The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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Entries From Tuesday, October 01, 2013

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4 Entries on This Page

 

Tired of hipsters telling everyone "I liked that band before they were cool," George and Neal did them one better, going back in time and befriending many rock stars long before they were famous (sometimes immediately after they were born).

Many of the musicians they befriended wrote songs about George and Neal, though this is not commonly known. For example:

- Metallica's "Enter Sandman" was about the time George baby-sat James Hetfield, and sang him soothing lullabies. (Circa 1988).

- Prince's "When Doves Cry" was about the time Neal and Prince were playing basketball and Neal tripped on a bird. (Circa 1981)

- Frankie Valli's "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" was about the time George accidentally switched Frankie's eye drops with superglue. (Circa 1942)

- The Kingston Trio's "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" is about the time Neal dated Dave Guard's mom, and being short on cash, Neal picked all the flowers from Guard's backyard to give to his mother. (Circa 1941)

- The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations" is about the time George taught Brian Wilson's high school science class, and hit water with a vibrating tuning fork. (Circa 1958)

- Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is about the time Neal babysat a 9 year old Kurt Cobain. That day, Kurt discovered Neal's odd choice of deodorant. (Circa 1976)

- Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall"? All about the time George and Neal hired a young Roger Waters to assist in their short-lived construction business providing homes for the poor and evil (known as Habitat for Inhumanity). (Circa 1963)

Officially, George and Neal can both say, "We liked them before they were cool."

Officially, the rest of the world can secretly desire to punch them both in the face.

 

In 1998 George let the dogs out, but he let them back in as soon as they were finished doing their duty. Anslem Douglas didn't believe him though and kept giving him the third degree. He even got the Baha Men to start pestering George. C'mon guys, stop the nagging!

 

In 1975, Gary Dahl became a millionaire virtually overnight when he invented the "pet rock." He marketed it as the perfect pet - one that did not need to be fed, walked, groomed or bathed. Ignoring this selling point and wanting in on the action, George and Neal marketed "The Pet Rock Pet". Sales were abysmal - and those pets that were actually sold succumbed to starvation fairly soon thereafter.

George and Neal's later invention, Mood-Swing rings (randomly forcing you to punch people when you are at your happiest) fared only slightly better.

 

In 2019 George and Neal made a fortune by selling Christmas snow globes. It was all an accident, really. We thought we had this great idea to make Christmas snow globes that featured a nativity scene and played "Joy to the World" while the snow swirled around baby Jesus and the animals. But when our Chinese manufacturer shipped the snow globes to us everything was perfect (well, baby Jesus was replaced by a frog, but hey, whatever sells), until the music started with "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!". But they sold really, really well! Even better than our "Oh Holy Night" whoopee cushions.

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