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(Rock Smoothies & Time Machines: The Origin)

Neal Simon's Manhood

Entry Logged on: February 14, 2009 to Part 1 by: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)
Page Views: 832 - Times Displayed: 11835

Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...

 

Neal Simon's Manhood - Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.

Photo by: Neal

Tags: 1990s(4) 2009(21) amazing abilities(16) body parts(14) celebrities(69) phallus(8) theater(8) websites(7) xxx(11)
Names Mentioned: biloxi blues(1) king missile(1) lost in yonkers(1) neil simon(1) the odd couple(1)
Entry Logged By: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)
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People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: biloxi blues(1), king missile(1), lost in yonkers(1), neil simon(1), the odd couple(1)
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  • 1990s - (3 Other Entries)
    • Slap-Bracelets: The Origin - In the mid-1990s, in an effort to assist law enforcement, Neal and George created a new lightweight, easy to use handcuff. To the shock and frustratio...
    • The Neo-Geo Fanclub - In an effort to find a way to accurately predict the weather, Neal and George devised a weather-prediction machine, which was comprised of a series of...
    • When Lemurade Fails - When Neal's recipe for Lemurade failed to catch on in the early 1900s, George suggested that it may have been because Lemurade didn't contain any actu...
  • 2009 - (20 Other Entries)
    • March of 2009 - In March of 2009 George went back to February of 2009 and added another entry to this list of great accomplishments. This was George's laziest way to ...
    • Having Doubts... - At 12:56am on Friday, July 10, 2009 George wondered if anyone ever reads The Grand Saga of George and Neal's Adventures Through Time and Space (and Pu...
    • Facebook Edit-Off - In early 2009, George and Neal began their epic "Facebook Edit-Off" competition, which spanned eleven years, and over ten thousand pages of irrelevant...
    • Just Another Barbecue - In the summer of 2009, George and Neal had a barbecue. (Hey, not everything is as exciting as time traveling or fighting off townspeople.) Oh yeah, th...
    • GONADS - In 2009 George, along with Neal's wife Clarissa, developed the Genetic Origins Nurturing And Development System or GONADS. This revolutionary device t...
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  • amazing abilities - (15 Other Entries)
    • Back Surgey - In 1997 both Neal and George had major back surgery after carrying one too many bathtubs full of caffeinated, carbonated, goodness. For any normal hum...
    • Welcome aboard Sam! - In 2012, George's sons Sam and Mike wondered if they had the potential to be as amazing as their dad and his friend Neal. Sam wanted to learn to make ...
    • No Photoshopping Allowed - In 2041, someone had the gall to accuse George and Neal of photoshopping images of their great accomplishments. George and Neal quickly provided hundr...
    • We're Not Bigfoot - George and Neal are both virile, macho men - so much so that if they did not shave for two days, hair would grow all over their body, making them look...
    • 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago - In 2001 George and Neal went hang gliding from the top of the 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago (yes, we know it was never built... in this timeline, ...
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  • body parts - (13 Other Entries)
    • Ultra-Mega Teeth Brushing and Cleaning System - In 1758 George and Neal invented tooth paste. Their first attempt was made from actual ground up teeth and was used to hold in dentures, but eventuall...
    • Feats of Strength!™ - In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using ...
    • Bob, I miss my testicles, you jerk! - In 1988, George and Neal created cats and dogs with opposable thumbs and above-average intellects. Everyone was thrilled with the evolutionary jump - ...
    • Love Aid Rings - In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt w...
    • Darwin Loves Us! - In 10,000 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable thumb. In secret documents, Darwin acknowledged this fact, and renounced his natural selection t...
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  • celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
    • The 3 Stooges: The Origin - In 1933, Columbia's "3 Nice Regular Guys" premiered, starring Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and George Jaros. The three produced 25 eight-to-twelve minute ...
    • Hair, Inc. - In 1964 George and Neal started their niche business "Hair, Inc." in which they supplied the hair for your favorite rock stars and other celebrities. ...
    • KISS - George and Neal were once part of the rock band KISS, but left the band in 1974 because they didn't think makeup of a raccoon and chimp respectively w...
    • Just Good Ol' Boys - In 1982 Neal and George played the roles of Coy and Vance respectively when John Schneider and Tom Wopat (Bo and Luke) walked off the set of the Dukes...
    • Marshmonica as Endorsed by John Popper - Dateline, 2058: In an effort to feed as well as entertain the homeless, George and Neal invented the first edible harmonica. Much to George's dismay, ...
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  • phallus - (7 Other Entries)
    • Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Te...
    • There is No Zero! - In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has bee...
    • Dirk Diggler Ain't Got Nothin' - In 1991, Neal and George were beaten up by "Marky Mark" Wahlberg and 1 member of his Funky Bunch (specifically, Hector the Bootie Inspector). After kn...
    • Geal - In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part bec...
    • Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Bot...
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  • theater - (7 Other Entries)
    • Sorry-for-the-Hyphens - In 1983, George and Neal started the hair-metal/country band "Sorry-for-the-Hyphens". They gained a small cult following as a result of their minor se...
    • Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story - In 1982, Neal and George wrote, produced, and starred in the off-Broadway musical, "Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story." The play, which had an ...
    • Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway m...
    • Vanished Celebrity Vaudeville Variety Hour - In 1937 George and Neal, while experimenting with a new potato gun in the central Pacific, accidentally shot down Amelia Earhart's airplane. They were...
    • Where the heck are Vladimir and Estragon? - In 1947 George and Neal spent several days in France waiting for their friends Vladimir and Estragon to show up. Neal later wrote a play about it call...
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  • websites - (6 Other Entries)
    • Luckily for cats, this was a very short period. - During the brief period where George and Neal were not awesome (see www.george-and-neal-are-not-awesome.info), they invented Cat Baseball. It... did ...
    • Search Engine Search Engine (no, we didn't stutter) - By 2040, the number of internet search engines were so voluminous and staggering (including Infoseek, Lycos, Yahoo, Google, Magellan, AltaVista, Ask J...
    • It's Not a Jewish eBay - In 2014, Neal and George created the website, "Oybay", the very first auction website devoted entirely to the sale and purchase of Jewish items.
    • Joanie Loves Churros - In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - ...
    • HeadPeriodical - In an effort to compete with Facebook, during 2011, Neal and George created the newest online community, HeadPeriodical. Seen by most as a cheap rip-o...
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  • xxx - (10 Other Entries)
    • Neal's On Wheels - (Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He cal...
    • Girls Gone Tame - In 2021, to capitalize on the new, extremely modest trends in fashion, George and Neal made millions off their new video series called "Girls Gone Tam...
    • What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While...
    • Two Seamstresses, One Thimble - In 1878, Eadweard Muybridge created what was essentially the world's first "motion picture." Later that year, Neal and George created the first viral ...
    • Cookin' with Martha and Neal - In 1990, George began producing Martha Stewart's new cooking show, "Cookin' with Martha and Neal". The show ran for two very successful seasons; howev...
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Other Posts:

  • Heavy Petting - In 1975, Gary Dahl became a millionaire virtually overnight when he invented the "pet rock." He marketed it as the perfect pet - one that did not nee...
  • A Worthy Cause! - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, a story about a child born as an old man who aged in reverse, wasn’t always a work of fiction. Originally, there...
  • Lavender, Lavender Everywhere - In 2013, Neal and George totally negated existence as a result of a time paradox created by the two. In 2015, Neal and George totally fixed the proble...
  • It's All Relative - On April 1, 2010, George thought it would be a hilarious prank to go back in time and seduce Neal's great-grandmother. Consequently, George became Nea...
  • Saturday Night George - In 1993 George and Neal used the Time Machine in conjunction with the Teleportation Device and wound up in an alternate reality where families sit aro...
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