The Grand Saga of
George and Neal's Adventures
Through Time and Space (and Pudding)!
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Neal Simon's Manhood
Entry Logged on: February 14, 2009 to Part 1 by: George & Neal Collaboration - Photos by: Neal (1)Page Views: 832 - Times Displayed: 11843
Also in 2009, Neal's manhood became sentient and demanded to secede from his body. It was thought, (only by George, known by the rest of the world) that this was the result of Neal's long time habit of wussing out and doing things the girly way. In Neal's warped reality, Neal was so manly, that his manhood felt no need to continue being a part of Neal, as Neal would continue to be manly enough and could and would grow another one at will. The manhood's theme song during its secession campaign was a humorous '90s hit by the band King Missile. Years later, Neal's manhood started a website (www.nealsimonsmanhood.com), which met with some success - but likely only because people thought it was a website hosting pictures of the author/playwright who wrote "The Odd Couple", "Biloxi Blues", and "Lost in Yonkers". Initially, the website was not like that at all. Over time, however...
Scientific Fact #47(c): All people named Neal Simon are excellent lovers.
Photo by: Neal
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1990s(4)
2009(21)
amazing abilities(16)
body parts(14)
celebrities(69)
phallus(8)
theater(8)
websites(7)
xxx(11)
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biloxi blues(1),
king missile(1),
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- 1990s - (3 Other Entries)
- The Neo-Geo Fanclub - In an effort to find a way to accurately predict the weather, Neal and George devised a weather-prediction machine, which was comprised of a series of...
- Slap-Bracelets: The Origin - In the mid-1990s, in an effort to assist law enforcement, Neal and George created a new lightweight, easy to use handcuff. To the shock and frustratio...
- When Lemurade Fails - When Neal's recipe for Lemurade failed to catch on in the early 1900s, George suggested that it may have been because Lemurade didn't contain any actu...
- 2009 - (20 Other Entries)
- Bucket Run - George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, bu...
- March of 2009 - In March of 2009 George traveled back to February of 2009 just to make this entry in this list of great accomplishments.
- Going All Digital, and Clean(ish) - On February 9, 2009 by federal mandate George and Neal were required to go all digital. The mandate was immediately revoked and a new mandate required...
- The Cure! - In 2018 George and Neal discovered a cure for the common cold. Well, not really discovered, but just stumbled upon. Well, not really stumbled upon, mo...
- Just Another Barbecue - In the summer of 2009, George and Neal had a barbecue. (Hey, not everything is as exciting as time traveling or fighting off townspeople.) Oh yeah, th...
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- amazing abilities - (15 Other Entries)
- The Great Smog of '52 - In 1952 (but chronologically in 1997 during a trip in a time machine they co-invented) George and Neal visited London, resulting in the Great Smog of ...
- 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago - In 2001 George and Neal went hang gliding from the top of the 7 South Dearborn Tower in Chicago (yes, we know it was never built... in this timeline, ...
- Back Surgey - In 1997 both Neal and George had major back surgery after carrying one too many bathtubs full of caffeinated, carbonated, goodness. For any normal hum...
- Feats of Strength!™ - In 2000 BCE, Neal and George traveled to the English county of Wiltshire to participate in the yearly Feats of Strength!™. George lifted a cow (using ...
- Happy Apocalypse Eve! - On December 20, 2012 George and Neal discovered that the world was not in fact ending, according to previous beliefs based on the Mayan calendar. Rath...
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- body parts - (13 Other Entries)
- Golden Spleens - In 4539 George and Neal decided to dabble in alchemy and turned themselves into golden statues. Luckily the effects were only temporary and by 5935 t...
- Bob, I miss my testicles, you jerk! - In 1988, George and Neal created cats and dogs with opposable thumbs and above-average intellects. Everyone was thrilled with the evolutionary jump - ...
- Love Aid Rings - In 1951, George and Neal decided to make a line of "Love Aid Rings" to sell to the public. Neal designed them based upon his own body, which he felt w...
- Lava Lamps: The Origin - In 1960 Neal invented the precursor to the lava lamp, affectionately called the 'Squeegee Glow Blob Light'. However in 1963 British accountant Edward...
- Science Donations - In 1999, Neal tried to give his body to science. After 30 days, his body was returned as being defective.
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- celebrities - (68 Other Entries)
- The George and Neal Newsnetwork - In 2040, Neal and George created a television news program devoted solely to chronicling their (mis)adventures, called the George and Neal Newsnetwork...
- Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance - In order to prevent George and Neal from becoming destitute after the ADA failed to support their new toothpaste approximately three dozen musicians, ...
- Hungry Eyes - In 1987, Neal organized a one-man a protest against Dial Corporation, demanding that they move their headquarters back to Chicago. Neal's rage was ini...
- Jerry Falwell's 65th Birthday Party - Riding the success of their 1992 appearance in Under Siege, George and Neal opened a cake delivery business called "Under Siege 2: Dark (Chocolate) Te...
- Oh Wilson, Wherefore Art Thou Wilson - Unbeknownst to many, and typical for a Hollywood film, 2000s blockbuster hit Cast Away, starring Tom Hanks, was nowhere near as good as the Broadway m...
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- phallus - (7 Other Entries)
- Nobody does the weather like Neal (and that's a good thing). - In 2023 George and Neal each got jobs as meteorologists for competing local Chicago VV stations (VV will be the replacement for TV in the future). Bot...
- There is No Zero! - In 1966 George and Neal decided to visit the year 0, but the adventures they had in year 0 were so debaucherous that all reference to the year has bee...
- To boldly go... - Unbeknownst to most people, the original Star Trek series was actually a documentary series about George and Neal's adventures. Captain Kirk and his ...
- Dirk Diggler Ain't Got Nothin' - In 1991, Neal and George were beaten up by "Marky Mark" Wahlberg and 1 member of his Funky Bunch (specifically, Hector the Bootie Inspector). After kn...
- Geal - In 1955, a small village in Transylvania attempted to assassinate George and Neal for inventing Pig Latin. All attempts were unsuccessful, in part bec...
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- theater - (7 Other Entries)
- Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story - In 1982, Neal and George wrote, produced, and starred in the off-Broadway musical, "Fingers of Doom!: the Helen Keller Story." The play, which had an ...
- Oh God I Shot Momma - In 1949, George starred in the off-Broadway (well, off-off Broadway) play "Oh God I Shot Momma" as the corpse. On a completely different note, that sa...
- Where the heck are Vladimir and Estragon? - In 1947 George and Neal spent several days in France waiting for their friends Vladimir and Estragon to show up. Neal later wrote a play about it call...
- Rue Bourbon is Distracting - In 2069 George and Neal wrote a musical, called "Home to Where the Sun Rises". The smash hit spent four years on Broadway before touring the world. ...
- Vanished Celebrity Vaudeville Variety Hour - In 1937 George and Neal, while experimenting with a new potato gun in the central Pacific, accidentally shot down Amelia Earhart's airplane. They were...
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- websites - (6 Other Entries)
- It's Not a Jewish eBay - In 2014, Neal and George created the website, "Oybay", the very first auction website devoted entirely to the sale and purchase of Jewish items.
- Joanie Loves Churros - In 1978 a temporary glitch in George and Neal's Time Machine (well, not so much a glitch as Neal spilling a tub of Tang drink mix onto the controls - ...
- HeadPeriodical - In an effort to compete with Facebook, during 2011, Neal and George created the newest online community, HeadPeriodical. Seen by most as a cheap rip-o...
- On Online Dating - After the success of online dating websites such as "Eharmony" and "J-Date" (a social/dating website for Jewish people), George and Neal created their...
- Luckily for cats, this was a very short period. - During the brief period where George and Neal were not awesome (see www.george-and-neal-are-not-awesome.info), they invented Cat Baseball. It... did ...
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- xxx - (10 Other Entries)
- What happens in Ancient Greece stays in Ancient Greece. - Tired of caring for three children (yes, George, that includes you), Julie recruited Clarissa to go on a time traveling "ladies only" vacation. While...
- Neal's On Wheels - (Ahem). In 2040, Neal offered a new service to the general public, wherein he would transport people on his back while riding on roller skates. He cal...
- Cookin' with Martha and Neal - In 1990, George began producing Martha Stewart's new cooking show, "Cookin' with Martha and Neal". The show ran for two very successful seasons; howev...
- Girls Gone Tame - In 2021, to capitalize on the new, extremely modest trends in fashion, George and Neal made millions off their new video series called "Girls Gone Tam...
- Captain Gooey and The Incredible Taint - For a brief time in 1963, Neal and George became super heroes, using the pseudonym "Captain Gooey" and "The Incredible Taint", respectively. Their for...
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Other Posts:
- Mmmmmmm... George Juice! - For unexplained reasons, George loves to bathe in Worcestershire sauce (which Dictionary.com defines as a "savory sauce of vinegar, soy sauce and spic...
- George, Digitally Inserted - In 1997, due to George's deep love of Star Wars, as well as his admiration of George Lucas (less as a result of Lucas's accomplishments and more becau...
- Rhymes with 'Orange' - Upon hearing that no word in the English language rhymed with "orange," in 1986, George invented the word "sporange" just so one would exist. Years la...
- No means... - You know the saying "No means no", well, in 1929 a glitch in George and Neal's teleportation device actually caused a rift in the definition continuum...
- This Ain't Your Dada's IKEA - In 2017, riding on the success of ExMo and the IISL, George and Neal started a new line of furniture stores called ILEAK, making the style and comfort...
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