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Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party

Entry Logged on: April 04, 2009 to Part 1 by: George - Photos by: George (1)
Page Views: 168 - Times Displayed: 10035

Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Territory". George would bake the cakes and deliver them and Neal would jump out of them. This was a very successful business until August, 1998, when Neal believed he was being sent to a bachelorette party. At the designated time Neal leaped out of the cake and began shaking his stuff while bills got stuffed into his speedo. After about 10 minutes Neal realized that the laughs were slightly deeper than what he would expect from a bachelorette party. Upon wiping the whipped cream from his eyes Neal realized he was actually at Jerry Falwell's 65th birthday party and Mr. Falwell was just about to stuff another $20 into Neal's G-String. Neal shouted and ran, closely followed by a mob of seniors stuffing change down his coin slot, toward the door yelling for George to "Start the van! Start the van!" Neal escaped with a whopping $1,642.63 in those 10 short minutes, not including the roll of quarters he kept stuffed in his banana hammock.

 

Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Taken just seconds before Neal took off running, much to Jerry and Pat's disappointment.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1992(2) 1998(9) business ventures(43) celebrities(69) christian(8) food(44) movies(40) neal's fashion sense(20) phallus(8) religion(11) scantily clad people(15) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: jerry falwell(2) pat robertson(1) under siege(3) under siege 2: dark territory(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

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People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: jerry falwell(2), pat robertson(1), under siege(3), under siege 2: dark territory(1)

Tags:
  • 1992 - (1 Other Entry)
    • Under Siege - In 1992 George and Neal starred in the blockbuster action hit "Under Siege". George starred as the ex-Navy SEAL turned cook who must protect an aircra...
  • 1998 - (8 Other Entries)
    • Clean, Efficient, Traumatizing Feeble Power - In 1998, George decided to traumatize Neal by forcing him to watch Peter Jackson's lesser known muppets-on-drugs movie, Meet the Feebles. Neal has bee...
    • Party Like It's 1999 - In 1998 George and Neal partied like it was 1999. In 1999 George and Neal didn't party.
    • There's Waldo!!! - In 1998, Neal became overwhelmingly frustrated when he tried to crack the mysteries of the complex literary tome, "Where's Waldo?" After a near-breakd...
    • Fear Factor Delicacies - In 1998, George convinced Neal to go on Fear Factor, where Neal went on to eat 50 scorpions, 12 worms, and over a hundred bull testicles. Neal later l...
    • From the generic - From the generic "How Do You Know" fields:Lived together?You lived in Sin in 1998.You lived in a van down by the river (but we swear nothing steamy ha...
    • Show All...
  • business ventures - (42 Other Entries)
    • Damn you, Midler! - In 2010 George and Neal single handedly (well, I guess double-handedly) save the US from a great depression, by creating a new industry devoted solely...
    • Hair, Inc. - In 1964 George and Neal started their niche business "Hair, Inc." in which they supplied the hair for your favorite rock stars and other celebrities. ...
    • GONADS - In 2009 George, along with Neal's wife Clarissa, developed the Genetic Origins Nurturing And Development System or GONADS. This revolutionary device t...
    • It's Not a Jewish eBay - In 2014, Neal and George created the website, "Oybay", the very first auction website devoted entirely to the sale and purchase of Jewish items.
    • Westboro Baptist Church - In 2013, in an attempt to connect with the average American, Westboro Baptist Church contacted Neal and George for their advice. We recommended they ...
    • Show All...
  • celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
    • Not Conspiracy Theories - There are conspiracy theories, and then there's the truth. And here it is, at long last. There was no UFO crash at Roswell. It wasn't a weather balloo...
    • Bob, I miss my testicles, you jerk! - In 1988, George and Neal created cats and dogs with opposable thumbs and above-average intellects. Everyone was thrilled with the evolutionary jump - ...
    • They're Not Imaginary Afterall - Between January 2111 and August 2121 George and Neal set out on a quest to discover as many creatures generally thought to be imaginary as possible. O...
    • Vatican Idol and Spin-offs - In 2007, hoping to cash in and ride on the success of American Idol, but knowing his limitations (such as poor fashion sense, body odor, warbley singi...
    • Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 - Exhausted with the mean-spirited nature of recent presidential elections as well as the inability of presidents to follow through on campaign promises...
    • Show All...
  • christian - (7 Other Entries)
    • Darwin Loves Us! - In 10,000 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable thumb. In secret documents, Darwin acknowledged this fact, and renounced his natural selection t...
    • Joy to Everyone! - In 2019 George and Neal made a fortune by selling Christmas snow globes. It was all an accident, really. We thought we had this great idea to make C...
    • EastKippur - In an effort to unify religions, George and Neal combined Easter and Yom Kippur, (known as "EastKippur"). Unfortunately, this resulted in a cruel iron...
    • Olympic Snowball - In 2022, at George and Neal's insistence (ok, it was actually persistence - we agreed to finally stop whining about it if the IOC included it - we can...
    • Sisters of Endless Guilt - In 1962 George and Neal dressed as nuns and moved into the Sisters of Endless Guilt convent, just for kicks. We lived there for three and a half month...
    • Show All...
  • food - (43 Other Entries)
    • In Great Shape - In 1902 George and Neal developed a revolutionary diet program. The program slowly grew and evolved until the 1950s and 1960s when it suddenly took of...
    • Religious iDeals - In an effort to avoid paying taxes on his massive fortune, in 1935, Neal established the first truly secular religion, Nealism. Honoring the tenets of...
    • Cow Experimentation - In 1984, during George and Neal's famous Cow Experimentation period (it's not what it sounds like), they successfully bred cows with extremely high in...
    • It Stinks! - Thanks to the success of nasty food television shows such as Hell's Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, and Worst Cooks in America, by 2019 there were no foo...
    • Restraining Orders Suck - Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawe...
    • Show All...
  • movies - (39 Other Entries)
    • They're all True Stories - Numerous TV shows and Movies (and also a few books) have been based on the life and times of George and Neal. Included in these are: Superman, Bill an...
    • The Prolific Pancake Pileup - Back in 1952, Neal and George invented the pancake. Not that they were trying to invent it, mind you. They just suck at making regular cakes, and that...
    • Mace, the other Dark Side - Darth Vader was not Luke's father. A paternity test by Maury Povich revealed to Vader that "You are NOT the father!". After checking six other poten...
    • Starring George & Neal!!! - Wanting to attain fame, but hoping to do so with as little effort as humanly possible, George and Neal went back in time to be recast in Hollywood blo...
    • George Neal - In 2029, George and Neal decided to tinker with building functional teleportation technology. Unfortunately, it had been years since either Neal or G...
    • Show All...
  • neal's fashion sense - (19 Other Entries)
    • Worst... Enya... Ever... - George was the fifth Beatle. However, due to a problem with the time machine, he had to forsake this role, give up fame and fortune and return to his ...
    • We'd Need a Thneed Indeed! - In 1965 George and Neal invented an odd-looking but versatile garment that everyone needs. In 1971 we licensed the story of the growing Thneed industr...
    • Monkey Back Guarantee! - In 2030, it became extremely fashionable to have a hairy back. To cash in on this trend, George and Neal created a lotion that would increase the hai...
    • Clint Ain't Wacko! - In August 2012, Clint Eastwood was thought to have embarrassed himself at the Republican National Convention by pretending to argue with an invisible ...
    • We're Not Bigfoot - George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look...
    • Show All...
  • phallus - (7 Other Entries)
    • Geal - In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part bec...
    • There is No Zero! - In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has bee...
    • Love Aid Rings - In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt w...
    • To boldly go... - Unbeknownst to most people, the original Star Trek series was actually a documentary series about George and Neal's adventures. Captain Kirk and his ...
    • Neal Simon's Manhood - Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) th...
    • Show All...
  • religion - (10 Other Entries)
    • Samhain and Zarathosht Diso - A second attempt to unite the religious holidays of Samhain and Zarathosht Diso was equally disastrous since neither of them was Wiccan or Zoroastrian...
    • Rue Bourbon is Distracting - In 2069 George and Neal wrote a musical, called "Home to Where the Sun Rises". The smash hit spent four years on Broadway before touring the world. ...
    • Happy Chomp-akah - Wanting to "shake things up" for the next Hanukah, in 2013 Neal invented "Tleg", the exact opposite of Gelt - chocolate on the outside, gold foil on t...
    • Keeping Kosher - Neal enjoys eating pickled pig snouts, but only if they're Kosher. George enjoys eating all the foods his wife won't let him eat.
    • 6 Already Displayed with Another Tag
    • Show All...
  • scantily clad people - (14 Other Entries)
    • Girls Gone Tame - In 2021, to capitalize on the new, extremely modest trends in fashion, George and Neal made millions off their new video series called "Girls Gone Tam...
    • We the Bad-Ass Americans - George and Neal went on a vacation/bender in 1776 (again with the time machine). Luckily, though wackiness ensued, nothing was altered in our time-lin...
    • Measure Your Spaghetti - In 2018 George and Neal were invited to appear before the entire US Government to talk about their accomplishments. The talk started out normal enough...
    • Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway m...
    • Vun (ah ah ah) Too (ah ah ah) Tree (ah ah ah)... - George was originally cast in the lead role as Michael Knight for the 1980's TV series Knight Rider, however due to conflicting interests (George was ...
    • Show All...
  • xxx - (10 Other Entries)
    • Cookin' with Martha and Neal - In 1990, George began producing Martha Stewart's new cooking show, "Cookin' with Martha and Neal". The show ran for two very successful seasons; howev...
    • What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While...
    • Neal's On Wheels - (Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He cal...
    • Captain Gooey and The Incredible Taint - For a brief time in 1963, Neal and George became super heroes, using the pseudonym "Captain Gooey" and "The Incredible Taint", respectively. Their for...
    • The George and Neal Newsnetwork - In 2040, Neal and George created a television news program devoted solely to chronicling their (mis)adventures, called the George and Neal Newsnetwork...
    • Show All...
View All Tags

Other Posts:

  • In the Beginning... AKA: The Origin - Neal met George workin' on the farm. George always promised Neal he'd see the rabbits.After a falling out, they met years later on a city bus. Wait, d...
  • Skullets Rock! - In 1983 George convinced Patrick Stewart that it was time to change his hairstyle and shave his afro. Neal suggested a mohawk instead, which Patrick ...
  • The Recession: The Origin - In 2003, becoming increasingly paranoid that officials at the Pentagon were conspiring against him, George W. Bush asked that George and Neal create t...
  • Rrhrrrhhhhrrrrrrrgrrhh - In 2030, Neal became a monosyllabic, drooling, undead zombie. No one noticed the difference until 2033.
  • 2015 - In 2015 George and Neal will have finalized all of the details surrounding their friendship. That is, until 2016, when they will have to chronicle all...


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