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(Rock Smoothies & Time Machines: The Origin)

Neal Simon's Manhood

Entry Logged on: February 14, 2009 to Part 1 by: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)
Page Views: 753 - Times Displayed: 11101

Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...

 

Neal Simon's Manhood - Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1990s(4) 2009(21) amazing abilities(16) body parts(14) celebrities(69) phallus(8) theater(8) websites(7) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: biloxi blues(1) king missile(1) lost in yonkers(1) neil simon(1) the odd couple(1)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)
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People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: biloxi blues(1), king missile(1), lost in yonkers(1), neil simon(1), the odd couple(1)
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  • 1990s - (3 Other Entries)
    • When Lemurade Fails - When Neal's recipe for Lemurade failed to catch on in the early 1900s, George suggested that it may have been because Lemurade didn't contain any actu...
    • Slap-Bracelets: The Origin - In the mid-1990s, in an effort to assist law enforcement, Neal and George created a new lightweight, easy to use handcuff. To the shock and frustratio...
    • The Neo-Geo Fanclub - In an effort to find a way to accurately predict the weather, Neal and George devised a weather-prediction machine, which was comprised of a series of...
  • 2009 - (20 Other Entries)
    • GONADS - In 2009 George, along with Neal's wife Clarissa, developed the Genetic Origins Nurturing And Development System or GONADS. This revolutionary device t...
    • People Against Kneeling - In October 2009, Neal was kidnapped by the group, People Against Kneeling (or PAK; male members are known as PAK-Men and those married to PAK-Men may ...
    • Bucket Run - George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, bu...
    • Couch Potatoes Illustrated - Hearing about the steep decline in readers for magazines such as Sports Illustrated and Men's Health, George and Neal decided to start their own magaz...
    • Facebook Edit-Off - In early 2009, George and Neal began their epic "Facebook Edit-Off" competition, which spanned eleven years, and over ten thousand pages of irrelevant...
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  • amazing abilities - (15 Other Entries)
    • The Great Smog of '52 - In 1952 (but chronologically in 1997 during a trip in a time machine they co-invented) George and Neal visited London, resulting in the Great Smog of ...
    • Happy Apocalypse Eve! - On December 20, 2012 George and Neal discovered that the world was not in fact ending, according to previous beliefs based on the Mayan calendar. Rath...
    • Feats of Strength!™ - In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using ...
    • We talked in haiku, | And then in anagrams, too. | Darned nuts, understand? - For a period of six months, George and Neal spoke only in haiku - followed by another period where they spoke only in anagrams. No one understood a si...
    • That Bastard Chuck Norris - In 2077 George and Neal revolutionized the mathematical world when they discovered a method of dividing by zero. Yes, Chuck Norris did it first, but ...
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  • body parts - (13 Other Entries)
    • Rudolph: The Origin - In 2009, Neal suffered such a massive case of writer's block that his brain literally tried to leave his body by jumping out of his nose. This escape ...
    • The Opposable Nose: The Origin - In 9,996 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable nose. It wasn't as well received and didn't go on to quite the success as the opposable thumb. Ho...
    • Ultra-Mega Teeth Brushing and Cleaning System - In 1758 George and Neal invented tooth paste. Their first attempt was made from actual ground up teeth and was used to hold in dentures, but eventuall...
    • Back Surgey - In 1997 both Neal and George had major back surgery after carrying one too many bathtubs full of caffeinated, carbonated, goodness. For any normal hum...
    • Golden Spleens - In 4539 George and Neal decided to dabble in alchemy and turned themselves into golden statues. Luckily the effects were only temporary and by 5935 t...
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  • celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
    • Not Conspiracy Theories - There are conspiracy theories, and then there's the truth. And here it is, at long last. There was no UFO crash at Roswell. It wasn't a weather balloo...
    • The 3 Stooges: The Origin - In 1933, Columbia's "3 Nice Regular Guys" premiered, starring Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and George Jaros. The three produced 25 eight-to-twelve minute ...
    • Definitely not Vain - In 1988, Neal and Billy Joel started a fire. Billy Joel denies it. In 2000, Carly Simon admitted she wrote "You're so Vain" about her 10-month, steamy...
    • The Heroic Journey of Two Wonderful, Influential, Benevolent Human Beings - George and Neal walked completely across the country and back in only three days back in 1986. Everyone was really impressed and George and Neal went ...
    • 3014 Was Weird - In 3014, feeling melancholy as a result of a worldwide illness that removed the human eye's ability to detect a significant amount of electromagnetic ...
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  • phallus - (7 Other Entries)
    • To boldly go... - Unbeknownst to most people, the original Star Trek series was actually a documentary series about George and Neal's adventures. Captain Kirk and his ...
    • Love Aid Rings - In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt w...
    • Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Te...
    • Geal - In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part bec...
    • Dirk Diggler Ain't Got Nothin' - In 1991, Neal and George were beaten up by "Marky Mark" Wahlberg and 1 member of his Funky Bunch (specifically, Hector the Bootie Inspector). After kn...
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  • theater - (7 Other Entries)
    • Sorry-for-the-Hyphens - In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor se...
    • Oh God I Shot Momma - In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that sa...
    • Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story - In 1982, Neal and George wrote, produced, and starred in the off-Broadway musical, "Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story." The play, which had an ...
    • Where the heck are Vladimir and Estragon? - In 1947 George and Neal spent several days in France waiting for their friends Vladimir and Estragon to show up. Neal later wrote a play about it call...
    • Rue Bourbon is Distracting - In 2069 George and Neal wrote a musical, called "Home to Where the Sun Rises". The smash hit spent four years on Broadway before touring the world. ...
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  • websites - (6 Other Entries)
    • It's Not a Jewish eBay - In 2014, Neal and George created the website, "Oybay", the very first auction website devoted entirely to the sale and purchase of Jewish items.
    • Joanie Loves Churros - In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - ...
    • On Online Dating - After the success of online dating websites such as "Eharmony" and "J-Date" (a social/dating website for Jewish people), George and Neal created their...
    • Search Engine Search Engine (no, we didn't stutter) - By 2040, the number of internet search engines were so voluminous and staggering (including Infoseek, Lycos, Yahoo, Google, Magellan, AltaVista, Ask J...
    • Luckily for cats, this was a very short period. - During the brief period where George and Neal were not awesome (see www.george-and-neal-are-not-awesome.info), they invented Cat Baseball. It... did ...
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  • xxx - (10 Other Entries)
    • What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While...
    • There is No Zero! - In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has bee...
    • Neal's On Wheels - (Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He cal...
    • Girls Gone Tame - In 2021, to capitalize on the new, extremely modest trends in fashion, George and Neal made millions off their new video series called "Girls Gone Tam...
    • The George and Neal Newsnetwork - In 2040, Neal and George created a television news program devoted solely to chronicling their (mis)adventures, called the George and Neal Newsnetwork...
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Other Posts:

  • Bio-Autobiography - In 4020, George's clone wrote a biography about George's exciting, almost unbelievable life; however, since it was his life too, the clone technically...
  • Restraining Orders Suck - Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawe...
  • Chronal Warriors George - With the success of Hasbro's Transformers and G.I. Joe toy lines, rival toy company Tonka sought to create their own action figure toy lines. After a...
  • Hair Raising Adventure - George and Neal are heavily involved in charity work. For example, during November 1990, they both participated in "No Shave November" (a.k.a. Movemb...
  • Taylor Wharton LABS-40K Cryogenic Freezer - 680 Million years ago George and Neal were snooping around prehistoric earth studying ancient single celled organisms. When they left, Neal absentmind...
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