2012 George and Neal recorded an album of cover songs, except instead of the actual lyrics we sang the lyrics that everyone thinks the original artists were singing. Neal's rendition of Jimmi Hendrix's Purple Haze was an instant hit ('Scuse me while I kiss this guy) while George's version of CCR's Bad Moon Risin' (There's a bathroom on the right) became the theme song for Larry Craig's 2012 presidential campaign. Other songs on the album included:
- Queen's Bohemian Raphsody (Scallaboosh, Scallaboosh, will you do the banned tango... and ...The algebra has a devil for a sidekick eeeeeeeeee....)
- Led Zepplin's Stairway To Heaven (And there's a wino down the road)
- Nirvana's All Apologies (Smoking on the ashes of your Aunt Louise)
- The Sound of Music's So Long, Farewell (So long, farewell, our feet are saying good-bye)
- Nirvana's Heart-Shaped Box (Hey, Wayne, I've got a new Cobain)
- Elvis's Are you Lonesome Tonight (Are you loathsome tonight? Do you mince meat....)
- The Beatles' Ticket to Ride (She's got a chicken to ride.)
- REM's The One I Love (This one goes out to the one-eyed dove.)
- Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Where Tribbles smell like lemon drops)
- Madonna's Material Girl (I'm a Cheerio girl)
- Frank Sinatra's Strangers in the Night (Strangers and your wife, exchanging glances...)
- NIN's Closer (I want a duck shaped like a triangle, You give a toaster to Bob)
- Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water (Like a bridge over a tub of water)
- Glen Miller's Chattanooga Choo Choo (Pardon me boys, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?)

 

In 2016, George and Neal turned their attention to songwriting. They ghost-wrote a string of musical hits, including "We Built This City" by Starship (1985), "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Boys (2000), and "(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka (1974). Their songs were all chart-topping, yet widely held as the worst songs ever made. (For a full list of their super-popular, super-terrible songs, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_music_considered_the_worst#Songs).

Prompted by their musical success, George and Neal released their own record, George and Neal Get Aural. Some people say the music was misunderstood, because it was way ahead of its time; but some people are idiots. The music was atrocious. The album was released on January 6, 1953. One day later, President Truman announced that the US developed the Hydrogen Bomb. George and Neal believe this to be no coincidence, and was in direct response to their album's release. Nevertheless, the album spawned three hit singles, "The Ballad of Clem (Who?)", "Misplaced Coinpurse", and "Party Like It's 1234 B.C." (the latter forming the basis for George and Neal's lawsuit against Prince for his song "Party Like It's 1999" despite the fact that they wrote the song in 2016 (well after Prince released his song) but released it in 1953.)

 

In 1940 George and Neal wrote and released a song entitled Dreaming of a Purple Christmas. The song was mildly successful and in 1941 Irving Berlin wrote a parody called White Christmas. Oddly, the parody went on to garner more success than the original. In 1948 Doye O'Dell recorded Blue Christmas, a direct statement in support of colored Christmas songs. Over the next few years a whole slew of Christmas songs were released, each one promoting segregation of holiday colors. Tensions rose and things finally came to a head in the 1960s with the extremely controversial 1966 Grateful Dead song, Rainbow Christmas. On December 24, 1967 Martin Luther King Jr. spoke to a throng of millions during a Christmas Eve march to the Capital Plaza Mall.

"I had another dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their Christmas snow, but by the contents of their presents. I had another dream that one day Christmases will be celebrated with snow of all colors; red, green, white, blue, black, gray, and yellow. OK, maybe not the yellow snow, but you see where I'm going with this..."

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