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Metric Woes

Entry Logged on: September 02, 2009 to Part 2 by: Neal
Page Views: 270 - Times Displayed: 6904

Unable to persuade America to convert to the Metric system, in 2087 George and Neal successfully convinced America to abandon their current measuring system in favor of the "Jarmonorgeal" system. Unfortunately, the Jarmonorgeal system did not alleviate mathematical confusion but rather enhanced it considerably. For example, 10 meters were equal to 3 Georges, whereas 20 meters equaled 4.25 Georges, or a "Neal and a Half". You could go from Maine to Louisiana in just 16 Mikes; but 10 Mikes equaled one Adin, and confusingly Earth was only 2 Adin's distance in circumference (although it should be noted that "circumference" was now arbitrarily renamed "Earth's Beer Gut" - which in itself makes no sense). Realizing their (one and only) error, George and Neal decided to travel to Washington D.C. to repeal the law which adopted the Jarmonorgeal measuring system.... except they never made it, as due to a measuring error they accidentally overshot D.C. by a George and three quarters, which meant they ended in Thailand somehow. (Why this measuring system continued to use halves and quarters continued to be a mystery...)

Tags: 2087(1) failures(22) inventions(49) laws(10) nicknames(14) offspring(13)
Names Mentioned: america(8) louisiana(1) maine(1) thailand(1) washington d c(1)
Entry Logged By: Neal

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Tags & Related Posts:

People, Places, Companies, Products, and Things mentioned that you may recognize from your reality: america(8), louisiana(1), maine(1), thailand(1), washington d c(1)

Tags:
  • 2087 - (No Other Entries)
  • failures - (21 Other Entries)
    • Vintage Escher Architecture - For Rent - Speaking of M.C. Escher, in 1955, George and Neal once rented an apartment from him. On the plus side, the rent was very low for such a roomy place. T...
    • Who Wants to Be a Hundred-Aire - In 2006, Neal appeared on the television spin off, "Who Wants to Be a Hundred-Aire". Neal did not win the hundred dollars.
    • The George and Neal Newsnetwork - In 2040, Neal and George created a television news program devoted solely to chronicling their (mis)adventures, called the George and Neal Newsnetwork...
    • Luckily for cats, this was a very short period. - During the brief period where George and Neal were not awesome (see www.george-and-neal-are-not-awesome.info), they invented Cat Baseball. It... did ...
    • Samhain and Zarathosht Diso - A second attempt to unite the religious holidays of Samhain and Zarathosht Diso was equally disastrous since neither of them was Wiccan or Zoroastrian...
    • Show All...
  • inventions - (48 Other Entries)
    • Handlebar Mustache: The Origin - In 1815 George invented the handlebar mustache; however no one understood the name. So in 1817 he invented the velocipede and suddenly everyone knew w...
    • Bucket Run - George was not the inventor of the famed "bucket run" at U of I, despite the widely held belief (the original bucket run was not actually invented, bu...
    • Kick-Ball Ball-Kick - Striking a blow for ball rights everywhere (Editor's note: I'm not touching that one - literally or figuratively), in 1973, George and Neal created th...
    • Binabble and Mon-opoly - Also in 2006, George invented a scrabble board game, called "Binabble" and instead of letters, you could only use 1's and 0's. The game didn't sell ve...
    • It Hood Ats Fla Was - In 2014, George decided that he could make a better dictation-to-text program than what was currently available (such as Dragon Dictation and Apple's ...
    • Show All...
  • laws - (9 Other Entries)
    • Constitutionally Safe - A 1934 proposed amendment to the Constitution would have prevented George and Neal from having anything to do with interfering in global events again....
    • Jaros/Simon 2016 vs Simon/Jaros 2016 - Exhausted with the mean-spirited nature of recent presidential elections as well as the inability of presidents to follow through on campaign promises...
    • Ultra-Mega Teeth Brushing and Cleaning System - In 1758 George and Neal invented tooth paste. Their first attempt was made from actual ground up teeth and was used to hold in dentures, but eventuall...
    • Restraining Orders Suck - Between 2056 and 2058, George and Neal had little contact, due to a government-sought restraining order. During those years, Awesomeness!™ was outlawe...
    • P & VP - Through a series of mishaps and mistaken identities, for a three-day period in 1943 George and Neal assumed the position of President and Vice Preside...
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  • nicknames - (13 Other Entries)
    • Breakin'! - In 1984, George starred in the movie "Breakin'!" as Master Shabazz. In 1986, Neal, in an effort to follow in his friend's footsteps, starred in the mo...
    • Captain Gooey and The Incredible Taint - For a brief time in 1963, Neal and George became super heroes, using the pseudonym "Captain Gooey" and "The Incredible Taint", respectively. Their for...
    • The Idiots Guide To Circumcision - In 1995, George and Neal published the first ever "Idiots Guide To..." book under the pseudonyms "Astronauts Thomas D. Jones, Ph.D. and Michael Benson...
    • The Opposable Nose: The Origin - In 9,996 BCE, Neal and George invented the opposable nose. It wasn't as well received and didn't go on to quite the success as the opposable thumb. Ho...
    • He grabbed my hand and whispered, 'Run!' - The long running television series Doctor Who is loosely based on George and Neal's adventures, except their time machine does not look like a police ...
    • Show All...
  • offspring - (12 Other Entries)
    • iKing George - In 1014, George founded the Kingdom of Northeast Georgia, and became King George I (known affectionately as iKing). Beginning in October of that year ...
    • Welcome aboard Adin! - In 2012, after being told about many of George and Neal's great exploits, Neal's son Adin asked if he could be a part of their future escapades and ad...
    • GONADS - In 2009 George, along with Neal's wife Clarissa, developed the Genetic Origins Nurturing And Development System or GONADS. This revolutionary device t...
    • George Neal - In 2029, George and Neal decided to tinker with building functional teleportation technology. Unfortunately, it had been years since either Neal or G...
    • El Niño and La Niña - On a trip to northwestern Peru in 1923 George and Neal both befriended and eventually married the Lopez sisters. The sisters gave birth to two childre...
    • Show All...
View All Tags

Other Posts:

  • Rrhrrrhhhhrrrrrrrgrrhh - In 2030, Neal became a monosyllabic, drooling, undead zombie. No one noticed the difference until 2033.
  • Bob Ross: The Origin - In 1968 George and Neal trained a kitten to paint. That kitten in turn trained Bob Ross to paint. Bob Ross in turn taught countless of people to paint...
  • Teeth are for Wussies, so Give Edentulous a Chance - In order to prevent George and Neal from becoming destitute after the ADA failed to support their new toothpaste approximately three dozen musicians, ...
  • PDD Reactor - In 2068 George and Neal invented the PDD Reactor, a source of nearly endless energy. It converts Poopy Disposable Diapers into highly efficient energy...
  • Measure Your Spaghetti - In 2018 George and Neal were invited to appear before the entire US Government to talk about their accomplishments. The talk started out normal enough...


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