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Role Playing, SFW-style

Views: 161/4646
Added: 09/24/2013

In 2013, Neal introduced George to the role-playing game, Dungeons and Dragons. George thought it was fantastic, as it blended his love of story telling, games, and sexy goblins. However, both Neal and George found the game's storylines much too violent for their children. Wanting to include the kids in the fun, George and Neal went back to 1974 to convince D&D creator Gary Gygax to ditch the game's dark fantasy aspect and make the game more family friendly. Gary refused, and then tried to hit them with a gigantic mace. (Luckily he only rolled a 4, so he missed.)

Undeterred, George and Neal implored Gary to reconsider. Using his Charisma Attributes of +25, George skillfully managed to get Gary to change his mind. Plans for Advanced Dungeons and Dragons were scrapped, and instead Gary released Advanced Zoos and Farm Animals.

 

Role Playing, SFW-style - The threat is mildly palpable.  And yummy.

The threat is mildly palpable. And yummy.

Photo by: Neal

The game had its share of problems. Sure, it was family friendly, but the stories were far less compelling, and over very quickly. Here is a snippet from one recently played game:

Zoo-Master: "You are in a zoo."

Player #1: "Walk North."

Zoo-Master: "You walk North. You find yourself in front of a porcupine cage. What do you do?"

Player #2: "Attack porcupine."

Zoo-Master: "You attack the porcupine. You have been forcibly removed from the zoo. We hope you enjoyed playing Advanced Zoos and Farm Animals."

Sales were disastrous, eclipsed even by the 1982 E.T. Atari video game. George and Neal both hope the upcoming 2015 movie adaption starring Pauly Shore fares better.

Tags: AD&D(1) advanced dungeons and dragons(1) atari(1) attack mace(1) ben & jerry's(1) charisma points(2) d&d(1) e.t.(1) gary gygax(1) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) pauly shore(1) zoos and farm animals(2)
Names Mentioned: e.t.(1) gary gygax(1) pauly shore(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (1)

 
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Yes, they really said that.

Views: 267/12288
Added: 11/30/2013

In 2024 George and Neal published a collection of lesser known quotes by famous people. They compiled this collection of quotes by painstakingly travelling back in time and stalking people until they said something profound (or not so much as the case may be). The book was a best seller... for them, which means it really didn't sell well at all. Here's a sampling of a few of the more than 300 insights they collected:

 

Yes, they really said that. - Volume 1 had over 1000 pages.  Volume 2 had 1200 pages.  Volume 3 had nearly 1500 pages.  Unfortunately 3400 of the 3700 pages were blank.

Volume 1 had over 1000 pages. Volume 2 had 1200 pages. Volume 3 had nearly 1500 pages. Unfortunately 3400 of the 3700 pages were blank.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2024(1) bette midler(4) cool(3) einstein(3) in good company(6) Inspirations(19) mental trauma(8) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) people of history(33) publications(14) revenge(6) rip-offs(3) rock stars(3) success!(13) time machine(37) we don't get it either(3)
Names Mentioned: abraham lincoln(2) alan alda(1) albert einstein(4) bette midler(5) bob dylan(1) camille paglia(1) carl sagan(1) cleopatra(2) colonel sanders(1) dom deluise(1) gandhi(1) george a. custer(1) j. s. bach(1) joan of ard(1) napoleon bonaparte(1) ozzy osborne(1) queen elizabeth ii(1) salvador dali(1) steven king(1) william wallace(1) wolfgang amadeus mozart(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Need More Conventions!!!

Views: 221/9551
Added: 12/08/2013

By 2031 there were so many comic conventions and expos (including Comic-Con, WizCon, APE, C2E2, WonderCon, Comikaze, C4, MegaCon, Sac-Con, Pros & Con, Com-Con-Chameleon, Thimblecon, thousands of local comic conventions, and many more) that George and Neal decided to found the first annual ComConCon. This convention was to promote awareness of other conventions. Participants were encouraged to come dressed as their favorite convention. For the first year Neal dressed as the Cleveland Comic, Card and Nostalgia Show and George dressed as Awesome Con DC. The annual ComConCons were a huge success until a small scandal in 2042 when the manager of long time ComConCon participant Illinois Government ComiCon, Ryan Hodge Blagokowski, was convicted of corruption and masterminding a scheme that hoodwinked millions of people out of hundreds of dollars (he claimed to be selling pre-release copies of the seventh book in George R. R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, however he was taking the money and had no intention of ever delivering the books, much like Martin himself...). This grand scam was dubbed the ComConCon Con. After spending 13 years behind bars(with 'A Dream of Spring' still listed as 'forthcoming'), R.H. Blagokowski was forever referred to as 'The ComConCon Con Con'.

 

Need More Conventions!!! - Attendees quickly began a tradition of dressing up as their favorite Comic Convention.  The costumes weren't quite as awe inspiring as those at said conventions, but there's a venue for everyone's passions!

Attendees quickly began a tradition of dressing up as their favorite Comic Convention. The costumes weren't quite as awe inspiring as those at said conventions, but there's a venue for everyone's passions!

Photo by: George

Tags: 2031(1) 2042(1) art is art(10) business ventures(46) charisma points(2) comics(2) competition(10) costumes(4) crimes & scams(16) government(16) inspirations(19) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) organizations(15) politics(9) success!(13) super heroes(3) thimblecon(2) thimbles(2)
Names Mentioned: a dream of spring(1) a song of ice and fire(1) ape(1) awesome con dc(1) c2e2(1) c4(1) card and nostalgia show(1) cleveland comic(1) comic-con(1) comikaze(1) dan rostenkowski(1) george h. ryan(1) george r. r. martin(1) megacon(1) orville hodge(1) rod blagojevich(2) sac-con(1) wizcon(1) wondercon(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Joanie Loves Churros

Views: 226/8975
Added: 03/28/2014

In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - you'd think a time machine originally designed for making smoothies would be more resilient) caused a temporal-reality-rift. Nothing much was changed, except that Scott Baio was turned into a tasty Spanish dessert. That's ok though, because Scott went on to make his well known hits, Happy Days, Joanie Loves Churros, and Churros in Charge. Despite the name changes the shows still earned rave reviews and Baio was still a heart throb, although among overweight women with a sweet tooth instead of young teenage girls.

 

Joanie Loves Churros - Doesn't that just make you want to have a churro?  If you need a churro right now, join others just like you here: I Need a Churro

Doesn't that just make you want to have a churro? If you need a churro right now, join others just like you here: I Need a Churro

Photo by: George

Tags: 1978(5) candy crush(3) celebrities(69) chart topping(4) facebook(10) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) smoothies(7) things neal eats(9) time machine(37) time paradoxes are fun(4) tv shows(48) websites(7)
Names Mentioned: Charles In Charge(1) happy days(1) joanie loves chachi(1) scott baio(8) tang(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The Wilhelm Scream and Other Sounds

Views: 375/12203
Added: 04/24/2014

The Wilhelm Scream is pretty well known for being a sound effect used in many, many movies. What is less well known is that George and Neal also provided sound effects that have been used in numerous movies, too. George made the original Jaros Yodel and Neal made the sounds for the Simon Whimper.

 


Listen to and download:
The Jaros Yodel.

The Simon Whimper.

Tags: amazing abilities(16) get aural(2) great music(4) in good company(6) mental trauma(8) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) movies(40) music(26) sounds our bodies can make(1) turn it up and rock out(1) tv shows(48) video games(12)
Names Mentioned: wilhelm scream(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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The World's Gone Tipsy

Views: 176/3176
Added: 07/26/2016

In 1932 the Italian government hired George to stabilize the Leaning Tower of Pisa to prevent its collapse. Starting during its construction and continuing until George's stabilization project the tower gradually shifted to lean 5.5 degrees. But George's ingenious network of spider silk support cables and carbon fiber beams, all hidden beneath the crust of the earth, connected the tower to a number of other famous stable structures around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza, Statue of Liberty, the pyramid El Castillo at the Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Taj Mahal, Notre-Dame Cathedral, Castle Neuschwanstein, Bodiam Castle, the newly finished Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City. Unfortunately records were lost and from 1989 to 2001 unnecessary restoration projects straightened the tower by removing soil from under the higher side of the foundation so it only leaned 3.99 degrees.

By 2038 tourism in Pisa had dropped significantly and the Italian Government decided to hire Neal to straighten the leaning tower once and for all. Neal, as usual, used the amazing strength in his thighs to just push the tower into a perfectly vertical position. Unfortunately, Neal knew nothing of George's former stabilization project and his method of brute force architectural restoration caused every monumental structure that George had previously anchored the tower to to tilt in response. So, starting in 2038, you'll be able to travel the globe and visit the Leaning Great Pyramid at Giza, Leaning Statue of Liberty, the Leaning Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Leaning Taj Mahal, Leaning Notre-Dame Cathedral, Leaning Castle Neuschwanstein, Leaning Bodiam Castle, the Leaning Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Leaning Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City.

 

The World's Gone Tipsy - It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

It also doubles as a motorcycle ramp, perfect for jumping things, like sharks!

Photo by: George

 

 - Now she really looks French.  Too much wine Frenchy?

Now she really looks French. Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - 1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot.  That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

1,000 mortal souls were sacrificed on this spot. That's what happens when Neal visits after having the local burritos.

Photo by: George

 

 - Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Apparently one of the trees was attached to one of the spider silk support cables...

Photo by: George

 

 - Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too!  Too much wine Frenchy?

Hey look, Notre Dame is French, too! Too much wine Frenchy?

Photo by: George

 

 - The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation).  ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

The crookedness of the castle now matches the crookedness of the spelling (and pronunciation). ...Neuschwanstein... (Gesundheit!)

Photo by: George

 

 - They now have a problem with flooding.  We'll fix that in 2094...

They now have a problem with flooding. We'll fix that in 2094...

Photo by: George

 

 - Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Not French, but I hear he's big on wine, too, especially with all that water around...

Photo by: George

 

 - China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

China immediately claimed that the Hall of Supreme Harmony is still perfectly straight, it's the rest of the world that is leaning.

Photo by: George

Tags: 1932(2) 1989(3) 2001(8) 2038(1) africa(3) ancient egypt(2) ancient wonders(9) architecture(1) asia(2) collapse of civilization(3) europe(4) george's genious(1) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) neal's thighs(1) north america(2) south america(3) we built this city on rock and roll(3)
Names Mentioned: Bodiam Castle(1) castle neuschwanstein(1) chichen itza(1) christ the redeemer(1) el castillo(1) forbidden city(1) great pyramid at giza(2) hall of supreme harmony(1) leaning tower of pisa(1) notre-dame cathedral(1) statue of liberty(1) taj mahal(1) temple of kukulkan(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (9)

 
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Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson

Views: 123/2608
Added: 08/08/2016

Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway musical it was based on, which also starred Tom Hanks and, coincidentally, Neal. Neal played the iconic role of Wilson in the musical, however Tom Hanks got tired of carrying around Neal's severed head and wanted to share the screen with a volleyball for the movie. Neal wasn't too upset though because after his head spending 36 weeks on Broadway his body was starting to get hungry. So George hot-glued Neal's head back on and he had his first meal in months. Ironically, Neal chose coconuts for his first meal.

 

Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Neal was just as excited by Hanks' hairy chest and nipples as Hanks was to make fire.

Neal was just as excited by Hanks' hairy chest and nipples as Hanks was to make fire.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2000(7) celebrities(69) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8) movies(40) relationships(6) scantily clad people(15) success!(13) theater(8) things we made better(4) those look like comfortable shoes(3)
Names Mentioned: Cast Away(1) Tom Hanks(1)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)

 
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Leggo Your Logo

Views: 34/87
Added: 04/02/2020

In August 2019 the popular hobby website Board Game Geek changed their logo from the lovable, cuddly geek to a strange, orange, amorphous blob (apparently following the trend set by the country three years earlier). George and Neal capitalized on the success and overwhelming adoration of the site's fans to redesign logos for a bunch of other major corporations. Their design skill was very quickly in demand and corporate logos have never been less descriptive or memorable since!

 

Leggo Your Logo - Mostly, George and Neal's design skills were in demand before anyone knew how much they sucked at designing logos.

Mostly, George and Neal's design skills were in demand before anyone knew how much they sucked at designing logos.

Photo by: George

Tags: 2019(4) business ventures(46) miley cyrus is not in this post in any way(8)
Entry Logged By: George - Photos by: George (1)



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