The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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In the mid 1980's, Neal and George were hired by ABC to produce a series of after-school specials. Those of you who grew up in the 80's may remember (and still be traumatized by) their shows, including the safety episode, "Where did my thumb go?: Little Sammy's Shop Class Adventure"; the puberty/safe-sex episode "What's Growin' On You Could Kill You If You Use It Wrong"; the stranger-danger episode, "The Man Asking You to Sit on His Lap and Asking You To Whisper What You Want Is Not Really Santa Claus"; and the anti-drug episode, "Cocaine Will Prevent You From Success, the George W. Bush Story" (who knew in the 80's?). Surprisingly, it took three years before they were fired for their incompetence - heck, before they were fired, they even aired the confusing and long-titled episode "Don't Trust What TV Tells You To Do Except For This Show In Which Case You Should Trust It Entirely Because We Are Always Right And Have the Right To Tell You How To Live Your Life, And Hey, If We Don't Tell You To Brush Your Teeth And Stop Picking On Kids In Glasses How Will You Ever Learn These Lessons?".

 

In 2001 George married the most incredible woman ever to live, past, present, and future, leaving Neal to settle for the second best, although if you ask Neal the opposite is true. This is a debate that will continue for centuries. In fact, college courses will be offered discussing the philosophies of both sides of the debate.

 

In 1998, Neal became overwhelmingly frustrated when he tried to crack the mysteries of the complex literary tome, "Where's Waldo?" After a near-breakdown, George decided to help his friend, as well as the public at large, by publishing "There's Waldo, Right Freakin' There". It became an overnight sensation, quickly selling out multiple editions and translated into 58 languages (Though, other than the title, there wasn't much to translate). George and Neal are set to publish their next traumatic/educational book, "Where in the Morgue is Carmen Sandiego?"

 

In 2010, as part of President Obama's Education Recovery Effort, George & Neal's list of accomplishments became mandatory curriculum from 4th grade up. Students are required to pass annual standardized tests in four categories: Historical Events, Businesses and Celebrities, Inventions, and Other Crap. 4th through 6th grade tests each consist of 200 multiple choice questions, 7th and 8th grade is a combination of 250 multiple choice and short answer questions, and high school also includes an essay section. Also all US Citizens are required to complete a 150 question multiple choice test once every four years. Failure to pass the test could result in suspension of your US Citizenship and up to 10 years of living in Britain. So you better start studying now!

 

In 2004, George and Neal publish their educational children's book, "Harold and the Purple Crayon: Harold Discovers the Female Anatomy". The book was a hit, especially in the "Males, ages 13-18" demographic. There was much praise. And lawsuits. Lots and lots of those.

 

In 1981 George founded the Midwest University of Trickery in Elocution (M.U.T.E.); the most prestigious school of ventriloquism, and the only one to offer a full range of degrees and certifications, including the esteemed Pu.D. (Doctorate of Puppetry). In response Neal founded the Disparate Union of Mumbling Mannequins and Inanimate Entertainment Sycophants (D.U.M.M.I.E.S.) to fight for the rights of puppets everywhere. This short lived organization dissolved quickly when none of the members would speak up for themselves.

 

Throughout the years George and Neal have helped create several famous documentaries, including Gheorghe Marinescu's "The walking troubles of organic hemiplegy" and "The walking troubles of organic paraplegies"; Edward S. Curtis's "In the Land of the Head Hunters"; Robert J. Flaherty's "Nanook of the North"; William Shakespeare's "Hamlet", "A Midsummer Night's Dream", and "Macbeth"; and Michael Moore's "SiCKO"; and James Cameron's "Terminator".

 

Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawed; so, to eliminate as much Awesomeness!™ as possible, George and Neal were ordered to keep away from one another (except for that brief period in 2058 when they secretly invented the edible harmonica under cover of the darkest night). In 2059, Awesomeness!™ was reinstated, and George and Neal were allowed to continue their adventures. They reconnected during 2059... Well, in actual fact, for them it was 2059, but they really reconnected during 424 BCE, in Ancient Persia. At that time, George and Neal started a business selling camels to the citizens of Persia (which were used in combat because of the camels' natural ability to scare off horses in close ranges, a quality famously employed by the Achaemenid Persians when fighting Lydia... See? Education is fun!). George and Neal were known for selling camels with enhanced feet and toes, which assisted the camels during their long and sometimes treacherous travel. You can still purchase your own enhanced camel, provided you, too, have a time machine and can find George and Neal's shop, "Freaky Deaky Camels". (Not the best name for a shop, but much better than Neal's suggestion, "Hey, Look at all my Camel Toes!" and George's suggestion, "My Friend Neal Has Camel Toes".)

 

In 1994 George began his extensive napkin collection. He collected paper cafeteria napkins and stored them in school lockers around the world. Around the same time Neal started his grand toilet paper collection, storing incredible amounts of toilet paper in laundromats all around Cincinnati. The big difference? George's weren't used.

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