The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!

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In 2016, George and Neal turned their attention to songwriting. They ghost-wrote a string of musical hits, including "We Built This City" by Starship (1985), "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Boys (2000), and "(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka (1974). Their songs were all chart-topping, yet widely held as the worst songs ever made. (For a full list of their super-popular, super-terrible songs, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_music_considered_the_worst#Songs).

Prompted by their musical success, George and Neal released their own record, George and Neal Get Aural. Some people say the music was misunderstood, because it was way ahead of its time; but some people are idiots. The music was atrocious. The album was released on January 6, 1953. One day later, President Truman announced that the US developed the Hydrogen Bomb. George and Neal believe this to be no coincidence, and was in direct response to their album's release. Nevertheless, the album spawned three hit singles, "The Ballad of Clem (Who?)", "Misplaced Coinpurse", and "Party Like It's 1234 B.C." (the latter forming the basis for George and Neal's lawsuit against Prince for his song "Party Like It's 1999" despite the fact that they wrote the song in 2016 (well after Prince released his song) but released it in 1953.)

 

In early 1986 Bon Jovi was working on their album Slippery When Wet. Because their previous album wasn't as successful as they had hoped, they hired professional songwriter Desmond Child as a collaborator. He helped write some of the biggest hits from the album, including "You Give Love A Bad Name" and "Livin' on a Prayer". The other Billboard Top 10 hit from the album, "Wanted Dead or Alive" was very nearly a disaster. Written by Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora, the song wasn't originally quite as cool as it turned out to be. Luckily George and Neal stepped in just in time and recommended that the lyrics be changed to "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I'm wanted dead or alive, Wanted dead or alive" from the original "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, three year olds want me, want me to get off their ride." We felt most people would agree that guitar toting outlaws riding motorcycles is much cooler than hogging the mechanical horse at the local five and dime.

 

In 1932 the Italian government hired George to stabilize the Leaning Tower of Pisa to prevent its collapse. Starting during its construction and continuing until George's stabilization project the tower gradually shifted to lean 5.5 degrees. But George's ingenious network of spider silk support cables and carbon fiber beams, all hidden beneath the crust of the earth, connected the tower to a number of other famous stable structures around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza, Statue of Liberty, the pyramid El Castillo at the Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Taj Mahal, Notre-Dame Cathedral, Castle Neuschwanstein, Bodiam Castle, the newly finished Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City. Unfortunately records were lost and from 1989 to 2001 unnecessary restoration projects straightened the tower by removing soil from under the higher side of the foundation so it only leaned 3.99 degrees.

By 2038 tourism in Pisa had dropped significantly and the Italian Government decided to hire Neal to straighten the leaning tower once and for all. Neal, as usual, used the amazing strength in his thighs to just push the tower into a perfectly vertical position. Unfortunately, Neal knew nothing of George's former stabilization project and his method of brute force architectural restoration caused every monumental structure that George had previously anchored the tower to to tilt in response. So, starting in 2038, you'll be able to travel the globe and visit the Leaning Great Pyramid at Giza, Leaning Statue of Liberty, the Leaning Temple of Kukulkan in Chichen Itza, the Leaning Taj Mahal, Leaning Notre-Dame Cathedral, Leaning Castle Neuschwanstein, Leaning Bodiam Castle, the Leaning Christ the Redeemer statue, and the Leaning Hall of Supreme Harmony in the Forbidden City.

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