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Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016

Entry Logged on: October 18, 2012 to Part 3 by: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)
Page Views: 321 - Times Displayed: 12225

Exhausted with the mean-spirited nature of recent presidential elections as well as the inability of presidents to follow through on campaign promises, George and Neal decided to run for president in 2016. Problems quickly arose when the two could not agree which one would run as President and which one would be relegated to the position of Vice-President. They decided to let the public decide, by using the time machine to run both a Jaros/Simon campaign AND a Simon/Jaros campaign.

 

Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 -

 

Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 - These pins are considered extremely rare and valuable (by the insane).

These pins are considered extremely rare and valuable (by the insane).

Photo by: Neal

It became very confusing when Neal debated George during the Presidential debate, followed by Neal debating George during the Vice-Presidential debate.

 

2016 Presidential and Vice Presidential Debates - Neal's constant mugging was as arousing as it was distracting.

Neal's constant mugging was as arousing as it was distracting.

Photo by: Neal

Their seemingly infallible plan to hold the highest office backfired, as exactly 49.5% of the voters cast their ballots for the Jaros/Simon combo, and exactly 49.5% of voters cast their ballots for the Simon/Jaros combo. Due to an obscure law that George and Neal unfortunately passed during their three day reign in 1943, the winner was determined by the remaining 1%, which voted as follows: 15% for Ross Perot, 10% for Harrison Ford (thinking he did a wonderful job in the Air Force One movie), 20% for Peter J. Oberweis (running on a "ice cream shall be mandated a vegetable" platform), 25% for Howard the Duck, and the remaining votes went to the winner and write-in candidate, Ralph Nader. Ironically, Nader declined the position. This explains how, for 4 years, the leader of the free world was almost a duck. (Thank goodness ducks were outlawed in 1776.) This also explains why, in 2018 ice cream was declared a vegetable.

Tags: 1776(2) 1943(2) 2016(8) celebrities(69) competition(10) ducks(3) government(16) laws(10) movies(41) politics(9)
Names Mentioned: air force one(1) harrison ford(1) howard the duck(1) peter j. oberweis(1) ralph nader(1) ross perot(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal - Photos by: Neal (3)

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Tags & Related Posts:

People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: air force one(1), harrison ford(1), howard the duck(1), peter j. oberweis(1), ralph nader(1), ross perot(1)

Tags:
  • 1776 - (1 Other Entry)
    • We the Bad-Ass Americans - George and Neal went on a vacation/bender in 1776 (again with the time machine). Luckily, though wackiness ensued, nothing was altered in our time-lin...
  • 1943 - (1 Other Entry)
    • P & VP - Through a series of mishaps and mistaken identities, for a three-day period in 1943 George and Neal assumed the position of President and Vice Preside...
  • 2016 - (7 Other Entries)
    • International Infant Sporting League - In 2009, after George surpassed Neal by 100% in the number of genetically descended offspring, Neal and Clarissa got busy, very busy. In 2011 Neal wel...
    • Presidential Passion! - Originally, Mel Gibson won the 2016 election. Thanks to George and Neal's time machine, this was averted. Unfortunately, Mel Gibson also had a time ...
    • Swingin' Records! - In 2016, George and Neal turned their attention to songwriting. They ghost-wrote a string of musical hits, including "We Built This City" by Starship...
    • That Crazy Bette - On April 25, 2014 Bette Midler was finally successful in her dastardly plot to capture Neal and George. Using a baked lasagna she was able to lure th...
    • Pokemon STOP - In 2016, the phone app Pokemon:GO! was extremely popular. Kids, adults, and chimpanzees capable of stealing iPhones were all playing this highly addi...
    • Show All...
  • celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
    • Vanished Celebrity Vaudeville Variety Hour - In 1937 George and Neal, while experimenting with a new potato gun in the central Pacific, accidentally shot down Amelia Earhart's airplane. They were...
    • Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance - In order to prevent George and Neal from becoming destitute after the ADA failed to support their new toothpaste approximately three dozen musicians, ...
    • They like us, they REALLY like us! - Somehow, a tribute video was found in 1035 A.D. Weird... The video is a collection of photos from some of George and Neal's greatest achievements, set...
    • Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Te...
    • Joanie Loves Churros - In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - ...
    • Show All...
  • competition - (9 Other Entries)
    • Feats of Strength!™ - In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using ...
    • I Dare You! - On September 6, 2010, George and Neal initiated a series of dares, each more shocking than the last. It started innocently enough, when George dared N...
    • Them Amazing Ladies - In 2001 George married the most incredible woman ever to live, past, present, and future, leaving Neal to settle for the second best, although if you ...
    • The Rolling Beatles - So very, very tired of endless "Beatles vs. Stones" arguments, in 2022, George and Neal decided to do the only logical thing to resolve the issue: go ...
    • Facebook Edit-Off - In early 2009, George and Neal began their epic "Facebook Edit-Off" competition, which spanned eleven years, and over ten thousand pages of irrelevant...
    • Show All...
  • ducks - (2 Other Entries)
    • Teleportation - After beginning to run out of material to add to the "Facebook Edit-Off" competition in year 6 of said competition, George and Neal decided to invent ...
    • 1 Already Displayed with Another Tag
  • government - (15 Other Entries)
    • Hair Match - In 2014, after declaring bankruptcy and losing everything, George and Neal came to their rescue and offered both Rod Blagojevich and Donald Trump an o...
    • The Recession: The Origin - In 2003, becoming increasingly paranoid that officials at the Pentagon were conspiring against him, George W. Bush asked that George and Neal create t...
    • President Obama's Education Recovery Effort - In 2010, as part of President Obama's Education Recovery Effort, George & Neal's list of accomplishments became mandatory curriculum from 4th grade up...
    • Constitutionally Safe - A 1934 proposed amendment to the Constitution would have prevented George and Neal from having anything to do with interfering in global events again....
    • Religious iDeals - In an effort to avoid paying taxes on his massive fortune, in 1935, Neal established the first truly secular religion, Nealism. Honoring the tenets of...
    • Show All...
  • laws - (9 Other Entries)
    • Metric Woes - Unable to persuade America to convert to the Metric system, in 2087 George and Neal successfully convinced America to abandon their current measuring ...
    • Ultra-Mega Teeth Brushing and Cleaning System - In 1758 George and Neal invented tooth paste. Their first attempt was made from actual ground up teeth and was used to hold in dentures, but eventuall...
    • Lego Prison - In 2012 George and Neal's kids Mike, Sam, Adin, and Ayla snatched the time machine and traveled to 1948 where they were able to convince legislators t...
    • Measure Your Spaghetti - In 2018 George and Neal were invited to appear before the entire US Government to talk about their accomplishments. The talk started out normal enough...
    • Restraining Orders Suck - Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawe...
    • Show All...
  • movies - (40 Other Entries)
    • Get To Da Choppa! - In 2020 George and Neal produced a very special episode of Dateline's "To Catch A Predator". It was a great success and they captured a lion, three gr...
    • Different Strokes of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Given the success of the novel (and soon to be movie) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (a mashup story combining Jane Austen's classic 1813 novel Pride...
    • Horton Hears A Gremlin - In the early 2000's, George and Neal were hired by FOX studios to pitch movie ideas. Given their many adventures, you'd think they would have a wealth...
    • Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway m...
    • Connect One - After "Connect the Dot" the movie broke box office records, George and Neal decided to create a new game upon which to base another movie. The result?...
    • Show All...
  • politics - (8 Other Entries)
    • Chicken To Ride - And Other Classics Done Right - In 2012 George and Neal recorded an album of cover songs, except instead of the actual lyrics we sang the lyrics that everyone thinks the original art...
    • 2008 Election Campaigns - During the 2008 election season, George and Neal were hired by Barack Obama's marketing team to come up with catchy ditties about the man. After writi...
    • Olympic Snowball - In 2022, at George and Neal's insistence (ok, it was actually persistence - we agreed to finally stop whining about it if the IOC included it - we can...
    • Need More Conventions!!! - By 2031 there were so many comic conventions and expos (including Comic-Con, WizCon, APE, C2E2, WonderCon, Comikaze, C4, MegaCon, Sac-Con, Pros & Con,...
    • No One Out Quotes The Donald - Did you know that George and Neal have written speeches for so many great politicians? Some of their best work includes:“I cannot tell you how gratef...
    • Show All...
View All Tags

Other Posts:

  • Midwest University of Trickery in Elocution - In 1981 George founded the Midwest University of Trickery in Elocution (M.U.T.E.); the most prestigious school of ventriloquism, and the only one to o...
  • Sorry-for-the-Hyphens - In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor se...
  • A Worthy Cause! - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a story about a child born as an old man who aged in reverse, wasn’t always a work of fiction. Originally, there...
  • Breakin'! - In 1984, George starred in the movie "Breakin'!" as Master Shabazz. In 1986, Neal, in an effort to follow in his friend's footsteps, starred in the mo...
  • Going all Einstein on your mouth... - In order to celebrate his genius, George and Neal went back in time to 1952 to meet Albert Einstein. Rather than being interested in scientific breakt...


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