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Gutzon Borglum originally had six faces carved on Mount Rushmore. The busts of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt, and Abe Lincoln were flanked by Neal Simon (next to Washington) and George Jaros (next to Lincoln) to honor us for our countless contributions to human civilization. However, a freak thunderstorm in 1968 caused the faces of George and Neal to fall off the monument.
The original Mount Rushmore.
Photo by: George
A new monument nearby has been in the works for quite a while. Its developmental codename is the "Crazy Horse Memorial", but will most likely be released with a final name of "Jar-mon Mountain" or something similar.
The in-progress Crazy Horse Monument and a model of what the finished sculpture will look like.
Photo by: George
After a heated debate with his wife where she stated, "Everything is not always about you, George!", George went back in time (just prior to the beginning of that conversation), and invented a ray that temporarily made it so that anything and everything that anyone talked about was all about George. Luckily, the effects wore off, but not without any consequences; there was one side effect - it turns out that prior to that moment, the name George had never existed, and the ray caused people to believe many of their important historical icons were named George. For example, George Washington was originally named "Melvin Washington"; George Takei was (coincidentally) named "Sulu Takei"; and George Jaros was originally "Bagrat Jaros".
Jealous that the fictitious time travelers, Bill and Ted, got to meet and bring historical figures to their timelines, George and Neal decided to one-up them. They created an entire high school, populating the student body with hundreds of "borrowed" historical figures, both past and future. As one could imagine, the high school dominated many categories of competition, such as debate (the Socrates / Mr. T team cleaning up at every conference, typically employing "the only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing, fool!") and drama (Shakespeare's reboot, The Taming of the Shrek was surprisingly transcendent). However, Neal's lack of knowledge all things sports did hinder the school, as having famous painters Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael on the football team did not play out nearly as well as he thought it would.
These kind words almost make up for the swirlees inflicted on them by Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. (They were understandably angry about being cut from the team.)
Photo by: Neal
It was a crazy four years. George was voted "most likely to continue to be a guy named George." It was the highest honor he had ever received.
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
So, if you feel so inclined, you may graciously donate your organs, blood, or other bodily fluids to keep our website going. Or you could just send us a few bucks via PayPal, we're pretty easy like that (that's what she said). In return you'll gain the satisfaction of knowing that you are helping to educate millions and billions of individual cells (which really amounts to only a fraction of a person since it is estimated that the brain contains somewhere between 80-120 billion nerve cells (neurons), and neurons only make up about 50% of the cells in a human brain). Oh, and if you so request, we might include you in a future adventure (or maybe a past one).
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Thanks for reading, and we hope you're not too traumatized after your visit.