'2020' Tagged Entries
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In 2020 George and Neal produced a very special episode of Dateline's "To Catch A Predator". It was a great success and they captured a lion, three grizzly bears, a pair of jaguars, three red-tailed hawks, six rattlesnakes, one mongoose, a vast assortment of spiders, a man-o-war jellyfish, a tyrannosaurus rex, two alligators, a couple of venus flytraps, and one big dude with glow-in-the-dark blood, awesome mandibles, greenish skin, rad dreads, and some pretty cool weapons. We've been asked back to do a follow up special where we'll attempt to catch the elusive Nashville Predators.
Chris Hansen with our catch of the day. Let me tell you, this guy was not happy. He kept muttering about how he was only after the queen. Later we had to call an exterminator to clean up an infestation of Internecivus raptus, but since this was To Catch A Predator and not To Catch A Parasite, those clips didn't air.
Photo by: George
In 1945, George and Neal decided to go to a Tigers/Cubs game - fatefully, it was Game 4 of the World Series. During the game, George complained of a strange odor. After a few innings, George became so upset by the noxious smell, he complained to P.K. Wrigley, who located a nearby patron who was attending the game with his billy goat. After asking the patron (Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis) to leave because his pet goat's odor was bothering other fans, Sianis became outraged and declared, "Them Cubs, they aren't gonna win no more," which has been interpreted to mean that there would never be another World Series game played at Wrigley Field. It has also been said by many that Sianis put a "curse" on the Cubs; if so, it was incredibly effective as the Cubs have not won a single World Series since then. (Later that evening, George located the odor, and it wasn't the goat. It was Neal. Whoops.)
While we're on the topic of the Cubs, George and Neal felt so badly for having caused a curse that led to the downfall of the Cubs Dynasty, they vowed to do all that they could to break the curse (ok, they didn't feel too bad, but the Cubs were the only baseball team they could afford to try out their awesome plan). That's why in 2020, George and Neal populated the entire Cubs team with many versions of themselves taken from different timelines. The Neals and Georges trained for many months, to get in peak physical condition. Given George and Neal's skills (including their self-professed and much doubted sexual prowess), the people of Chicago, nay, the world, were filled with hope and excitement. People also thought Waterworld and the Postman would be good movies. People are idiots. George and Neal's first game resulted in the injuries of numerous Georges and Neals, and a score of 75-1. (They got one run during the inning that the pitcher kept beaming them in the head for fun.) Consequently, that was the first and last game George and Neal ever played as Cubs. The next day the owners (who happened to be the real Neal and George for that time) fired all the other Neals and Georges and rehired all the original players. Interestingly enough, that devastating loss was not the Cubs' worst defeat. They lost by bigger margins three more times that season despite Neal and George no longer playing. Chalk it up to bad managing (the George and Neal managers were fired at the end of the season).
Above: the most handsome baseball team ever. They were known as the "Lovable, handsome, amazingly bodacious losers."
Photo by: Neal
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- Photos by: Neal
In 1921 George and Neal founded their bridal fashion line. Unfortunately George and Neal knew absolutely nothing about bridal fashion and their company wasn't very successful. This didn't stop them though, and they used their knowledge of the future to bring the hottest styles from the 21st century to the roaring 20s in the hopes that the modernization of 1920s fashion trends would embrace their futuristic designs. They failed there as well. But they were convinced that their innovative wedding dress designs would someday catch on, so they kept at it. Finally, in 2020 George and Neal became the hottest fashion team in the bridal industry. The March edition of their magazine, The Bodaceous Bride, featured their flagship wedding dress on the cover. Everyone was anxious to get their hands on the dress (whether they were getting married or not!) Turns out their Hazmat Wedding Dress would probably have also been a hit if they had released it just a few years earlier, but they missed the Spanish Flu epidemic by just a few months.
Be sure to read that article about 106 reasons you missed out on marrying the man of your dreams. There are really only two reasons, named Julie and Clarissa, but we had to come up with 104 other reasons Julie and Clarissa are more awesome than you.
Photo by: George
Neal turned 42 in 2020 (but celebrated his birthday in 1961 so he could send a chimp named Ham into outer space... not for science purposes, but because the chimp owed Neal some money... but that's a story for a different day). That day, Neal noticed his hair was thinning and became upset. Good friend that he is, George developed an alternate hair-care treatment that was also eco friendly.
George first tested the treatment on himself first. Needless to say, it went very well.
You can also buy a replica of this - ask for the Chia George at your local Walgreens.
Photo by: Neal
Initially, George was met with belly laughter when he saw Neal. Soon after, though, Neal decided he would like a luxurious green coif as well. Neal started the treatments immediately. Unfortunately, Neal's son Adin also wanted this stylish look as well.
Even more unfortunate, the treatments did not respond as expected for the Simons.
Above: the Simons "go green".
Photo by: Neal
Neal immediately discontinued the treatments. Adin, however, increased the treatments, commenting, "I kinda like it!" Currently, Adin is up for the role of Swamp Thing in DC's upcoming movie. Most agree, he's a shoe-in.
The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures through Time and Space (and Pudding)! is fully supported by... Well, nothing currently. We recently added ads (is that redundantly repetitive?) to our site in the hopes that we can earn a little bit of cash to pay to keep this site running. You see, all the piles and piles of money we make through our various business ventures, inventions, good fortune, and, ahem, other various schemes goes right back into funding for more research, travels, lawsuits, and general debauchery. So you see, there's nothing really left to keep this website going.
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