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Dirk Diggler Ain't Got Nothin'

Entry Logged on: June 01, 2009 to Part 2 by: Neal
Page Views: 227 - Times Displayed: 6317

In 1991, Neal and George were beaten up by "Marky Mark" Wahlberg and 1 member of his Funky Bunch (specifically, Hector the Bootie Inspector). After knocking Neal and George unconscious, Marky and Hector took their clothes. On the plus side, Neal's tremendous *ahem* character inspired Mark Walhberg's character, Dirk Diggler, in the movie Boogie Nights. George also inspired Mark Wahlberg's character in his forthcoming movie, Little People, because all people look little compared to George.

Tags: 1991(3) celebrities(69) movies(40) music(26) phallus(8)
Names Mentioned: boogie nights(1) dirk diggler(1) hector barros (hector the booty inspector)(1) mark wahlberg (marky mark)(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

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People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: boogie nights(1), dirk diggler(1), hector barros (hector the booty inspector)(1), mark wahlberg (marky mark)(1)

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  • 1991 - (2 Other Entries)
    • Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless - In 1991, Neal organized a protest against brutality toward unicorns called Beating Unicorns is Totally Tasteless, or B.U.T.T. Decades later, George in...
    • Saved By The 1-Up - In 1991 Neal was found dead after a long session of Bad Dudes, however he luckily received a 1-Up just before perishing and was able to be revived by ...
  • celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
    • The Heroic Journey of Two Wonderful, Influential, Benevolent Human Beings - George and Neal walked completely across the country and back in only three days back in 1986. Everyone was really impressed and George and Neal went ...
    • Documentaries - Throughout the years George and Neal have helped create several famous documentaries, including Gheorghe Marinescu's "The walking troubles of organic ...
    • Clint Ain't Wacko! - In August 2012, Clint Eastwood was thought to have embarrassed himself at the Republican National Convention by pretending to argue with an invisible ...
    • Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Te...
    • Fun With Genetics - Neal does not like the taste of fish. In 2000, George decided to help out Neal by playing around with genetics to create the first fish that tasted li...
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  • movies - (39 Other Entries)
    • World's Firster Selfie - After Neal claimed to be in the first "selfie", George decided to both photobomb that "selfie" and then one-up Neal (because that's what he does). So...
    • 3014 Was Weird - In 3014, feeling melancholy as a result of a worldwide illness that removed the human eye's ability to detect a significant amount of electromagnetic ...
    • Different Strokes of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Given the success of the novel (and soon to be movie) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (a mashup story combining Jane Austen's classic 1813 novel Pride...
    • Horton Hears A Gremlin - In the early 2000's, George and Neal were hired by FOX studios to pitch movie ideas. Given their many adventures, you'd think they would have a wealth...
    • A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... - A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, nothing happened because Star Wars was just a story made up by George Lucas (although the plot was loosely...
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  • music - (25 Other Entries)
    • Neal and Out - The Fall and Rise of a Modern Legend - In 2022 Neal was having a mid-life crisis and had decided to head to Vegas to gamble his life savings away. George joined him thinking it would be a g...
    • The Rolling Beatles - So very, very tired of endless "Beatles vs. Stones" arguments, in 2022, George and Neal decided to do the only logical thing to resolve the issue: go ...
    • Restraining Orders Suck - Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawe...
    • Band Camp - Then there was that one time, in band camp... But we won't go there.
    • Swingin' Records! - In 2016, George and Neal turned their attention to songwriting. They ghost-wrote a string of musical hits, including "We Built This City" by Starship...
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  • phallus - (7 Other Entries)
    • Geal - In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part bec...
    • Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Bot...
    • To boldly go... - Unbeknownst to most people, the original Star Trek series was actually a documentary series about George and Neal's adventures. Captain Kirk and his ...
    • Neal Simon's Manhood - Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) th...
    • Love Aid Rings - In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt w...
    • Show All...
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Other Posts:

  • Duke Nukem Forever - In April 2097 George and Neal released the long anticipated video game, Duke Nukem Forever, only 100 years after it was announced. Contrary to popular...
  • Like a Boss - Tired of all the speculation, George went back to 1984 and showed the world who was the boss. It was George.
  • George Jaros's Punch Out - In 1987, Nintendo released Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Although it was a smash hit, many believe that the game would have sold significantly better had it...
  • iKing George - In 1014, George founded the Kingdom of Northeast Georgia, and became King George I (known affectionately as iKing). Beginning in October of that year ...
  • Oh God I Shot Momma - In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that sa...


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